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Am always tired frm full time baby care

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Mabel,

Don't be sad, you are not alone. My boy cry for milk every 2 hours since born till now. My parents and confinemenet lady left my baby to me after 1st month. I one person fully take care my boy for 2nd month. Most of my friends very amazed, as they said baby below 3 mths is not easy to take care, especially breastfeed bb. Cause they tend to poo/urine more, hungry faster, more attach to the mummy. My boy even cry for milk at night every 2 hours. I sleep with him at 9pm, wake up at 11pm, 1am, 3am, 5am, 7am. After 5am he tends to be very lau kai and refuse to sleep, so he will wake up at 6am and cry for nothing till 7am. He is very sticy, he don't like to sleep alone in the playpen at day time. He want someone to be there cuddle him always. He is very easy to be awake and hard to put to sleep. I pat him to sleep for 45 min and he only slept for 15 min and awake crying again, the cycle repeat again. I couldn't do anything else, until I cannot tahan and buy hammrock. Surprise, he doesn't like to sleep in hammrock as well. But at least can last him for half to 1 hour. THen i faster do laundry and breakfast in the morning. Lunch usually is very quick, porridge and noodle soup. Have to carry him while eating. I was once feel like want to cikek him when he cried for whole night for nothing. Ya, I have a bit of post partum depression i guess. Anyway that was the first week when i just started to take care him entirely. I guess he also need time to adjust as the confinement lady no longer there for him. Now he still cry for milk every 2 hours. At night sometimes can last for 3-4 hours but it is very very rare. I just started to work, dunno how long i can tahan.. my hubby said im supermom. I said you smart, just praise me supermom and you no need to do anything. He scold me why I always so garang and looking for dispute. He said cant I talk nicely to him and say darling pls do this and that.. walau.. I explain to him u just dont understand how my life is. I instruct him to take care my boy at night, and after one night he totally change. He is very appreciate me now, and always ask me to go to sleep and he offer help to take care him. Slowly i ask him to take care at day time as well. Hubby should share house chores with us, but we also must let him take care of bb as well. So they could understand this is not easy and appreciate us more.

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On and off i will leave my bb to hubby so that i can take 2 hours afternoon nap in weekend. He seems handling well. My friend coming down from Spore to pay me a visit tomorrow for a weekend. When I mention I will bring my friend out for buffet and spa, and you take care our boy at home for one full day. He was like going nut.. NO WAY.. haha.. I said i dont care, i need a break, takkan i ask my friend to stay at home? haha.. let's see how he handle..

During 2nd month at home, sometimes i can spare some time to cook dinner. When it is not, hubby will tapau dinner for me. During the weekend hubby will ask anything to buy from tesco, and tapau lunch and dinner. This is very easy job, i so hope that we can swap.. About meal.. he lazy to cook even though he knows how to cook simple dish. aih aih.. My mom kesian me said, I got not enough rest/sleep and no good meal to eat. Sure slim down very fast lor.. Cause after the confinement lady left 3rd days, i have lost 1kg. 2kg after 1st week she left.

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ya, you are not alone. Let me share with you my story.. I am a SAHM too..my baby is 11months old now, taking care of him alone after confinement, no maid too...

Sometimes my hubby is vy understandng and appreciated too, wil help me look after baby after back from work, and accompany us to go for grocery shopping every Sat. But sometimes , i was like other mum too...will get frustrated when i saw him back from work and sit in front of the TV/PC.. Somemore, my hubby is quite bz of his work..back home at abt 8+, then hv to play tennis every wed and sun..

So, most of the time, i was staying alone with baby at home, for almost a year arldy.

My schedule was like tat :

7am- baby and i wake up (wont cook breakfast , will feed him ready made cereal/bread with milk)

8am- bath him and play time

10am - his 1st nap time, then i can start to prepare his lunch/dinner (cook together then reheat it at night)

11.30am - he wake up and has his tea time , play time

3pm - his 2nd nap , then i can do the housecores (cleaning,laundry, ironing, etc)

4-5pm- he wake up , play, dinner , prepare dinner for hubby (sometimes)

8pm - bath again before bedtime

9-10pm - baby go to bed.

10pm onward - its my free time

Overall, my baby is quite 'guai' and wont be crancky or sticky to me, perhaps i trained him to sleep on his own, so i no need to spend/waste like an hour to pat him/ask him to sleep. he will lay down on the crib and listening to his lubbaby and sleep.

