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What should I expect?

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My hubby and I were love marriage and together for 6+ years. And this year is our 7th year. I realized that our relationship is not like previous, it is more like family feel ….responsible. These few months, we always quarrel because small small things……and he said I complaint him a lot ….and he asked me better don’t put any expectation on him…so that I wont disappointed….. But I’m thinking how can I do so that I don’t expect on him? I feel it is very difficult for me…

Dear all mummies & daddies,

Please share with me how you cope with your spouse in this condition? I really need your advice especially your hubby own a business. FYI, my hubby has set up his own company when we start dating and I accompany him and support him indirectly until today. He is a responsible and motivate person. He work hard for our family and future. But….sometime, I feel it is very hard time for me :sleep: ….because I need to consider a lot things myself. I must be very independent. Eg: sometime my hb need to work on weekend even though public holidays. I drive back to my hometown (5 hrs journey) alone with my bb & maid cause my hb is bz….If your spouse have own business, I think you might more understand my feelings. We cant expect very much like other employees who work 9-5 everyday. Both hb & wife can have dinner together every night. For me, I cant expect my hubby having meal with me everyday even weekend. I just wondering how you cope with this? how you compromise each other? pls advise me what to do……TQVM….

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Didn't you already know that you were going to be into this type of life before you married him?

If he is busy because he really wants to earn a lot money before he misses the opportunity, then you may have to compromise. But if he is up to something fishy, then it is a matter of concern to you.

The question you may ask now is: How can I tell what is he really up to?

Answer: Be observant and use common sense. Don't be overly suspicious. Take your time. Remember that it takes a thousand lies to cover up one lie. So, if he is doing something not as what he claims to be doing, sooner or later the lie will reveal itself.

Meanwhile, you must not expect a man to continue to be so romantic after marriage. As long as he takes care of the basic and important things of the family, that is already good enough. Think of those women who have ended up with husbands who are no better than monsters. Compare yourself with them and you'll realize you are already lucky.

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I think you both need to talk things out. Being married doesn't mean you fight and then one party demands one thing and the other just submits. It's all about communication and reaching to a compromise that everyone is okay with.

Make it clear that this isn't just about you as I read that you have a child as well. It's healthy to start cultivating the practice of having family meals together a few times a week if not every day. Your baby will see that this is a family unit - father, mother and baby, not mother, maid and baby. Personally, I think that having your own business should not excuse you from carrying out your responsibilities as a father or a husband. At least make the effort to have dinner together as a family a few times a week.

A father and husband's duty (sorry la Apek) is not just bringing home the bacon but also about making time and effort for his family and children. He doesn't have to be romantic (I don't think that it was a concern of yours) but at least try to get him to see that doing a simple thing like having a meal can do a lot for a family.

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Dear oxford_bb,

My hubby also has his own business ( a retail shop) and at the same time, he is working full time and need to travel outstation once a month for 10 to 12 days.

I understand how u feel but what is important here is "communication". I need to work during weekdays, at night need to do house chores, then weekends do his business accounts but we do not have problem spending times together.

We did a lot of things together, such as go to his shop together, shopping together and sometimes we really need to plan to catch a movie in the cinema. During weekends, he need to be at the shop. Initially, we will have breakfast together, reach shop and I go home. Now, I will stay at the shop with him while doing my work and in the late afternoon, I will go home to prepare dinner and bring to the shop to eat together with him.

Frankly speaking, life like that is not easy to go thru. Once a while, I will "pour" everything out in front of him but he knows that I need to release the stress tht I had in me. So, he just listen. After that, life will go on to the same routine.

Besides that, I need to take care of my parent in laws as they are staying with me. I really thank to them that they did not give me much problems and my parents side.... they are staying near me. So, I have no prob on travelling home to my parents house.

Oxford, pls try to have talk to your hubby as Mabel advise.

Best of luck, ya!

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meiteoh,

I do agree with you that a father or a husband's duty is not just about bringing home the bacon. A man actually ought to allot some personal time for his family. Only then, real family essence can be savored.

But unfortunately, many a man forgets this sacred duty of his. And that is not his fault, sometimes. Circumstance is the culprit. This is especially so for a man whose mind is already bogged down by the worries and intricacies of his daily business. He has not the time nor the energy left to wallow around the sentimental part of human life. It's a predicament of modern living - chasing after wealth and forgetting how to live.

