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meiteoh

Hai...they are driving me insane!

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HB is thinking that if it gets really out of control, he will email/talk to them about it. While I think it's good to talk things out, I am worried that my parents will be siew hei about the whole thing. Honestly, I really want to sit down and talk to my parents about it - ask them to take a step back and stop being so...nagging/meddlesome. But I know them too well - sure I kena marah again and ended up being sandwiched in between. *sigh*

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Hmm if your HB were to talk to them about it I'm afraid they might feel offended that their SIL is saying that to them. I guess maybe you might wanna talk to your mom first since she's the 'better' person compared to your father. Maybe try putting examples of why you see your bro and SIL not talking to them often? Maybe it might get her thinking that she can't just do what she's doing. Tell her that it's not that you and your HB do not appreciate them in fact both of you do appreciate them a lot but sometimes somethings just can't go their way and they have to accept that.

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I could talk to them instead of my HB but the last time I tried to explain things to them (by them, I mean my mum), I got scolded and basically told that I should support them (coz they are MY parents and my HB is just...a hubby =.= ) and just tolerate it. But I'll see how it goes. One thing is for sure though - I can't stand the criticism and constant "reminders". =.=

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Sigh.. your HB isn't just a HB he is your child's father and your life partner and he will be with you for the rest of your life even when your parents pass away. Yes parents are parents but parents are different from a HB.. So meaning if she was in your shoes she should just ignore her HB (your dad) and do whatever was told? I'm sure she didn't do that as well..Anyway all the best! Hope they'll see some light and not scold u anymore.

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meiteoh,

I know one of the most difficult things to face in this world is to be sandwiched between a spouse and parents. You find yourself pushed into a corner and you just don't know what to do. You feel so helpless, so frustrated, and so bloated that you think you might explode anytime. I know the feeling because I myself have experienced such kind of situation.

It's one thing for others to give this advice and that advice, but it's another thing altogether for the one who suffers the consequence.

Since you yourself have already said you plan to sit down and talk to your parents about it, I think that's the best thing for you to do. Personally, I feel it's better that you talk to them rather than your husband doing it. Never mind about whether or not they will be angry at you. The more important thing is that they must be told and made to realize what they have done to you both. I have a feeling that your father simply has no idea what he has done. Maybe he is now already entering the realm of mental senility due to aging. That would make the matter more imperative to be dealt with.

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apekjolly,

I have a question, let say I'm in Mabel's situation and had the open discussion with my parents, what if ..

1. My parents couldn't accept my reason and my tot?

2. They still think that they are my parents and they have the right to do so?

3. After the talk, they act differently, start to ignore my family and talk bad about my husband?

>.< I can foresee this situation, I can imagine if I talk to my dad and can see his reponse.

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I just had a chat with HB yesterday about the whole thing and we've decided to see how the rest of their stay here goes first since the situation can and most probably will turn volatile (like Ling's questions). Hopefully, the rest of the stay will be smoother than over here - we'll be staying at Nil's family home in the village (I hope my dad hasn't broken anything or done anything embarrassing like over here at our home because that isn't my house). :/

*sigh*

Y'know, just to share on how nutty my dad can be - on Saturday night, my HB's uncle came over to pick them up and all la. My dad was bragging about how he managed to finish reading Sophie Kinsella's Can You Remember Me in three days after so many donkey years of not reading (I didn't want to tell him that I finished it in three hours!) and then proceeded to ask my HB's uncle how many books HE read in a year. Bear in mind that my HB's uncle has close to 2000 books in his apartment and carries at least a book AND a newspaper with him wherever he goes. When my HB suggested that he read another book (historical fiction), my dad went "NO NO NO...that book is too thick, I've read enough already" and then he proceeds to tell me off in Cantonese (which is what they always do if they don't want my HB to know) that I have too many books, that it's a waste of money and so forth. Geh.

Sometimes I wonder if it's just my family that's like this or what...

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Mei, ur father is just a typical Chinaman who is trying to show himself off as superior. In ur home, he is trying to assert his existance as the alpha male. Well.., my father does that also, however, he draws his limit. He knows he cant do it in my home, so he will just stay in hotel whenever he come to visit me here in KL.

