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bluelady_121

Can ur HB live without you?

Can ur HB live without you?  

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Hi to all brides. Have u all ever sit down and asked ur HB whether he can live without you? I had a heart-to-heart talk with my HB last night and asked him this question. Our AD is not far away and this question suddenly pops up in my mind. I got a really touched answer from him. He said that he can't live without me cos he is used to being pampered by me. He further said that if God takes me away first that is fate and that no one shall ever replace me in his heart.

To those who has ever had this kind of talk with ur HB please share it here. I would love to hear to all ur loving stories.

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well, if i really die before my HB, then it doesn't really matter what he does after that. while i'm alive, i should be the only woman in his life la.... doesn't mean that he'll literally die of starvation or lack of clean clothes without me. i think after i pass away, if he can find someone to love & care for him, good. my main concern is that the children must be well looked after, hence all my worldly inheritance should be willed to my parents or sibling so they can look after my children in case HB decides to re-marry.

he knows this as well & kinda pantang when i talk about it - but let's be practical, our marriage vows are 'till death do us part'.

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I used to think that "I can't live without you" must be part of a marriage or relationship. But now I think it should be changed to "I can live without you but I choose to live with you" - which implies a proactive effort made on the part of the person to be committed to someone else and not just leave things to fate or emotions.

To be honest, I never bothered asking because I know that what and who we are may change in the years to come. Part of me doesn't even want him to think that he cannot live without me because I don't want him to be dependent on me alone just to get on with life itself - not even emotionally. He should always be able to seek advice and emotional support from other people as well and not just me alone.

Besides, having the "I cannot live without you" mentality can be draining for the both of us. I know of an elderly couple when the man literally cannot live without the woman (she recently had a stroke) - cannot cook, cheque book oso dunno how to use, doesn't know where the bills are or what keys go with which lock, and so forth.

As long as I'm the only woman in his life while we're still married (excluding female relatives), it's good enough for me.

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Meiteoh, well said. I totally agreed with you. I've moved on from being dependent on HB to become independent and I realised that I'm happier. Now, my world is bigger and I see life from a different perspective. Sometimes, I feel it's an emotional torture being too dependent on our the other half.

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I will never ask this question, because I don't want him to tell me he can't live with out me, I want him to live better without me :) (if I'm in another world) and he wants me to do the same too :)

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I never ask my HB the question but i know the answer, my vote is NO

I can confirm this is my HB had told me b4 he cant live without me :tongue: even b4 we married. I remember I been travel oversea for training for one week b4 this, after I came back from the trip he told me he really not used that I not along with him for a week...

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Sorry if I have offended anyone with what I'm going to say.

To me, 'can't live without somebody...' is a stupid way to think. In other words, it's a psycho way of thinking this. Everyone can live without anyone. In fact, you should live for somebody and stay strong. Life is full of excitement and games are not ended yet. This is part of the learning process in one life and destination is not what we sought but it was the journey that matters.

If your love one has left you for GOD sick, then live stronger for him/her. If your love one has left you by betraying you or hurt you, then live strong and to prove him/her that it's his/her lose to leave you!

TRUST ME! TIME WILL HEAL YOUR PAIN.

When you get older and you look back, you'll have smiling face. :)

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Probably you have not seen old couples that hold hands. When one of them passed away, the other one will follow shortly.

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Chong, what does shortly entail? One to two years or five to ten years? Coz I have seen very loving older couples survive their partners from around 5 to 10 years (some even longer, like my grandaunt), but I've always thought that it's because of old age.

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:lol: haha.. nice question asked.... i always pop this question to him and not only that, i'll said if i go earlier than him then he can bla bla bla.. mana tau the next thing happened is - kena smack on the head (those light light one la) say... i must be insane liao... have fever until cant think properly liao.... hahaha.....

ok seriously, he said at first sure wont get used to it when someone u enjoy staying with or comfortable staying with is not there for you anymore.. but time can cure everything and he said he knew if, IF i were the one that go first then i will also hope that he can live happily or mayb happier in life which i feel is definitely true..... nod nod..

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Probably you have not seen old couples that hold hands. When one of them passed away, the other one will follow shortly.

ya, I agreed. This happened to my grandparents.

But, I would say, if we are at 30s - 50s, this may not apply.

And there are other scenarios, for example, if my spouse has an affair, I will soon adjust to be able to love without him. Or I must live without him, don't you all agree?

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Chong, what does shortly entail? One to two years or five to ten years? Coz I have seen very loving older couples survive their partners from around 5 to 10 years (some even longer, like my grandaunt), but I've always thought that it's because of old age.

I have met one couple. They hold hands wherever they go. When one of them passed away, the other followed a few weeks later.

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:)

Well, it's possible but I don't think I'd want to die a few weeks after my HB if I'm below 80. There would still be much to see and experience in life. XD

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cases like that are very rare. I agree with Mabel as I believe HB won't want me to follow him that fast! haahha .. so that he can enjoy his bachelor life is another world first :P

:)

Well, it's possible but I don't think I'd want to die a few weeks after my HB if I'm below 80. There would still be much to see and experience in life. XD

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It's not about when your partner passed away whether if you choose to follow or not. It comes naturally. She just went away like that, no suicide or whatever.