Quite tired someitmes, becoz feel like i dont really hv my OWN free time at all. So, discuss with my hubby last week, and told him that i need a break once a month, like few hours on sat and let him to jaga baby at home :p , let see how it works..

It was happend last week, dunno becoz of the tiredness or what, argue with hubby , and almost cry in front of baby at the next day.. perhaps my baby knew i was vy sad and upset, he crawl to me, and put his head next to my cheek, trying to sayang me....IT was so so so touching, my stress, tension, unhapiness all gone at the moment... It's really not easy to be a MUM, but it's worth it.. :)

Gambateh, mummies..

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Yvonne, I kena so many times - postpartum depression. Especially in the beginning when moving from Switzerland to France. To be honest, that time I didn't want to move back to SG then on top of that, my parents were stressing me and HB out. Eva was still very young so she takes time to adjust to a new place and her idea of adjusting is crying like crazy. Carry oso cry, feed oso cry, it was so bad until I just cried non-stop while she was feeding and while I carried her. What's worse is that my HB was sleeping next to me like a log and y'know what? His sister who was sleeping outside heard me and came in to console me. Damn malu case for my HB to wake up to the sight of his sister comforting his crying wife!!!!

Anyway, I've tried to relax a bit more for the past few days and I don't do much cooking - just one dish or nothing at all. Then my HB will go out and tahpau something OR he'll tahpau on his way back from work. AND he is starting to take care of Eva more. Yesterday he spent most of the night with her, playing, changing diaper and putting her down to sleep. So I'm actually starting to feel a lot better in terms of rest and stuff.

Of course one thing that helped is Eva sleeping through the night and slightly more during the day. *phew*

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meiya, what a touching moment. When I scolded big time and cried big time few weeks ago(actually also period coming up so I was more emotional I think. Also due to mountain-high tiredness and stress), I was carrying bb and scolding hb at the same time. Then bb kept looking hb and my faces, she must be thinking 'what's wrong? what happened?'. Then tears kept rolling down and suddenly she pointed to my rolling tears, hehehe..quite funny moment but I refrained from laughing in front of hb, of course. But I can sense that whenever during or after argument, my bb like don't care when hb tried to play with her or called her, hehehe..mummies of course the best and closest to them.

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Ya Margarita, whenever if i talk loud or having any argument with hb in front of my bb ( actually don't want to let bb heard it but sometimes can't avoid lah) then my bb also looking blur & turn to look at my face then hb face or vice versa ! & sometimes my bb also don't like to play with daddy if daddy sometimes pretend scold him when he is naughty making noises ! I thk our babies now all very clever de...

Escudo, I not yet think about when the time comes my bb trying to kiss me ! I know sure my heart will be melt immediately ! now even he knows how to hug me tightly when I carry him, I already very very touch! or when he pull & play with my fingers when I rest my hand near him...I sooo touch already ! I even a little bit envy when my bb try to kiss daddy one time when both of them lying next to each other & my bb don't know why suddenly turn and kiss his daddy face !!!!! (sorry we r out of topic here :p)

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Mabel,

It's good to hear that.. at least your hubby is improving. Same goes to my hubby. Let's share my postpartum depression experience.. It all happened on first week taking care of my bb alone. I have a habit of holding bolster to sleep. There was once I suddenly wake up and look at my bolster, i thought that was my bb.. I thought i forgot to put him back after feed him. I was trying very hard to open my heavy eye lids to see whether it is my bb or not, couldnt open entirely, so i use my finger to touch as if i touch on his cheeks. No response?! First thought was oh gossh.. did i squeeze him too tight? I faster look at the baby cot.. so relief to see he is sleeping there soundly.. There was another time, i very piss on him, cause he crying through the night for almost 1 hour long for nothing. I felt like cikek him... my tears also drop while he is crying, my voice shivering when i sing song to sooth him.. on that night, while i sleeping with him on the same bed, suddenly i jump out from the bed. why my boy got no sound at all? so quiet! I so scared that i really cikek him, like those shows in movie, where u already out of your mind what you are doing. I faster check him, he didnt move at all, i put my finger below his nose, ok.. still breathing.. continue back to my sleep.. haha.. sound crazy isn't it? Now all these depression no more, as you can see i only sleep 1 hour+ and wake up to feed him at night, even in this short time i can dream a lot.. I once dream i pull the trolley towards the top of the hill, my bb is in the trolley.. I run faster and faster cause the water/flood coming behind us.. But.. i think i will be good and I'm getting better and better each day now.. :D

