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Everything posted by Apekjolly

  1. Know what? If you see my post above, that was around the last time I logged in to this MB. Out of the blue, I just tried to log in just now to see if my account still works. It did, thanks to MB for still keeping me in. Oh, I was glad for the advice I gave you. Now your "diamond" has grown bigger without him and you seem happy to have got on with your life. That's good. Happy for you.
  2. There is a saying, "Expect nothing and you will not be dissappointed.". It makes sense. If we don't hope for anything and we don't get anything, there is then nothing to be unsatisfied about. Vice-versa, if we look forward for so many things, and yet we get so little back, we can become very nasty devils. That's what happens to many MILs. When their sons marry, they see the matter like as if they are buying properties into their homes. And so, they expect the new properties to service them according to their requirements. Anything short of that will make them dissappointed and thus they become very grumblesome and even quarrelsome. Such MILs forget that the two-legged things that their sons bring into the homes are human beings who have feelings and lives of their own to live for. Certainly not a life of servitude to cater to only people of their husbands' side. So, the best policy for MILs is to expect nothing from their DILs, for only when they expect nothing, then they will not be disappointed. Once they are not disappointed, they will not become monster MILs.. Moreover, if one expects nothing, one may get a bonus in the sense that if something good turns up in spite of one not expecting anything, it is a bonus to be happy about.
  3. The way I see it, it's either you're stupid or you're too smart, or I'm stupid. Why I say you're stupid is because, as what Joanne says, the signs are obvious; and if you still don't get it, you must be a moron. Come on, girl! Don't you realise he's provoking you to ask the question: "When are you gonna marry me?" Then why I say you may be too smart is because you may have detected a glint of suspicion in his eyes which your subconscious mind warns you to be cautious. Only very smart people have such an aptitude to sense such ominous signs. Now, why I say I'm stupid is because only an idiot like me bother to reply to such a post.
  4. There's no such thing as ready-made auspicious, good, or lucky dates to hold weddings. The best dates are when both parties are ready in terms of every aspects like carreer, work, financial, circurmstances, mood, etc, etc. We can pick the luckiest of dates, but when things want to go wrong, they will go wrong regradless of how auspicious the dates were when they were selected. Just look at the hundreds and thousands of failed marriages. Don't tell me all the couples didn't choose the so-called auspicious dates? .
  5. Just to make sure she has no celebral palsy, bring her to the paed to check. Don't worry, this minor problem of shorter calf muscles can be corrected. But you can try to determine if she is merely doing it for fun or out of habit.
  6. My answer is simple: If budget is tight, why waste the money? If money is no issue, why not? The good thing about a pre-wedding shooting is that the atmosphere is more relax and happy. Relax, because you can choose a really good season for the shooting while the actual day is at a safe and easy distance away. Besides, you can use the pictures for your montage at the wedding dinner. Happy, because the once-in-a-life-time big day is coming and that thought helps to put sunshine on your faces.
  7. Some of the games I have seen people played to tease the bridegrooms are plain silly and dirty. Although this ritual is meant to make the wedding merrier, I think it is an old and outdated custom which people can do without nowadays.
  8. Confucius gave a very simple advice: Do not do unto others what you would not like others do unto you. If those flirty girls and husbands abide by this obvious common sense philosophy, no anger and jealousy need to be perpetrated. Sometimes we wonder why, for example, those girls cannot imagine that if their husbands or boyfriends are being disturbed by other girls like how they disturb others, how would they feel? The same thing with husbands. If their wives entertain other men like how they entertain other girls, how would they feel?
  9. Hope is one thing, but the financial means to sustain that hope is another matter. Besides, there's the risk of not able to live a normal life even though death is miraculously beaten. The worst is to recover and live as a vegetable. That would defeat the very purpose and meaning of life for the person concerned beside bringing on griefs and miseries to loved ones.
  10. Old people always like to advise young people to get things ready early because they have learned lessons that doing things in a rush last minute often ends in disasters. But you're the best person to know what needs to be ready and what can wait a while.
