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tropical

First time CNY eve dinner with in-laws?

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Hello....

This upcoming CNY will be my first time having CNY eve dinner with my ILs.

I am so used to the happy and fun atmosphere of reunion dinners at my parents house that when I start thinking of this year's CNY eve dinner, i get sad and tears filled my eyes... Although we expected this when we get married, but isn't it still a shock to our emotions to think that all these years we are so used to enjoying CNY eve dinner at our comfy home, filled with happiness and laughter and chatting... and then now we cant do that anymore with our parents and have to eat with ILs. I also feel sad knowing my parents will feel the emptiness at home.. :sad: i talked to my hubby about this and even asked him whether i can have dinner at my parents home.. he said he is fine with it but just worry other ppl criticise (his family/relatives, etc)

I discussed with him that this is just a culture and tradition that was created in the olden days. In present times, a daughter is not sold/given away. I am still my parents' daughter for ever and ever and it will not change. If we can do away with so many old-fashioned wedding or CNY traditions/culture (we did not practice ALL the pantang-larang in wedding ceremony), then why cant this change... if not now, but in the future at least...

But most sad thing is my IL family is different from my own family. My parent's side's CNY eve dinner is usually filled with unrestricted chatter or smiles, and everyone feeling comfortable and do as they like...

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tropical,

it's quite normal to feel like that and to compare.... i had the same feelings here too....

My mom didn't feel that bad coz my 2 sisters got married ahead of me, so she's kinda got used to it... but instead of leaving her and my brother feeling lonely on the CNY eve, we had practised having reunion lunch with our mom, and reunion dinner with our in-laws.... it'll be a great makan & gamble session from morning till 3-4 pm in my mom's house, then another session with in-laws... so no one is missed... and we don't feel guilty...

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Ya...I also got the same feeling in the 1st year....you can always go back to your mon house after you have dinner with your IL if both of your house not too far away...

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It's "normal" to feel like you do. After a few years, I'm not used to it too cos we're used to our family's ways :). Like the rest, you can plan to have reunion lunch with your parents & have dinner with your in laws. This is what we practice too :).

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hmm tis yr is my first yr leaving mum alone in d house on eve....

first tot bring mum together to IL..but she more quicker than me.

already ajak a neighbour (old couple) makan with her.

hehe so i said i pergi beli some dishes + yee sang for them b4 going to IL house at nite. so tat they dont have to cook alot.

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Same here.. I felt sad in the first few years.. even till now I will call back home on even and 1st day CNY... to feel the atmosphere although im not there. I'm the only daughter at home. It is more more sad.. to see my brothers are still celebrating like old days.. whereas me have to celebrate with different family. Second year i decided to celebrate at my hometown and luckily my PIL approve..

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I consider as the lucky one, ROM in 2008 and 2009 I still have my reunion dinner with my family where HB had his with his family before 6.30pm and rush to second round (with my family) before 6.30pm. Wedding in 2009 and my FIL passed away few weeks after our wedding, so this year 2010 we will not celebrate CNY and again, I will be joining my family for reunion dinner and CNY celebration. =)

So in fact, if you can plan it properly you can have 1 lunch session and 1 dinner session if these two families aren't stay too far away from each other. But if one in JB, one in Penang and you are in KL then is kinda hard to arrange, so you can make an arrangement like, this year in JB for reunion dinner, next year in Penang for reunion dinner then another year get everyone to come to KL for BIG reunion dinner =)

In fact this is what we planned for this year 2010 (if my FIL still around) either it is a BIG REUNION dinner or, we will have it separately, like a day before reunion dinner is for FIL (so that he can have another reunion dinner with other sons) then reunion dinner with my family but all done at our new house. Well, this plan will never jadi liau.

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Hmmm... after reading posts here, im considered lucky too.

We ROM in June 2006 and AD in June 2007. I never had reunion dinner with my IL alone.

CNY 2007, i told my hb that not yet AD so im gonna spend CNY eve with my parents n he spend with his parents.

CNY 2008, i managed to convince hb to ask ILs to come down to KL to celebrate CNY eve so we had dinner with both sets of parentsin KL

CNY 2009, my gynea did not allow me to travel long distance as my pregnancy was not stable then. So again we celebrated CNY eve together with both set of parents in KL.

This year i manage to convince hb to celebrate in KL again instead of going back to his hometown. This is my daughter's first CNY eve so i wanted my parents to have a chance to spend it with her too. I admit that i am bias but i truly believe that my parents deserved to spend it with their only grandaughter. They have been taking care of her compared to my IL who only knows how to talk or give suggestions w/o thinking whether does it suit my daughter or not.

But next year, i will have no choice but to spend it with my ILs n leave my parents with my brother. Cuz next year hb siblings will all be back for CNY. So sad just thinking of it although its a long way to go

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Something funny abt reunion dinner.

Since the first reunion dinner after AD, I always fall sick. Flu, fever and cough u name it. SO i did not get to enjoy the food actually.

And this year..hope I'm not sick. If not MIL will said I don't like her food. Dats why I'm sick.

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oh gosh! i have the same feeling as well. but then i'm not the lucky one. my hometown in ipoh and my PIL in Miri. so i have no choice but to celebrate with IN-law this year. never had CNY with them before so dont know how they celebrate, what do they do. lots of question in my mind but most of the time been directed to how i celebrate at home. i will definitely sad for not having reunion dinner at my own home. i'm thinking to bring my home culture there.. hahahaha.. i'm evil!!

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juv,

what's your ILs' dialect?

if not too far from how kuching people celebrating CNY then I can tell you how it 'feels' like =P

as usual, reunion dinner either at home or outside (lately we will have it at outside so that my mum can fully enjoy the meal).

then later is angpow distribution time (it depends from family to family, we will give to our family members after reunion dinner) then later is fireworks (we normally had it before 12mid-night, as dad will zzz early =D).

Then the next day, my mum will still give us a small angpow for 'good luck' meaning, then breakfast together (it depends but mostly with curry, rice, veges as we always had a small open house for closed-relatives and friends) then around 10am, visitors slowly come in and peak is at 12noon =D

But it all depending on each family's tradition, we will have the small open-house on first day of CNY, second day we are free for relatives-visiting and that's when mum will go out to visit her relatives. So basically we are only busy for 2 days and third day is for our own activities.

If it is a big family, it will be very very very merry =)

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For me it's different because we already agreed that every CNY I will still go back and celebrate with my family but I don't force my hubby to go back with me.

I feel it's really unfair to us girl in chinese society lo coz it's considered I'm their belonging after married which I'm not. After married, I still work my ass off to support my family and my new family. It's not as though they asked me to stay at home to be siu lai lai. If that's the case, then I shut my mouth la.

In olden days, girl have to follow the in law family because the husband will provide for the wife but now things have change. So all these rules should change too.

Some more every father day and mother day also will spent with in law first and my parent have to celebrate at other date. Not to mention my PIL stay in the same town with me. They will be seeing me whenever they want but my parent only see me once a month. All this chinese tradition crap can actually go down the drain already la..

It's just my opinion but if you are still the traditional type, then good for you.:)

Anyway Happy Chinese New Year everyone!

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Been discussed with HB, we going to celebrate our CNY in each side of family alternate year. Just want to be fair to both families.

This CNY we had our reunion dinner & 1st day of CNY & Chap Goh Mei with HB's side & back to my hometown on 2nd day of CNY till 5th day of CNY. So, next year we will back back to my hometown for 1st few days of CNY & having our Chap Goh Mei with HB's side. Had told MIL abt our decision.

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