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JoyceChan

would you let MIL to nurse your BB?

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Hi,

actually i already got an experienced baby sitter, but my MIL express her willingness to nurse my girl to my hubby. Sure my hubby appreciate it and ask me send my girl to MIL instead of baby sitter.

i feels so reluctant as my MIL don't hv experience at all. My BIL and hubby were nursing by their grandmom and only sent back to MIL when they were 2-3 years old.

what can i do ? :sad:

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Urm, I assume by nursing, you actually mean babysitting.

Why don't you talk to your HB and share your concerns with him? After all, getting a caregiver is no laughing matter and if your MIL has no experience dealing with babies, I doubt she can do a good job and is more likely to spoil your baby. Do share with him that just because it may seem cheaper, it isn't. There are hidden costs to consider.

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JoyceChan,

"... my MIL don't hv experience at all."

When I saw the above phrase of yours, it made me wonder where your husband came from and who cared for your husband when he was a baby.

Okay, joke aside. Now to my serious opinion, which happens to be only in one short sentence:

ANYONE IS GOOD TO LOOK AFTER A BABY AS LONG AS HE OR SHE IS CLEAN, HEALTHY, CARING AND KIND.

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My MIL did my confinement for me. She took good care of me as she makes sure I have proper food & herb & etc. However, she also doesn't have much experience in taking care of babies - as my hubby also were sent to babysitter since young. So there were a few incidents that happened:

1. Baby overheat as she clothed her too much because she thinks the air cond is too cold for baby. She tested by touching her hands & legs, where the right part should be the tummy.

2. Baby had diaper rash as she tried to save $$ for us by making sure baby poo many times before changing the diaper.

3. Baby caught flu due to visitor as we all were careless to notice a kid with running nose came visit.

I'm not complaining but I actually learn together with her on how to take care of baby which makes my life much easier when I took my baby back to my place and do everything by my own after my confinement.

So, for me i'd seriously prefer someone with more experience to take care of my baby because I think the experience one can attend to baby's needs and thus make the baby a happy one and contented one.

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Joyce,

Try to talk to ur hb in gentle way. For example u can say MIL not use to take care baby, since last time she didnt take care both of her sons, baby is not that as easy to handle as toddler or kids. Tell ur hb that let his mum have more time to enjoy herself, not busy take care baby. But u will bring baby to visit her always. Let ur hb feel that u r standing in MIL's shoe.

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i'm too in the same situation like you...

my hb so eager want to let his mother to take care our baby

but i worried!

1st the house is very dirty, just walking around the house my sole will turn black

2nd she feels that vacination is not important cos last time do not have such things.. and baby still grow up why waste money

3rd when i told her that my son drink a lot of fm she ask me to let him eat more porridge instead of drink milk can save money

4th my hb family is seriously lack of communication

5th she thinks that something i eat during pregnancy that caused by baby got jaundice

6th she dont buy toys but to collect toys from rubbish bin/dumpsite, washed it and let my son play, i noted there are still stained in the toy

7th she ask me to feed my newborn with as much water coz she thinks that baby are same like adult need water..

when i told her my bb dont drink water she said put some honey.

8th when i comment that honey will cause pelgm and she agreed. (Confusion here)

9th She said A and disagreed with B but when hb's aunty said B she quickly change her mind and agreed with B

10th she thinks my son is very naughty coz cannot sit quietly. Now tell me who want their babies to sit quietly when the are in the age to explore things?

and ask me whether i eat a lot of crab during pregnancy.

11th she has the habit of boiling herbal tea very weekends to let her sons drink. So my hb now if skip 1 week or 2 weeks didnt drink it, he will

have headache or sorethroat.

after seeing my hb and his bro character, i do not want my baby to have such character..

so it's definitely a big NO for me..

P/S- not that i dont like my MIL she is nice and very cincai lady but just that too cincai sometimes...