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hahaha..forgot to tells she already knows how to kiss me, but is wet kiss, she'll crawl over to me and climb to sit on me, then hug tight and put her face all over tightly on my face and neck, geli..but feel so warm, then will give me wet kiss also, means with her saliva on my face la..she also learning to make the smack on mouth coz i always make kissing mouth to her saying 'mummy kiss kiss you'. I know she learning coz just yday when I was driving, I turn over when got short chance at junction and make smack mouth to her, then when turning head back to face front, I heard an echo and turned back to see she like practising it, kakkakkaka

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wah, sounds very crazy indeed. Don't worry, all these will pass soon and soon you'll be able to get the hang of it. Till now, midnight when awake, I'll fast check bb if she's ok and sleeping ok, coz I sleep next to her. all 3 of us on 2 single mattress, and bb likes to occupy lots of space, I bf her to sleep so always scared after asleep I might crush her lo if too tired and sleep till dunno how. It's easy to get postnatal depression, but women can release stress by talking it all out and crying it all out, will feel much better one..got once during my confinement, I scolded hb kau kau, very very geng, shouting la..then later i sat down on sofa, felt so comfortable but tears still rolling down and breathing heavily but feel very comfortable. Like all the stress out of my body. Imagine, I had no idea what I said just moments before that..but hb was hurt already coz I said too many things I shouldn't say to him. hahaha..sometimes poor him also coz have to bear with my postnatal hormones. Then I told him it was my hormones change and asked him to not take things seriously when I scold him..hahaha...it took him some time to be ok again. now, he not take it so seriously when I make big drama

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Yvonne, I'll have you know that just last week, my HB said this to me: "You know, you weren't this crazy when we got married. If people thought bridezillas were bad, they should meet mumzillas."

Yeah, I know how you felt then - the lack of sleep plus all that breastfeeding and caring for a baby can really turn people into zombies. For me, I got all this during the move. The first few weeks in Switzerland was good because of the support network I got from the hospital - we had the midwife coming over and after two visits, she would sms to see how I was doing and such. The moment we moved to France, all hell broke loose. :S

Then here in Singapore, lagi tired because of the heat and everything. There was once I forgot that I left her on the bouncer to play (and mind you, it is just near to the laptop so I can see her). I thought I left her on the coach for her nap but when I looked, she wasn't there. So I panicked, thought she might have fallen off but weird, coz I didn't hear her crying. I spent the next few minutes looking around the hall for her and then I saw her in the bouncer, happily dozing off. Gila or not?

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I tend to watch tv when taking care of bb during weekends. It's too attractive and the moment start looking at it, will get drifted away and away till forget to watch out on bb's actions. Mum asked me not to watch and focus on bb instead. Now she crawling everywhere in the house and also standing up by holding furnitures, but not steady yet and will definitely fall down right after that..I was bad, last night I kept talking to mum and forgetting about bb, and she fell down without my support right after standing up. I told myself not to switch on the tv again next weekend! I think you too should reduce time on the laptop when bb is not asleep. We can easily get carried away and forget about bbies, dangerous...

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Thanks to all the SAHMs and mums here, now only i realized that I'm not the only one being so mad and crazy all thru the day!!

I feel bad about my HB,because of the emotionally unstable (My HB always says about me),I scold him over all the small little things. He is always the victim when we argue (he claimed that).

It is tough being a full time mum with no helper and 2 little + 1 big monsters to look after.Cooking including breakfast, lunch and dinner, housechores, laundry and grocceries all done by the "unpaid maid" as Meiteoh mentioned. :wacko3:

Sometimes when I told him about how busy and tired I am, HB will ask me why not I go out and work and he will stay at home to look after the kids, and then I will understand how stressful he is as compare to me!! :sauer2:

So, there is no point complaining and talking to them.

I learned the best way of taking care my kids from those who experience, learned it from books,blogs and internet, teach my daugther to be independent like bath and eat by herself when she was 3, now she is helping me to look after her little bro. I cooked every meal as i do not want to compromise their health, even my boy breakfast cereal. Most of time HB will be travelling, sometimes up to a month and leaving 3 of us at home.

I admit I'm a fussy lady, I cant trust a maid to help me arround the chores even if, I'm lucky that my HB can affort to give me one.