  11. If the police bother to do their job diligently, they can easily catch this type of con. Just trace where the money eventually goes to. The bank must cooperate, of course.
  12. Next year, the Australian government is going to give four and a half months of paid maternity leave to women workers. What does this show? It shows that when a country is already sufficiently advanced and the thinking of its people is also already intellectually mature, the contribution of women to society is duly recognized. When I talk about women's contribution here, I'm talking about the very basic level of things. Okay, the basic of things: Consider all the human beings that populate this world. Where do they come from? Do humans grow out of the ground like mushrooms? No, right? Humans have to be born by their mothers. And is it an easy job to be pregnant for nine months and then deliver babies? Nobody would want to have that job if they can avoid it. But female humans are already given this very heavy and very risky job by nature. If fellow humans don't want to pay them for that job, who else want to pay them? When a person is employed, his work is a kind of contribution to life on earth. When a person lets her own body to be used for nurturing and producing a next generation of human, that is also a form of contribution to life on earth, albeit a bigger contribution even. That is the big picture of things. See it now? But I can forgive that writer to The Star for not being able to see the big picture. He sees only the tree, but cannot see the forest. Well, to be fair, he does have his special points. If you have a company, of course you'd not want to pay a worker that doesn't work for you. The thing is that, if you own a company whose capacity is not able to pay a worker for maternity leave, then you should not, in the first instance, employ someone who is likely to take such leave. In my opinion, a capable company should provide paid maternity leave to a maximum of at least two children. Why there is a maximum is partly to prevent abuse of the privilege by, for example, giving birth every year up to more than ten children. Imagine you do that in Australia!
  13. SHARING MY THOUGHT "Love" is an an elusive word. No one can put into one sentence to define what love is. Many things which we thought of as "love" are actually one of our natural senses. Consider this scenario: A mother runs into the road and pushes away her little son to save him from being run over by a car and then gets herself killed in the process. The woman has sacrificed her life only out of her spontaneous maternal instinct. But, sentimentally, it would be described as a mother's "love" for her child. When a woman falls in love with a man, it could be just a male-female sexual chemistry. But, romantically, it would be called "love". If you can love someone only if that someone can love you back and make you happy, that love of yours could be no more than a form of "self-interest".
  14. citbankvisa, "Both has got to ask yourself if you are doing the right thing for the other. Not ask if you are getting the right thing from the other." I particularly like the above-quoted statement of yours. You're right. Most people never stop to ask that question. And it is, sad to say, a natural human trait. Humans, by instinct, are self-centered. That is the original source of most human squabbles. It is the pursuit of self-interest which makes us unable to recognize the interest of others. We want others to love us, but we forget to love others. We want others to respect us, but we forget to respect others. We want others to be generous and compromising to us, but we forget to do likewise back to others. We want others to ignore our bad characters, but we cannot accept other people's bad characters. Well, the list goes on - endless. And the worst thing is that, a lot of us are not even aware of those selfish features in us. We can only see it in others, but not in ourselves. And the most fertile ground for that problem to ferment is in the relationship of a marriageable couple because of the "we and them" syndrome, that is ... I, my family, my relatives, my friends on this side; and she or he, his family, his relatives, his friends on the other side. Let me give an example of where an issue may arise here: we may like to have many interactions with with people of our own side, but when it comes to dealing with our spouse's side, we don't like it. And because we don't like it, we automatically "switch on our scanning radar to detect for the tiniest offensive movements of the enemy side." Thus, anything can become an issue and give us a reason to become angry and therefore pick a quarrel with our spouse over the matter. As a human person, we have the tendency to expect everything to flow according to our liking; and when things don't flow according to our wish, we become irritated. Let me repeat: Self-interest is the culprit. If we can rid ourselves of this self-interest "devil" in us, we can overcome a lot of unhappiness in our life. I'm going to say something which most of you won't agree with me. Even to do good in the name of god may be a form of self-interest for some people. Why? Because these people may be driven by motivation to do good just to gain favors from god so that god will send them to enjoy life in heaven next time. Now, if that is not self-interest, what is that?
