homeofbeauties 0 Report post Posted April 28, 2010 -edited- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Yvon 0 Report post Posted April 28, 2010 I'm not sure how to respond. I guess I'll put myself in your shoes and answer based on how I would react if my HB said those things.Honestly, I'd be jealous. Because if I were the lady of his heart, he wouldn't confuse me so much with another lady. And if he wanted me to look so much like another woman, why won't he just go on with the other lady? Why make ME look like HER?I would have these burning questions and I suppose, it's a make or break thing. Being married, we'll have to sort it out.But for you, he's still just your BF. Better get this sorted out sooner than later.No, I would be as sensitive as you so you are not alone. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
davinci 0 Report post Posted April 28, 2010 try to slap him whenever he mistaken called u with his colle's name.c next time he dare to do tat again or not.i'm not joking.. i'm am those easy jealous lady. i definitely cant tahan if my hb said such thing to me or compare me with other women.like Yvon said..if he like d lady so much..y not just date her instead of u. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Icy R 0 Report post Posted April 28, 2010 yea or try to ask him if u mistaken his name by another colleague, what will he think then?I guess every gal would mind about it, not only u. I don't think u're sensitive.look alike doesnt make sense at all. everyone is unique.even twins. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Diana 0 Report post Posted April 28, 2010 How can he mistaken you for his colleague?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? This is SOOOOO wrong! Unless he has wayyy too many gfs out there that who don't know which is which. So NO u're not the one with the problem. It's him with the problem!!! You know what? You should just give him the ultimatum and if he is still like that u should just ask him to date her... no point dating u Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
citibankvisa 0 Report post Posted April 28, 2010 Ok let me give a piece of my mind. NO it is not ok for him to do whatever he does. He sound to me like he is one of those who slept with lots of women around his life hence he does not really appreciate them in anyways. A woman for him is just for those activities and sexual fantasies hence he don't see you as a gf. He may most probably see you as a free sex service. I don't want to offend you by saying such about your bf, but I know men. It has been many years I've been looking at tonnes of them and you can detect their pattern easily. Try tailing his whereabouts and you might even give yourself a surprise from time to time. Just watch out and becareful I say. No you're not being sensitive. You are being too nice! He'd stray someday and tell you off. If you plan to keep him, do something now and make your stand. If you let him only make his and continue to get away with excuses, you are going to suffer greatly in the near future. No, I am not fighting for woman power here. I am just throwing you reality. The girl he brought to dinner or something, may not even be just his colleague. It should be someone rather intimate for him to feel that you are both the same person, either that or he treats you as a stranger. Think and take action! I am backing you up! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
aisumomo 0 Report post Posted April 28, 2010 it makes me a little worried to think he could possibly mistake you for 'her'.his overall attention to her clothes, shoes and hair is not normal just for a colleague.do note that if he just casually sees it he wouldn't be so obvious to the extent he remembers what it looks like when he is with you.he must be paying a lot of attention to them to have them embedded in his memory so well. in fact guys hardly pay attention to things like clothes and shoes unless they are checking out a girls body at the same time. and he noticed her shoes!!!! omg....do u know guys never look at a girls shoes unless they look all the way down her legs so obviously he checked out her legs. the only guys i know who actually pay attention to shoes are my gay friends. even my bf now hubby doesnt even notice my shoes!i totally agree with yvon about him trying to make u look like her. tell him to go fly a kite =.= seriously.if your bf had phrased it differently like encouraging you to try new styles and stuff then hey that's great but not always referring back to 'her'.its plain wrong..super salah. about the restaurant thing...zzzz dead give away..and im not too sure why it bothers you more he mistook taking you there when :1) you should be wondering why he took 'her' there2) mistake you as 'her'if i didnt know better id say he has a big thing for her. it might already be a two hand clapping scenario or it might still be just him trying his luck but whichever angle i look at this whole thing....there's only one thing i would have done. dump his sorry ass!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