Eventually things would end up with a situation whereby a family may have everything except happiness. For the woman, she could feel she has everything except love and attention from her husband. This is the scenario that is often depicted in movies. Why? Because it is true everywhere when modern living has stepped in. In the materialistic pursuit, the speedy pace of life makes people "forget to stop by and smell the flowers", so to say.

Of course, there are many women who have been lucky enough to have married the "flower-smelling" husbands. But for those who have not been so lucky, they may have to learn to live their married life on a different mode. Those who cannot do so, sorry to say, will have to deal with a lot of heartaches and frustration. That's why there is such a thing as divorce. When things cannot work out as wished for, nor can either side see the same picture in a beautiful sunset, the ugly inevitable consequence kicks in to take over the situation.

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Dear oxford_bb,

My hubby also has his own business ( a retail shop) and at the same time, he is working full time and need to travel outstation once a month for 10 to 12 days.

I understand how u feel but what is important here is "communication". I need to work during weekdays, at night need to do house chores, then weekends do his business accounts but we do not have problem spending times together.

We did a lot of things together, such as go to his shop together, shopping together and sometimes we really need to plan to catch a movie in the cinema. During weekends, he need to be at the shop. Initially, we will have breakfast together, reach shop and I go home. Now, I will stay at the shop with him while doing my work and in the late afternoon, I will go home to prepare dinner and bring to the shop to eat together with him.

Frankly speaking, life like that is not easy to go thru. Once a while, I will "pour" everything out in front of him but he knows that I need to release the stress tht I had in me. So, he just listen. After that, life will go on to the same routine.

Besides that, I need to take care of my parent in laws as they are staying with me. I really thank to them that they did not give me much problems and my parents side.... they are staying near me. So, I have no prob on travelling home to my parents house.

Oxford, pls try to have talk to your hubby as Mabel advise.

Best of luck, ya!

tigercap26

wow..ur hb is lucky to have u as wife.

from what i read..i really felt u have put alot of effort into ur the marriage..being with ur hb eventhough u both very bz.

hehe..dunno ler. i just felt u 2 is a very loving & romantic couple.

..i do like how u trying to participate into ur hb life. instead of spending time at home, u rather stay with ur hb in his shop. i probably will stay in the house & watch tv instead of helping my hb at work. hehe

to oxford bb

hmm i dunno much about children issue..but i sometimes also very pekcik with hb..he always come back late from work..so basically i cant have dinner with him..since i eat abit early like 6-6.30pm. & how i hate to eat alone..i just cant do anything with hb. so instead of showing my black face ..i will sit with him & watch him eat his dinner, since he like to tell me how was his day during the dinner time (almost everyday also got "happening" lol)

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Dear apekjolly,meiteoh,tigercap26,

Thanks very for your sharing and advice. I will take your advices....Actually we wont have communication pbl untill something had happened....I think I should tell u the story....

Actually everything was fine since we dating till last year. I knew how my life will be (hb have own business) before marry him. All this while, we trust each other....until last year, a new freshgraduate girl join his comp.....

one day, I called him whether coming home dinner or not and that time he was dinner with her. As I know, so far, he never lunch/dinner with other girl stuff cau usually after work they wont stay back in office. so, I question him...and he just say: aiya, she said wan to avoid traffic, since im going for tea at mamak nearby office just ask her loh...I just be silent....(note: at the beginning,this girl didnt mentioned she have bf).

one day , she sms my hb that she have bought movie ticket. and my hb showed me the message. I was shocked. I said how come this happen??!! My hb also shocked cau he just mentioned that he will going movie avatar 2moro alone but not sure have ticket or not....(actually my hb have told me that he will go movie avatar alone 2moro cau im outstation). The surpising things is that my hb feel weird cau he never asked her to buy ticket and this girl never ask him wat time he is free or wat?? somemore she bought another movie where my hb dont like the actor & actress....I feel very weird, so I questions my hb, how come this girl act like that , she just join ur comp < 2 months??!! My hb promised me to give me the explaination...but when they meet to talk, the girl insists said that my hb ask her to buy the tickets....and my hb feel tat is something wrong...Luckily, my hb still aware she might misunderstand. end up, my hb reject her invitation and talk to her briefly that she might misunderstand something...I thought everything was fine after this.....

