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Handling mother and MIL

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:wacko3: While my mum chases us about wedding stuff, my MIL says that it is "still early, why rush"? If I don't get it done, mum nags. Haiz....how should I handle such situation? Just feel, both of them, need to balance up the pace....and it would be perfect

BTW, AD in dec this year

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haha i was not rushed or slowed down by my mom or MIL but i can see the difference in their pace. Thankfully mom was in hometown, and I (being a early planner myself) started planning and shopping much earlier and in a planned way, while MIL in hubby's hometown took it easy... I only got to see bits and pieces of their 'unrushed' preparation when i visited them once in a month or so.

Another thing is hubby's side preps were all done by himself, with my help, so i did not have much IL interference. We planned shopping & stuff, and took ILs along when needed (eg when buying the wedding saree).. if i wait for ILs, their work is VERY VERY last minute

Try not to let them come in the way, meaning keep both preparations separate (i am not sure if its possible in your wedding)... so if MIL wanna be slow, let it be.. if your mom wants to start early, go ahead..

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haha i was not rushed or slowed down by my mom or MIL but i can see the difference in their pace. Thankfully mom was in hometown, and I (being a early planner myself) started planning and shopping much earlier and in a planned way, while MIL in hubby's hometown took it easy... I only got to see bits and pieces of their 'unrushed' preparation when i visited them once in a month or so.

Another thing is hubby's side preps were all done by himself, with my help, so i did not have much IL interference. We planned shopping & stuff, and took ILs along when needed (eg when buying the wedding saree).. if i wait for ILs, their work is VERY VERY last minute

Try not to let them come in the way, meaning keep both preparations separate (i am not sure if its possible in your wedding)... so if MIL wanna be slow, let it be.. if your mom wants to start early, go ahead..

i am not sure, but i think it is generally easier, rite, for Indian brides? the guys will plan out everything(kena bully) and the ladies side only carry out the reception, rite? :)

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haha i was not rushed or slowed down by my mom or MIL but i can see the difference in their pace. Thankfully mom was in hometown, and I (being a early planner myself) started planning and shopping much earlier and in a planned way, while MIL in hubby's hometown took it easy... I only got to see bits and pieces of their 'unrushed' preparation when i visited them once in a month or so.

Another thing is hubby's side preps were all done by himself, with my help, so i did not have much IL interference. We planned shopping & stuff, and took ILs along when needed (eg when buying the wedding saree).. if i wait for ILs, their work is VERY VERY last minute

Try not to let them come in the way, meaning keep both preparations separate (i am not sure if its possible in your wedding)... so if MIL wanna be slow, let it be.. if your mom wants to start early, go ahead..

i am not sure, but i think it is generally easier, rite, for Indian brides? the guys will plan out everything(kena bully) and the ladies side only carry out the reception, rite? :)

not really. If you look at it from a 3rd person's perspective, it might seem that wedding is all done by the guy. But in the background, there are a lot of customs to be completed at the bride's side, 1-2 days before the wedding. Also u hv a lot of gifts to prepare for the groom's side, like clothes and sweets and all. And if you are a pro-active bride like me, i helped organising a lot of the preps at hubby's side.

Plus in my case, we had 2 wedding ceremonies, 1 at bride's side, and 1 at groom's side, and then a reception by the groom. And 1 day before we had dance and henna ceremony at my place. ALOT of work there!

it is common mistake to judge custom's of other unfamiliar people as 'easier' or 'lesser'. Indian customs cannot get more elaborate.

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haha i was not rushed or slowed down by my mom or MIL but i can see the difference in their pace. Thankfully mom was in hometown, and I (being a early planner myself) started planning and shopping much earlier and in a planned way, while MIL in hubby's hometown took it easy... I only got to see bits and pieces of their 'unrushed' preparation when i visited them once in a month or so.

Another thing is hubby's side preps were all done by himself, with my help, so i did not have much IL interference. We planned shopping & stuff, and took ILs along when needed (eg when buying the wedding saree).. if i wait for ILs, their work is VERY VERY last minute

Try not to let them come in the way, meaning keep both preparations separate (i am not sure if its possible in your wedding)... so if MIL wanna be slow, let it be.. if your mom wants to start early, go ahead..

i am not sure, but i think it is generally easier, rite, for Indian brides? the guys will plan out everything(kena bully) and the ladies side only carry out the reception, rite? :)

not really. If you look at it from a 3rd person's perspective, it might seem that wedding is all done by the guy. But in the background, there are a lot of customs to be completed at the bride's side, 1-2 days before the wedding. Also u hv a lot of gifts to prepare for the groom's side, like clothes and sweets and all. And if you are a pro-active bride like me, i helped organising a lot of the preps at hubby's side.

