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happy-gal

i am sad..

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i am lonely to the bone.. im 26 this year and growing..

i have just broken up with my ex .. the relationship lasted 2 years.. been thru loads and felt that the guy is really not my type.. its all over.. i am feeling sad not because i cant leave him..

simply sad because i am lonely.. i dont look forward to weekends.. i hate weekends.. i have nothing to do.. i did sign up for some fitness classes bt then didnt seem to meet new peple that much..

i am really an introvert person.. i dont warm up to people i jz know so easily.. i am a stay at home person.. so my group of friends are really small..

am working now so the people that i meet also is really very small grup oni.. usually married or attached..

i dont know where to look for single people to be friends with let alone be partners...

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get online and talk to people..... i believe you would be able to let yourself out talking to strangers that you don't even know.... at least you should express your sad feelings out instead of keeping it inside your heart....

Wish you're fine soon.... Gambateh!!! :happy:

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26 is the peak of your life! Make the most out of it. Maybe you were too dependent on your ex when you were going out with him, and didn't make the effort to meet new ppl/spend time with friends. But that's ok, a lot of us gets so engrossed in our relationship, we abandon other parts of our life.

You can start off by meeting friends of your friends. Doesn't matter if they're married. They may hv single friends. Ppl in general like to meet new ppl (well, that's how me and my friends are. Before you know it, you'll meet friend of friends,etc. It takes effort - but it is fun. So enjoy!

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happy-gal,

26 is still very very young so dont worry about finding partner. What you need to focus is "yourself" and what makes you happy. You dont need to look for an outside source to love you and make you happy you know. Give this time to be alone, get to know yourself and love yourself by doing things you like.

Do you like to do community work ? go look for some to do .. there is alot out there !

if you like to learn more abt religion then you should head there (not for anything like finding a partner but for yourself to learn things you want to learn on)

if you are more into fitness, then go there just to enjoy working out for your own body.

Doing something just so that you can get to know people and finding someone is wrong.

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your story is similar to my sister's... she went out with her bf for 8 years, and 2 weeks ago she told us they broke up... and yea she is your age too...

her initial reaction was like yours, but now she's taken it in her stride... get a chance to be more independant, spend time with family and frens, and start a new life all over... like now she is free to get a job in KL or anywhere (previously she was confined to JB cos of him)

and as i told her, you are young and hv a huge life in front of u, do what u did not dare or have chance to do previously... meet people & enjoy life, and somewhere along the way, i am sure u will meet someone u want to spend the rest of your life with

skye's suggestion of community workis awesome! join the rotaract club or something similar.. u get to meet people, learn loads of organizing & mgmt stuff and all this while doing community service! In fact i got myself active into rotaract club 3 yrs ago when i was single and looking for a change in life.. i made loads of wonderful frens and experience

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i have so many ppl telling me to enjoy ur life.. i now realize that life is best enjoyed when shared.. and when i mention share it means shared with the person closest to u.. yes that would make up

a partner to share with..i do hang out with my friends bt then the feeling is jz different.. and my friends might not always

be there for me

i am trying to make myself happier.. i join classes, i go for facial.. i do always go online bt i am so freaking scared of

ppl who have bad intentions online as we read from the papers daily ..

recently been contacting many of my friends randomly.. bt they are busy.. or have plans of getting married .. or have babies

to care for.. have thir own family.. makes me feel even worst..

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wp provided a very nice prep talk...

right now your focus should NOT be 'how to meet a new partner' but just go make genuine frens... or contact old ones... take trips or holidays with them...and as for online.. u are confiding in us right now, do u think we sound weird? pls dont go online on the pretext of meeting mr.right.. just let it come, otherwise u will be greatly disappointed

as for married couples... hubby and i hv a close single fren.. she visits us frm time to time and it feels nice hanging out with a 3rd person, joking and having fun..

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I know how it feels, I've experience this before.

Unfortunately, the great fortune you have aware that he is not your type at the age of 26, not 36 or after married.