anyway, that time I started suspicious something cau i never see so hardworking freshgraduate always stay back after work......End up, I found out they sms (work +personal greets) and chatting....I feel that he cheated me cau all this while I'm 100% trust him work hard outside for our future not for other purposes.....Finally, he admited that they just frens and they dont have other motive and the girl have bf already bou 4 yrs and somemore they stayed together. she have pbl with her bf......My hb tell me what they chat content (about our family, my son...) and why she didnt mentioned she have bf at beginning stage cau her bf very "big man" and jealous type and dont allow her chat with other guys. My suspicious becoming serious cau I feel this girl quite weird cau she is new but very close with my hb where she can chat deeply about her stuff like family, bf....I have warned my hb try to avoid alone with her....Since she is hb staff, work together and most of the time they went out together such as visit site.....so my hb told me that he cant avoid lunch with her alone and my hb also told me that she is one of his frens that can chat deeply.......thus I need to accept this....unless he fire the girl but as a boss, he wont do that cau he told me that this girl is very potential...

finally one day, her bf realised that my hb & her sms after work....and his bf called up my hb and warned my hb dont kacau his gf.....frankly speaking, my hb be frank with me that they just chat as normal fren and he also dont mind I meet u this girl and chat...for me, i feel happy that my hb frank to me and wanna me understand the real situation...end up, I meet up this girl and chat for 2 hours....my first impression of this girl is she is sweet, pretty,very young girl and "like a piece white paper" maybe she still new to this world cau this is her 1st job. she told me that she admire my hb as he was a good and responsible boss...she told me that I'm very lucky cau my hb is very caring and responsible man....I just smile and said "hmmm..hmmmm...." and thinking how long she know my hb ah?? As I know, she join the comp about 3 mths....after we have a nice chat, finally I can decraled they are just boss & staff & normal frens.....actually before this, we quarrel about this issue for sometimes cau I dont know her and always wondering why she wanna covered that she have bf. cau other staff try to recommend someone to her...and she asked my hb dont tell other staff that she have bf included me....

then, I thought we have settle "this girl" problem and we will become as normal but not.....one day, my hb showed me sms from the girl :"okok..." Hb asked me what I said to this girl which give her impact that she reply like that. cau last time when she reply sms, she will write a bit long text....I replied my hb:"what do u expect more?"

last time, I usually talk to him at night but later he feel very bored, so I stopped it. and now even worst, everytime I talk to him, he easily get irritating...end up we flight again n again until today.......actually I think all women just wanna man can care & share with them their happiness & sadness.....but now, I hardly feel his caring me....actually I'm freelance and my time is flexi but my hb never take initiative to ask me for breakfast or lunch....as I know, sometime his work is very free & sometime is tight....but a few day I initiate to have breaskfast with him but is a bit rush.....and we seldom chat or sms thru phone unless I have urgent things to ask him cau he say we meet everynight. I agreed, but usually when he come back home, I feel he is tired and try dont disturb him and let him take a good rest...slowly slowly our discussion time become shorter & shorter...anyway, I'm appreciate that he try to have sunday as family day... I'm thinking am I expecting a lot from him?

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Oxford, My husband and I work very long hours and we can hardly get together for dinner on weekdays. But we've been like this ever since we started going out, so it is not an issue for both of us. But we do try to spend some time together as and when we can. It can be breakfast before we go to work, or make a point to keep a night free for nice dinner, and now that we have a baby, we try to spend the weekend at home with the baby. We sometimes have to work from home on weekends. Both hubby and wife will have to make an effort to at least spend some time together. No matter how busy we are, I am sure we can find some time for ourselves. I gather that you are a full-time mom&wife? I find that it helps if you have something to keep you occupied on the days your hubby is not at home. You can try taking a new hobby etc

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<<<<<<<<<to oxford bb

hmm i dunno much about children issue..but i sometimes also very pekcik with hb..he always come back late from work..so basically i cant have dinner with him..since i eat abit early like 6-6.30pm. & how i hate to eat alone..i just cant do anything with hb. so instead of showing my black face ..i will sit with him & watch him eat his dinner, since he like to tell me how was his day during the dinner time (almost everyday also got "happening" lol)>>>>>>>>>

hi davinci,

agreed with u...actually i also dont like eat alone cau feel very lonely....but cant do anything and have to accept it from day I know him. actually my hb if work late, he will dinner outside and when he back home, he bathed and sometime read books or watch tv...usually in this condition, I dont disturbing him.... but if he come back for dinner (ard8.30-9pm), I will wait him dinner together & watch tv & chat ....