Plus in my case, we had 2 wedding ceremonies, 1 at bride's side, and 1 at groom's side, and then a reception by the groom. And 1 day before we had dance and henna ceremony at my place. ALOT of work there!

it is common mistake to judge custom's of other unfamiliar people as 'easier' or 'lesser'. Indian customs cannot get more elaborate.

LOL

luckily i never come with blazzing guns n say u ladies had it easy! LOLXXX

back to Leongal,

to a certain point both my parents n future in laws do pressure us to get married fast, but they never really push us to the point of stressing us out... but we do get occasional, hey, so-and-so already giving birth, you remember your old schoolmate X and Y getting married... kinda stuff, and we just tell them, coming soon :)

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list of things that need both parties "cooperation":

1. list of things for gdl

2. guest lists

3. tasting of food

4. family photo shooting

is 10 months still "Early", i wonder?

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list of things that need both parties "cooperation":

1. list of things for gdl

2. guest lists

3. tasting of food

4. family photo shooting

is 10 months still "Early", i wonder?

you need a family photo shoot too? cant it be done on the AD itself?

imo 10 months is still early, but there is so much to be planned, so u can start planning phase now.

Not sure if u had your ROM yet, but in my case i had my ROM 3 months before traditional wedding, and due to pantang reasons, we had to do the photo shoot after ROM only, in which case i will hv only 3months to sign up, choose dresses, go for photoshoot, choose photos and wait for the final album! Mind you, i had only weekends to do all of these as hubby was in KL, and me working in SG.. photo shoot in JB... so i started the surveying & planning for photo session 2 months before ROM and only then we made it right on schedule for the rest of the photo stuff... phew... makes me tired even thinking back!

other than that, u need to book the dinner/wedding hall well few months in advance, some of the halls are terribly booked and very high in demand.

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10 months still alot of time dear so dont stress ya!

i planned my wedding less than 6 months.

Infact I'm 2.5 months away from my wedding AD

my GDL is this month end and my GDL list is not out yet.

Only got my guest list from my MIL 2 weeks ago. For my own side my guest list/family list has been ready since I started.

Tasting of food... yet to think about this at all reach that time only bother la as this is not that difficult just gather the family member, go and eat and decide if we want to change anything from the menu.

My family photoshoot will be done during my AD tea ceremony.

Only things pending now for me is wedding card invitation to be finalize & list of GDL (simple ones).

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my mum is chasing the gdl list because she says she want prepare in advance and survey for cheaper price, since we are low in budget.....hope to get the list soon, probably next month - at least, less one thing my mum gonna bug me.....

as for restaurant, booked oredi....the other time, when we havent book - dec last year, she was nagging all the way; the mil was not really bothered cos "still early", but my mum was rite this time because the date we are choosing mostly booked; so, we got to certain with the not so preferred restaurant

as for family shooting, my mum is ever ready; mil is - "depends lor", told fiancee oredi, if mil cant make it, also can't so anythign jor la....it can't be we always wait for her ; it would be unfair for my mum.....

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LOL u got 2 total opposite character mom there

I guess i'm lucky, my parents in law trust me so they generally leaving things for me to handle (me as my hubby is hopeless LOL and tends to forget)

As for my mum, she can be too much at times, so i block her from making any decision.

Anything that needs to buy, i'll do it, i source for it. All she needs to do is receive the gift, return the gift that was prepared and tells me in advance what she wants.

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LOL u got 2 total opposite character mom there

I guess i'm lucky, my parents in law trust me so they generally leaving things for me to handle (me as my hubby is hopeless LOL and tends to forget)

As for my mum, she can be too much at times, so i block her from making any decision.

Anything that needs to buy, i'll do it, i source for it. All she needs to do is receive the gift, return the gift that was prepared and tells me in advance what she wants.

as much as we lurrrve our moms they can be too much at times like this

just learn to ignore and not take it hard

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my mum is chasing the gdl list because she says she want prepare in advance and survey for cheaper price, since we are low in budget.....hope to get the list soon, probably next month - at least, less one thing my mum gonna bug me.....

as for restaurant, booked oredi....the other time, when we havent book - dec last year, she was nagging all the way; the mil was not really bothered cos "still early", but my mum was rite this time because the date we are choosing mostly booked; so, we got to certain with the not so preferred restaurant

as for family shooting, my mum is ever ready; mil is - "depends lor", told fiancee oredi, if mil cant make it, also can't so anythign jor la....it can't be we always wait for her ; it would be unfair for my mum.....