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Whenever someone breaks-up, its only natural to be sad or even heart broken. In fact, speaking as a metaphor, its as if part of you has died, and the longer that the both of you have been together or how deeply you were in love, the bigger the part of you just died, together with all the promises and dreams of the future. All vanished in a blink of an eye.

So, its perfectly okay to mourn and grief the part of you that just died. Different people do it differently and take different amounts of time to move on. Some do shopping, some eating, some smoking and some drinking. But its important that while you grief over someone who is no longer an essential part of your life, there are other who are still an essential part of your life and care about you.

What prevents most people from moving on is closure. Again, speaking as a metaphor, when someone dies, there is a funeral. In a relationship, the funeral is often the reason why the relationship did not work out, some unresolved business or perhaps if the other person has found a new partner. If a partner has no closure, he/she will find it difficut to move on.

Here is a good way to find self-closure. Write a letter to your ex. Whatever unfinished biz or words that you have yet to say, write it down. I mean write using pen & paper and not type using a computer. Preferably you finish the letter in one sitting.

Now after you have wrote the Letter, and you feel better, resist the temptation to mail the Letter. Just keep the Letter in a drawer for a week. After a week, take out the Letter and read the Letter and ask yourself, whether you are still feeling the same inside compared to a week ago while you wrote the letter. If yes, keep the Letter and take it to read after a month and ask yourself the same thing.

In the meantime, take the time to treasure the people who are still an essential part of your life.

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Whenever someone breaks-up, its only natural to be sad or even heart broken. In fact, speaking as a metaphor, its as if part of you has died, and the longer that the both of you have been together or how deeply you were in love, the bigger the part of you just died, together with all the promises and dreams of the future. All vanished in a blink of an eye.

So, its perfectly okay to mourn and grief the part of you that just died. Different people do it differently and take different amounts of time to move on. Some do shopping, some eating, some smoking and some drinking. But its important that while you grief over someone who is no longer an essential part of your life, there are other who are still an essential part of your life and care about you.

What prevents most people from moving on is closure. Again, speaking as a metaphor, when someone dies, there is a funeral. In a relationship, the funeral is often the reason why the relationship did not work out, some unresolved business or perhaps if the other person has found a new partner. If a partner has no closure, he/she will find it difficut to move on.

Here is a good way to find self-closure. Write a letter to your ex. Whatever unfinished biz or words that you have yet to say, write it down. I mean write using pen & paper and not type using a computer. Preferably you finish the letter in one sitting.

Now after you have wrote the Letter, and you feel better, resist the temptation to mail the Letter. Just keep the Letter in a drawer for a week. After a week, take out the Letter and read the Letter and ask yourself, whether you are still feeling the same inside compared to a week ago while you wrote the letter. If yes, keep the Letter and take it to read after a month and ask yourself the same thing.

In the meantime, take the time to treasure the people who are still an essential part of your life.

i think this what i am going to do.. the thing is that the breakup is hurtful nt the main item contributing to my problem.. its the loneliness thats killing me..

so thats y im asking what kinda activity or clubs to join..

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u interested to tutor children every thursday ?

feeding the homeless on weekends ?

going to waterfalls group trips ?

what are ur interest ? u can tell us ur lonely a 100 times but end of the day you need to "FIND" out yourself what are your interest. There must be something you like/want to do.

have you go back down memory lanes and see what you've always wanted to do but never find time for when you was in a relationship ? u can do all those now.

let me know if you have any interest on the above. 3 activities, I can easily link you up to those organisation and you can join them and make some new friends in the same time :)

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u interested to tutor children every thursday ?

feeding the homeless on weekends ?

going to waterfalls group trips ?

what are ur interest ? u can tell us ur lonely a 100 times but end of the day you need to "FIND" out yourself what are your interest. There must be something you like/want to do.

have you go back down memory lanes and see what you've always wanted to do but never find time for when you was in a relationship ? u can do all those now.

let me know if you have any interest on the above. 3 activities, I can easily link you up to those organisation and you can join them and make some new friends in the same time :)

memory lane... actually i've always got whatever i wanted easily.. there's nothing much that i'd die for or that i've always wanted..

life is smooth for me .. jz that relationship portion nt that good ni..

i also dunno what is my interest to be honest.. everythinhg is ok for me.. its like everything aso is jz normal.. nothing really captures me..

i think group trips are fine... which org to join??