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Joyce,

Maybe you can do like what pal said, put it in a good way so that you don't offend your MIL and HB. For us we all know for sure we prefer our own parents instead of MIL to take care of our bb. If not maybe you can be with your MIL and baby for the first 2 weeks to sort of watch and see how your MIL will take care. Taking care of a bb is very tiring so you can tell your HB you just wanna help out at the start and slowly let go lor.

aishiteru,

If your bb's on fm, shouldn't you be feeding him more water? Unless you've a more water and less fm ratio in his feeding then it's ok. Anyway I guess your MIL meant just give a little bit of honey to bb in the water. That little bit won't cause phlegm. :smile: Well I'm also like you, I don't really like the way my MIL take care of children coz when her eldest son went to BKK one yr with the wife, they left their son with her and he started rolling over, she left him on the bed and he fell to the floor. Luckily it's carpet so the impact wasn't as hard but it was bad enough for me. Imagine if I let her take care of my daughter and she's already starting to roll over now.. sigh.. if she ever fell and my dad found out he'd kill her lol...

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diana,

for the 1st six month i'm breastfeeding. We can feed little water but not feed alot even on FM.

and we cannot feed baby honey not until they are 1 years old.

I'm not worried about my child left unattained coz my FIL and his bro love children a lot.

they can carry the baby for hours non stop. This I dont like ..

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another thing is that they dont believe is getting a good toys..

i'm not saying want expensive toy or what i'm worried of the safety

coz babies like to chewed their toys..

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but 1 thing for sure.. i know they take care my baby not because of money

because they really sayang him...

and i know they wont do anything to harm my child. If anything they will first report to me not like other baby

that when the baby injured they still keep quiet until things become too late.

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i also dun like MIL take care my daugther, coz she always doing her own things (e.g. watch tv, eat junk food, read newspaper) when taking care my baby. but luckily she dun like to take care also, that's y when i was pregnant she already asked us who will take care baby. and luckily my mum willing to take care, now my mum always wanted to see my girl even weekend, and she also afraid my MIL cant take care her well when i leave my baby with MIL. :wub:

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I already saw this in advance. I already discussed with my hubby in advance about this as I already saw my in-law's way of taking care of baby. I also felt that they are lack of experience as same thing they didn't really take care of their own children during 0-5yrs whereby taken care by their grandparents. We discussed and end up he agrees to me cause I am a midwife and my mom used to be a babysitter. So there are certain things that I disagree to it.

Talk to ur hubby about it and talk nicely to your mother in law. Hoping she will understand.

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yes, i did discuss with HB, even quarrel with him, but he stand firm that his mom is better than bb sitter...

i strongly agreed with aishiteru. my MIL is lack of experience but she can't accept the way i taking care my child. i take care of my bb this 2 mth, she moved in to my hse when i came back from hospital. my bb jst cried non-stop 2 weeks started from her 3rd day. we only can carry and pat her but nothing else to do. it really make me irritated when she said sorry and ask me to go back to my mom's hse if i willing to do so. luckily i could find a confinement lady to do 2 weeks confinement for me. the first 2 weeks i can't sleep ans rest as i need to take care my girl.

when the 2nd day confinement lady reached my hse, she went back to her hse and came back to my hse again after confinement lady went back. if she really want to take care my girl, why not she jst stay at my hse and learn from CL the way to take care bb. i hv to learn how to bathe my bb, how to determine whether bb got colic or not, etc. i can say that even i hired CL for last 2 week confinement, but i cant take good rest as i always observed CL how to take care my girl. so that i can take care my girl when she leave.

when MIL came to my hse again, she said she don't want take care my girl. so i looking for bb sitter after bb full moon. now she say want to take care my girl again... :wacko3: she jst too caring my girl. she even can sit beside my girl to 'see' her sleeping for hrs. MIL always carry my girl when she make noise, so that my girl need to pat till fall asleep. sometimes my girl want me to carry her sleeping as when i put her to bb cot, she will awake and cry again.

when my girl start crying, she will make milk to her. let say one day my girl took 3 oz at 8am. when 9 am bb cry again, then MIL make another 3 oz for her. i so worry.... :dash2:

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Joyce,

i have seen someone feed the 1 month old baby with full 4oz bottle.

i guess there is at least 5oz of milk in there.

