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sharonyipsm

Did I Marry the Right Person?

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During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?" I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.

Here's the answer. EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love...

Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that __expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling is love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the __expression "the labor of love."

Because it takes time, effort, and energy . And most importantly, it takes WISDOM . You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can "make" love.

Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling .

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Hi ! did u come before this situation .......

my bf didnt contact me for 36 hours.....i'm not sure wat is he doing over the weekend?

i didnt contact him too.... wat i feel is he dont care about me....

dont even think about me ......if he's care abt me, he;ll contact me ....right?

feel sad......i hv been with him ard 6years++.

poohpooh

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i've never come across that situation before.. coz i don't think i can tahan not calling him. sure will call him if he didn't call. I'm with my bf for 9 years dy. Till now we still drop each other a short call just to say hi even if it's 10 seconds only. :wub:

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poohpooh & wye_ee,

me also something similar with both of you.. in sense that sometimes he can don't call me if we don't see each other and I'll feel like he don't care about me and I'll be wondering what he's doing until so busy cannot just call for short while to say hi like that... (or to see if I'm still alive or not.. hahaha.... very sacarstic here liow :P ) And like wye_ee, I'll always be the 1st one to call him if he doesn't call coz cannot tahan liow... me and my bf 7yrs.. Sometimes I feel that the longer we are, the more he'll take me for granted like that... *Sigh*....

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i am also someone like Wan Yee whereby i will be the first to call. i am always can help to be suspisious wht he is up to tt he can't call or pick up the call. i really hope one day i can cultivate to the day whereby he is the one who finally have to call if wanna talk to me..haha

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poohpooh, if your bf didnt contact you for 36 hours then you should call him! Why must the guy always be the one to make the first move? Furthermore, arent you worried? Maybe something happened to him (touchwood!). Im surprised you can stand that long.. If my bf (now hb) didnt call me for even 1 day, you can rest assured I will call him to ask him why he didnt call!!

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peipei... but sometimes very susah one leh... coz especially if say you're the one who's always the first one to call and he knows you won't be able to stand it for long if one of us don't call... So sometimes you don't want to be the first to call just because he knows you'll call like that.. aiyer so geram one.. heheh..

yalor shiauling, I also tend to be suspicious if he don't call or pick up... sometimes I'm so frustrated with myself for having so low discipline like that..

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if my hubby morning didnt sms me or call me, i will call him or sms him to make sure he is alright... my hubby sms me or call me every morning to say hello... and then around lunch time we will both either sms or call... then evening after work will meet... then nite time when he reaches home, will call or sms... I dont think either of us can stand not calling... even if argue, either one of us will call and trash things out... but usually calling when arguing doesnt help... usually need to face to face then onli can hehe...

i will be very worried if my hubby doesnt call me for 36 hrs...

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when we first moved in together, I had to call hubby (then BF) every evening to ask what time he's leaving work.

After some time, I realise I don't like doing it. I want to be the 'cool' girlfriend...then I made him SMS me instead. :P

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If my FH didn't call me or sms at the time he normally does, i'll surely be worried what happened. Let alone 36 hours. 4 hours no news also worried already. Unless i know he's out with his boss that day, or in conference, or tied up with work. anyway, we will still sms each other from time to time during the day even though we see each other almost every nite. Not being able to hear his voice is like a drug addict couldn't get his fix. :P

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thks for everyone yr opinion , experience ...

finally , i can not tahan then i sms him why he didnt contact me . he said he is busy and tired . actually at nite time we will sms before we gt to sleep becoz he is so so tired until forgot .....coz sometimes he is very busy he dun like people to disturd him.so that when he is working usually we seldom call or sms to each other unless emergency lo....

juz want to know is this situation normal for a couple? actually we r planing to ROM tis year......this confuse me..... or i may be thinking too much....

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hi poohpooh, it's quite normal for couple to go through this situation. Guys never like the 'reporting' (or whatever they call it lar) idea. However, personally, i find 36 hours no contact at all is a bit abnormal lar. Maybe you can discuss with ur FH is it okay for you to call him just to know he's okay. I think he'll understand. Besides, there's nothing wrong with us doing the call first.

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hi poohpooh, it's quite normal for couple to go through this situation. Guys never like the 'reporting' (or whatever they call it lar) idea. However, personally, i find 36 hours no contact at all is a bit abnormal lar. Maybe you can discuss with ur FH is it okay for you to call him just to know he's okay. I think he'll understand. Besides, there's nothing wrong with us doing the call first.

i agree with wye_ee. i think sometimes its good to tell each other what bothers us. you can discuss abt this with your FH that you are worry about him if he dun call or sms. I think this is important coz you won't want the same to happen after you are married with few kids and sit worrying at home, right?

try to let him know in a very 'te' way, sure will work :)

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Hi ! did u come before this situation .......

my bf didnt contact me for 36 hours.....i'm not sure wat is he doing over the weekend?

i didnt contact him too.... wat i feel is he dont care about me....

dont even think about me ......if he's care abt me, he;ll contact me ....right?

feel sad......i hv been with him ard 6years++.

poohpooh

I've experience that before but not as long as 36 hours...juz 48 haha. I know how u feel and does he call u after the 36 hours fast and act as nth has happen and everythin back to normal?