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Honestly, I think you need to find what you're passionate about instead of just wandering aimlessly through life, accepting things as it is and so forth.

A break-up is hard, moving on is hard. But you're not alone - in fact, you're not the only person right now in the world coping with a break-up.

I'm an introvert person as well - I don't go clubbing...never did really. I had only a few close friends - less than a handful. So after work or college, I go home and stay at home. Weekends were spent with my family. You could say that I really didn't have a life. Heh. I never had any real hobbies except for reading and writing and even then my mum used to complain that I waste money on books.

When I moved to Australia, I picked up knitting and was active in online forums. My last break-up with my ex was really bad. I became a hermit and recluse. The moment I came back from work, I'd have dinner and then hide in my room. Never talked to anyone, never went out. It got to the point where my dad stuck a note on my door - he was worried that I was going to fall into depression and kill myself. It was at that moment that I realize that life has to go on and that instead of mourning a loss that could be good for me, I should look at the glass again and see that it's half full. I picked up knitting, threw myself into my career - I was a lecturer - and discovered along the way, that I have a passion for education, crafts and baking. I began to feel happier and confident, and before I knew it, I met my HB. Mind you, he was the one who wanted to be in a relationship whereas I was just contented being friends. Even though I was in a relationship, I still maintain hobbies and improve myself. During my free time, I knit, wrote, partook in all sorts of nutty projects like NaNoWriMo (google that). I was travelling with my HB as well and we were both into reading, discussions about politics and so forth.

I'm now a mother and on top of taking care of my toddler, I run a small craft business as well as knit, sew, bake, spin, etc. Everybody needs something that makes them happy and passionate in life, be it sports, crafts, or even a seemingly superficial thing like blogging.

You're young and in the prime of your youth. You shouldn't be living life without any passion and direction. Life doesn't have to revolve around relationships and meeting people. You can still be successful and happy as a single person. People are attracted to other people who are full of positive energy and passion. Ask yourself this - would you date you now? I'm sure your answer would be no.

So take some time out to think about what you are, what you want to be, who you want to be and about the things that interest you. Make yourself whole again without depending on someone else. That's the best way to attract people - friends or partners.

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u interested to tutor children every thursday ?

feeding the homeless on weekends ?

going to waterfalls group trips ?

what are ur interest ? u can tell us ur lonely a 100 times but end of the day you need to "FIND" out yourself what are your interest. There must be something you like/want to do.

have you go back down memory lanes and see what you've always wanted to do but never find time for when you was in a relationship ? u can do all those now.

let me know if you have any interest on the above. 3 activities, I can easily link you up to those organisation and you can join them and make some new friends in the same time :)

memory lane... actually i've always got whatever i wanted easily.. there's nothing much that i'd die for or that i've always wanted..

life is smooth for me .. jz that relationship portion nt that good ni..

i also dunno what is my interest to be honest.. everythinhg is ok for me.. its like everything aso is jz normal.. nothing really captures me..

i think group trips are fine... which org to join??

then you really need to sit down and reflect on what you like and what interest you. Seriously you are just living your life aimlessly. You can say everything is "ok" for you but i can tell you are not happy and the reason is you need someone outside to make you happy ! 1st and foremost your happiness DOES NOT depend on others but yourself and how you make life to be.