Got shocked of myself and i keep on asking the mother is this the amount of milk ur baby going to take?

she is not sure she told me her bbsitter feed her baby that amount.

when the baby finished the 3oz and refused to drink anymore she still force

and the baby take another 1oz and the suddenly the whole body turn red and the blue...

i was so worry i quickly take over the baby and put him in a upright position and keep on burping him

after 1 loud burp he turn pink again...

i left the house with a heavy heart, my gosh...

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Joyce,

Has your hubby seen how your MIL take care of your baby? Does he know that she's not experienced in doing it? Or maybe you guys should stay at home one day together with her and see how she takes care (in tat case, if anything that goes wrong you can step in) and let him decide again if should let your MIL take care of your baby?

For my hubby, he was with me during the first 2 weeks during confinement. And he sendiri told me that his mum is not good in taking care of baby before I started complaining. :tongue:

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before i gave birth, i told my hubby that i did not want my mil to take care our bb bcoz "MIL lack of experience". Hubby insist that his mum will do the job. During my confinement, i can see my MIL did some mistakes like what bearbear mention on her earlier post but hubby still ask me to giv my MIL a chance.

months after months, my MIL is now a expert in taking care my son. All my relatives, friends and whoever that see my son will mention that my son caregiver is good babysitter. i did not regret to follow my hubby decision to let my mil to take care my son while i'm working.

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aisheteru and all mommmy,

i have very similar experience to you. I know how you felt. I had several arguement with my hubby abt mil style in taking care my son. Sometime I cannot tahan i will tell her that bb dun need water if breastfeed exclusive because.......and even show her the books. But she refuse to see and sometime she show me the dark face. We stayed separately with her but close distance. After confinement at my mom hse, i return to my home but stayed 1 week at her house coz I wanna help take care my bb too. It was one of the most miseable time of my life. I even cried few times. She will stand in front of the door when i breastfeed...then knock and ask have you finish if after 15-20 mins. Then every time bb cry she will ask me to feed she say bb not getting full tummy. (indicating someting) it's like ever 1.5 hours.

At 2+ month my bb develop rashes on his face, she use all type of old wives tale method to test on my son.

1) Apply used tea bag on baby face

2) Apply dunno what type of leaves she pick from the tepi jalan and boil water.

3) Give some herb drink to my son

4) Apply the water from rice cooker (collect it when water start to boil)

I want to faint.....I try telling her it's ok for bb to have rashes it will grown out...she say no you must cure it. I realise ppl like her can only see the surface only...like got rashes cure rashes, got mosquito put mopiko :sauer2: (i read form the mopiko cream that cannot apply for kid below 2 years old) :rclxub: anyway the story never ends.... and i can type for pages.

My conclusion that my son is her 1st grandson she is experiencing all type of method on him. And she never expected that I will have my on idea and method to take care my son that is different from her. After about 6-7 months of endurance I think she start to realise that I dun like some of her way. From beginning I will be the one to voice out immediately when I see something not right. Now I ask my husband to voice out. I talked many times to my husband that he need to confront his own mom. they are family....she will not get angry at him. But when I say she will be "kecil hati" and tell her relative what I say. (she even tell her relative that I dun allow my son eat pacificer and many other stories lar. i know coz the relative ask me about my method once.)

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rabbit, that's great! :) The impression I got from Joyce though is that her MIL totally didn't care for her own children and that they were with their grandma 24-7 until they were toddlers. Now that's a different thing altogether. Admittedly, we all start from somewhere, especially us new mummies but it's a big gamble to give your child to someone with little experience. We need to examine a few things not just how they care for our kids but the sort of values they will impart onto our children as highlighted by Aishiteru.