  15. JUST SHARING AN OPINION It's hard to say if one thing is a waste of money or not. It all depends on a lot of factors and not just on your financial capability. Say, even if you can afford a thing, but then that thing simply gobbles up a large chunk of your hard-earned money, and yet that thing is not going to give you a lasting benefit of some sort, then it may be a waste of money. If you want a thing so badly, and you have the money for it, and you know you'll emotionally suffer if you're deprived of that thing, why constrain yourself and your money? Let your money do its rightful duty; that is, to satisfy human wants. That's what money is for; we chase after money in order to use it to satisfy our wants. But just make sure that you're not "cutting out a piece of cloth from the back of your shirt to patch up a hole at its front."
  16. homeo, All I can say now is that, luckily he is still your boyfriend and not your husband. Thus, should he turns out not right, you can easily dispose him off without many liabilities. For him to confuse you with another woman certainly exudes a very strong fishy smell; it's a hallmark of a mind that's also closely involved with "another similar matter". My advice is, before you slip deeper in your relationship with him, find out where the fishy smell comes from. Yes, no doubt, you're being sensitive. But this sensitivity of yours is justifiable.
  17. We must always bear in mind that an insurance policy is not a money-making plan. So, we must never try to compare it to an investment policy.
  18. meiteoh, Those sunglasses make her look like a "gangster boss". Imagine if, additionally, there's cigarette hanging at the corner of her mouth; even a street rascal wouldn't dare mess up with her.
  19. siow fui, For all I know, many daughters-in-law would like to be in your position. Why not you listen to what meiteoh says, look at the positive side and thanks heaven that you have a mother-in-law who leaves you alone?
  20. easiyo, I’ve this to say for you to think carefully: Unless you can accept your boyfriend as who he is now, your marriage life may be headed towards quite a turbulent one. This is because there’ll even be more and more issues for you two to quarrel about once you two are married. I'm sorry to be a wet blanket, but I don’t wish to be pretentious and give you all kinds of encouragement which may make you regret later. Your case is a very common one, and you just have to face the ugly truth that only a miraculous turn of events can rescue you. Now, I ask you again: Are you prepared to accept him as who he is? You can still go ahead and marry him and hope a miracle will happen, but the risk is there for you to face. Allow me to digress a bit from your topic. I'm not a Buddhist, nor am I a religious person, but there's one philosophy of Buddha which is good for us to think about. It says more or less like this: One can only attain a state of happiness if one can rid oneself of greed. Before I proceed, I must clarify that I’m not saying you’re greedy. The word "greed" here covers a wide scope of meaning. A human, by nature, is full of greed of all kinds. Self-interest is one of them. Very briefly, self-interest here means to expect everything in the world to flow to ourselves like a lake wanting rivers and streams to flow to itself. If there’s just one stream that flows away, the lake becomes “not happy”. For example, when you expect your boyfriend to shower you with love, you may be like a lake that wants his river to flow to you. If that doesn’t happen, you become disarrayed. The “software” of a human sentiment is, unfortunately, programmed to receive and not to give. This is where the problem lies. Thus, if we can click a “delete” button for the “receive” program, then happiness may come forth to us. I’m not certain what exactly transpires between you and your boyfriend, but you may ponder over this philosophy and see if it helps in your case.
  21. firsttimemum, There was an experiment carried out by a zoologist in which chicks were shown a balloon immediately after they were hatched. Later on, when their mother hen and the balloon were made to appear within their view a few feet away, the chicks ran for the balloon instead of for their mother. What does this show? It shows the chicks already got bonded to the balloon instead of their mother. Equivalent phenomenon can also happen to human babies. They naturally get bonded more to the persons they see and react more of the time. As what CFA says, you don't have to worry. Instead you should be happy because it indicates that you have a good babysitter. Babies are smart. They instinctively know who love them and who don't. And they natural get bonded to those who take care of them with love. You may not like to agree with what I'm going to say next. In fact, your worry is actually your jealousy. You are jealous to see that your baby seems to like others more than it likes you. In your heart you say,"Come on, I'm your mother! That person is not your mother. How come you love me less than you love her?" But, again, don't worry. That jealousy of yours doesn't mean you're bad. It's natural. It simply shows you love your baby, and it hurts if it doesn't seem to "love" you back in the same way. Well, by the way, no matter what, kids are bound to know who their parents are when they grow up. So, why worry? If you are "jealous", then try to beat your babysitter by showering your bundle of joy with more overwhelming affection whenever you can.