meiteoh 0 Report post Posted April 28, 2010 Honey, I don't think you're being over-sensitive.From observation, the only time a man ever "confuses" his current gal with another is when he's juggling a dishes on the side (and a main course - you) and hiding that fact. We see this all the time in movies and on TV. A man keeps two families but somehow down the road, confuses one wife with the other by saying her name. I don't mean to be the bearer of bad news but like citibankvisa said, we have to be realistic. Even if you were close to your colleague, would you mistake your partner for him? Would you call your partner by your colleague's name by accident? I don't think so.Something fishy is definitely going on and I'd find out what it is. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wsyrinrin 0 Report post Posted April 29, 2010 This is not sensitive.... calling wrong name is totally not acceptable .... If I am u I got to re-think the relationship with him... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
homeofbeauties 0 Report post Posted April 29, 2010 Thanks a lot for all the advise. I am really not sure of what to do. Maybe we should talk things over. Shall we? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Yvon 0 Report post Posted April 29, 2010 Indeed you should. Put it nicely, ask him if this lady colleague is important to him in a special way. Ask him what he will do if you feel uncomfortable with the fact that he went out for dinner with her. And that you are paying her so much attention. I predict, he'll come up with excuses and such.To be honest, I'd be super pissed if my HB did that to me, said those things. Once it's clear enough that he places her on the pedestal (wanting to mould you to become her), please, don't hurt yourself anymore. Just break off. It's cold and harsh but it's reality. You don't want to be married to a man who might call out the wrong name in intimate times or worse, force you to become someone you aren't.Nope, I would never have been able to tolerate that.. and you are at the position to leave. By all means, leave. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bunnyNwife 0 Report post Posted April 29, 2010 I will not even want to find out the truth. Just walk out from the relationship. there will not reason on earth that he can ever mistaken you as his colleague. no way. Thanks a lot for all the advise. I am really not sure of what to do. Maybe we should talk things over. Shall we? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
supafreedo 0 Report post Posted April 29, 2010 WOW.....why is your man like that?? Aren't you terribly upset? I would be! You're still asking if you were over sensitive?? You are one kind woman!!! Very very kind woman. He must be so lucky to have you.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
aisumomo 0 Report post Posted April 29, 2010 thing is if you want to 'talk things over', you'd better get some proof if not i bet you..you're just gona be talking to wall and he might even get offensive. you'll be at the loosing end.. no one will admit it at this point unless u have something substantial to proof otherwise to him there is nothing to prove him wrong and he might even play it that you're the one making up the problems. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sherylp 0 Report post Posted April 29, 2010 just walk away if the relationship just started....i dun c any point of return....no man will call their gf other girls name o try n change u to become other girl. definitely this shows he wants the other 1 badly but can't get. FORGET BOUT THIS LOSER! since the start the relationship doesn't sounds healthy wat more to come Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
meiteoh 0 Report post Posted April 29, 2010 Hai, I wouldn't bother finding out. Will it change anything if he denied having another woman on the side? We'll be back to the whole "Am I oversensitive? I guess so coz my BF said that there isn't anyone else".Urm, keywords "my BF said". He can just about say anything he likes - promise you the moon, stars and all that. If you have doubts about him, that says something. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Apekjolly 0 Report post Posted April 30, 2010 homeo,All I can say now is that, luckily he is still your boyfriend and not your husband. Thus, should he turns out not right, you can easily dispose him off without many liabilities. For him to confuse you with another woman certainly exudes a very strong fishy smell; it's a hallmark of a mind that's also closely involved with "another similar matter". My advice is, before you slip deeper in your relationship with him, find out where the fishy smell comes from.Yes, no doubt, you're being sensitive. But this sensitivity of yours is justifiable. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