Even though Eva is older and on solid food, I'm still very reluctant to let my mother take care of her for a number of reasons - my parents fight in front of her, they watch TV ALL the time (it's always on even though no one is watching and on a crazy loud volume), they prefer to let her sit in front of the TV instead of reading to her or turning off the TV and playing WITH her, they talk very loudly (almost like shouting) and eat with their mouths open / snack on junk instead of eating proper meals and etc. These may seem like trivial things to some people but at Eva's young age, she picks up things just by observation and I want her to have a good start in terms of habits and behaviour. At least at the nanny, she's more firm with Eva than my parents are with her! :p

At the end of the day, it's your child, your decision and there is nothing weird/bizarre/even wrong with looking for another caregiver apart from family - don't have to die die give to MIL or mother. :)

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jannoo,

My baby also had those rashes on her face when she was 2 months. MIL say use boiled coriander water and also the rice water to wash her face twice and it will clear off. I didn't listen to her lol.. My mom came from KL and we brought her to the doctor and doc said 9 out of 10 babies will have that so it's ok... it's just mild dermatitis so doc just prescribed a cream to apply and it went off.

Aishiteru,

HUH!?!?! A 1 mth old drink 5 oz of milk??? My bb's 3 months now only drink 5 oz and she doesn't finish it all the time.. sometimes she does sometimes still got like 0.5 oz leftover.

Good to know your in-laws love your baby as much as you do! Beats off all the worry while you're at work!

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I have the same problem with you all too.. my hubby will think that first three years of baby is very important and he want myself to take care my baby.. but that time i have some dilemma which i prefer to go back to work.. so when i am pregnant I already start talking to my hubby that I want to send my baby to babysitter.. then he will feel irritating and said what if the babysitter have a bad role model for baby and baby learn all the bad things.. (there are so many babies out there with babysitter and what is the problem with that).. then he want his mother to take care the baby.. just his though.. but I dont feel good to let mil to take care also.. 1st lack of experience.. 2nd sure will spoil my son .. 3th she got all kind of weird way of handling baby (even sometimes not baby.. some of her though and behavior.. i cant accept)..

during my confinement.. the first 10 days she was here.. i already get so serious postnatal depression.. coz she told me after confinement lady left she want to come and help me.. that make me worry worst..

some example.. confinement lady busy cooking and I am not feeling well.. then she volunteer herself to warm my EBM and feed my baby.. (confinement lady also worry and asked her "are you ok??".. my mil replied "yes.. sure ok.. I also help take care my other grandchildren before" (the point is she is just sometimes hops in and see her grandchildren which is not baby and they are already toddler).. fine since she insist.. my CL no choice and let her do it.. then when i saw she is the one came out to help.. i straigh away tell her i feed my baby myself.. I am ok.. in fact i was in deep pain that time.. she refuse but i insist.. so she pass me the bottle.. oh my god.. the bottle and the milk is so hot... then she can carry on and tell me "she think the milk is still not hot enough".. i almost want faint but i cant confront her.. so i say i will feed him myself.. then she stand at the side and wait me to feed him.. it is so hot and i dont feel want to feed him but he is crying... so imagine how worst it is..

in fact she is not a bad mil.. just her character and behavior i can't accept it.. and i dont mean to offend her..

so lucky that i managed to work from home now.. and my hubby get a maid to help out.. so solve my hubby concern about to let babysitter to take care and solve my problem of not letting my mil to take care..

my suggestion is to let her hubby to really take care the baby together with your mil.. then he will know how to decide.. and good luck to you

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i do agree my MIL is sayang and caring my girl, the point is i can't accept her way and so called 'theory'...

since i pregnant, MIL keep on remind HB don't let my bb go out till age of 2. her theory being infant can't express their feelings and can't walk. when my bb reach age of 2, there would be easier to bring along toddler go out like shopping and travelling. so now when i come back from shopping or my mom hse, sometimes my girl can't sleep well in the nite, she will say 'nah, i told b4 don bring her together, now u see bb not feeling well'...OMG!!

she even not allow me to bathe my girl twice a day...i understand that she afraid bb will get flu. but weather so hot recently, sometimes my girl is sweating a lot, she ask me jst wiping her body with wet towel. i don't let her bathe my girl as she don't know how to bath, she jst want fast, fast, fast coz always afraid bb will get cold. MIL always ask me 'pls faster' :dash2:

like aishiteru, i also don't like she always carry her for hrs...

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