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i have a habit of being the one to call first, no matter how i dislike it. first i can't stand waiting for too long, especially if there is anything i wanna know or there are things to trash out. secondly, if he doesn't call, i will freak out and call to see if he's ok. so i guess over these years, he is also used to me calling first.

now that we are married and work at the same work place somemore, there's really not much reason to call each other, except when he wanna hurry me. so one day he was out fishing till quite late (which was normal), and i was just waiting for him at home to return as usual, and guess what he said when he reached home... "why u never call one, like how u used to?" hehe, i wonder if it's coz he was so used to me calling first that he misses my calls :P

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me and my hubby stayed in after few months of our relationship till now. When he was still wif his ex company before we start working together we hardly see's each other except at nite. When he was wif his ex company. he hardly calls me but sometimes he will sms me or sometimes i will sms him. If he doesnt calls me, is ok coz he is busy working anyway i will still see him at nite. but if i sms him if he doesnt reply i will get worried i will call him :D

After reading what you guys went throught, i felt abit funny loh.. i always tell myself is fine to call him if he doesnt calls me. maybe cause i always ask myself lots of questions like "If he is being stubborn, FINE i will be more stubborn then him (But do i like it?)" If he doesnt call me, FINE i wont call too. After thinking on all this situation, i realise i dont like it a single bit at all.

To my opinion, when you care bout someone there is no harm showing. There r going to be ur love of ur life. Why need to be stubborn and why bother showing ur attitude (ur not calling i dont wanna call also)?

When it comes to marriage, ur going to stay wif ur men half of ur life. Why bother showering him wif all this attitude? why dont u use another way to make things happier for both? maybe think of things tat will make him laugh? give him surprises?

As for me and my hubby. i will said we r both very unique couples compare to some gals here. He always think of things to make me laugh. I will always do some small things to make him melt. Sometimes at nite thou he is next to me. we hardly speak to each other but we will be talking with each other in MSN. YES HOTMAIL MESSENGER. (We are doing events for our living, 24-7 we will be facing our laptop) so sometimes will act like strangers talking wif each other in MSN n start cracking jokes together. This is jus 1 part of us cracking up some jokes to make each other laugh.

But i know i will hv alot more years to laugh as i always tell myself if u dont count on small minor mistakes he doesnt, ur life will be full of colors jus like a rainbow. trust me u will be much happier.

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HI ! everyone ....

after go thru all yr opinion ... i know wat to do....

thks wye_ee and shiauling.....

cleone , yes he juz act nothing after tat.ha ha .... he juz like normal lo....

thks bumblebee and sharonyipsm.... still got a lot of thgs to learn that ...hope can share with me all this in future.

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ganbatte poohpooh :)

HI ! everyone ....

after go thru all yr opinion ... i know wat to do....

thks wye_ee and shiauling.....

cleone , yes he juz act nothing after tat.ha ha .... he juz like normal lo....

thks bumblebee and sharonyipsm.... still got a lot of thgs to learn that ...hope can share with me all this in future.

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Hi ! did u come before this situation .......

my bf didnt contact me for 36 hours.....i'm not sure wat is he doing over the weekend?

i didnt contact him too.... wat i feel is he dont care about me....

dont even think about me ......if he's care abt me, he;ll contact me ....right?

feel sad......i hv been with him ard 6years++.

poohpooh

poohpooh, i'm facing the same situation with u too. I've been with him for 6 years. He just dun call unless he has important things to discuss. Sigh...

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Hi ! did u come before this situation .......

my bf didnt contact me for 36 hours.....i'm not sure wat is he doing over the weekend?

i didnt contact him too.... wat i feel is he dont care about me....

dont even think about me ......if he's care abt me, he;ll contact me ....right?

feel sad......i hv been with him ard 6years++.

poohpooh

poohpooh, i'm facing the same situation with u too. I've been with him for 6 years. He just dun call unless he has important things to discuss. Sigh...

Haih...same here...I'm only with my bf for almost 2 years..before we get together, he calls me everyday for at least 2 hours...then after together for half a year to 1 year time, he still call me and sms me or email me quite often, but now, most of the time i call him rather than he call me...sigh...

The worst thing is with my job, i need to travel out of country for a month and only come back for 3 weeks and travel for another month again..

Sometimes i feel that i lost connection with him, and almost every 3 months, i will feel upset n quarrel with him again, asking him why he doesnt take initiative to call me first or to ask me what i'm doing out there...Just feel that lack of support...

Now it make me feels that i want to change a new job...because current job really affects the relationship...

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Marriage is a gamble.

Sometimes you hit it right, but most of the times you hit it wrong.

But the wrongs can be made rights if both parties can make an effort to make it right.

Unfortunately, there are times when the wrongs are really wrongs.

This is the time when both can consider calling it a day and start all over again with another gamble, but try to be wiser before you throw in your next bet.

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Hi,

You all know that couples are made on sky.I have a firm believe on this theory.What God chooses for you is an absolutely right man for you there is no doubt in it.When you associated to some one you suddenly feel love for him and started liking him and make him your ideal in life.Every couple should understand each other feelings and share the love and affection together.

Thanks...

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