keka 0 Report post Posted April 30, 2010 hmm. Not entirely as bad as it seems. From a guys perspective, we could check out a girl from head to toe if we find her interesting or attractive. However that doesnt mean we are guilty of having an affair. Thinking of it and actually doing it, are two major differences. I could tell my wife, this girl is wearing a push up bra & it make her figure looks great. Thus suggesting to my wife to try getting similar bra type and I even offer to pay for that. Yes I do admit I checked out another girl's body, I feel is completely normal for a guy to check out other girls. You do realize when you wear low cut, perfumes, make up and all the accessories are meant to get some attention right?For guys, there are some girls that are out of our league. And best most guy will do, is try to suggest what he feels turn them on most from other girls and transfer it to their girlfriend or wife. I think most girls will do the same right? You check out the latest fashion from a magazine and you see certain polo t that looks nice on a model and you ask your hubby to get it. You can only prove him guilty by having solid prove that he did you wrong or his own confession. Why spiral your relationship into point of no return by purely suspecting & speculating? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sherylp 0 Report post Posted April 30, 2010 I agree at your point that even my hubby will look at other girls and at times he will comment about her with me. But likewise the situation that she is in is totally different...its like making her up to look like that particular lady and not merely just a top or a skirt o a bra o a panty but the whole entire look. And the worst part is...did u often call your wife the name of the other lady?? That is unacceptable at all....your point is alright...but her situation seems fishy n unhealthy.even if she talk things out, if the guy is honest then great, if its those delay daly then she might just end up in a cheating relationship.this is only my point of view....hmm. Not entirely as bad as it seems. From a guys perspective, we could check out a girl from head to toe if we find her interesting or attractive. However that doesnt mean we are guilty of having an affair. Thinking of it and actually doing it, are two major differences. I could tell my wife, this girl is wearing a push up bra & it make her figure looks great. Thus suggesting to my wife to try getting similar bra type and I even offer to pay for that. Yes I do admit I checked out another girl's body, I feel is completely normal for a guy to check out other girls. You do realize when you wear low cut, perfumes, make up and all the accessories are meant to get some attention right?For guys, there are some girls that are out of our league. And best most guy will do, is try to suggest what he feels turn them on most from other girls and transfer it to their girlfriend or wife. I think most girls will do the same right? You check out the latest fashion from a magazine and you see certain polo t that looks nice on a model and you ask your hubby to get it. You can only prove him guilty by having solid prove that he did you wrong or his own confession. Why spiral your relationship into point of no return by purely suspecting & speculating? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Enchant 0 Report post Posted April 30, 2010 Scenario 1 - I think still acceptable. My office theres a gal who is a great dresser. Sort of like a fashionista. Nice hairstle, great dress, matching shoes. Even the accessories from top to toe is worth commenting. Happens that we delve in the engineering line were most collegues are guys. I can say 8/10 if not all guys NOTICED and commented on her look. From the hair to the shoe. Few asked for advice where she shops in the pretext of bringing the gf or wife to shop. So, this for me is a positive move instead of negative. Hell, even my guy will some times suggest this and that to me when they see something they like. However, when combined with Scenario 2 & 3. There comes the red light. It sounds like she is always in his mind and on his lips. Her name is always pronounced that it came too easily off whenever he talk to you. Regardless if he calls you the right name or not ( which is already bad), its always referrred back to her at every sentence. It also sound like he "Wish" that you could BE her. He would be really proud to have her as his "throphy GF".2nd thing, I would be mad that he brought another girl to a fine restaurant without letting me know. To mistakenly confused he actually brought you there instead is really a slap in the face. Why would he be dining out with her in the first place and HOW in the world that you have not heard about it before this ? Now is dinner, what next. Later pops out, " Remember when we went to Redang..... Ooops ... it wasn't you ! Overall - This guys does not seems to be into you at all. It sounds like he is still unsteady and still on the look out for girls instead of focusing on you and your qualities. No point talking to him coz he will just dish out excuses that makes you feel silly and unreasonable.The decision is on you weather you want to have such a guy for your partner or not. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
