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starryeye

How Do I find a Date for My SIL??? Suggestion pls.

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Hi all,

First and foremost, let me wish you ladies and gentlemen (if any reading) a blessed new year! May your new yr be filled with plenty of laughter, sweet memories, extraordinary adventures and most important, good health! Big hugs!

I am new here, in fact I just signed up, I am so impressed with this forum! So much good information sharing and also a great place to spill our problems away....

Anyhow, I have a problem on hand. I am actually looking for a date for my SIL but I dont seem to be very good at it.

I wonder how can I meet people for her?

My SIL is 28 and she's not bad looking at all. She is a school teacher at one of the prominent chinese school in PJ.

She is a fun person and she's not looking for a man that is rich and good looking. So my mission should be simple.

She is a simple girl, but I guess being a school teacher makes it harder for her to look for the right man.

Her typical day starts at 7am and school ends about 3pm. She comes back, finished off school work and by the time its done, its already dinner time. I will always make an effort to have dinner with her as she is staying with us and my hubby works for an international company, hence he works from 2pm until late night, at times up to 1 am. So I am usually free for dinner. I hardly see my hubby too eventho we sleep in the same room!! When he cames back, am asleep and when I go work, he's asleep. So, we only have the weekends.

Anyhow, lets not talk about me... back to my SIL. At times I do bring her out, go shopping, try to catch movie but then, how long can she do all this with me? I am sure in her heart, she wants to find someone who loves her eventho she hardly mention about it.

I am worried for her future and I am planning to find her a man by this year!! My new year resolution is to find a man for her...But ladies, where can I find some decent men???? My girlfrens suggested gym, library, church...but does it really work??

Thanks in advanced ladies....sorry if my posted topic is not suitable but I really dont know where else to look for help :(

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28 is still very young leh. You should ask her to join some social activities that interest her. That way, she might meet ppl of similar interest.

If she don't mind, Cupid Club (by MCA) also organise quite a number of activities. I think there should be a link on their website but once again, 28 is still very young. Don't pressure her.

Good luck though.

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Hi,

I personally feel that it's "risky" to introduce a mate or find a date for anybody. Because if this works out and if touchwood there is anything happens in the relationship, he or she may blame us. So I am really scare to be a "Hung Niang" (mandarin).

Perhaps you can recommend or suggest her to join some societies or activities to know more people, but not finding a guy for her directly. Let herself make the move.

Anyway, I am curious....is you SIL herself and her family "gan ceong" about this ? If not, just let it be.

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You can introduce your guy's friends to her, someone you know better rather than blind dating.

Church is a good place, I saw few of my friends met their soulmate from church.

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starryeye, u no need to worry this type of thing since she is still young ( like oth members said here) & if she can manage her own life without bother u then shld be no problem, right ? u also get her to accompany u when ur HB not around mah...for weekend if u wan to spend time with ur HB for the "Er Ren Shi Jie" ( mandarin ) / couple life, then u can hints her, why not go meet up with friends ? & join some activities ???..I also think it is risky for u to introduce a guy for her, if good then ok, if bad then she & her family 'll blame u busy body !!! So let it be natural, since she not bad looking & cheerful then if join some activities, sure 1 day 'll find her true man !!!

Don worry too much ! :smile:

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hi starryeye,

I am also new here and also impressed with the forum.welcome!!

Anyway, You did not mention whether you are younger or older. Because, if you are older, means you have some nice guy friends who you may think will click with her. Ajak her out with your friends (preferbaly in a group so she won't feel so paiseh). This worked out for my best friend and now she is married to the guy. If she is not shy in getting to know people outside for the purpose of finding a bf, then like the rest said, join some activities lor or church or MCA cupid. Nowadays it is normal for people to do such things openly.

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Personally, I make it a point to never interfere with another person's dating/love life - it creates a lot of complications in my own relationship with this person and besides, it's meddlesome and something I myself would not appreciate. Also how do you know for sure that it is she is the one who doesn't want to look for a man now or that she is perfectly happy the way she is? You cannot assume that everyone will want the same thing as yourself especially when she has hardly or never mentioned it before!

If her hanging out with you all the time is a concern, you can always encourage her to meet up with her friends and hang out with them instead. Bear in mind one thing - school teachers and lecturers have a professional image to live up to so she would naturally shy away from some activities and such. Church and other social gatherings like parties or dinners are a good way to meet people and build networks, thus suitable for not just people who are looking for partners but those who wish to increase their social network for whatever purposes. :)

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thank u thank u all for so many suggestion..

i know i shouldnt push it but she has been hinting that she wants to know more guy frens...

she has never been in a relationship ever and she doesnt know how to mingle with the opposite sex.

i am a yr older than her. my circle of guy frens are only my hubby frens. naturally...

i dont really have many guy frens, just one or two selective ones that i have known for ages.

but they're married too.

i seriously dont mind bringing her out dinner daily with me, its nice to be out with her too. it doesnt bother me.

one thing i know about married life is that its rare to have couple time when ur staying with in laws.

i am staying with MIL, SIL, occasionally BIL as well. so, dinner time will always be sekampung. (whole village of ppl)

unless i open my big fat mouth and asked my hubby to go dating, only then he will do so. otherwise, dont dream.

i have accepted that, so im ok.

but now even my hubby is worried for my SIL. she doesnt like to be out from her comfy zone and asking her to go MCA/Church which is a very good suggestion, will definitely be a NO NO for her.

like i mentioned, i am not pushing her away, pls dont get me wrong :(

but i wan her to try to be in love, to feel the courtship of a man, to be treated like a queen, u know those sort of romantic gestures.

i know shes young, but dont u agree that if she fails now, at least she can get up and try to be in love again.

if she tried when shes in 30, and it fails, what would happen? touch wood!!

i told her that if i do manage to intro someone to her, after that its entirely on her.

she needs to walk on her own and try it herself.

of coz i would like to protect her from falling down but how can I protect her?

yes, she might blame me if everything fails..

sigh...hence the dilemma...

ladies, if u think i shud just back off, i will.

because what u ladies said are true. :)

thanks thanks....

aiya, time for dinner...

have to go out aledi..hope to talk again soon.

have a good evening ya?

