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shaun

Attending friend wedding

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Hi there

My AD will be on 26 Dec 2010.

While some of my friend will hold their wedding on Sep & Nov 2010.

Heard tat I cannot attend to the wedding at least 4 months (before & after) my AD.

Is not a good sign :ohmy:

Anybody can clarify?

Thanks

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Shaun,

First of all, congrats =)

Okie .. what I heard and wat other practicing is, you still can attend your friends' wedding but not for them, meaning you can attending others before your wedding but not after, if after then it has to be 4 mths later.

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i heard about this pantang b4... it's from hokkien or teowchew clan. it says that the bride/groom to be cannot attend any wedding 4 months before the AD and also 4 mth after AD. afraid that will clash "luck" or something like that.

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I also heard about it before...

Something like.... there'll be 'God of Marriage' (something like that) will be with you during your wedding and also after your wedding about 3 months.. If you attend someone's wedding after your wedding, your 'God Of Marriage' might 'chong' with the other couple's 'God Of Marriage'.. So your 'God Of Marriage' cannot bless you anymore... (something like that la... =p)

I don't know how true is it... I think I read it somewhere from the magazine... Just share with you.. =)

Some say after 3 months only cannot attend, but some say better don't attend other's wedding 3 months before and after... I think it is very much depends on you... If you feel pantang and uncomfortable, then better don't attend.. Or else, just go ahead and celebrate!! =)

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Shaun,

If you go ahead and attend your friends' wedding, I guarantee no bad luck is going to come to you.

But if you believe in the pantang and not attend your friends' wedding, bad luck may come to you instead, in the form of losing their friendship.

But if their minds are still as old fashion as those of our ancestors, then I have no say anymore.

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Apekjolly- for me, not so pantang but my FW got believe in it after been told by her friends :wacko3:

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Sigh .. pantangs oh pantangs!! that's what I always hate most.

Okie to share with you, Shaun.

You can see when is my wedding date 20.09.2009 and my cousin is on 01.02.2010 and guess what?? he attended my wedding and I attend his! hahaha nothing happy =D kakakakaka and furthermore my FIL passed away in October, less than 100 days but we never pantangs on these things! =D

So to me, if you don't believe on those pantangs then there is not pantangs will apply/follow you, if you believe in those, 100 or even 10000 you need to follow and make your life so difficult, so do you think it is worth!? mmm .. I bet a lot of lady here will wanna 'kill' me ah =P hehehehe

I'm now preggie but we never observe those pregnant pantangs and my little one inside my stomachs till doing fine =)

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Bravo beautifulgown! Well said! You are my heroin!

By the way, it has always amazed me that, although there's no statistics , nor any scientific research results, nor is there any logical theory to explain how those superstitious beliefs might be true, there are still thousands of people out still believing in all kinds of pantang-larangs.

That is in spite of some of those believers being so highly educated, mind you!!

For example, I know of a lawyer who believes that someone, whose family member has just passed away, should not visit his home; otherwise bad luck may befall on him or his family.

Now, my question is, if such a situation happens to a family, say, someone in the family gets killed in an accident, and then another member of victim's family wants to take the lawyer as his counsel to sue a culprit to court for breaking the pantang rule, will he be prepared to fight for the case? If the lawyer believes in the pantang, he should fight for that client, right? But will he do so?

Suppose he goes ahead to fight for the case, is he not going to end up as a laughing stock in court?

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For my case, we not follow those pantangs.

Friend A - AD in Oct 2009,

Our AD in Nov 2009

Friend B - AD in Dec 2009

Friend C - AD in Jan 2010

All of us (4 couples) still attend all wedding dinner, we did ask each couples whether they can attend our wedding dinner or allow us attend their wedding dinner or not. (have to respect ppl's pantang even we not follow) Then, all of us said no pantangs, so just attend la.

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apekjolly,

well .. it is true ah! if you don't have the pantang, pantang will not come to you.

just like I tell others too, we don't have pantangs so our baby doesn't have pantangs too =P

well .. not only lawyer la, I believe doctors or other professionals also have their own pantangs, right? so I don't know how they deal with their pantangs with their profession, heehhhe I'm interested to know how =P

I owes tell my colleague (who is so much into pantangs believe and has been influenced since small) you can live better and happy without knowing or following those pantangs but she just couldn't get out from it, she said if don't do this .. bad luck will happen .. hahaha then I asked her is that apply to everyone? she says only to those who believes .. I was like O.o oh! hahahaha so what does it means? you know I know lo =P

Sandy,

yes you are right, we must respect others belief, so every time I will ask my friends .. I don't mind about this and that, how about you? if it is okie then is alright =)

just this Monday, a colleague (the one who took her pre-wedding shooting in taiwan) wanted to borrow my veil for her wedding, I'm okie with it but I told her I'm afraid your mum may have pantang ah? because it is not new veil and I can see that she was worrying about it too. hehehe so if people minds about it then better don't right? ya I don't have the pantang but others will have ah.

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Ling and Sandy,

Personally will never follow those pantangs. Really headache if we are to follow all. No point also. So, if any friends who are getting married after or before our wedding, will ask whether they mind. If the do mind, then I wont attend. Or else, definitely attend. I'm sure nothing bad luck will come!

