Allowance for Parents

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Posted · Report post

I am not really working yet but I plan on giving an allowance to my parents sooner or later. The majority of our parents probably paid for our education and as life is getting more and more demanding, we'd have to save for our children's tertiery education (unlike before where you COULD survive without a degree).

Do you give money to your parents?

If so, how much? (would be nice if you also tell us what you earn as someone who gives RM300 out of a RM1000 salary technically gives more than someone who earns RM7000 and gives RM500..up to you, I am just curious!).

Do you give anything else (holidays, maid and so on)?

Are they happy with what you give?

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Posted · Report post

Once before i heard from radio station said that, 10% out of your income should goes to your parent's allowance. I did give 10% when started to work, after married i only give big angpow (few thousand) to my parents at one go. Cause they do not want to take my allowance after married. Give as angpow during CNY is my only chance to give. Other times like mother's day father's day and their birthday i will buy something for them. Needless to say also holiday lo. For my parents they do not expect me to contribute on their trips cause they go vacation very often and i do not afford to sponsor all. But i do bring them vacation along with my hubby 1-2 times per year. The vacation fees from accommodation, to food and play all on me.

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Posted · Report post

When I was in Malaysia and working, I gave my mum around RM700 to 1.5K every month for the house mortgage and her allowance - around 50% of my salary (I started off with a salary of 2.5K in 2002 and then went to 3.5K in my previous job). Every time I had a salary increment, my mum gets an increase in her allowance as well. It's not because she asked but because I volunteered to give that amount to her.

As for asking, I can't really recall if they asked specifically for it - I doubt it. I do know that they re-mortgage the house so that I could do my Masters so the promise was that I take over the mortgage once I finish and I did. My mum paid off the mortgage in one whole lump sum about a year after I got back, but I still continue to give her the same amount.

For my dad, he always refuses to take some form of allowance from me - probably coz he knows that I'm stone broke by the time I give my mum money but when I do get a bonus or there is a special occasion or just saja la, I'll give him a few hundred every two to three months. And he's always happy.

My bro used to complain that I spend a lot and that I should be more like him coz I would go on holidays every few months with my HB but what he doesn't know is that my HB pays for all those trips (he knows that I'm broke all the time) and most of my money go to my parents while the rest go to bills and only a smallish portion to my savings. Sometimes I wonder how I managed back then to save like over RM500 every month and such.

When I stopped working, I did explain to my mum that I won't be able to give her an allowance because HB and I are on one income and such somemore I'm not working so a bit difficult. My dad and her are very understanding. I try not to let her pay whenever she comes to visit (I pay for her souvenirs, travel, makan, etc, etc) and even when she wants to go on tour, we always tell her that we'll pay and then "forget" how much it costs or say she paid already when she hasn't paid.

My parents though are always concerned about our spending. Last year, I couldn't get them anything for their birthday but this year, HB and I bought some flowers and cake - even then my mum wanted to know how much and told us not to spend so much on them, save our money and etc. I'm planning to give her a big angpau when she comes over to do the confinement and such.

The thing is that I feel bad about the whole "not being able to give money to my parents". I mean I live so far away from them and the only way I can show care traditionally is via money and I don't even have the means to do that! I don't want to ask from my HB because it's not his parents la...and as you know, I don't have much either (zero actually now that I've stopped teaching and the shop is on hiatus). I would love to give even though I don't have the money to give but it won't be my money and definitely not from me. :/

What makes the situation even more painful is that I have a brother who has money to spare and all yet has never given a cent to my parents except for a few hundred during CNY and the occasional gift. My mum did mention that he would pay for their airfare here which is good but to me, that's nothing for them.

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Posted · Report post

I personally think that giving allowances to our parents is a must be it how much u earn. Parents will be so grateful not bcoz of the value of the money, it's more too how much you remember & value them as some one who brought u up. :happy:

I came from a considerably 'poor' family where dad & mom had to work in order to support the family. I know how hard they struggled to ensure all of us were well taken care of in terms of basic needs & education. Although my tertiary was by scholarship, they did support my accomodation & food. :smile:

I'm giving my mom 20% of my pay, approx RM2,500. I used to pay for other utility bills & groceries b4 i got married, but knowing I got my own family now, she insisted that RM2,500 is more than enough. But i still give her ang pow during special occassion like CNY, Dumpling day etc.... also get her clothes and facial product from time to time.