I tried my best to compromise with him like we going to swimming together one or twice a week, go to cinema for movie (once every 2 mths).....last time he went futsal, I will accompany him & watch him play.....but few yrs back he is bz, he didnt play futsal anymore...

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Sorry Oxford, I typed my reply before your latest message! If I were you, I would still keep an eye on the girl, and whether she's sending any funny SMSes to your hubby. If they are really just normal friends, your hubby should not be too offended by your reactions. He should understand how your feel - hell, I would be angry too if my hubby is SMSing and chatting more with another girl! But I still think we should be smart about this - try not to irritate your HB for the moment, and observe his manerisms for a while. He may be upset at the moment because of all these issues, but give him some time. If really there is nothing between the 2 of them, he would likely go back to his normal self.

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oxford, i think u've tried yr best to be understanding. i would be rather upset too if only 1 husband & 1 young girl having makan together. if its a group of ppl or a bunch of guys, its a different story. anyway, try to dropby his office when his off-peak period & have some time to makan or just hang around the office for awhile whenever u hv the opportunity. make sure u're dressed nicely & smile & be happy to everyone so any observers & especially the young girl will remember that yr husband is a happily married man.

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oxford,

After you've finally revealed the actual situation, I can now understand your grief.

I don't want to pretend to know how to offer a solution to your problem, but I have something to say just to satisfy my itch to say something.

This so-called "just friends" between a man and a woman is a very questionable thing; sometimes even a very dangerous thing. I don't deny that there are many cases of genuine ordinary friendship between men and women. The ordinary type is very open and casual; it simply doesn't raise even an iota of suspicion in anyone's mind.

As for the the questionable type? Well, as what I already said, over time, a lie would sooner or later expose itself. Little signals and discrepancies that sip out from the scandalous affair would make people sense it in the marrow of their bones that something is not right. It's like people able to catch the smell of soup while it is cooking in a pot.

A flirtatious and pretty young girl swinging around a man is a temptation very hard to resist. Try visualizing a soft fat rabbit bouncing around a hungry tiger, and you'll get the picture. If the tiger doesn't have the urge to pounce on the rabbit, that would be incredible. So, it really does require incredible mind-control to reign in the ferocious male libido. However, the good news is that many men can resort to their higher human sanity and conquer that beastly compulsion in them. And that's what I hope your husband can do, oxford.

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happi, im glad u can understand my feeling cau I believed every wife also dont like hb having meal with other girl alone....although it just a meal....actually after the movie case....I did drop by to hb office few times for lunch and visit ....but very difficult to date my hb cau usually he go out site....so only like once or twice a month...

ally'smom, this is for sure Im keep on eye on the girl and my hb......actually at beginning stage, like you said, I also feel suprises cau im his wife, if they just normal frens, he shouldnt offended my reactions. He should understand my feelings.....yup...u r right,i should be smart...keep silent and observe....

apekjolly, very appreciate you and thanks for your advise and input from man's viewpoint......I also believe this :"over time, a lie would sooner or later expose itself. " If they have something sorry to me, I believed God would know.....

I agreed with you and wish as u hope.....thanks, apekjolly...."However, the good news is that many men can resort to their higher human sanity and conquer that beastly compulsion in them. And that's what I hope your husband can do, oxford. "

"

for my personal, I look at 2 aspects:positive & negative. I feel happy cau my hb frank and honest to me...he asked me dont think too much....My hb told me that if he really want affair , no need to wait until now cau he have a lot chance outside all this years.....this one I agreed cau my hb have attractive outlook (double eyelips, small "cui wo", 185cm and fit body) , have "mei4 li4" and gentle businessman....and hb also told me that usually affair no so easy to happen, unless both guy and gal react ...ppl always say:"one hand cant clap, only both hands can clapping"...I agreed this with him cau if he really have feel and affair with this girl , he wouldn't showed the sms and tell me that he will give me explanation....he can just keep secret....actually the girl is a good and potential employee....I really hope that she can help hb in his career as he really need someone capable for the job....actually after my hb hire her, he really not so pressure and he no need to bring work back home do so frequent (last time he also work at home every night ) and I feel very "xin teng" cau one day he only sleep 5 hrs..... and now he can have more time with me and bb....although my heart dont wan they work together and chat anymore....

