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happy-gal

should i hang on?..

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hi happy gal,

You're giving me a feeling that you're giving too many excuses that to leave your bf... if you think that he is not the suitable guy to walk with you for the rest of your lifes, then just make decision... no nd to give yourself excuse that your mom or your fren do not like it, etc....

but i nd to tell you that, i'm from a average family, but my hb from a very poor family where only his mom support him and his sister for study and she only earn very little, i think not even enough for your meals expenses in KL... however, both of us work hard together and within 3 years, we already manage to buy a landed house in KL. And he is still only own a bike and use it go to work, I dun think there is anyone telling me that I nd to look for a richer guy...

you're still very young. there is no wrong that you can look for a richer guy in order to maintain your current lifestyles. give yourself chances to know more ppl outside, maybe you'll find someone tat u think is more suitable.

Dear sisters,

Im really really feeling down and sad right now.. it all started previously when i started noticing that my period was a lot lesser then usual and i had abdominal cramps so i decided to c the doc which was today.. went to the hospital to consult the doc.. i know that the doc which is a gyne will definitely ask me if i am sexually active or not.. yes, im nt married yet and i am sexually active however, my main concern is that my mom!!..

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Hi Happy-Gal,

This is the first time i read this thread. Pardon me if I am late.

However, after reading your first post, I would say that all your situation is like rich gal and poor guy.

Honestly, I don't find there's anything wrong if a person comes from a poor family, graduate from local uni, etc.

I am not in a position to comment on your mum's opinion towards your bf... as i believe we have to respect the elderly though we not always agree on their opinions.

Let me share about myself. before i was married, i was having 2 jobs in hand. and i am earning more than by hubby. However, tat was never an issue for both of us. As we have separate commitments ourselves. (we were having LDR that time). When it comes to the time we were planning for our wedding, he din even get me a ring for proposal. And when we went to survey rings for wedding, i was also shock to see the prices... it was way overpriced and not worth it. He wanted a gold ring while i wanted a white gold diamond ring. We did have an argument on this issue, but in the end, we both gave in and bought separately. thus our wedding band is Gold for him and White Gold for me.

As for the wedding cost, we both share out. I paid 70% for our wedding studio photos while he bears for our room renovation cost.

And we are happily married for almost 3 years. Money was never an issue for us. who earns more and who pays more... but of course, as a wife, we must also give the due respect for our hubby... though we earn more, in front of others we still got to 'jaga' their ego and reputation.

I also envy all my friends who go travelling every now and then with their partners and spouses. Me and hubby only went to Bali for our honeymoon and Bangkok for a short break. We don't travel every now and then due to financial constraints. but i always tell myself, be happy and contented. we can't always compare to others cos each of us are different.

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Hi happy-gal,

I did share my real life story in another thread, here is the link my story (Post# 16). May b u can have a look 1st.

So, just make up ur mind, c what u really want? Dun bother others opinion.

There is nothing wrong for u to choose what u want for ur life because u r the one responsible on ur choose not them.

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You gals are so lucky already. As for me, I only took my wife to PD for the 'official honeymoon' and that too was a free gift from the hotel. To add salt to injury, I had to work in the hotel room cos suddenly my then boss called and asked me to rush out some stuff.

I told my wife that I would take her somewhere nicer but now that we have a baby, that too seems unlikely for quite a while.

So, when you think that you have it bad, remember, there are always many who are less fortunate than you.

As for happy-gal, you really must ask yourself whether you see a future with your current bf. As we grow older. we want different things in life. I was involved in a relationship for abt 7-years which did not work out and was single for the next 7-years before meeting my current wife. So, ask yourself just this question, can you imagine getting old together with your current bf.

If your answer is no and you are not pregant, just call it off and move on with your life and focus on what you really want.

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Hi Happy Gal, I am a much older bride and see you as being a little desperate. You are, at 25, are a baby as far as being attached or married is concerned. I have to say your comments in itself are also valid. Other posters have also offered very good advice. You have to make your choice and with what's going on now with your mom it might be a good idea to move out and be alone for some time and work things out. Enjoy your aloneness. Learn to like being alone and like yourself. Dont worry about your mom, she'll live, dont think about your boyfriend, he'll live . Think about your life and how nice it is to be alone and do whatever you want. Your worries about your future are valid, your thoughts about not wanting to be poor when you dont have to be are also valid. Other posters live their lives the way they are happy about it but you cannot expect yourself to live like them and not be true to yourself. We all have different dreams and hopes for life. Why settle for less unless it is for real love ?