I did bring her for vacation every year, at least once, as I got free tickets for her and myself. We have been to few countries like China, Taiwan, Hong Kong, UK, USA, South Africa, New Zealand. Even though now that i'm married, and my free ticket is transferred to my HB, but i still wish to bring her for vacation, still planning..... :rolleyes:

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Posted · Report post

I started to give pocket money to my mum since I started work in 1999. Since I am married, I am no longer staying with them. Currently I am giving RM1,200 to my mum and I will increase the amount to RM2,000 when she starts to take care of my BB. I also hire a maid for my mum to assist her with house chores. On top of that, I also pay for house phone + my parents h/p bills and that's come out to be around RM200/mth. In addition, I will bring my parents out for meals almost every weekend and pay for grocery shopping too. On and off I will sponsor my mum for her facial/slimming treatments/products. I also give my parents CNY angpao (RM1,000 per person) + footing the CNY shopping bills too.

As for holiday, usually my bro and I will bring them or sponsor them for overseas trip at least once a year. My bro and I will also share Father or mother's days + birthday gifts and the cost of any capex requirement of my parents' house i.e. new TV, new sofa, etc. From next year onward my bro and I will foot their insurance bills too which is >RM5k p.a.

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Posted · Report post

wah wah..ur all got so high income.

what u paying ur mum is like 70% of my income. :dash2:

anyway..lasttime i dint gave my parent any allowance. cos peanut salary..somemore partime studying.

moreover tat time sis kaotim all.

now since mum move back to stay with me..FH gave mum rm500 per month.. solely for her own leisure spending. cos mum go massage alot.

then medical & others will covered by me. few hundred per month also.

unless CNY will try to give half of my bonus lor..just for her saving. if not the rest of d month really dont have any extra to give ler.

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Posted · Report post

davinci.. you cannot compare your income with some of us who had been working for many years or much older than you. I am sure your pay will catch up where you will be able to give more money to your mum.

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Posted · Report post

davinci.. you cannot compare your income with some of us who had been working for many years or much older than you. I am sure your pay will catch up where you will be able to give more money to your mum.

LOL! i can dare u tat i'm same age or older then u . haha..nolar. seriously my salary really low. even u 2 salary is so much higher then my hubby.

:lol:

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Posted · Report post

davinci.. you cannot compare your income with some of us who had been working for many years or much older than you. I am sure your pay will catch up where you will be able to give more money to your mum.

LOL! i can dare u tat i'm same age or older then u . haha..nolar. seriously my salary really low. even u 2 salary is so much higher then my hubby.

:lol:

Nah.. you cant be older than me la.. I am already 33 and working for 10 years liao. Usually high salary comes with lotsa sacrifices - sometime it might not worth at all.

Some of our parents really depending on the pocket money from us to survive and in that case we will need to work double hard to support them even though we have our own family already. Else it should be fine, if they are financially independent and pocket money from us are just meant for their extra spending money.

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Posted · Report post

Davinci, don't compare amounts coz earning power is different, expenditure oso different - as long as you are doing your best, no one can say that you're not filial. :smile:

On the brighter note, at least you can still give. Me? Want to give oso cannot. T.T

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Posted · Report post

bunnywife

hehe me younger 3 yr only lar. me also work more then 10yrs lor. since most of d time i study partime.

ya do agree ..u study + work so hard to get what u deserved.

hmm mean i'm a failure? haha i wont compare lor. somemore diff industry.. just call me lazy. :lol:

even FH also reluctant to change job which he can earn X2. cos now he is super flexible. but tis yr workload getting too hectic.

anyway.. really happy to hear u all gave so high allowance to ur parent (at least 10-20% of ur salary).

cos some of my friends & cousins. all high salary but gave little, even d parent is depending on their allowance.

reason:- high cost of living (sure lor..big house + big car) XD

but i guess also some rather save up & cover their parent medical later (just in case- touch wood)

mel

like u said, u so far + ur hb is sole provider. ur parent din complain also.. :smile:

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Posted · Report post

Davinci, yeahlor...that's why I dunwan to compare. Even when kerja oso, I don't compare with my friends. My industry is the lowest paying one around - education, you know la. Pay peanuts but work like anjing. :P

Anyway, like you, am happy to see that we have some very lovely ladies here who still give money to their parents after kahwin. Don't say friend la...my own brother oso don't give so much even though he earns at least twice of what I earn when I was working last time.