Negatively is I feel worried cau this girl like a bomb.....since they work together, I so scare will "ri jiu sheng qing"...I dont know when it would happen....as hb told me when he hire this girl...he need to trained her for 3 mths, then slowly let her work independent...although now it is clear nothing action happen between them ....but I guess this girl very "admire" my hb...(cau I meet up girl and chat with her for 2 hrs, she showed me that my hb is very caring, responsible and good man compare to her bf and I also feel she jealous me that I have a good hb).....actually, I know he is a good and responsible boss fr his clerk who work few yrs....my hb very cincai like his clerk is pregnant and have morning sickness....sometime i feel his clerk take for granted cau she always said she not feeling well and didnt turn up even now bout 7-8 mths.....(all these my hb told me and I did advise him better make a standard rule cau in future u have more employees then will get trouble)....hmmm.... I did warned my hb a few times that sometime his kindly and gentleman would make ppl misunderstand especially young girl just freshgraduate cau I heard a lot real story in front my eye oredi bout them...they just start come work world and seek for good man...and the worst thing is that some (not offence anyone here and I didnt mean all like that) they wont care whether married man or not, have kids or not ..like the movie case, they chat in the car while they going to visit site...and just a normal conversation like usually any plan during weekend cau 2moro is weekend?.....and this begin the story.....

and my worried is this girl tried to covered that she has bf at the beginning....I feel like she is "ride cow seek horse"...wanna fine better1....as I chat with her, she told me that she start with her bf during study days....and that time she is lonely fr hometown come to KL study and meet this guy....at 1st, not really have feel and slowly they together and until today they stayed together for 4 yrs already.....she said her bf control him a lot, if he go out dinner with guy, his bf allowed but will call her every 20 minutes.... tat's she tell lie to her bf......another funny thing is : she told me that actually she wanna leave her bf but she feel very sorry and not so good for her bf cau she like "use her bf and leave it"......cau her bf care and help her a lot during she study...and now she start to work......but .....what my hb told me is she say her bf is very busy working nowadays and just start have some results and their life is like "lao fu lao qi" (old couple)....and somemore tell my hb that actually her bf bz work hard.....also have some good things....and my hb told me that she dont look like what she told me that she and her bf relationship so bad.....anyway, my hb did told me that actually these all is she and her bf problem indirectly involving us ....I hope everything would be fine soon......

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Dear all,

2moro is Reunion ....Wishing u all have a "may man" family and "yuan man" reunion dinner......Appreciate and enjoy whatever we have now.......HAPPY NEW YEAR!! GONG XI FA CAY!!!

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oxford bb, wanted to give a long reply but was too busy, so I will give a short reply since your HB working hours (and lack of romance) has been partially solved.

To repeat what Apek said, its very rare for a man and a woman to spend a lot of time together (and quite often) and not have any attraction for each other - unless the man is gay. So, the only issue at hand is how much time and how often. For me, having one-to-one lunch or dinner more than twice a month should be cause of concern, but that's only me.

I agree that we should try to separate our work and family issues and if the employee is good, then we should keep the employee but I'll be more blunt, your Husband's company is not McKinzey or Shell where there is so much 'potential' or life long employment opportunities' and both the employer (HB) and employee (SYT) must realise this. In my 15 years of being in Financial Services, this is my 6th company. There is no such thing as 'a very good employee with lots of potential'. Employees will leave when there is better potential outside and employers will always hire new people with better potential.

If my wife colleague (a guy) were to tell me that my wife is a very good girl, caring, understand, kind, etc, I will be worried cos normally colleagues or subordinates don't say such things. Willing to teach - yes. Understanding Boss - yes but once you start takking about very personal traits such as "kind", it implies something more personal. Think about it, when was the last time you used the word 'kind" to describe your colleague. Cruel yes, but kind....