Meiteoh, finding your own best way and adjusting yourself is just a matter of time. When times allow, get yourself relax or do something u like will help you keep goin for the day even just a short moment.

And also, do not forget about keeping your health with good nutritions and some supplements, especially when you r lack of rest and sleep.

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Lavender,

Sometimes i find when we set some expectations to ourselves (like what you said cooking 3 meals to ensure your kids have enough nutritions) make mummies more tired compare to those who doesn't. I felt very much guilty when i let go the rules of using napkin and start to use disposable diapers. At the end i tell myself, I need to have more rest so i won't be a fussy mom when take care my bb (will loose my patient when he cry).

I'm a working mum but yet i have SAHM for a month and take care my bb alone 24 hours without hubby help. I understand how it likes for SAHM. I would say working is sooo much better and less tired compare to SAHM! Tell you what, I'm sooooo happy when first day return to work. My colleagues all are surprise, and asked did you take care bb at night? I said ya, of course, why? You look fresh at work. I said I'm very exhausted instead, just I too happy to return to work. I think your hubby never take care your bb alone for a day or a night before right? Else I bet he would not make such a comment.

Mabel,

My boy getting better now, he drink milk every 3 hours at night. The thing is after 4/5am he will lao kai a lot, cause of gassy stomach. I dunno why it only happen in the morning. After 7am he will be alright. I thought breastfeeding bb would not get much of gas? I didn't consume food which produce gas also.. like cauliflower and cabbage, i also cut down a lot of spicy food. Like this morning, I burp him many times. He wakes up very often from 5am to 7am. After burp him, he return me a happy smile. Is this colic? I check from Internet says colic happen for newborn bb until 4 mths old. Hopefully he will be better so i can better rest. Now every morning wake up.. blur blur. Yet have to feed him, change him and get myself prepare, and faster send him to Taska. After get back from office, I will go tapau dinner first, then pick him up from Taska. After put him to sleep, I will wash his clothes, bring in his clothes fold it, then hang the clothes which i just wash. Aih.. what my hubby do? He just watch tv through the night, then ter-sleep on the couch. I told him I seems like the only person sacrifise my whole life, no more tv, news (so outdated now) outing. He? Can continue his life, jogging, sports, watch tv etc..

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Yvonne, I totally agree with you, setting too much expectations ended up with more frustration.Sometime for the good sake of the kids, I always try to push myself to the limit, hope to do the best for them. I do wish that I could let go some.

How I wish that one day I'm able to let go my kids to someone to look after and go back to my career! At the moment, I wouldnt trust anyone to take care of my son who is having some complication!Beside sacrifice my own career and own time, I can't think of any options to bring my children up with healthy living.

My HB do help out when he was arround, even night time feeding when they were still baby,but he hardly take care of them alone, he will not understand how hectic when 2 kids is crying for the busy mummy at the same time. :sad:

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I need to rant.

Eva hasn't been napping at all today and yesterday, she woke up twice even though I fed her at 1am. My HB? Forget about him - ask him to carry her for a while so that I can pee oso cannot - he only care about sleeping. Then when I ask him to carry her as well as change her again at 3am so I can get a drink of water, he just hold her on the bed instead of going to her room to burp her and change her diaper. When I marah him, he said that I'm impatient. Then when she woke up again at 6am, it was just me doing everything.

Since then she hasn't napped at all. Only time she napped was when I had to go out - my stupid HB want bread and not just any bread but stupid bloody baguettes. So I ended up having to take a bus for 20 minutes to another suburb, walk like gila to look for his stupid baguette and balik around noon to have my lunch. TWO BLOODY HOURS for a bloody baguette. She woke up a few minutes after we arrived home, so I had to bath her and rush to eat my lunch. Since then, she doesn't want to nap, has fed twice since noon, and I'm dead tired. I've tried everything but she just stays awake and plays - thankgawd no crying otherwise it'll be even worse. =.=

People say that women who are breastfeeding are supposed to rest but how to bloody rest when she doesn't want to sleep and when the stupid HB doesn't understand?

All my HB can say when I tell him all this like just now is "I know but what can I do?" which annoys me even more because it's like he doesn't understand. At least give me some suggestions or something instead of "I know but I can't do anything". Might as well add this with that - "Sorry, you're on your own". Got so fed up, I told him off "Next time you want bread, YOU buy it". I've been crying for the past one hour because I'm dead tired, I want to sleep but I can't and I just feel that I absolutely hate my current life. =.=

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*hugs* Mabel!! I think u should've just ignored ur hb's request coz he ignored yours so why should you be so nice to him when you're already doing so much? shouldn't he be the one to go get the bread etc coz u need to take care of his lil girl???? Eva isn't only your daughter it is also HIS daughter! If for me I'd be giving him the silent treatment and not even let him touch my baby...I hope Eva sleeps soon so u can get some rest too.. maybe try to put her in the sling for just this once?