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bunnywife

hehe me younger 3 yr only lar. me also work more then 10yrs lor. since most of d time i study partime.

ya do agree ..u study + work so hard to get what u deserved.

hmm mean i'm a failure? haha i wont compare lor. somemore diff industry.. just call me lazy. :lol:

even FH also reluctant to change job which he can earn X2. cos now he is super flexible. but tis yr workload getting too hectic.

Nah.. work + study hard not necessary pays off.. Anyway you are definitely not a failure!! You are definitely a filial daughter !! Dun even doubt that. I will never value "success" with money alone. Money cant buy happiness...I bet your mum would rather see you at home by 7pm then you earning big bucks but never see your face for entire week due to super stressful workload.

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Posted · Report post

So far, I only gave them about RM3000 last year when I went back and this year, I'm taking them to Prague and of course the usual like makan, minum and stuff in NL.

I totally understand how you feel, meiteoh. Living so faraway, the only way to show you care is by sending money. I have a brother as well who does not give anything (in fact, one who even takes....).

My parents probably spent the most money on him since my education and living expenses is paid fully by myself (study grant + part-time job).

I am worried that I will not be able to send a significant amount of money even after I graduate due to:

i) high taxes (parents are not considered dependants), meaning the nett pay is too little. I expect to be taxed 42% at my first job so... yeah..not like the pay is high here also..after tax, lagilah nothing.

ii) other responsibilities (such as house...)

I malu to ask my partner because:

i) He doesn't even give his parents, hah give mine pulak?

ii) for him, this is a strange practice (in NL, kids earn their own pocket money by working at supermarkets and generally pay their educations themselves so they don't feel guilty. Lagipun, the parents also don't need money due to their high-ish pensions and so on).

iii)I don't know why but vacations are really important in NL (to the point where 8% of your salary is held back by the company and paid out in May. This is termed 'vacation ' money ). It's like, if you don't go on holiday, you will die. My partner needs his vacation to survive and I can't blame him and tell him to sacrifice his holiday to channel money to my parents 0_0.

iv) He has agreed to help though but I doubt it's a huge amount. (updated: we've decided maybe about 300 euros a month. Luckily the euro is still stronger than the ringgit)

v) What about saving for rainy days (for ourselves) and for the children? Looks like education will have to be fully paid by us next time. Also, state-pensions are decreasing every year and healthcare is increasing every year.

Yaya, I know it's all very self-centered:(

On the other hand, my parents are old (70), I think they deserve to have a wonderful life so I don't mind living frugally and giving money to them for the next 10+ years.

I think that's precisely it..I wouldn't mind not giving so much (after all, I didn't cost that much and I am still a student) if my brother gives money but because he doesn't, I feel like my parents are so kesian that BOTH children don't give an allowance:/

Wow, I somehow wrote so much ^^

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Posted · Report post

I think in your case, any amount - no matter how small - is good considering the situation and financial circumstances. I don't see it as self-centered - I mean if we were swimming in gold, I'm sure this wouldn't be an issue.

At least you're not expected to send money back. My bro actually expects me to do it when he himself doesn't give her money - maybe once in a while, not much and that's it. =.=

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Posted · Report post

I give 20% of my salary to my mum and 25% of my salary when she starts to take care of my baby next mth... this does not include my mum's other expenses such as medical bills and etc...

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I give 20% of my salary to my dad (mom already passed away). On top of that, I pay for his medical bills, insurance, etc. It is very hefty actually considering my dad has many medical problems and each visit to the dr cost at least RM1k. I am 'ordered' to give as much, if not more. Sometimes I feel my dad is making me his ATM machine or at least thinks that I can print money. I dread every phone call from him because unless it is asking for money, he will never call me. Sometimes he won't call but ask my aunties to call, 'ordering' me to give more money to my dad.

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Posted · Report post

Aiks .. guess I'm the one who gives less to my parents =P before that was 20% of my income, now ah? ahhh .. it reduced to 15% of my income due to few commitments (1) wedding - we foot all the bill, (2) new house - housing loan, furnitures, etc.

