Allowance for Parents

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Ceetee, yeah, I know I shouldn't bother - just feel angry that someone who doesn't give his parents any money expects me to just because he thinks I'm swimming in gold. Already I feel bad that I live so far away and am not able to keep my parents company (unlike before I left) but what he does is like rubbing salt into the wound, macam I'm the unfilial, useless daugther who kahwin and forgot all about her parents.

Also, looking at this thread, it seems that the girls are the ones who are supporting their parents - I could be wrong though but what happened to all the sons la? :/

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Posted · Report post

my hubby also gives his mom monthly allowance though his mom doesnt need it... his bro also does the same thing... my bro, he also gives monthly allowance to my mum...

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Posted · Report post

Also, looking at this thread, it seems that the girls are the ones who are supporting their parents - I could be wrong though but what happened to all the sons la? :/

my hubby also gave allowance to his mum once he started working..eventhough he still study partime tat time.

dunno how much.. i just heard from last last time ex-colle told me tat he is so poor until his shoe koyak also no money to buy new shoe XD

then later on, he started to pay more ..even after he moved out & stay with me.

i just knew tat every cny, he gave alot of $$ to his mum. cos his mum unwilling to accept extra money from his sis & bro (got children already mah)

which his mum really depend on his $$, since his dad giving less & less $$, while his sis's kids started schooling already..then his bro..err dont talk lar.

beside tat he will teman his mum go shopping on weekend.... so beside $$, he also spend alot of time with his mum.

i'm definitely not a filial dotter...but i can say my hb is one. but one thing i dont like is he always forgot about his dad.

so reluctant to give money to his dad..said any extra money his dad had will gone to drinking. =P

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Posted · Report post

Reading this thread makes me sooo guilty. I really need to learn from u girls.

My situation is different though as I am not working yet. I am the oldest, only my 19 y/o younger brother is working while two other brothers are still in school. I know it's hard for my parents to rear us, thus the best I could do now is not asking pocket money from them. I depend solely on my PTPTN loans. If I want vacation or anything, I have to save up the money for it (work part time or be wiser in daily spending. haha I normally just starve myself if I overspend). Right, my parents don't have to pay for my education now, but they had been doing that for the past many years (tuition fees for my primary and secondary school). But still, I am mooching off them in other ways like my dad had to fetch me home once every two weeks from uni, I eat at home for these two monthes (semester break). Whenever I wanted to pay my dad the petrol fee, he said no need and wait till I graduate and have a job. Bcoz he knew how hard it can be for me (about RM2000 to survive for half year after paying my fees)

Other than not asking money from them, whenever I go out, I buy something for them (normally food and drink) and they are so happy. They always said no need for that, but still u could see the happiness and smile displayed on their face. So I think it's not really about how much u are able to spend on them, it's the keikhlasan that matters. At least u still think of the parents at home. I dunno, my 19 y/o brother is working but he is not giving my mother money even though he eats at home at least two meals a day (Sometimes he called home to inform my mom that he is bringing his gf home, thus my mom needed to cook more and better dinner *rolls my eyes*) I doubt the situation will change. But then again, he is quite financially unstable at the moment. His petrol is paid by my dad and that's why I was pissed sometimes.

At the age of 20/21...all I think about is how to live my life the way I want. I always told my parents about my future plans. Doing masters overseas, backpacking, not settling down etc etc etc basically I wanna leave this place and not planning to stick around them when they are old. I know they are sad as I am their only girl. But I think I deserve to plan my life whatever way I want. Because I am a grown up, parents should learn to let go of their children and not expecting them to live up to the expectations they hold (But I have forgotten that everything I have today is given by them :( and that I live in the East, the family values are different from the West) Hahaha a bit off topic here LOL

I do plan on giving them money and bring them on vacation once I work so that they don't have to depend on the sons. If possible, I would rather have them sold the house then move into a smaller one so that they can keep more money for themselves while not living with my future SILs.(so many bad stories I have heard...like how the mother worked like a maid to serve the son and DIL) But who am I? And I was surprised with the amount of money given by some of u people. That's A LOT. I really need to think more and be less selfish :(

Liefde,

Don't blame yourself for having dreams, it's not wrong. Everyone has his/her priority in life, be it education, career, exposure, enjoyment etc.... :smile:

I used to have lotsa dreams too, some realistic but some just too absurd. But as I grow older, gain more life experience and living thru my dad's death, I realised family is still someone i can fall back on. Sad to say, I learned it the hard way... My dad passed away few months after I graduated, i could just manage to give him that few months allowances.... :bye:

Treasure what you have and do what you should before your guilt ever reaches you....

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Posted · Report post

in addition to monthly allowance, when i receive bonus end of the yr, my mum gets a portion of it too...

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Posted · Report post

Wow! It's good to know that this is such a hot topic and that all of you are such filial children...or rather daughters. Like Liefde, I am also very surprised by the amount that some of you give....and feeling guilty myself.