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I need to rant.

Eva hasn't been napping at all today and yesterday, she woke up twice even though I fed her at 1am. My HB? Forget about him - ask him to carry her for a while so that I can pee oso cannot - he only care about sleeping. Then when I ask him to carry her as well as change her again at 3am so I can get a drink of water, he just hold her on the bed instead of going to her room to burp her and change her diaper. When I marah him, he said that I'm impatient. Then when she woke up again at 6am, it was just me doing everything.

This sounds sooo familiar. My hubby always said i impatient when i marah him of didn't help out taking care our bb.. I said, if I'm not patient.. i wont breastfeed my boy, cause breastfeed needs longer time, burp him after each feed, bb will cry for milk more often compare to fm etc.. I'm very much patient to my bb.. I marah him, cause he 'em seng mok' like a balak.. need to give instruction only he move. When I said cant u seng mok a bit mer? He said can you tell me what I should do? Ask many many questions while our bb is crying.. he still expect me to talk to him softly, like 'darling, can u do this and that..' Tell me, how can I hold my temper..

I think Eva visual is clearer now, it happens to my boy also. First 3 weeks very good boy... can sleep anytime, anywhere, even a lot of noise around. Now, he is much more alert, he will be awake and look around with just single noise. Eyes open big big look at you.. Last time, ask him open eyes also hard..

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Agreed with Diana, give him a silent treatment and ignore him atleast for today or tomorrow, let him know you are deadly hurt by him. Don't argure with him, no point. Let him come back to you with his sense of regrets, then talk to him and let him know how you feel and how weak is your body.

This always happened to newly parents, he might be also stressful being a dad and new place to work.

Take care and rest your mind even you can't sleep.

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mei, I tried to msg you on MSN, anyway hugs to you ok. Just cry it out and you'll feel much better. Sometimes men are just men, they are clueless and they are not very good in helping out and even if they do its after a few rounds of nagging or talking to them. Sometimes we just have to do everything on our own. If I were you though, I'll ask NIL to get his own bread, takkan he cant do that? And you have to take the bus? it's not like going down your apartments to the convenience store! Goodness!

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Hey, Yvonne, all HB from the same planet, I received the same respond from him as well saying i'm, "Impatient" and the same thing that they are " Em seng mok"! Only do one thing when u ask them. Dont know how to " Chu Tung". Vommit blood sometime...

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Hugs to you Mei!

i knows how you feel, Don't pamper him if he don't pamper you! The same for me too :sauer2: , my hubby can enjoy himself with his friends at mamak's stall & badminton twice a week. Untill i'm so geram of him, So oneday i punish him by asking him to take care BB for awhile i need to go salon for my hair cut and i know BB poo time should be anytime that moment. He had clean her poo with all the mess on his hands untill when i returned home he told me he wanted to cry! haha :lol:

Sometimes Husband needs to be torture abit! :girl_devil: Gives them a lesson so they knows how we feel.

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Missy28, haha! u r bad ! no lah, jst kidding here! u purposely pick d time when bb'll poo anytime to go to saloon ! haha! ur hb learnt his lesson !!!!

Mabel, I can't believe what I read at 1st and have to re-read again! Frankly speaking if I were u, I 'll be super angry !!!!! I thgt from ur previous mail u said he can help u when u asking for....but now how come be like that ? sorry if I missed out any of ur story...but is he always like that since both of u stay together & even before u pregnant ? take for granted ????

OMG! what have to take a 20minute bas to get his bread ????? what bread is that soooo special ? even he may stress with his new job ( If I not mistaken what I read) he also can't do like that ! u too pampering him liao! he should buy himself mah......

For Eva, don't worry too much....bb always change their style or habit ! but u have to voice out to ur stu...Hb that u need to REST !!!!! or can u talk to his family like ur in law & let them know ur situation so that they 'll talk to ur hb if u r already out of patient to talk to him or even u talk, he treat it as nothing...or ya like others said, silent treatment can be tried ! but don't too long on that ! not healthy too !

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