After wedding I will still give them pocket money and on top of that, I pay astro and telephone bill, as others will be taken care by my brother. =)

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davinci, meringue, BG,

I think the amount is not the main issue, it's the heart that matters. I'm always against those who spend like king for themselves & complain not enough money to spare for their parents..... :angry:

If we are spending wisely on ourselves, yet our income is limited, i think our parents should understand too.

meiteoh, meringue,

I understand how frustrated it is to find out that our siblings are not contributing as much as they can, i used to have this hatred in me coz' 1 of my sis actually pays the same RMx00 to my mom 10 years ago until now (considering the inflation rate?!?!?).... But my HB always reminds me that, if you can afford to give money to the elderly, it's a good karma. Just do what u can and never compare.... Nothing is permanent, they won't be here forever to take your money.... What he said really etched in my mind.... :bye:

fluene,

hihi, your dad is so 'direct' hoh.... it's a good in a way that you don't have to 'guess' whether he got enough to spend right? :biggrin:

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Posted · Report post

I do see some parents very direct ask for money from their children. For eg. my MIL. She calls my hubby whenever my hubby late to give allowance. The phone conversation all are about money. Sometimes i can see my hubby was a bit down after put down the phone. He said why he has such money minded mother. When he started his first job of earning RM2500, he was being asked to give RM800 as allowance for each month. 5 years later, he negotiate with the parents that he needs money to pay the house loan and ask for reduction. His dad is still working now, but a bit laid back. So i guess the money he earn not enough for him to spend? My hubby don't dare to tell his parents whenever he got increment/promoted, same goes to his brother. Both of them pakat with me ask me do not tell his parents. They scared the parents will ask more money from them. Sometimes his parents will ask me what are their sons doing, any promotion and increment and such cause they know their sons would not tell them.

I'm lucky that my parents have some savings and although they have retired but they still get income from investment. Otherwise i think me and my hubby will be very dry. :D My mom keep all the money that i gave her. She said one day when i need it she will give back to me. She keep saying she does not need so much cash. So usually i don't give them cash except give angpow in CNY. Usually i will buy things they need. Bring them to vacation is the best, cause i can see they are extremely happy when i bring them somewhere. This is not about money but very warm and sweet feeling they got.

Each family is different. If the parents really depends on our pocket money to survive, as a daughter/son should try their best to support them. **touch wood.. Life is very short, how long more we can support them? Although my MIL is very money minded, but whenever she hint/direct ask money from us, we still give her. Cause she is not a big spender, how much she can spend? Maybe she needs money to feel secure? Save the money for rainy days?

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ceetee,

My mum is ok with whatever amt I gave her but not my dad, he is so particular =.=, even late for few days he will ask my mum, why I haven't give them $$? gessss .. and mind you, I'm the only one who still give them pocket money, I have 3 brothers and a sister, they stayed with my second brother so household expenses on 2nd brother, eldest and youngest brother never give them pocket money and my sister? quit her job for long time and now she is a full-time housewife, so? I'm the one and only still give them pocket money.

Not to complain but just be fair, everytime when nid to spend $$ on my parents, my siblings will definitely ask me to give MORE! gess .. ya I know I earned more but I do have my own family soon ba. =.=

They are more generous to spend on their children, but when comes to my parents? stingy sikit and mostly ask me to top up the balance. Maybe I shouldn't complain la =D after all they are still taken care of them, just in term of $ I will contribute more.

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Posted · Report post

hi yvonne118,

I have the same case with ur MIL. My mom never ask for money, but each time i'm late to give her, she will show some moody behaviour to me.

I don't mind giving her a part of my salary monthly. But she keep asking for more. She wanted to go for vacation, so I planned for her and my father. But she wanted me to with her. She also wanted renovation at her house which i'm saving for it too. At my age at 27, my job just started to grow, I told her that i need to spend more time on my jobs to be able to support this kind of living. She can either choose comfort living or more time together, but she expected me to meet both.

I actually choose to earn more money to make my own living & her living. My brother currently stays at her house and not giving much. So, my mum depends on me to maintain the household. I'm so upset cos the my father and brother are not financially helpful.

My burden became heavier when my granny is feeling unwell & i have supported her medical care now. (cos my father is the only child)

I'm so down when i want to plan to have children. I wanted to have a baby but with so many pressures, I'm afraid that i can't handle it... :sad:

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xiaomaomi,

You are such a good daughter. Your parents are so lucky to have you as their daughter. :) My hubby's other siblings are not financial helpful also. We need to pay their medical fees whenever it's needed. His sister sometimes will give an amount of money whenever she likes. (not fix allowance which is a bit hard for the parents cause they need to have stable finance support.) Whenever anything happen, his parents will look at us like gold. Hubby will show garang face when they talk about money, to control them from asking more. But in the end, he still soft hearted will give. He does not want to increase the monthly allowance cause he said the parents will eventually ask higher and higher amount.