I do agree with ceetee and I think it's not the money that matters....though money is a way of showing our gratitude. It's more of whether we think of our parents whenever we get our salary or bonus. Buying gifts and bringing them for vacation is enough to make them happy. My dad always say that as long as I am comfortable with what I am giving (meaning not to squeeze myself), then he's ok with it.

I give my parents a bit over 20% of my income, divided equally between both of them and they are happy. Actually, they are happy regardless of the amount I am giving and are always asking whether I have enough for myself. See how parents are always so concern about their children well-being (even after they are married), make me feel even guiltier...

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Posted · Report post

Ceetee, yeah, I know I shouldn't bother - just feel angry that someone who doesn't give his parents any money expects me to just because he thinks I'm swimming in gold. Already I feel bad that I live so far away and am not able to keep my parents company (unlike before I left) but what he does is like rubbing salt into the wound, macam I'm the unfilial, useless daugther who kahwin and forgot all about her parents.

Also, looking at this thread, it seems that the girls are the ones who are supporting their parents - I could be wrong though but what happened to all the sons la? :/

meiteoh,

i agree with u, i also can't take it when someone not doing his/her part but expecting high from you... Well, perhaps that makes them feel more comfortable as they 'think' they contribute too by 'delegating'...

Still remember there was once, i had a very heated arguement with my sister over the same issue, we ended up not talking to each other for months... but after that i just find it no point coz' i can't change her, and yet we are making our relationship tensed... and the worse part is if mom got to know, how bad will she feel? Will she still take the allowances we give her? Conclusion is, i'll just do my best....

No lah, my HB and bro-in-laws are also doing their part to their family, they also give my mom and grandma pocket money.... This I have to really give them some credit....

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Posted · Report post

Well, I would never go to that - confronting my bro about it. It'd be like starting WW3. My parents know how I feel about the whole thing because they have voiced their displeasure about him not giving them any money (my dad is more cincai and to him, time, food macam dinner or presents is good enough but when my bro don't even spend time with them....aiiii) but I always tell them that I will not say a word even though I don't like it because it's them who is receiving the money, not me - so the situation is between my parents and him. Me dun wan to get involve...even when he tell my mum that I should send money back oso I pretend tak dengar. :P

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Posted · Report post

I will definitely not say anything to my brother because he will be so mad at me and probably never talk to me again (which I don't really mind but would make my parents sad).

In my case, I don't feel indebted as my parents did not spend that much money on my education and did not have to take a loan so no repayments. However, I WANT to give them money eventhough they do not need it (yet. Maybe if one gets into an accident which requires hundreds of thousands...but touch wood and all). They never ask which makes me want to give them even more.

I am thinking: if I don't balik, I could give them about RM12 000+ a year and just go to France or Turkey (somewhere within Europe lah) using the other RM12 000 (Dutchie's half since we spend a lot everytime we go back since it's family + vacation.) but........ I'd rather see them once a year than not at all:/ Or would it be better to just channel the money to them and go to Malaysia once every 2 years instead? Living abroad sucks!

For now: we do not give money at all, only flowers,cake,Eu Yan Sang hamper (dad since I have no clue what we can send to him) and a facial voucher (for my mother). I think they're quite happy la but don't know whether relatives or friends bitch about it or not. You know la how relatives always like to compare compare and add oil to flames (ahaha your daughter ah ,so lousy. Go to Europe, leave you all alone..your son also go to Australia.. waaa how like that.. earn so much also cannot send you some ah.. aih nowadays children...... etc.etc.etc.).

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Yeah, living abroad really sucks because people forget that flying back costs money, especially when it involves a kid. But what to do...takkan I don't balik and see my parents at all. This year couldn't coz I was still in my first trimester so HB already promised that next year, we'll go back no matter what - that's if we don't move back to Asia la. :lol:

As for the relatives, my mum never says anything about it to me but I KNOW people back at home. They'll always talk. =.=

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Posted · Report post

I give RM400 per month to my parents. I think I will keep the same even after I'm married.

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Hi all,

what a hot topic here!!!

Actually, i started an Emergency Fund for my parent. Since both of my parent are still working now, so I started a program with Allianz called Living Care for Parent.. I pay RM600 a month to cover their final expenses and also their Medical and Healthcare Expenses for both of my parent. Quite good also, coz they cover my parent up to RM 1,000,000 for the coverage and also some savings for both of them in the event that they fell ill.

My parent say don't want my money, so, i think i made a right choice to open this account for them coz when something happen to them, this account can really help them to cover the medical expenses.. Do you all ever think of that actually an Emergency fund planning like this can really help them and especially us when "things" happen to them??

Recently, one of my relatives just pass away due to severe illness, but actually, she can be cured but due to high medical cost and none of the children wanted to take up the payment, that's why the auntie eventually pass away..

I dont want this to happen to my parent.. So, i would rather take up my responsibilities to get an emergency fund for them while they are still below 60-years-old.

This is just my sharing, but if anyone of you are interested to know more, pls call my agent: MR. TAN @ 01111922917.. He is good and patience..

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