Go live your life for you and not worry about what others or mom thinks. You want to be travelling like your friends and go to nice restaurants ? What is stopping you ?

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well... i get disoriented at some point because people are jz buzzing at my ear..

i was asked... if it wasnt because of my mom nagging, do i see myself with this guy?... i'd say yes and no at times...

i was recently informed by my doc that i have to remove the lump in my breasts so... at the same time i was also talking to my bf that i wanted to let go because of my mom's views and i'd b very sanfu in between ...

he jz said 1 word, what is done is done and now it is not time to talk about breaking up... it is time that u need lotsa support from ur family, ur bf.. lets talk about that (breaking up) later when ur healed...

i jz kept quiet.. i think 1 of the posters here was right i was finding ways to break with him.. i can be very extreme.. i dunno why.. when i feel that things arent going my way then i straightaway ask myself what the hell are u thinking.. u deserve some1 better...

and then when he is showing me support and guidance i can tell myself how lucky u are to have such an understanding bf... so supportive.. i think im going nuts..

yes i am at times desperate.. i am desperate in people showing me affection because all my life my parents, my mom, my dad has been treating me like a princess (i know its bad because i am sooo spoilt when i get mad.. this is the bad side of me...) ... some ppl cant stand it .. some can..

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happy-gal,

Your boyfriend is right, get yourself healed first before talking about the breaking up or whatever.

If after that you still want to leave him, I guess 1001 reasons you also can find to break up with him and there's nothing he can do, right?

If you think that 'status', 'background', etc are so important then why you wanna be with him at the first place? okie I know many people will say love is blind, in certain situation it is but I bet not for you as you know he is not the right man for you, otherwise you wouldn't trying to find excuses to leave him.

As for your mum, you know the consequences if you let her knows about your deeper secret but you still allowing her to following you to see the doctor and hear your 'confession' to the doctor, well .. I must say .. that's your fault.

Guess .. you are still not mature enough to handle your life, you still need to learn from many many lessons.

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hanging on is always the hardest when times are tough and most times, you just need 1 reason to hang on.

to break up, there is always 1001 reason to do so.

The road is yours to take, there is no right or wrong to it. As long as you can justify it to yourself the actions why you are doing it. Mind you all actions have consequences. So, as long as you are prepared to take up the consequences and face them in the future then by all means, go ahead. You dont owe anyone any explaination except yourself.

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im back... done the operation already... sigh.. its been such a difficult week... i owe a lot to my parents when i was hospitalized..

anywhow.. i DID IT with my bf on the 15th may and my period is supposed to come on 26th... bt it havent come yet.. im going nuts.. what do u girls think are my chances of getting pregnant?.. he had worn condoms ALL the time everytime and he says he ejaculates outside of me..

im nt sure izzit because of the entire weeks ups and downs causing my hormons to go mad and therefore causing the period cycle to change or tat i've really conceived?..

i jz had the surgery on my breasts to remove the lump and truthfully i am quite traumatized on that.. i dun think i'd be able to cope with another life changing event like getting pregnant before marriage..

i do admit that sometimes i think i have mild depression.. i cry myself to bed.. i told my bf yesterday cause i cant sleep thinking of this and he jz brushed me off saying there's nothing that he can do .. and he dunno y my period hasnt come.. he is so freaking relaxed and didnt even show me some concern.. all he said was there is only 2 possibilities, either u are late or ur pregnant.. what u want me to do... i was sooo pissed with that statement..

yes, my actions relates to consequences.. i blame myself on causing this much of grieve to myself.. i cant take this no more... seriously.. yesterday the thoughts of ending it there and then was quite true... was looking at the ceiling fan thinking if it could hold my weight...

bt then suddenly i thought of my parents... they cared for me sooo much when i was in the hospital, if i were to let go jz like that then how about them... they loved me so much.. how can i not love them back... i realized i was so selfish at tht point of time ...

bt im still worried...im going for a medical checkup for the new company that im joining on 31st may and definitely they will check for me being pregnant.. i cant take it if they reject me and tells me that "sorry we cant take u, ur pregnant".... this is going to be another hard blow on me...

now itself my emotions are all haywire... depression will come haunting me every nite... im so mad at myself.. it was a bad mistake i made.. i can only blame it on myself...

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Hmn, about pregnant or not, you cant do anything much so quit worrying. Try use a pregnancy kit to test if you are pregnant. You can use it to test few days after your period supposingly due but did not come. IF no result, wait another week and try again. I been through your process, worrying and worring and wondering. Not to mention my bf was just like yours. He simply brush it off and even pretend it didn't happen. Till one day I tried d prenangcy kit test and showed him the result. He still could not believe and we went to the dr. THEN, it sinked into his thick head.

