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RainbowChaiHong

Thoughts on "What if I have married A instead of my husband"

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Jee Mui

Wonder anyone of you have thoughts of, "What if I have married the otehr guy, instead of my husband now"?

These few months, I keep on having this thought. :huh:

Rainbow,

In the world there actually don't have "what if" exist. Its only our imagination. Well, for me, no point imagining. Its all boil down to God's will. In mandarin its called ren tian di li. Because no one will know whats the actual consequences. We may think it will be like this...or like that...but its only our thoughts. Rite? :P

Also there is a chinese saying in cantonese "zou chee mou haat yee"...ha ha ha....

Just a piece of advice, whatever you do, do with no regrets. But don't do it with cin cai attitude lor....

JL

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ya, JL, I know what u mean with all the Chinese saying.

I keep on thinking abt this as I can see those guys who are interested in me before are doing well with their spouses. And at the same time, my HB is not. That's make me have the fantacy of "what if". I know it was my choice at the point I got married. No one uses a gun and force me to marry. :huh:

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No, I can't say I have felt the same way as you have. In fact, every day I tell myself that I'm glad I married my HB instead of staying with my ex. But my thoughts on this matter?

STOP. THINKING. LIKE. THIS.

Living in the "what-if" will never allow you to fully enjoy your marriage, your relationship and your life. And don't blame this attitude on your HB. It has precious little to do with him but everything to do with you.

Personally, I feel that people living in "what-ifs" fail to ask themselves why they broke up with their exes or why they never got along with their previous suitors. There is a reason, it's just that they never seem to learn from it. Ask yourself why you never went out with those guys and why you chose to stick to your HB and marry him. There is always a reason. Look for it.

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Strange, but I do think of the what-if's too, BUT in the opposite manner.

I always wonder, what if I never met my HB?

What if I didn't do so&so which led me to my HB?

What if I hadn't shown interest in him back then?

And then I get goosebumps and it scares me that I could have missed out on marrying my soulmate: my HB. And believe it or not, it makes me appreciate my HB much much more.

Maybe you should try thinking of the positives instead of looking at the negatives.

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We broke up with our ex for reasons. I broke up with my ex because I cannot stand being with him anymore, not to mention spending the rest of my life with him. So, if i were to think what if I married him instead of my hb, the answer would be : MISERABLE!!

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Happy for all of you. Seem like I am the only one who has this feeling/ thought. It means all of you have a happy marriage and found what you really looking for. I didn't date with many guys. My HB is my formal first BF. I didn't go out with the guy that interested with me for two reasons. At that point of time, I was already seeing my HB, so, as sense of moral, I told that guy that I was attached. The second reason is, I see that he has different education background with me. So, I didn't further. Now, I was thinking what if, I be a low moral woman and flirt around. Perhaps it will be better. Thanks for all your sharing and opnions.

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Rainbow,

But "what it" you are a woman who flirt around, and you got to know someone really really bad, end up abusing you, giving you all the financial problem, or dump you after you having his baby. Or being cheated when u flirt around?

Maybe you are thinking of, what if you end up with that guy and he treats you really well. But it's only "what if". It is possible that your life will be miserable now, if u ended up with that guy :) Think more of your hubby's good, you will feel much happier.

"WHAT IF" only appears in fantasy :)

All the best girl~

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Happy for all of you. Seem like I am the only one who has this feeling/ thought. It means all of you have a happy marriage and found what you really looking for. I didn't date with many guys. My HB is my formal first BF. I didn't go out with the guy that interested with me for two reasons. At that point of time, I was already seeing my HB, so, as sense of moral, I told that guy that I was attached. The second reason is, I see that he has different education background with me. So, I didn't further. Now, I was thinking what if, I be a low moral woman and flirt around. Perhaps it will be better. Thanks for all your sharing and opnions.