haha...my mil also like that. if she is a full time housewife and have plenty of time, you or hubby may visit her personally, ask her to SIT DOWN and go through the agenda one by one... at least she will sense the excitement and seriousness. hehe

1. list of things for gdl ( if you gdl soon, get it done. just the list itself do not let her take her own sweet time to think too much :P)

2. guest lists ( get your hb to write down from groups: ie: relatives, neighbour, friends..etc

guest list need sometime to add on and reduce, so this one cannot rush. just settle down with invi groups first)

3. tasting of food (you still have 10 months to go, you may select a time frame or desirable date let her to choose, easier)

4. family photo shooting (you still have 10 months to go, you may select a time frame or desirable date let her to choose, easier)

my mil always says still have time..very early so..she was late in "agree" our wedding date, she was late in printing cards, and even card printed already she only send out when there was only 2 weeks left..

my hb understands his mother so everytime chase chase chase no news, he will go to house and get her sit down and discuss and decide on the spot :)

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qarezma,

yea mom being mom lol ! its also understandable at times ...

for me as my mom is controlling so that why i prefer to block her rather than let her make decision. If she does she wants to make decision for everything and i do mean "everything" her way too lol.

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yah, my mum is those controlling types too, and she wants her way even though at times she will say "up to you"

MIL wants to follow some chinese tradition during actual day, which has to adhere...but for myself, basically, i think just follow the minimal; and there was one thing that my mum wanted to be her way, which i did not want - even though small matter; i stepped in and say "no" when she called me after i ignored her first email request; then she emailed me again for the same request for i have said no; of course, i said no again, but she was rather "hurt" :wacko3: and saying things like "take care of our feelings....etc" of cos i was slightly :sauer2: and continue to ignore her "pleas"; i dun wan to give in to her small requests, which will instigate her other requests....

yes, skye...i think i will end up prepare those gdl return stuff for my mum, but again, she wants to be in the picture, which i promised to allow her to do so.....hope it will go on well...

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ahahaha same with my mum la always use the word "up to you" but her suggestion is not a mere suggestion but a command actually LOL !

what i do i just ignore and will tell her "i will consult hubby or my in-law's 1st" as my wedding is hosted by the groom so they should have better say in things. My in-law is very modern and easy going so they are not into all the tradition except tea ceremony.

my mum uses the same excuse as yours does "take care of our feelings" sometimes i cannot tahan too but have no choice just ignore and ignore now she will go through to my dad or tell hubby directly and ask them to tell me LOL ! its not that i dont want to give in at times but she wants "her" way which makes things very difficult end of the day and i wud rather not have any arguments so ends up i take the GDL list and do the prep myself just ask her what she wants :P (bad daughter hor)

well what u can do is, maybe ask her what she wants then chose a place after research and take her there to buy. Take it like just shopping trip with her. This way she wont feel left out and she get to be in the picture as well.

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Old people always like to advise young people to get things ready early because they have learned lessons that doing things in a rush last minute often ends in disasters. But you're the best person to know what needs to be ready and what can wait a while.

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:lol: same here, my mum like to put pressure by calling my fiancee - but it proves, don't work

thanks for the suggestion ya....

after angry with me for few days, basically, my mum nothing already.... :wacko3:

ahahaha same with my mum la always use the word "up to you" but her suggestion is not a mere suggestion but a command actually LOL !

what i do i just ignore and will tell her "i will consult hubby or my in-law's 1st" as my wedding is hosted by the groom so they should have better say in things. My in-law is very modern and easy going so they are not into all the tradition except tea ceremony.

my mum uses the same excuse as yours does "take care of our feelings" sometimes i cannot tahan too but have no choice just ignore and ignore now she will go through to my dad or tell hubby directly and ask them to tell me LOL ! its not that i dont want to give in at times but she wants "her" way which makes things very difficult end of the day and i wud rather not have any arguments so ends up i take the GDL list and do the prep myself just ask her what she wants :P (bad daughter hor)

well what u can do is, maybe ask her what she wants then chose a place after research and take her there to buy. Take it like just shopping trip with her. This way she wont feel left out and she get to be in the picture as well.

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haiyah.... they get angry only but end of the day they also want to be happy for our occasion :P so dont worry too much.

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wacko3.gif While my mum chases us about wedding stuff, my MIL says that it is "still early, why rush"? If I don't get it done, mum nags. Haiz....how should I handle such situation? Just feel, both of them, need to balance up the pace....and it would be perfect

BTW, AD in dec this year

in my case, it is me rushing them both, and them telling me 'why rush' or 'yeah, will do soon' . i am very efficient and decisive and gets annoyed when people sit on things. sigh. one of those things that i need to experience as a BTB i guess. :P

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