For vacation wise, just bring them to somewhere nearby and cheaper once a year which is under your budget. I think they want to feel proud in front of relatives that the daughter bring them for vacation? If renovation is not necessary try to discuss with them change to minor renovation or defer the plan? Try to explain to your parents that if you afford definitely u will give them what they want. Ask them to be compromise with your current situation and with current economy downturn to cut down unnecessary expenditure. Just tell them that many companies are doing bad now, whoever can't perform facing high risk of being retrenched. Ask them to be more considerate that u need to focus more on ur work this year. I believe they eventually will understand. Medical fees for your grandma is surely on top of ur priority list. This can't be save. How about your hubby? Did he help? I believe u have married cause u said u plan to have children. Well, don't defer your baby plan because of this reason. Check out the thread 'The cost of having a baby in MY, Financial Planner (Baby)' You will find there is some way to spend less. I see many couples defer their bb plan, and few years later when they want to have bb they can't get. Like me is a good example. :) When you have baby your parents will understand you need to allocate some money for ur bb.. don't worry, 'shuen dou kiu tao zi yin jek' (cantonese) Any obstacles will be solved when it comes.

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Posted · Report post

BG,

haha... your dad so direct also.... nvm lah, bear with him, though u feel irritated now, but one day you will be proud of yourself.... :sleep:

it's very hard to change someone's mindset, especially about money matter.... i do feel frust when my siblings are skimming on my mom but spending generously on themselves, but nothing much can be done coz it's their money.... Lead by example, one day they will feel guilty, esp when they grow older... Children learn from parents, just hope their children don't... :angry:

xiaomaomi,

make it clear to your mom, tell her your limit if u find it very burdening.... if we remain silent, parents won't know our financial status.... perhaps u can help her to cut down unnecessary spending.... :cool:

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Posted · Report post

Reading this thread makes me sooo guilty. I really need to learn from u girls.

My situation is different though as I am not working yet. I am the oldest, only my 19 y/o younger brother is working while two other brothers are still in school. I know it's hard for my parents to rear us, thus the best I could do now is not asking pocket money from them. I depend solely on my PTPTN loans. If I want vacation or anything, I have to save up the money for it (work part time or be wiser in daily spending. haha I normally just starve myself if I overspend). Right, my parents don't have to pay for my education now, but they had been doing that for the past many years (tuition fees for my primary and secondary school). But still, I am mooching off them in other ways like my dad had to fetch me home once every two weeks from uni, I eat at home for these two monthes (semester break). Whenever I wanted to pay my dad the petrol fee, he said no need and wait till I graduate and have a job. Bcoz he knew how hard it can be for me (about RM2000 to survive for half year after paying my fees)

Other than not asking money from them, whenever I go out, I buy something for them (normally food and drink) and they are so happy. They always said no need for that, but still u could see the happiness and smile displayed on their face. So I think it's not really about how much u are able to spend on them, it's the keikhlasan that matters. At least u still think of the parents at home. I dunno, my 19 y/o brother is working but he is not giving my mother money even though he eats at home at least two meals a day (Sometimes he called home to inform my mom that he is bringing his gf home, thus my mom needed to cook more and better dinner *rolls my eyes*) I doubt the situation will change. But then again, he is quite financially unstable at the moment. His petrol is paid by my dad and that's why I was pissed sometimes.

At the age of 20/21...all I think about is how to live my life the way I want. I always told my parents about my future plans. Doing masters overseas, backpacking, not settling down etc etc etc basically I wanna leave this place and not planning to stick around them when they are old. I know they are sad as I am their only girl. But I think I deserve to plan my life whatever way I want. Because I am a grown up, parents should learn to let go of their children and not expecting them to live up to the expectations they hold (But I have forgotten that everything I have today is given by them :( and that I live in the East, the family values are different from the West) Hahaha a bit off topic here LOL

I do plan on giving them money and bring them on vacation once I work so that they don't have to depend on the sons. If possible, I would rather have them sold the house then move into a smaller one so that they can keep more money for themselves while not living with my future SILs.(so many bad stories I have heard...like how the mother worked like a maid to serve the son and DIL) But who am I? And I was surprised with the amount of money given by some of u people. That's A LOT. I really need to think more and be less selfish :(

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