Rainbow, I can understand why you will think of "what if". But bear in mind, seeing the guys are good hb now is only from our physical sense.If you dare to go interview their wives, they sure also complain about their hb leh.....Marriage doesn't come just like that so simple. The hb and wife do take effort to build, like the bricks of the house, one by one, step by step(I am still struggling la) I am sure they guys also in a way "kena corrected and trained" by their wives. You should know generally guys need to be "kicked" and don't expect them to be "automatic". This told by my friends who are in their 40s and I agree with them lor

I also asked myself "what if" questions before. But later realized no point la...because there is no answer. I am sure if I marry someone else, I may have other issues. Here living with human, there is bound to be issues lying. Every family has its own prob ma....rite?

You may sound it to your hb on your unhappiness but don't expect him to change like 100% lor...It all boils down to which area he is willing and not willing....haiz...this is human or just man? headache.....

JL

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Most of my close friends think that me and hubby are not compatible. They think I deserve someone better. Naturally, that makes me have the "what if" thought. But then, I always tell my self....you choose ppl, ppl also choose you. When I was single and available, I only have hubby after me....no one else. So I think GOD has decided that he's the one for me....hehe.... So there goes my "what if" thought :lol:

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Most of my close friends think that me and hubby are not compatible. They think I deserve someone better. Naturally, that makes me have the "what if" thought. But then, I always tell my self....you choose ppl, ppl also choose you. When I was single and available, I only have hubby after me....no one else. So I think GOD has decided that he's the one for me....hehe.... So there goes my "what if" thought :lol:

May, I will think so Its God's will too....ha ha ha....

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Most of my close friends think that me and hubby are not compatible. They think I deserve someone better. Naturally, that makes me have the "what if" thought. But then, I always tell my self....you choose ppl, ppl also choose you. When I was single and available, I only have hubby after me....no one else. So I think GOD has decided that he's the one for me....hehe.... So there goes my "what if" thought :lol:

May, I will think so Its God's will too....ha ha ha....

Yea.....no point thinking of "what if". Just concentrate on how to maintain the relationship and keep it going :wink:

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I do.

Sometimes I wonder how miserable my life would become if I have married my ex instead of hubby. :bye: I can't imagine how unhappy I would be if I have married him.

Therefore, I always feel grateful and fortunate that I have met hubby.

My motto is: Don't look back, no regrets.

Whatever done can't be undone, whatever missed can't be replayed. Instead of spending time thinking of what we have missed and wonder how things would turn out to be "if....", why don't we treasure what we are having / possessing now and think of ways to improve the current situation? :wub:

My 2 cents~

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just my 2 cent. I realised that lady got a lot of qs. prefer to ask "what if" this or that..... I'm one of it. I always ask my hb "what if" XXXX, what will happen?.....WHat if XXX,what will happen?....then my hb will ans me, if you want your life be simple and happy, don't think too much, what if this & that.if not, u will get trouble because u will worry about this & that too much :)

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Rainbow, thats the mystery of life. We can never have the benefit of hindsight in our lifes. All we can do is ask "what if" and then tell ourselves, this is the life that we have choosen and make the best of it. Never regret your past decisions. If u do regret, then either make it work or do something else. Insanity is best described as

"doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results"

I leave you with the lycrics of "What If" by Kate Winslet

"What If"

Here I stand alone

With this weight upon my heart

And it will not go away

In my head I keep on looking back

Right back to the start

Wondering what it was that made you change

Well I tried

But I had to draw the line

And still this question keeps on spinning in my mind

What if I had never let you go

Would you be the man I used to know

If I'd stayed

If you'd tried

If we could only turn back time

But I guess we'll never know

Many roads to take

Some to joy

Some to heart-ache

Anyone can lose their way

And if I said that we could turn it back

Right back to the start

Would you take the chance and make the change

Do you think how it would have been sometimes

Do you pray that I'd never left your side

What if I had never let you go

Would you be the man I used to know

If I'd stayed

If you'd tried

If we could only turn back time

But I guess we'll never know

If only we could turn the hands of time

If I could take you back would you still be mine

'Cos I tried

But I had to draw the line

And still this question keep on spinning in my mind

What if I had never let you go

Would you be the man I used to know

What if I had never walked away

'Cos I still love you more than I can say

If I'd stayed

If you'd tried

If we could only turn back time

But I guess we'll never know

We'll never know

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9-HESjOTHBQ

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