Anyway, something that I like to share especially how we treat our partner, our loved ones and probably our children.

I believe a lot have shared in here what happened to them and seeking for advice. What I see is how we treat our partner, how we take our partner, our loved for granted. An example can be a simple promise to have dinner together but cancel it at the last minute because of work commitment.

We have seen some cases where the parent promised their children for a vacation trip or to the places they like most. Somehow, this promise can never be fulfilled even after a lot of years.

We expect our loved ones to understand what we are going through, be understanding of our excuses but we ourselves neglected their disappointment.

I have been working like no days and no nights. It has been a few times forcing me to choose between my health, my family and my work. The choice is obvious right? But how many of us can actually do it when it matters.

This about continuously doing something for someone you love rather than expecting your partner to do things for you.

Finally, probably the thread starter should put it the other way round... "Can you live without your HB?" In my opinion, you just want to hear something sweet from your HB rather than accept the cruel fact that your HB cannot live altogether when you really are not around.

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For myself, I really prefer to hear he says, I will live better without you, but you always in my heart. I don't want to see anyone sad because of my leaving, I want them to be happy, even I told HB, I want my funeral like a happy occassion, everyone gathering together to celebrate my leaving to another world. :) ok, I'm ODD! :cool:

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Chong, what does shortly entail? One to two years or five to ten years? Coz I have seen very loving older couples survive their partners from around 5 to 10 years (some even longer, like my grandaunt), but I've always thought that it's because of old age.

I have met one couple. They hold hands wherever they go. When one of them passed away, the other followed a few weeks later.

My grandmother fell ill and suffered alzheimer. I saw my grandmum pestering for something and my grandfather felt annoyed with her demand days and nights and used rotan to smack her a bit. Few months later, she was so ill and passed away. My grandfather follow 3 month later the same year.

For myself, I really prefer to hear he says, I will live better without you, but you always in my heart. I don't want to see anyone sad because of my leaving, I want them to be happy, even I told HB, I want my funeral like a happy occassion, everyone gathering together to celebrate my leaving to another world. :) ok, I'm ODD! :cool:

Hb travelled to China for biz trip for a week. Wah liao eh. Dunno what happen. Cannot sit still or do thing. When phone rang, ran to pick it up so fast like lightning. Then, tears roll down saying miss him.

Then, my turn to travel he said uneasy to be alone without me.How sweet!

We also discussed this before. If I go 1st, I want my funeral also the happy one and also he can find other partner to accompany him.If the other way round, I told him, I keep my promise will not remarry again.He is the only one.Yah, Only one. :lol:

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I dunno - maybe because of my past experience (and HB's), we are both hesitant to say outloud that we can't bear to be apart from each other because in truth, we can cope with it for work, or what-not and mayhaps even death.

We were in a long distance relationship for years before, thus, travel and distance has never been an issue - we take it in stride, knowing that love can really stand the test of time and distance. We continue living our daily lives. We know that deep down inside, our affections and love are still strong and that we don't have to resort to words because sometimes words can lead to people being taken for granted.

Of course, nothing beats hearing "I can't bear to be without you because I love you" but we are both individuals who only want happiness for our other half and we've talked about this before. Should either of us find happiness elsewhere OR die first (choy), we want the other person to be happy and to continue living. Love doesn't necessarily mean you have to be with that person emotionally and physically. It also means wanting what's best for that person and wanting that person to be happy.

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I asked him about this question many times. But now i think the answer is not important for me as we might change our mind in the future.

Sometimes i will think if any of us will leave earlier, will me or him still keep the words? Nobody knows.

Actually nobody can't live without whom, this is the words my brother gave me.

Our lives are given by God and our parents, we should treasure much.

It is our responsible to learn to take care ourselves.

I wish he can't live without me, but sometimes i have the idea the other round. If i passed away earlier than him, then he might be very pity since he doesn't know how to cook, iron and clean. Of coz i wish to see him still live happily even i m no longer there. When i am still with him, i will try to take care him, but i also would like to " train" him to take care himself just in case.

But definately he will miss my food a lot. Wakakaka.........

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This question being asked by my fiancee. He said he cant live without me which i find it very funny. Yeah in some sense it is very romantic but there is no way a person cannot live without a person. Dun you all remember that when you first born into this world you come alone?

If I can choose then I would choose to die together (sorry being negative ) but this is fact of life la...hope you gals dun pantang la.Die together such as accident and leave life coverage for the kids then. Well, we do not know who our life will end up so just cherish and love everyone around you before it is too late.

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I never did ask that before but my hubs came to me once and declared that to me. I was very touched of course but at the same time, sad... one day we will have to part and i don't wish to think what kind of circumstances that will happen. During the younger days, i used to think that if i die first, no one will have my man but as i mature years later, i know that i wish nothing but happiness for him. If it should be in the form of another woman who truly loves and takes care of him, so be it.

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haha... i like this question..

however i can say he cannot live without me but i can :p

sometimes even apart for 1 week also he start complain ady ..

if who goes 1st then the other wont be alone becoz we have children left behind for him/her

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