meiteoh 0 Report post Posted April 30, 2010 hmm. Not entirely as bad as it seems. From a guys perspective, we could check out a girl from head to toe if we find her interesting or attractive. However that doesnt mean we are guilty of having an affair. Thinking of it and actually doing it, are two major differences. I could tell my wife, this girl is wearing a push up bra & it make her figure looks great. Thus suggesting to my wife to try getting similar bra type and I even offer to pay for that. Yes I do admit I checked out another girl's body, I feel is completely normal for a guy to check out other girls. You do realize when you wear low cut, perfumes, make up and all the accessories are meant to get some attention right?For guys, there are some girls that are out of our league. And best most guy will do, is try to suggest what he feels turn them on most from other girls and transfer it to their girlfriend or wife. I think most girls will do the same right? You check out the latest fashion from a magazine and you see certain polo t that looks nice on a model and you ask your hubby to get it. You can only prove him guilty by having solid prove that he did you wrong or his own confession. Why spiral your relationship into point of no return by purely suspecting & speculating?I'll be honest. My HB does check out other girls but he NEVER tells me that I should dress like her, cut my hair like her and etc. To him, she is she and I am, well, me. As for myself, when I see something nice on another guy, I would never tell my HB to go buy the same shirt. Hell, I'm not out to change my man. If he wants to change, he'll do it himself.All that is, honestly, very acceptable - admiring other women/men, asking your partner to consider their outfit/look/style, etc.But it has gone beyond that. What if your wife did the same to you? Called you by another man's name, talked about a non-existent trip to a restaurant with another man and mistook that man for you...Would you still tell us that it's "not as bad as it seems"? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skye 0 Report post Posted May 3, 2010 one sentence "he is just not that into you" comes to mind. sorry if i hurt your feeling over here but seriously after being through many relationship. I feel that he is just not that into you not when he can call u by his colleague's name. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ripleycyw@yahoo.com 0 Report post Posted May 3, 2010 yeah. Agreed. If u r not so in to him and maybe u should just left him. From my experience.....My ex used to compare me with his colliq like she is more gentle than me lar, very pretty and sweet gal, and finally he betrayed me to be with her...so , i am not saying ur BF will be like my ex.....but just becareful.. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
qarezma 0 Report post Posted May 3, 2010 I feel quite uneasy with my bf's comments. Maybe it's me being too sensitive or insecured. Maybe the problem is with him. I am not sure of which.For instance, when we go shopping, he will keep repeating that I should try wearing a certain kind of clothes or shoes or should try this hairstyle and that make-up. And in the end of each sentence, he will tell me how beautiful and nice his particular lady colleague looks on this dress, this shoe and etc.Second scenario, he mistakenly called his colleague my name. And called me hers.Third scenario, he mistakenly thought he brought me to that particular restaurant before but in reality he never. It was his colleague that he had brought to that shop. So I questioned how he could mistakenly thought it was me, and he firmly said that, we look alike thats why he thought it was me.My question is, am I being too sensitive here?you are reacting how any normal girl would.. if i were in your place, i'd have given him a piece of my mind for the 'mistaken' name calling and restaurant situation. Suggesting clothes or hair is not an issue but if he constantly points out, and even mentions 'his colleague', then there is something wrong here... Not sure how long u've been with him, my assessment:1) if u've been with him for a long time, then there are chances that he is secretly having crush on his collegue2) if you are newly dating him, he might hv dated the colleague previously and still remembers her while being with you.In either case, it seems like his attention on you is quite minimal... take your decision while its still early to avoid getting hurt later Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
citibankvisa 0 Report post Posted May 3, 2010 Hi,How have you been doing? I was just wondering one Sunday afternoon, thought about you.....is everything ok and how you resolve this matter. Don't be afraid to face it. Don't just let things go by thinking it will be ok after marriage or 10 years later I hope. Won't work. Keep us updated gal! Your support is all over. I believe majority of us here support what's right to do! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites