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miemie

What is love? I need to know...

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Sigh. No one can tell me exactly what love means. I have asked numerous people and they have all different meaning for it. Why do i ask this question? It's because i have been dating with bf for 5 years and i never can tell him the 3 words. I can't say it because i don't know if i meant it. He always tell me that he very love me and will never want to break up with me. All these years he have treated me very well and have been very caring. I have a sister but she fell down when she was young and injured a minor part of her brain so although she is 25yrs old now, but she thinks like a 6yrs old kid. It has cause my mom a major heartache because she was supposed to be as healthy and normal as i am but she lives in her own world and can't have the strength to even protect herself. My bf has been very understanding and loving, even my sis was different, he will spend time to talk to her and will always drive me here and there to run some errands for my family. Even when my mom takes an hour plus to do a check up, he will just wait til we finish and drives us home. So my friends told me that maybe he will do this because he wanted to get me on bed, so he will do whatever it takes. But honestly speaking, we already have sex since 3 years ago and yet, he is still treating me the same way he did when we first get together, so then i know, he really do it for me and because he love me, he is willing to do it for my family as well. But whenever he told me he love me, i will not know what i sould say or do. If you say i don't have feelings for him, it is not like that because i do want to see him all the time and whenver i think that if one day he leaves me, i will want to cry. But i was also thinking, is it because he treat me so well, i didnt want to leave him because of this and not because i realli love him?

He was my first bf and i really give in my whole heart to him. We do have each other trust and we tell each other almost everything. There is nothing we cant discuss and even if we have disagreement, we will try to talk it out. The other day he asked if i'm willing to marry him. I was speechless. I say that i want to get marry but with what we are having now is not enough. He does not have a career now, he is helping his brother to take care of a restaurant. He wanted to be in IT industry and now trying to look for a job. His eng languange is very poor so I've told him that he needs to brush up his eng if he wanted to work in a company. I'm 25 yrs old now and he is only 23 yrs old. I know i couldnt expect much from a guy at his age. He is mature for his age but he doesnt have what we need for our future. I'm earning 3 times of what he is earning now and it is already a problem. Yes, i know that it doesnt mean that he will not earn more than me in the future but how long do i have to wait? I really thought it wasnt a problem for us as long as we work hard together for our future. But now, at his level, he needs to put in double effort in order to have his career and to be financially stable.

I do feel comfortable and happy whever im with him. because of his maturity, i can tell him problems im having from home and work and he will try to analyze it to me. But comes back to reality, everything needs $$, especially if we wanted to set a home together. He say he will work very hard and ask me not to worry about the $$ issue but when it comes to marriage, tell me how am i supposed NOT TO WORRY about $$ matter. So some says that if u love that person, u wun mind being poor with him. But honestly, i can't go thru hardship because i know i will blame and get regret in the future. My mom have been struggling to work hard and earn more $$ to raise us since dad passed away. I know how important $$ is. Everything is about this $$ sign! So i have to make sure i will lead a better life in the future. I don't want to suffer even after marriage and it will definately affects our marriage life later. After a serious consideration, i'm starting to think that do i really love him? If i do, i shall just accept him even if he does not make much money? He have the right attitude which i like so i shall be grateful and other things should not take into matter? My mom told me that he is really a nice guy and is hard to get such a guy which respects elderly and treat me so nice. But all this is not sufficient when you are talking about having a family together in the future, isnt it?

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I can tell you what love means, in fact I can give you the definitions the late Pope gives in "Theology of the Body". But it all boils down to you… what does love mean to you? Self-sacrifice? Sex? Having money?

Hey using those 3 words never came easy for me. I was afraid that my then-BF (now HB), he'd simply use those 3 words. The day I finally said it, and I mean it up to this day. So don't worry about it.

Erm, you got to be sure babe, wanting to see him all the time may not necessarily be love, maybe companionship…

Based on what you've written, I can see that he is something like my HB. No financial stability at all. But the important thing is that he does something to solve it, and he tries and tries. The best I can give him now is my support and be his number one fan! ^_^

IMHO, I do feel that 23 is a bit young to be married, mature-minded or not. Give you and him some time. I can tell that he is the type who wants to be able to "provide" for his family, take good care of you and your family. My HB is 38 while yours has a long way to go. I think at our rate, we'll never be financially stable. But we are working hard together to make our family work. I worry a lot about whether we have money to do things, to pay to raise a family, his parents future medical bills. He always reassures me by saying that this is our journey "and we'll solve things together". Double effort or not, the point is that he is hardworking.

True everything needs $$ but I've come to change my perception of life. Now I'm happy to be able to have ends meet as long as I have him. The worries are still there but I find that I have more happy moments than those $$ tight times.

My mom used to say the same thing too. I'm really overweight and to have someone who doesn't care about that, is responsible, hardworking, polite and genuinely caring, he's quite a good catch. Before I got married my mom kept asking me if he really was single. LOL

But if you ask me, so far we're doing okay. A little tight, but we're happy. He makes up in kind (e.g. emotional support, household errands etc) for all the times he couldn't afford to pay. I've had to give up a lot of things since I married him, and have completely changed my lifestyle to a more simple one. Now I've got a new worry: whether we're financially ok to have a baby… even bigger headache XP

To you babe, I'd say get your feelings right and think on what you really want in life and if he's able to give that to you. As long as you have doubts in your future with him, take it slow. Encourage him to reach his potential, and you'd be amazed at the man he grows into.

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To gal289,

Appreciate ur advise. =) Well, you do have ur point there. My mom always say that i'm a "princess" and that i had demand too highly on my other half. I have been reminding my bf all the time on our future, money, career and i know he is stressed about all this but so am I. I know its unfair to give him that kind of pressure, but because i'm 2 yrs older, it will more or less be an issue for us. He wan us to get married 2 yrs later, which i will be 27yrs old. For me, i think it is an appropriate age to get married but for him, he is just 25yrs old, still very young. But he said that he wanted to marry early and age is not a problem. And that's what his parents told him, too. That i'm getting old and i should settle down earlier. His parents have a conservative thinking. They say if i marry 27 yrs old, and if i have baby at 30yrs old, its consider at a dangerous age to have the first child. They just want us to quickly get marry and have baby but without $$, how can we get marry? I'm not sure if im the one who is having the problem or what. Even my mom somehow takes my bf side, saying that i should just have a simple wedding and don't expect so much. Perhaps you all can tell me if i am having very high expectations....

I hope that we have our own double storey house, no need to be in famous areas. We both have own car so i don't mind to do a little travelling. And for our wedding, i don't need a very fancy or a grand wedding. I can accept having our wedding dinner at a restaurant with 30 tables. So i estimate that the wedding will cost about RM 60k and honeymoon RM 10k. So which means that we need at least RM 70k for the wedding. I don't want us to get broke after the whole wedding thingy so our savings must have RM 100k. And when i mention 100k to him, his eyes got big and stunned for a little while. Am i being too much? I don't mean a RM 100k fully spend on the wedding. Just to be safe and not get completely "kosong" after the wedding, that is the amount i think we should have. I don't want us to borrow money to get marry and then get in debts after that.

I'm sure you all know that now for a "presentable" wedding ceremony, at least... for what i know... u need to spend about RM 50k. And i have not even add up for the renovation of the house. Its like 2 yrs time to earn all this, it is really really hard. Even if i'm earning more than him, still it won't be easy as i do have my own commitments as well. So that day when he asked if i wanted to get marry to him... im really not sure.

Is it true that if i hesitate on getting marry to him, i don't love him? If i can't endure hardship with him, is true that i didnt love him? But how can i be sure that i will love him till the end? That if he falls sick or poor, i wouldn't love him anymore? I tend to think about this most of the time. Sometimes i wonder if i'm too much of a worrier.......

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1. Having the First Baby at age of 30 is not considered ‘High Risk’ by any modern medical standards. Many women here have given birth to their first Baby at ages much older than 30

2. You don’t need RM100K to get married.

3. You will be able to recover a large cost of your wedding dinner provided you do it at places which is below RM1,000++ per table. 30 Tables costing you RM60K is a bit too expensive as its almost RM2K per table. Way too expensive…

4. Go to less famous hotels restaurant, that will only ask for like 10 to 20%% downpayment with the balance payable after the wedding dinner

5. RM10K for a honeymoon is reasonable.

6. Please also budget add RM5K for Wedding Photo, Rings, etc

7. As for Lai Kam, its up to your Mother

8. For reno and fittings, you will need at least RM50K to RM80K – reno is hard cash but fittings, there is always EPP (Easy Payment Scheme) but don’t overspend too much.

9. Above all, be happy. Its not how much you spend but who you spend it with – I am talking about Money.

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Hi CFA,

What i mean by RM 60k is inclusive of the wedding dinner and etc (photoshoot / bachelor party / morning tea buffet / angpows / gifts / dowry). My mom, she say for dowry, even RM 1k will be alright because she is not selling daughter. But i can't accept just 1k to be given to my mom. Maybe RM 5k. I will have to be at my family side. My mom is really a chin-chai person so she says "OK" to most of the things. I shall say my mom is a very simple person. As long as i have a place to stay, enough to eat and happy, it will not be a problem to her. I'm estimating RM 900 per table x 30 tables. And i have already deducted those angpows which i will be receiving during the dinner itself. Just a rough figure. And for the renovation, i've seen my brother doing it the most simple way and yet he needs to fork out RM 40k for it. So still, i need RM 100k in the bank account to be safe right?

Yup, i do think of having a baby at about 32-33 yrs old but even my bf say its risky. But that's what i wanted. If without $$, i really won't want a baby, even if that time i am already 35yrs old. I have seen a few couples, they didn't really have a financial planning and have a baby. Then problems come out, who to take care of the baby, all the expenses, and the time and stress when having the baby.... i really do think that everything revolves around $$....

So there's a saying... $$ can't buy health.... i don't really think so... if you don't have money, you will work hard for it... there's where your health get affected... and you don't have the money to go pay for the medical bills.... then tell me, still $$ comes into the picture right?

Hmmm... am i money-minded now?

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After deducting Ang Pow, RM60K still seems a lot cos, I got married a few years ago and it was no where near that amounnt, not even half - after deducting the Ang Pow that is. You need to further breakdown the cost into indiviudal items to manage it better. Big items are like:

Wedding Photo - RM3K - RM5K

Lai Kam - RM5K to RM8K

Rings - RM2K - RM3K

Wedding Gifts - RM2K - RM4K

After that, that you can shop and compare.

Good luck.

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You are not a money minded person. We are living in a realistic world, it's good to be realistic in your surrounding and expectation. just to top up your view abt grand or moderate wedding. You do not need to have 100 tables in order to be named as a grand wedding. Wedding is supposed to be the both of you. it doesnt matter how big or small. you were mentioning you can accept a wedding at a restaurant at 30 tables. to me, 30 tables does not consider moderate or small anymore. So, at the end of the day, it's your perception towards wedding. sometimes, you have to look at your bf / fb financial condition too. if he cant provide you even 1k, you have to accept it too if you choose to be with this man.

Money is important but it's not everyhing. If you are sure that your bf cant provide you what you wanted, be honest and move on. Do not waste anymore time. you gotto be fair to him too. i think for girls / woman, our expectation will change as we grow. At the age of 20, you may think he is perfect but as you grow 30, you will think that you may want other thing else. from your sharing, it shows that you are quite clear of your expectation towards him and your life.

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You know what, you cant find yourself living a poor life. So why bother asking it in the first place. In your mentality, money>love. All that you just mentioned is all bout you, only you. Your expectation of life bla bla bla. Start looking for someone with a thick fat wallet.

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money is important but its not everything. i guess its very individual. if he ain't enuf for u now then move on, dont waste his time n yrs too.

i hv seen someone who forgo her poor love and marry a rich guy and after few yrs the rich guy became bankrupt on family business and the poor guy is a boss of his own company with few houses to his name. who can say what is right and what is wrong ? its ur own choice and a route which who u will choose the walk the journey with.

i always believe love is all this :

To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, 'till death do us part.

for ur RM100K budget i wud say is way too high and not logical. I'm planning to get married next year and seriously, I dont even need 30 tables esp more so if i dont hv the money ... just invite close ppl and not the whole village and seriously 30 tables is a huge wedding to me. Also I can forgo the BS to save cost further. As for ring, we can always get anything between RM 1K - RM 3K since its gold so its ok. Dowry & etc total up to abt RM5-8K max. why wud i need to have a bachelor party if i dont have the money to enjoy it ? i wud rather hv something close at home for friends at a cheaper cost instead.

when there is a will there is ways to go about it ... just a matter of how much u want it to happen. if u want it enuf.... anything is negotiable and u can always lower some expectations to suit the needs. I always remind myself... needs over wants.

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I do feel comfortable and happy whever im with him. because of his maturity, i can tell him problems im having from home and work and he will try to analyze it to me. But comes back to reality, everything needs $$, especially if we wanted to set a home together. He say he will work very hard and ask me not to worry about the $$ issue but when it comes to marriage, tell me how am i supposed NOT TO WORRY about $$ matter. So some says that if u love that person, u wun mind being poor with him. But honestly, i can't go thru hardship because i know i will blame and get regret in the future. My mom have been struggling to work hard and earn more $$ to raise us since dad passed away. I know how important $$ is. Everything is about this $$ sign! So i have to make sure i will lead a better life in the future. I don't want to suffer even after marriage and it will definately affects our marriage life later. After a serious consideration, i'm starting to think that do i really love him? If i do, i shall just accept him even if he does not make much money? He have the right attitude which i like so i shall be grateful and other things should not take into matter? My mom told me that he is really a nice guy and is hard to get such a guy which respects elderly and treat me so nice. But all this is not sufficient when you are talking about having a family together in the future, isnt it?

To me, money may be important but it is not the standard I use to measure my life and who my partner ought to be. While some women may feel that finding a life partner who is already financially stable to be important, I feel that a man's character - diligent, focused, grounded and God-fearing - tops everything else, including how fat his wallet is.

It is good that you're looking ahead but you're not seeing the bigger picture. Finding a life partner isn't just about finding someone who can provide for you but someone who will help you grow as an individual and more importantly, someone who can be a role model for your children. Do you want a partner who works ALL DAY-NIGHT-WEEK long and hardly spends time growing his relationship with you, or even spend some time with his child? Or do you want a partner who makes the effort to come home at night to spend his free time with you and your children although you may both be struggling to make ends meet?

I do agree that couples may fight over money, especially when they have children, but at the end of the day, money will NOT make children feel loved, secure and stable. It is your relationship with your spouse and your character/personality.

My parents too struggled throughout their married life. My father was drawing a civil servant's salary during the 60s which is peanuts and my mother has always earn more than him. They started off living in a room with three to four other families. Fast forward to nearly 40 years later and my parents have two houses, a shophouse and a car to their name, and they can afford to travel a few times a year, and so forth. They have always shared with me (and many other people) that money will never be enough; you'll always want more. It is up to the individual to draw the line at what is more important. To them, they had each other and so long as they were willing to work hard TOGETHER, anything is possible. Money was important BUT it was not the MOST important thing. Family comes first.

My HB and I got married when he was unemployed. I was never embarrassed to be married to him then and I'm still not because I know his character. He was retrenched when I was pregnant. Do you think I wasn't worried? Of course I was and we talked about yet BUT I told myself then and now that it is just a temporary thing and that I have faith in him, that I know his character well enough to NOT worry. If I didn't, I would have never married him. We made adjustments to our budget and we pulled through. I like to think that we both (and our relationship) came out stronger.

If you are not prepared to even considered marrying your BF now just because he earns less than you and all that, then you are not prepared for marriage. Why I said this is because when you're married, many things can come your way - retrenchment and so forth. Already now you can foresee that you cannot endure hardship. Doesn't that tell you something?

Is it true that if i hesitate on getting marry to him, i don't love him? If i can't endure hardship with him, is true that i didnt love him? But how can i be sure that i will love him till the end? That if he falls sick or poor, i wouldn't love him anymore? I tend to think about this most of the time. Sometimes i wonder if i'm too much of a worrier.......

I'll be honest. It just means that you love yourself more and that you're not ready to commit to someone.

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i always believe love is all this :

To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, 'till death do us part.

Well said, skye. My HB always reminds me this when I go through a very rough patch and I feel that I'm burdening him...

miemie ah... as to the wedding, you may have to lower your expectations a bit more... let me share with you my wedding.

- I didn't have 30 tables for wedding dinner, just one for family members.

- I didn't have a honeymoon, up till now.

- I didn't rent a dress, I made one by amateur students.

- I didn't have a PS album, it's captured in Fraser's Hill by my HB friend.

- My engagement ring is my wedding ring. The ring cost less than RM1000 & it was on sale.

- My HB didn't give any lai kam. Just some GDL gifts of oranges, wine, peanut biscuits.

- My family sponsored catering on my church wedding day.

- My wedding car was my dad's car.

True, wedding is once in a lifetime event. But what's the point in spending when you don't have the money? Wedding is to "show face" but a marriage is the actual, lifelong event.

Do I wish I had a better wedding befitting my family's status? Hell yeah. Do I feel I've let down my parents for having a mini wedding? Oh yeah. Do I feel ashamed that my HB (only son) is unable to invite all his relatives? Positively yes. Am I happy that we focused more on the marriage than to get into debt in a wedding? MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD

I was once in your shoes miemie, spending sleepless nights wondering if I was ready to give up the luxuries my parents could give to spend my life with someone who might never be able to give the kids the same comfort I had. To be honest with you, to marry someone is more about self-sacrifice, humility and simplicity- you lose the "I" and take on a "we". If you can't see yourself being able to give up certain things, I don't know if you'll ever be content in a marriage with your BF.

Be realistic in viewing the future, (yes, love can't buy us food), but don't give up what really matters in life. What is your definition of success?

Until you can reconcile yourself, your expectations in life with his, do yourself a favour and please do not rush into a marriage.

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after breaking up with my ex of 7 yrs i kept asking "what is love?"

my answer ...

Love is to :

cherish

improve weak points for each another

respect each another in all things

be faithful

support each another in all difficulties

defend each another against the world

and lastly to share all we had with each another.

i'm not a christian or buddhist but i'm a free thinker. I was attending my friends' wedding which was conducted by her temple with talk from a well known lama on her wedding day. It happened on the say after i broke up with 1 of my exes and i was asking myself, am I asking for too much ? the answer is all in these 3 video clips. Hope you enjoy listening to it.

Ingredients to a successful relationship

part 1 : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YO9yjD_j5HI...feature=related

part 2 : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kc88LRHFLlY...feature=related

part 3 : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L8-UJxzJgTs...feature=related

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Hi all,

Thanks a lot for spending time sharing your opinions / advise to me. I guess you guys are right about my expectations. I mean if so many people is telling me that my expectation is a lil over then i really need to reconsider about it. Its true that unless my BF is having his own business / wealthy, then my expectations wouldn't be hard to fulfil. But he is still without a stable job and not financially stable, what more can i expect from him. Just yesterday, when my bf and I went yumcha with my cuz sis and her hb. We yumcha at centre point banana leaf mamak place and we sat outside near the parking space. So i just took the outside seat where the cars passes by. But my bf asked me to sit inside because he said that weeks ago a man was being hit by a car when in mamak stall and its dangerous. He say that he will take my place and if i realli happen to see a car charging to our way, he say i must run away first. I was touched somehow. Because i was thinking abt this problem the whole day yesterday and when he said these to me, i felt like i wanted to cry. Maybe some ppl will think that it was something that a BF should do, to protect his GF but at that moment, i know, he really meant it when he say that he love me and will do anything for me.

My cuz sis and her HB got married early this year and i was always wondering how can my cuz sis stand her HB attitude. He is very man ego, as in bragging on how cool is his new MAZDA car... and his newly renovated house. Everything we talked about, he sure knows about it. And he wouldn't accept it if we say that he probably would not know wabout that someone / thing / place. And the way he spoke to my cuz sis, very impatient. Because my cuz sis is a bit of a "siu jie" attitude, so waiting for her to order a drink takes some time. I ve get used to it. She can look at the menu for like 15 minutes and keep asking what to drink, what is nice, is it good that she order dis or dat. And then go back to the first page and go thru once again. Then her HB will get very annoyed and asked her in quite a harsh tone if she wanted to drink o not. And my cuz sis will get pissed and pout. So then, her HB will simply order a drink and cooed her back. So this happens everytime whenever we meet. I did once asked my cuz sis, is her HB the ideal BF she wanted. She say that she had spend 7 yrs with him and if she break up with him, she will have to go thru the stage all over again. She say that she can't get another guy who will like her and that she is already 30yrs old. So when her mom say that they shud get married, she hesitate, but got married anyway because her parents asked her to. So maybe her HB do treat her well when we are not around, but if we come out 20 times, about 18 times, we will see all the drama and the bickering.

I know this might seem to be out of topic and seems irrelevant but from this incident, i know that i should appreciate my BF and be satisfied of what i have now. I always feel that i'm unlucky. When i was little, i had to accompany my sis at school, need to be in the same class because my sis cant realli take care of herself, so i had to be there for her. I cant play during recess time because i cant leave my sister alone. I cant continue college because my dad need to be hospitalised and we need to used up a lot of $$. I had to work the moment i graduate from high school meanwhile all my friends attended uni / college. I felt left out everytime we have a gathering because they talked about assignments, college trips, friends and all the activities. But i'm the only one working, so usualli i will just listen. My mom worked very hard to earn $$ to support our family. I have a brother but he never care about us. He treated our house like a hotel, check in and check out everyday. My two aunties whose age about 70yrs old is living with us and i need to take care the both of them as well. All the financial pressure is on me because my mom is not working anymore. Ive tried to talk with my bro about it but he never bother. He said that he want to get marry soon and move out so he needs to save $$. So i worked very very very hard to get what i have now and still, it's not enuff. My aunts are "siu jie" since young, they never need to work until age of 30 and onli for a couple of years. Therefore, they will still demand for things which is in better quality and is branded. And all this need $$. They wanted an LCD screen / a new refrigerator and fix up the roof because our hse will leak everytime heavy rain. Its not i didnt want to get for them but only me who is paying is realli hard. And then they will say that i'm stingy. So then i know, mom has been very 'xin ku' all this while because she had to raise us all and also bear with my aunts. So i always tell myself that $$ is important. Without $$, everything can't be done.

My bf asked me to give him some time to prove it that he will really work hard and have progress for me. I know i had been very selfish because i only think about myself most of the time and neglected his feelings. I know i wanted to be with him and that i will not want to get somebody else because i know with my attitude / behavior, not many people cant stand it. Only he will always forgive me and still love me for who i am. Even he knows that if we get married, i will be bringing my mom, sis and aunts along, he never protested. Although now i still can't say the 3 words to him yet.... but i know, if i want to be with him, i will have to accept every part of him..

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this question again? what is love?

define love?

then we might as well we ask what is cherish? understanding? tolerance?

i think this is up to individual, and what I believe is that best to have mutual understanding of all the things you want to know.

because when it comes to bf /gf love it is not talking about one party alone.

esp when it comes to love of family, siblings or friends, it's at the minimum of 2, and maximum is infinity.

unless when you want to say: Oh I love Satay! :wub:

Most importantly is that do you expect them to love you back?

Are you happier if they love you back the way you love them?

Are you expecting them to love you back up to which extend?

You make your own decision.

These are what we mean choices in life.. (again my own theory. :lol: )

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i will have to accept every part of him..

Your last paragraph probably sums up your innermost feelings. I like the fact that you mentioned the last line....

that's love, babe... that's love.

Well done, you've found it.

Now join us in working hard for it, eh? HUGS :happy:

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Hi miemie

I know how $$ is important from my young time. my father fall in sick when m just enter secondary school. 1 of my sister still in primary 5, 1 of my brother in primary 3 & youngest brother only 2 years old. B4 my father fall in sick, his salary just enough to cover our household expenses, what to say that his sick. My mother have to work hard to support us & feed father medical fee. All my father side relative looks down our family. Luckily 2 of my aunties (sister to my mum) buy some basic things & give mum some money during our hard time. From there, I knew $$ is important, so m told myself that I want to earn more $$ for my parent in future, to shut up my relatives mouth which said that we are useless & never success without $$$. m also go thru the hard time 1.