What I am trying to say is that your HB should maintain a more professional attitude with this SYT. That means less (not totally NO) personal talk about how your family is doing, etc. Prevention is better than cure. And take it from a Man, we are all flattered when a SYT shows us attention. Google the key words "Honey Trap" and you will know what I mean. I'm not saying that there is anything but the potential is certainly there - to put it in a blunt manner.

Anyway, Gong Xi fa Chai to you.

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Oxford, like the men who have replied, I too feel that there is no such thing as a platonic relationship between a man and a woman. One of my ex boyfriends used to remind me very candidly that if given time, any emotional outpouring that goes on between a man and a woman can lead to a budding relationship. Putting flattery aside, it is how we humans are - show a bit of attention and that's often how trouble begins.

Lunch together with colleagues is not a big thing but when it is a one-on-one thing between members of the opposite sex and/or on a regularly basis, I feel that it is no longer a simple matter of "having lunch with a colleague". Moreso in the case of your HB and this girl as she is HIS employee! It's quite unprofessional, I feel.

Like CFA, I too feel that it's strange for your HB to describe this girl on such a personal level. The potential is there - and many MANY men don't want to admit it as we all like to be flattered, even women, and we all think that it'll never happen to us until it's too late.

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anyway, that time I started suspicious something cau i never see so hardworking freshgraduate always stay back after work......End up, I found out they sms (work +personal greets) and chatting....I feel that he cheated me cau all this while I'm 100% trust him work hard outside for our future not for other purposes.....Finally, he admited that they just frens and they dont have other motive and the girl have bf already bou 4 yrs and somemore they stayed together. she have pbl with her bf......My hb tell me what they chat content (about our family, my son...) and why she didnt mentioned she have bf at beginning stage cau her bf very "big man" and jealous type and dont allow her chat with other guys. My suspicious becoming serious cau I feel this girl quite weird cau she is new but very close with my hb where she can chat deeply about her stuff like family, bf....I have warned my hb try to avoid alone with her....Since she is hb staff, work together and most of the time they went out together such as visit site.....so my hb told me that he cant avoid lunch with her alone and my hb also told me that she is one of his frens that can chat deeply.......thus I need to accept this....unless he fire the girl but as a boss, he wont do that cau he told me that this girl is very potential...

Oxford bb,

As what other say, employee will come and leave, I don't think the reason "very potential" is an excuse for your hb to treat a staff so good?

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Oxford bb,

if i were u. i will try to monitor ur hb closely. is not tat ur hb will 100% cheat on u ...but u should take precaution..

about d lunch excuse... excuse is always an excuse. ur hb can always choose to eat alone.

plus since they always like to chat & discuss their personal problem. ...sure ur hb dont have much stuff to say to u jor after he came back from work... well, tat's my opinion lar.

but if d girl continue tempting ur hb after d warning from ur hb..maybe she is really something wrong.. just ask ur hb fired her lar. a marriage is much more important than his biz rite?

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hi cfa, meiteoh, clarins,davinci,

very appreciate your inputs and suggestion. I would take note on it. I'm agreed that there "potential" shouldnt be a reason to keep a staff, but i have no choice, I have ask my hb and he has told me that as a businessman, he dont want to waste his $$....so..what I do now is keep observe them....so far nothing special happen between them....just my relationship with hb become a bit "cold", i'm not sure because of this girl case or his really bz this time....I did talk to my hb bout our future, I ask him a stupid qs: Can I be ur only one women when u become a successful man? Then he replied me: that's is nothing finite in this world. I'm so sad when I heard this answer. but I know it is true, we cant predict what would happen in future. anyway, i'm glad is he stil remembered our mission and he did promised me together work hard for our mission. now I dont urge with him anymore, and try to avoid talking about this girl and our topic is only on our new home....I really hope everything would be fine soon.....