Happiness will shown out from within, passion of life will also attract others to your vibrant energy be it friends or otherwise. If you just wander life aimlessly, even I wont be interested to get to know you (metaphorically speaking) so before u can even think about attracting others, attract yourself ! if you dont even like to get to know yourself you cannot expect others to ....

hope you get what i mean here.

As for group trips, check out this thread

http://waterfallsurvivors.blogspot.com

look them up at facebook : Waterfall Survivors Malaysia

good luck

i was at a stage where i know what i want in life, what makes me happy and i didnt need any guys to make me happy.

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I am going thru the same thing right now...and im 26 too. Its really hard for me as i have to go thru sudden break up. I can say this is infact the worst break up ive went thu. The more i begged him the more he became cold n ignore me. I think its every men's ego. Well its his lost..and definitely goin thru a long healing process now..find something to do or ppl to talk to it helps.

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I am going thru the same thing right now...and im 26 too. Its really hard for me as i have to go thru sudden break up. I can say this is infact the worst break up ive went thu. The more i begged him the more he became cold n ignore me. I think its every men's ego. Well its his lost..and definitely goin thru a long healing process now..find something to do or ppl to talk to it helps.

know what? go get urself a hobby, join the gym, join a beauty club, learn french, etc... trust me, in no time, he'll be outta ur mind forever! :)

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Yeah thats right, ill try to go out moreo ften socialise..before this im always home with him..waste of time to be depressed about selfish people who wants to enchance n progress their careers without you...

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breaking up is not the end of the world. think of it this way, they leave you is their loss. they don't deserve to loved by you if he decides to quit this relationship. i know sometimes it's hard, but u need to learn to let go.

there's no need to actually find another guy to be your gf so fast. i don't call this love. i call it running away from reality. and you might hurt the guy.

calm down, think things over and what do you really want to do. if you need any help, u can always ask around here. there are a lot of good people in here who are willing to help you get things back on track.

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ok i am back.. its been tough trying to handle this.. before i start i would like all of you not to criticise me for my actions eventhough i know its darn stupid of me..

i myself also dont know what is right or wrong..

to start off with, after the break, about 2 months later, he called me out.. and wanted to reconcile. he asked me "can

i give him another chance".. i didnt say anything then as we talk,it turned out that initially the stuff that he wanted

to do (which contributes to the reason why i breakup with him) he has temporarily suspended the idea of going ahead with it.

So when i asked him, he said it was partially because of me .. when i wanted the break that nobody supported him to do

the biz he wanted to do .. he feels really devastated.. and then on the next day, i called him.. i asked him that since

he is not going ahead with his biz anymore, i want to gt back together..

then he said that after the previous meeting when he wanted to get back, i didnt reply him he said he has already given

up and put down hopes to get back with me.. and eventually he has picked himself up.. thats not the end..

we continue to keep in touch and he's still treating me as his gf..

we still hug, kiss and when we go out, we'd hold hands and i always feel very happy and comfy when with him.. thats also

1 of the reason why i wanted him back..

so then i always felt that both of us really feel for each other.. when he is with me, he really care for me.. however,

when he is not with me (we are both staying with our own parents), he never call or sms me asking me how am i doing..like

before when we were dating.. when i tried to hint to him, he say that he's busy..i always feel how long will it costs to

msg ??... just to let u know, he's been like this previously when we were dating too bt nt so bad.. at least 1 week 2 times

he will mg me asking me how am i doing.. now??.. none at all if i never initiated it..

its always me who msg him or call him.. bt when i msg, he'll respond.. when i call he'll talk as though we are dating..

manja2 and all.. i always asked him "u miss me"?.. he'll always say yes.. and kisses..all that typical dating stuff

couples do over the phone..

the thing is, when i asked him again last week on the getting back together, he still says that he's unsure that he's

too afraid i might jz leave him again.. he's undecided.. he said that he's told all his friends that we broke..i told

him that i'll never leave him again.. (actually this is the 2nd time i rejected him cause when he 1st tried to date me

i rejected him as i feel he isnt very sincere.. then the 2nd time was because he wanted to do that biz which i dont

quite like it)

then he said that the next step wud be marriage and he really cant accept being hurt again and again by the same person..