I wanna start to work after form 5 to support my family but my mum not allow because she said that she willing to work harder to support us as long as we willing to continue to study. She even request me continue my study. So, m continue my study, go to form 6 & enter local uni. m get partial scholarship from state government for my uni expenses. I cant say that m very success now, but at least m can support my family expenses, buy a house for them to stay, give them some pocket $$$. My sister also goes thru the same thing with me. Can say that both of us support most of our family expenses all this while. Even now, my father still not fully recover but he did pretty ok, my mum still work as helper because she wanna do something to fill up her free time.

m older than my HB (3 years older than my HB). m oso earning more than him. However m oso feel comfortable and happy with him because of his maturity. He really loves & cares abt me. He does respect all my family members.

1. We don’t hv RM100K in our bank but we still manage to get married last year end.

2. We only have a simple wedding reception (both side less than 30 tables), even we dun have grand wedding reception, but all our guests feel comfortable, happy & enjoy the dinner.

3. Our wedding ring cost less than RM1K because it was on sale that time.

4. Our Lay Kam to my parent is only RM3K because both of us feed all the bills related to our wedding.

5. We still dun hv our honeymoon till now. All our friends which married just b4 or later than us been traveling for few times already.

6. We still dun have our own house now but we try hard to save $$$ & hope that we can buy 1 within 2 years. FYI, I have my own double storey terrace house in my hometown.

7. I have finished my car loan already but HB still has another 9 months to go.

8. I have my degree but he only diploma holder.

9. m have to feed most of our household expenses…& lots to go

But why m choose this man as my HB even m still have better choose. I knew some of the ppl m know said that m stupid to choose him or love is blind la & bla bla bla thing. But why bother them, m choose what I want & m the 1 will responsibility to my life, not them.

m trust him (my HB), m know that he also try hard to earn more for our future & he did. His fixed salary is much higher than b4 (now is abt RM2000+ after all the deduction) even still lower than mine. He also does the wiring & lighting work during his free time so that can earn more for me. m know that he feel guilty to me sometimes because he cant provide me what our friends provide their wives. The important thing is m willing to go thru everything with him for our future.

He did have his own ambition. He wanna has his own business in future. So, he put lot of afford on his current job. He tries to learn as much as he can, attend all the trainings provided by his current company & build up good relationship with all his customer & supplier.

m happy with our relationship now. I know that he will success one day. m trust him even know that lot of ppl said me stupid. :p

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sandy sibu...........touching real life story!

Hi Miemie,

So when this applying to your case, it may be due to the expectation of how he should do in a way to show his love for you?

or you often thought for the criteria of who is the one that should be to be the someone who deserves your love?

You can see in Sandy Sibu's case, she is so "hang fook", happily married. :wink:

She expects a husband like her HB. She made a choice, she stick to it, she is >100% trust her HB :)

What she has expected, is happening and will soon exceeding her expectations.

When you are in love, especially for women, they always feel insecured because they are not sure whether their decision is right.

They are dreamers they thought love is like a fairy tale and altho do happen in the reality (sometimes yes they do happen)

are you into this category?

or are you in this category:

in a total different context, all human on earth, never learn a lesson before hitting the dung.

so what kind of love are you experiencing? you should know by now.

a woman's confidence is very important. if you still hesitate, then you know it is time to reconsider.

another way of saying;

if you want to control your life instead of other people control your life for you, it's time to reconsider.

which one are you? :lol:

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SHARING MY THOUGHT

"Love" is an an elusive word. No one can put into one sentence to define what love is. Many things which we thought of as "love" are actually one of our natural senses.

Consider this scenario: A mother runs into the road and pushes away her little son to save him from being run over by a car and then gets herself killed in the process.

The woman has sacrificed her life only out of her spontaneous maternal instinct. But, sentimentally, it would be described as a mother's "love" for her child.

When a woman falls in love with a man, it could be just a male-female sexual chemistry. But, romantically, it would be called "love".

If you can love someone only if that someone can love you back and make you happy, that love of yours could be no more than a form of "self-interest".

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true... :) but dont worry, human being has a greed heart. our weakness.

But, there is no wrong or right when it comes to love. Just be true to yourself. :cool:

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