actually just few days ago, I received a called from my x-colleague, after I heard her story I feel my case is just like a feather , my heart now is just thinking bringup my son and have a peace life as long as hb heart is with me & my son.....my x-colleague told me that her hb with his staff (work with him for 5 yrs, not married & have bf) date for 2 yrs....she told that the girl's bf meet up with her and showed her all the message that her hb sent to his gf....the content was very nude. my fren told me that she discussed with her hb and he hb insist said that he only sms and never sleep with her but my fren told me that how can she believe that cau the sms is talking bout that....she is very upset and she told me that she wanna divorce but hb don want cau they have 2 kids....and also her sisters in spore advise her that thinking bout her kids and this happen very common in spore, also advise her be open-mind.....somemore, she told me that they don have sex for last 6 mths oredi...I feel very sorry to heard that.....just wondering if my fren wanna to divorce , is it must have fizikal evidence like photos or videos? and what advise can give her? really appreciate if can give me some suggestion, so that I can help her...thanks in advance...

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My hubby and I were love marriage and together for 6+ years. And this year is our 7th year. I realized that our relationship is not like previous, it is more like family feel ….responsible. These few months, we always quarrel because small small things……and he said I complaint him a lot ….and he asked me better don’t put any expectation on him…so that I wont disappointed….. But I’m thinking how can I do so that I don’t expect on him? I feel it is very difficult for me…

Dear all mummies & daddies,

Please share with me how you cope with your spouse in this condition? I really need your advice especially your hubby own a business. FYI, my hubby has set up his own company when we start dating and I accompany him and support him indirectly until today. He is a responsible and motivate person. He work hard for our family and future. But….sometime, I feel it is very hard time for me :sleep: ….because I need to consider a lot things myself. I must be very independent. Eg: sometime my hb need to work on weekend even though public holidays. I drive back to my hometown (5 hrs journey) alone with my bb & maid cause my hb is bz….If your spouse have own business, I think you might more understand my feelings. We cant expect very much like other employees who work 9-5 everyday. Both hb & wife can have dinner together every night. For me, I cant expect my hubby having meal with me everyday even weekend. I just wondering how you cope with this? how you compromise each other? pls advise me what to do……TQVM….

Sounds like he's having stress in his business work. What you can do is to care for his food on his table, love, feeling without any complaints but utter only motivations.

By doing this, believe it or not. You will be loved back becos you don't complain.

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Sounds like he's having stress in his business work. What you can do is to care for his food on his table, love, feeling without any complaints but utter only motivations.

By doing this, believe it or not. You will be loved back becos you don't complain.

:dash2:

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My hubby and I were love marriage and together for 6+ years. And this year is our 7th year. I realized that our relationship is not like previous, it is more like family feel ….responsible. These few months, we always quarrel because small small things……and he said I complaint him a lot ….and he asked me better don't put any expectation on him…so that I wont disappointed….. But I'm thinking how can I do so that I don't expect on him? I feel it is very difficult for me…

Dear all mummies & daddies,

Please share with me how you cope with your spouse in this condition? I really need your advice especially your hubby own a business. FYI, my hubby has set up his own company when we start dating and I accompany him and support him indirectly until today. He is a responsible and motivate person. He work hard for our family and future. But….sometime, I feel it is very hard time for me :sleep: ….because I need to consider a lot things myself. I must be very independent. Eg: sometime my hb need to work on weekend even though public holidays. I drive back to my hometown (5 hrs journey) alone with my bb & maid cause my hb is bz….If your spouse have own business, I think you might more understand my feelings. We cant expect very much like other employees who work 9-5 everyday. Both hb & wife can have dinner together every night. For me, I cant expect my hubby having meal with me everyday even weekend. I just wondering how you cope with this? how you compromise each other? pls advise me what to do……TQVM….

Sounds like he's having stress in his business work. What you can do is to care for his food on his table, love, feeling without any complaints but utter only motivations.

By doing this, believe it or not. You will be loved back becos you don't complain.

:ohmy::ohmy::ohmy:

That's not what I would do. If I am feeling lonely, I speak to my hubby. I have tried the whole "swallow it down" method, but it soooo doesn't work. Whats best is that even my hubby encourages me to talk and communicate all the time, and not keep quiet and be unhappy inside. My hubby travels A LOT for work. In fact, he has been away for 2 months for work. Him in Malaysia & Japan, and me in Italy. It gets difficult for me at times, (its more because of the living in a foreign country thing) BUT my hubby is a total gem as he always, ALWAYS makes an effort to speak to me and comfort me.