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juanil,

yup! I think my colleague also asking me, is that alright for her to attend as she is pregnant .. hahah okie ah, I never have any pantangs, because she scares that I might have pantangs ba, aiyo .. no no .. anyone is welcome =D

If I were to pantangs then my life will be so .. miserable ah! including the wedding date =D do you think I can choose my wedding date without going through all the 'proper procedures'? heheheh

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Ling,

Exactly! We will be miserable all the time if we follow all those pantangs! All the pantangs are set by human. Attending weddings are to celebrate the happiness for our friends, why should we not attend, right?

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Juanil,

We just can't control others thinking and for us we just follow their belief and they can forget about pantangs to attend our function as we never observe it =)

Shaun,

You can always discuss with your F-Wife, if she is very much into pantangs especially since from small, it is very hard to change her mind-set.

I was like that before but after I knew my HB and influenced by him plus I don't want to be so mar-fan2 so I slowly put all the unpractical pantangs aside and only go for the practical and not troublesome one, well just to make my parents happy =)

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MY FURTHER COMMENTS

Even if you believe in all the pantangs, and you break them, no bad luck will come to you. All the foolish superstitious myths are simply not applicable to believers and non-believers alike. In other words, there's no such thing as, "If you believe it, then it will be true."

Actually, the mechanism of the belief works like this: If you have broken a pantang which you believe in, you will naturally be all time worried about what you have done. So, anything negative which happens to you later, will make you will immediately think that it is because of you having violated the pantang rule.

But what, in fact, happens is that, you yourself have conditioned your own mind into believing that you are guilty of a crime. That, of course, is simply a psychological phenomenon. What more to say if you have some old folks around nagging about what you have done. That certainly would make your superstition worse.

I think that is what beautifulgown means when she says the pantang will be true only for those who believe in them. She is partly right in the sense that the believers themselves would have "psychoed" themselves into "the truth".

Of course, you may have heard of many stories like so and so has done this and that and then such and such a thing later happens to him or her. Well, are you not aware that there is such a thing as coincidence? Of course those are simply coincidences. For example, if you talk about a friend, and suddenly you get a call from him. Does that mean that your friend has called you because you've just talked about him?

And don't also forget the fact that people like to beautify and exaggerate stories. As a story get circulated, each pantang believer who retells the story may add in a little spice here and there to make the story sound more true and more scary. In the end, that story would mature into a true legendary tale.

Okay, fair enough , such stories may be too many to ignore and cannot be brushed off as mere coincidences. What about the stories which could show pantangs to be NOT true that remain untold? Perhaps out of a hundred cases of pantang violations, only three comes true. (Because usually only happenings get told while no happenings are not told) Does that mean we should take the 3 out of the 100 cases to be true? Why not we take the 97 out of the 100 cases to be true, instead? That would be more statistically sensible, isn't it?

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Ling,

Yes! They can might as well forget about all the pantangs when attending our functions! :wink:

One of my colleague's grandmother passed away before our wedding and she came and told me that she is unable to attend my wedding because the funeral was less than a year. I straight away told her that I have no pantang at all, just come over. And my big boss's FIL passed away 2 weeks before our wedding and both my boss and her wife tell me sorry that they can't attend my wedding. I told them, I don't care. They must be there for my wedding as I don't have pantang as well as HB. So, they all were there during my wedding! :wink:

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apekjolly,

it is a good explanation but how many will listen, believe and following it?

you just can't change someone who is into the pantangs since they were born and not easy to change them too, unless they starting to realise that all these pantangs are man-made (actually it is man-made ba) but I have to tell you, it is still not easy to ask them to forget about the pantangs unless they are living in overseas without their parents around (if their parents are so much into pantangs).

juanil,

Ya I met such situation too, there are 2 of my guests which their grandmum passed away and 1 is less than 2 weeks and another 1 is less than 100 days, they apologize that they can't attend my wedding but I told them I'm alright but they don't feel comfortable with it, so I cannot do anything

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Ling,

Yeah, sometime if people insist, we really can't do anything although we don't pantang right?

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shaun,

yup .. that's right =P

just like we cannot force them to listen to use, keep on telling them 'don't believe on those pantangs, they are crack .. etc.' end up they are leaving us slowly because they found that we are alien =D

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my case is my bestfriend 's wedding w/i 100days after my dad passed away.

i dint dare to go to her wedding..eventhough her dad gave me a green light jor. he said so long my friend dont accept my angpow...it's ok.

but i afraid to go cos my friend tat time also preg... scare later everyone blame me if anything happened to her bb.

even my angpow , i only pass to her after 100days.

but when my time, i dont bother about others. cos my cousin's FIL just passed away..buy i still ask her to come....so long as my mum not aware :P

but like others say, if u dont believe..then dont care too much on the pantang larang

if u r in doubt. try to follow lor... cos it's depend on whether u r comfortable or not.

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i find people who doesn't want to attend the reception for a more sarcastic... can save the angpow money mah. they didn't show up so it's ok not to give lor (it never cross their mind that it's not the money the wed-couple care)

i had a fren who every time her primary schoolmates gave her the wedding invitation, days after she accepted, it's either her family or the hubby's family member passed away. It's liked a curse or something. So to save her hassle, i'll not invite her.

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