So, there isn't much to worry TILL you are able to find out if you are pregnant. Mean time, chill~

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I really see the first post as a little immature about relationship. As long as you wrote, all I see is, now he has no money, I am not really happy with lesser money, I want a better life, he say he will make money, but money don't seem to materialise yet, hence I plan to leave, but if I leave now and if he ever got rich, I would be the blind one and not get to enjoy the life that I should have if I have stayed.

Girl, at 25 I'd expect a little more than that. You got to be realistic, true that. But you're setting conditions on this relationship like money matters. Poor is generally not the word to be used on a person based on his finances. He may be earning lesser than average and that his family comes from an average one. He still fought his way through a local university. I'd assume you're rich? Try asking yourself if you were at his shoes, would you have made it through any university at all?

What if he made it big? Number 1, that shouldn't be your concern. Number 2, if he really did and you left because you thought he wouldn't, you don't deserve to be with him in the first place.

When you speak about wedding, I learn that in the Christian community, they use the phrase...in good times and in bad times, till death do us part. The way you describe your relationship is more like, I'll hang around in good times, in bad times I will consider going away, but I am afraid that your bad times might go away and you will have a HUGE good time.

You got to first align yourself right. You know he has not that much of money when you first knew him isn't it? You accepted him as well right? What makes you change your perception now? Second of all, I know now all mothers wants the best for their child, but does financial freedom guarantees happiness? Perhaps your mother would approve of a relationship to be a second wife to a billionaire? That would make you `not suffer'?

From what I see, your mother seems to be a great influence unto you.

Now, until the day you know how to make love decision on your own without being affected by your mum, you should stay out of love before someone gets hurt.

Lastly but never the least, happy-gal, you speak like you're in high school. It is in my personal opinion best that you seek first yourself and know yourself well enough before getting into any more matter that adults are into. You seemed to still be your daddy's little girl. Commitment, responsibilities, etc....is a world you need to first learn. There is no such thing as stable income. A RM2k salary monthly isn't a stable income. It is just a consistent income until something happen to you. Give yourself another few more years and you will know what I mean by that.

Take great care of your health, and seek what is right in life first and then the right shall come to you. When you're looking for all the wrong things, all the wrong is what you will get.

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I second your points.

I really see the first post as a little immature about relationship. As long as you wrote, all I see is, now he has no money, I am not really happy with lesser money, I want a better life, he say he will make money, but money don't seem to materialise yet, hence I plan to leave, but if I leave now and if he ever got rich, I would be the blind one and not get to enjoy the life that I should have if I have stayed.

Girl, at 25 I'd expect a little more than that. You got to be realistic, true that. But you're setting conditions on this relationship like money matters. Poor is generally not the word to be used on a person based on his finances. He may be earning lesser than average and that his family comes from an average one. He still fought his way through a local university. I'd assume you're rich? Try asking yourself if you were at his shoes, would you have made it through any university at all?

What if he made it big? Number 1, that shouldn't be your concern. Number 2, if he really did and you left because you thought he wouldn't, you don't deserve to be with him in the first place.

When you speak about wedding, I learn that in the Christian community, they use the phrase...in good times and in bad times, till death do us part. The way you describe your relationship is more like, I'll hang around in good times, in bad times I will consider going away, but I am afraid that your bad times might go away and you will have a HUGE good time.

You got to first align yourself right. You know he has not that much of money when you first knew him isn't it? You accepted him as well right? What makes you change your perception now? Second of all, I know now all mothers wants the best for their child, but does financial freedom guarantees happiness? Perhaps your mother would approve of a relationship to be a second wife to a billionaire? That would make you `not suffer'?

From what I see, your mother seems to be a great influence unto you.

Now, until the day you know how to make love decision on your own without being affected by your mum, you should stay out of love before someone gets hurt.

Lastly but never the least, happy-gal, you speak like you're in high school. It is in my personal opinion best that you seek first yourself and know yourself well enough before getting into any more matter that adults are into. You seemed to still be your daddy's little girl. Commitment, responsibilities, etc....is a world you need to first learn. There is no such thing as stable income. A RM2k salary monthly isn't a stable income. It is just a consistent income until something happen to you. Give yourself another few more years and you will know what I mean by that.

Take great care of your health, and seek what is right in life first and then the right shall come to you. When you're looking for all the wrong things, all the wrong is what you will get.

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