  22. JoyceChan, "... my MIL don't hv experience at all." When I saw the above phrase of yours, it made me wonder where your husband came from and who cared for your husband when he was a baby. Okay, joke aside. Now to my serious opinion, which happens to be only in one short sentence: ANYONE IS GOOD TO LOOK AFTER A BABY AS LONG AS HE OR SHE IS CLEAN, HEALTHY, CARING AND KIND.
  23. qarezma, meiteoh, That's what I meant by human dilemma; which is a situation in which both options seem to lead to a downside. This is a world where money talks. No money no talk, as people like to say. So, do doubt, chasing for the money to make life good for the family or to make a future for our children is a justifiable pursuit. That is where the institution of nursery care should come in as a very crucial element to modern society. But I can see that our politics don't seem to give enough attention to this area of our lives. No serious effort has been made by the authorities to promote the establishment of adequate nursery care centres that are highly systematic and professional in their service. Imagine you have a place to leave your child where you know he or she would be taken care of in an even better manner than you yourself can do so, why not? Who doesn't want such a thing? The problem is, by the time you may find one which is like that, the price will kill you. This is where the government can step in to offer a helping hand. The government can help by subsiding the cost of running nursery care centres and make it affordable for everyone. After all, a baby of today is a tomorrow of a country. Is it not pertinent, then, for the country to see it as its motherly responsibility to help to look after its babies? Again I can say that the political will isn't there. Our politics is involved too much in politicking itself that the original purpose of politics is forgotten. SIGH!
  24. JUST RAMBLING Sigh! It's a human dilemma. We have created a society which, in a way, is unnatural for human lives. In fact, human babies are designed to be nursed and looked after by their mothers at least from birth till toddler age. But many mothers cannot look after their babies because they have jobs away from home. I have an engineer friend who asks his wife to stop working and look after their baby at home after the birth of their first child. That's only because he has a fat salary while his wife has only an ordinary-salaried job. He told me that, after some calculation, he found it not worth for his wife to go to work, after taking into account paying for a nanny, transportation, and other expenses incurred by a working person outside. "And how about the other high price which is not calculable?" he asks. What he means is the price of depriving the baby of a mother's care, and the price of exposing the baby to all sorts of negative situations when isolated from its natural mother.
  25. citbankvisa, Well said. That was a good lecture. Personally I always believe that all the stupid superstitious pantang-larangs ought to be "dipantangkan". You are right, those old fashion myths were actually mainly born out of ancient human's fear and their need to feel secured. In fact, I can point out another deeper cause of it - that is, ignorance. In the olden days, people's knowledge of science was still very shallow. So, they would always look for a reason to explain a thing that went wrong, and many of the explanations given would seem to look logical at that time. For example, if a baby was born with a cleft lip, and if the mother was known to have cut some clothes when she was pregnant, people would logically relate the birth defect to what she did that mostly likely match with the manifested consequence. They had no knowledge that a cleft lip was simply a congenital deformity of abnormal facial development during gestation and could be caused by any of a number of biological or genetic factors. Certainly, it had nothing to do with the mother cutting some clothes. It is indeed sad to see that many people still blindly follow many of those antiquated beliefs to the point of making lives difficult themselves. That's why I always advise the young people nowadays not to pass on those rubbish to their next generations so as not to make their lives unnecessarily cumbersome. What is more sad is that, if you tell the pantang believers that the myths are not true, they could get angry at you and think that you are challenging their traditions and beliefs. Their minds have been super-glued to the beliefs that there is no way you can detach them from what they have been indoctrinated to believe. And of course, I won't be surprised if I have ruffled the feathers of some who read this post of mine.
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