me..he's afraid that when i get angry i might jz initiate a divorce later on..

i told him that i'd change because i really wanted to setup a family with him.. i really wanted to build my life with

him.. bt he's nt convinced..

i dont mind proving to him that i am really changed... bt now i am feeling hurt because when we both go out, yes we are

like a couple .. hold hands and all bt still our relationship is kept in the dark.. not particularly in the dark bt our status

is single and available.. something that i really mind a lot..

i am wondering WHY does it need to be kept in the dark..

nt like we are having affairs or anything.. i dont see the problem telling others that we are getting back on.. he does..

so now although i am happy being with him .. i am very mindful that our relationship is "platonic".. i really dont want

to be called "friend"... but playing a gf kinda role.. and i still am quite hurt tht he doesnt call or msg me during weekdays

when we dont meet..only when we meet, he treats me like his gf..i am afraid that later on, this relationship turned into a

"Friends with benefit" relationship.. i really dont want it to happen..

yes i know i am stupid.. he's said that he needed some time to sort out what he wanted in life.. if he really wanted to go

ahead with me.. i give him time.. bt till when.. i wonder till when shud i wait.. i dont want to leave him again..and

now i am having insecurities that he might be chasing other girls (cause he is SINGLE now) and having me on weekends..

although i know that he is not that kinda person, i am having this insecurities when i think about our relationship..

what should i do.. when is the cutoff time?.. i've asked my friend on this.. he says that both of us are now in a safe mode

zone.. when everything is still going smoothly.. there will be a time when either 1 of us pushed the button to either stop

this or get on with it.. ultimately yes there will only be 2 solution and end to this.. jz that nobody knows when..

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Robbie.. it is not him who wanted to breakup previously.. it was me who asked for it because he wanted to do some biz which i feel that i cant tahan that kinda lifestyle.. and i didnt want to burden him by dragging on with him making him sad and myself unhappy..

so i decided to make the decision..

and now i wonder if what i did was ever correct...

now that he's POSTPONED it.. he didnt say he'd abandoned the idea of that biz.. jz that now he wants to focus on his current career.. he still will proceed with the biz in future bt nt sure when..

so i told him.. as long as u come back to me every night .. back home.. i'd accept it.. previously he was saying that he'd throw everything his career, his parents all aside and then go do that biz 100%..i didnt like it previously because i feel that i wanted to setup a family..

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Don't be a doormat.

he probably came back after 2 months cos he was going through what you were going through, 'withdrawal' symptoms from a breakup and adjusting to single life. the first 3-6 mths are always the hardest. I've been through it too, so i can understand. but once you go through the first 6 mths (preferably more than a year) with no contact with your previous lover, things will start to get better and clearer.

so even when he says he missed u, just like u missed him, it doesn't mean anything. of cos he's gonna miss you cos you guys hangout so much when you were together. think abt it, if u hangout wit a girlfriend every sat, and the gf suddenly migrates overseas, wouldnt you miss that gf too??? but it doesnt make you lesbian rite??

But just like you, he would like to have somone to talk to/manja with when he's got no one to hangout with. so when he ask u out, its for part of his 'adjustment' process.

it is obvious that he is and has slowly adapted to being single and having the freedom to meet new people, which is why he nv calls/sms, especially during weekends, cos thats when he can have time to meet new ppl/go dating with new girls.

If you call/sms, he will layan cos its ok, cos you 'approached' him, he didnt approach you. So if he ever find somone else in the process and so called 'breakup' with you, he can always say, its one sided on your side cos he nv pursued you, but you did.

i am sorry if i m abit harsh. but i've seen this happen too many times before to my friends. and i know the only way to knock some sense into them is to be honest and maybe 'brutal' instead of being 'nice' and 'understanding'.

sorry if i offended you. but this is my opinion.

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