I can say that from my experience, talk will be of no use (unless u push the right button AND got tactic to use, in mine, tears, but u have said it wont work), unless Mom helps. Unluckily, in ur case, ur mom is not supportive of you. Sigh~

There are only 2 alternatives here:

1. Be deaf, ignore them and u gotta suffer

2. Be tough and told them to stay in hotel and u got ur peace

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beautifulgown,

The matter you brought up is exactly what I'm trying to address. I'm not saying that by talking to such people they're going to be happily accepting what they're told. The more crucial objective here is to let them know that their unmannerliness has become a thorn in the flesh for their hosts. If they choose to be hostile after being confronted about it, well, what to do? At least the offensive party has already gotten a counter-attack for the "war" that they've engendered.

By the way, as a matter of fact, there's a kind of people who'd become very defensive and opposed to whatever negativity you tell them about themselves. That, actually, is only their reaction in front of you simply because they want to defend their ego. In other words, they're not modest enough to want to admit defeat openly, but at the bottom of their hearts, they know you're right.

And another sad thing about yet another common kind of human behaviour is that, there are people who even think that they have the right to be wrong.

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Mable...**hugszz** hope this will be over soon..

I absolutely know how u feel as I had problem with my parent too during my confinement. That 2 months was hell for me and i'm going through bad depression because of them.

Just keep telling urself that they will go back soon...

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Hi MeiTeoh,

Hope that you are doing better with your parents now.

Parents can sometimes be really selfish and intolerable. But this is something for you to ponder upon,

"If our parents can be patient with our fuss and naughtiness when we were a baby or toddler, why can't we have the same level of patient-ness when we are dealing with them?"

Whatever they do, no matter how wrong, just be patient and don't say or do anything that you'll regret in the future yah. :)

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Latest story...

Now that Eva is 2 months old, my parents are asking what my plans are and whether I'm planning to go back to work. When I mentioned that I would like to but later, their next question was who is going to take care of the baby. When I said babysitter, my dad went "send Eva to us to take care" (they are in KL) or "get your mum to come stay with you".

I'm already very patient but I dunno why they keep insisting on this whole "send Eva to KL to us" when we have told them time and time again that it's not an option. Also I feel very pressured by them to go back to work now...*sigh* =.=

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"in one ear, out the other".. i know it's hard, but you'll have to stand your ground.

My mum had to go back to work after delivering me, so she left me in Kota Bharu when I was 3 months old and she and my dad went back to KL to work. It was hard, plus she said it was most painful when I refused to go to her when she came back for holidays. Apparently I didn't even recognize her! Plus she didn't agree with how my grandmother raised me; she sometimes said that my granny fed me coffee instead of milk (I don't know how true that is because my granny ran a coffee shop then!)

You were running an Etsy business right? Couldn't you go back to that once Eva's slightly older and doesn't need so much attention? The other alternative is to take up a 3 day part time job so you only have to leave Eva at the babysitters twice a week.

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Okies...one thing that's driving me bonkers is that my dad loves to give so-called useful suggestions but they aren't practical or useless.

For example, yesterday he went around the apartment opening stuff and what-not then later told me to turn off the microwave oven coz it was on standby mode in order to save electricity BUT he had the lights on at 4pm and the TV turned on when he's not watching it. When I tell him nicely to turn it off, he always has excuses ("it's dark", "never mind la", etc) and then makes a face as if what I said was wrong. =.=

I'm trying very very hard to ignore him - but a lot of the stuff I rant about is mostly because I keep it inside and it builds up overtime. Like how he thinks I should dress up and put on make up to greet my HB, like how I should dress more extravagantly for a simple BBQ with my HB's friends, etc. What's worse is that you cannot contradict him or do otherwise because he'll get all overly sensitive about it and start a fight (like today when I took the ginger he tossed onto my daugther's blanket/nappy and pillow, and put it on the ground; he started scolding me, saying that I'm not appreciative and ungrateful). :/

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