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Personally, I make it a point to never interfere with another person's dating/love life - it creates a lot of complications in my own relationship with this person and besides, it's meddlesome and something I myself would not appreciate. Also how do you know for sure that it is she is the one who doesn't want to look for a man now or that she is perfectly happy the way she is? You cannot assume that everyone will want the same thing as yourself especially when she has hardly or never mentioned it before!

If her hanging out with you all the time is a concern, you can always encourage her to meet up with her friends and hang out with them instead. Bear in mind one thing - school teachers and lecturers have a professional image to live up to so she would naturally shy away from some activities and such. Church and other social gatherings like parties or dinners are a good way to meet people and build networks, thus suitable for not just people who are looking for partners but those who wish to increase their social network for whatever purposes. :)

Meiteoh, you are definitely right in this sense. However, there are some people who actually are willing (and even asking) to be introduced to people. If they were not asking for it at all or never hinted, then just leave them alone. But if you are close with them, you can have a talk with them to find out if they really happy with what they have.

However I know people who actually ask to be introduced to people (they are worried a bit on age). Some worked and some don't.

Starryeye, In this case, maybe your hubby and you can bring her out together with a bunch of friends. Like meiteoh mentioned, if not for finding partner, its to widen her circle of friends..and this will help. But whether or not she find someone, it will be faithed and you cannot blame yourself or feel bad

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Hey, what about speed dating?

A church or a party is a good place to find someone. Even better if it’s someone from within yours & ur HB circle of friends. But as to whether anyone “clicks” with her, leave it up to fate.

Personally, I think that Wonderful Man up there in the sky has plans for each of us... you know, like a vocation. Some people’s one is to get married, others to join the religious while others stay single. Like my FMIL says… if find that you’re happier not being married, then don’t marry.

Do keep trying, but as all the other ji muis have mentioned, don’t put pressure.

P/S: I am still wondering why did God arrange me to meet a FH who is 12 years older…. Maybe I was late in the “making”? :whistling:

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Hey, what about speed dating?

A church or a party is a good place to find someone. Even better if it's someone from within yours & ur HB circle of friends. But as to whether anyone "clicks" with her, leave it up to fate.

Personally, I think that Wonderful Man up there in the sky has plans for each of us... you know, like a vocation. Some people's one is to get married, others to join the religious while others stay single. Like my FMIL says… if find that you're happier not being married, then don't marry.

Do keep trying, but as all the other ji muis have mentioned, don't put pressure.

P/S: I am still wondering why did God arrange me to meet a FH who is 12 years older…. Maybe I was late in the "making"? :whistling:

Hi, you 12 years older, I..... 16 years older :lol: Well we will never know God's plan for us...

I almost joined the religious sisters. I even stayed in with them, almost all religious orders to become a nun...haha...but at the end, my destiny is marriage.

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Elyssa, if she asks, I've no problems helping her find a man - note that I said HELPING HER because I don't want to be the only one doing all the legwork. Her life, her relationship, the gal has got to make some effort of her own (getting out and meeting people itself not just NATO). If she doesn't, then I'll just relax and assume that all is ok. :)

A number of my single friends have joked that they can't find a suitable man but I don't want to take that as asking for my help because joking about it and asking are two very different things. And I've found out the hard way before! :S

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Hi, you 12 years older, I..... 16 years older :lol: Well we will never know God's plan for us...

I almost joined the religious sisters. I even stayed in with them, almost all religious orders to become a nun...haha...but at the end, my destiny is marriage.

LOL Same, same... since I came from Convent school and I was close to the Sisters... they wanted to ask me to join them during my school holidays.. my mom told me, she said: "If you want to join the sisters, me not sending you overseas to study!!"

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ola everyone...

i have been so inactive in the forum, been so busy with my baby ethen..

hes 15 months by e way...

i was looking thru the form and found this topic which i start..

2 yrs passed...guess what, my SIL is still single!!!

can u belief it, this is like my same new yr reso...

i have just introduced her to my colleague...

but its starting really slow...

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ola everyone...

i have been so inactive in the forum, been so busy with my baby ethen..

hes 15 months by e way...

i was looking thru the form and found this topic which i start..

2 yrs passed...guess what, my SIL is still single!!!

can u belief it, this is like my same new yr reso...

i have just introduced her to my colleague...

but its starting really slow...

single is ok ma... the world's not gonna end with her being single. whatever it is, as long as she decides how she wants to live her life, we should respect it. chill, there will be 1 fine day she will realize she will want to be in a long term relationship and she will go out searching for mr rite herself :)

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It's so sweet and thoughtful of you to go to this extent to help your SIL to look for a suitable man. Before you even try to look for a suitable date for her, you should first try to broaden her social horizons. Get her or persuade her to join more activities so that she can meet more people. Hmmm, if you are looking to find a man with a heart of gold for her, why not get her to join charitable activities like the Taiwanese Tzu-Chi, Befrienders, and World Vision. She will get to meet a lot of nice and sincere people from these activities and maybe she will meet her cup of tea there? :)

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Actually like what the rest say..leave to her hand ba.

My BIL is still single and available but but a little young for your SIL :lol:

Dun worry lah I'm sure ur SIL and my BIL they will find their soulmate when the time is RIGHT

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