From my point of view, if you dont voice your unhappiness and not "complain", hubby will never know that you're unhappy, and it will be a vicious cycle that will only make things worse.

Oxford BB, I can understand what you're going through, but you know what, I still think you're luckier than I am. You have family, friends, malls etc in Malaysia that you can go to. Where I live now, I dont have family, I dont have many friends, no malls to go jalan2 etc. But I gain strength from my hubby. My suggestion to you is, not to compare yourself to your other friends, those who have their HBs at home every night for dinner etc. Make it a point if possible to have a Hubby and Wife day if possible, maybe once a fortnight if possible, at least this way, you have something to look forward to, and there's some quality time that can be spent together.

I think that if you're unhappy, you should voice it out to hubby BUT in a nice, positive way, e.g.: Dear, I've been feeling kinda lonely lately, and I thought it would be a good idea to.... INSTEAD of Haih, you're always not at home, I'm lonely etc....

Rosamund, I've read yr blog, and as you said, each person is entitled to their own opinion, and I have to say I totally disagree with your "tips". I don't mind being a doting wife to my husband, dont get me wrong. I do most of the housework and all the cooking and cleaning BUT my hubby knows how to help me when he sees that I am tired AND he also "gets me water when I'm sick". In a nutshell, I am the way I am, (pamper my hubby) SOLELY because he is caring and loving towards me and would do everything I would do for him if I so much as ask for it. I had an ex who was a total @ss and after years of being a doormat to him, I dumped his sorry ass. I only wished I had done it MUCHHHHHHH sooner!

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Each of us have our own personal personality. I'm definitely not the one who can swallow and keep quiet, I'm not living in ancient times which woman is the slave and YES-BOSS style.

I'm also earn a living for this family, why I must be the YES-BOSS? and not having equal status at home? For those SAHM, they contribution is even bigger than a working person. Why? Just imagine, an educated SAHM suppose to contribute to her field but she chose to stay at home for her little one, that's a great contribution to her family and a lost in her field, right? and those cannot be measured by using $$.

Everyone has their own ruler to measure others and I told HB I do have that piece of ruler too, but I told myself I cannot use my measurement to judge how good and bad of that person is, why? different family background, education background, friends and others which bring great influence to that person, so I cannot use my measurement to judge but I only can judge by using that person's personality and the rest.

So, as what Mabel said, methods that may work on you because it suits to your environment but not for others. Look at our fingers, are they equally the same length? no isn't it? that's means we are not the same too, so can't use your measurement to measure others.

As I'm in my 18 weeks pregnancy (not a big deal for those mummy here) but it is my first time I always share with HB what's my feeling now, feeling good? feeling not comfortable? even HB will ask me when he sees me home, am I okie today? but I'm always okie and happy happy, just sometime having the common symptoms as what others mum-to-be, like constipation, tired, n etc.

Believe me, communication is the key and not just swallow everything either is sweet, sour, spicy or bitter. I always tell HB what's I don't like, what I hate most so that he is aware of it and he will tell me what I need to change, don't do this and that in front of everyone and I'm aware of it.

For me, if you don't dare to voice out, the man will forever climb on top of you. Don't tell me, if you know he is having an affair with a woman at outside you also can swallow it and pretending nothing happen?! If yes, then I have to salute you, you are a real saint. If me? sorry I can't. I'm not a saint, I'm just an ordinary woman.

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huh?> u hate eating alone? i love eating alone and watching television at the same time (my husband likes talking so much like birds loves singing)

he will switch off the tv coz he wants me to look at him listen to him while eating with him at the same table.

i enjoy watching tv and eating at my own comfortable sofa. :P

My hubby enjoys coding from morning till night, and i enjoy watching TV/DVD hong kong ones..

But he come out from his computer room and disturb me and said i never accompany him becos i am so into watching DVD.

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mabel,Tash, beautifulgown, rosamundwo,

thanks for your opinion, advice.

tash, i can understand ur feelings...yup, i should feel lucky as u said i have family, fren here....

beautifulgown, agree with u every hb-wife have their own method to maintain r/ship....

rosamundwo, thanks for your inputs.....i understd it cau nobd like complaints but sometimes....if alwaz juz keep quite, it would exposure1 day....

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