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Mable

Dilemma-please HELP!!

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Hi all, i really need some advices as i am in a very difficult situation.

My mum is an Alzheimer patient plus she have depression as well. All along is my dad who took care of her until recently her illness has gone from bad to worse. As u know there are no cure for this disease and her depression also get in a way. It's stressful for my dad to take care of her as he has sleepless night and he couldn't catch a wink of eyes in the afternoon as she constantly create chaos and tried to run away. He's old and he couldn't take up the stress and sleepless night. We couldn't get a maid as well. im a teacher, i will spend all my school holidays in ipoh to help out my dad.

The issue is, my bro stays and his company also in KL as well as me, and i just got married last November. My another sis is married and stays in singapore and another sis who is also married which stays in Ipoh which she is half an hour away from my dad who stays in ipoh too. both my sisters had suggested and trying to coax me to quit my job as a teacher in a reputable private school in kl (im in a higher position) to go back to ipoh and help to care for my mum. They had chosen me because i do not have any family commitment as i do not have children like them. they told me that they will pay me monthly to compensate that the fact i left my job.

my question is, it's kinda unfair to me. It means that i need to leave my husband and my duty as a wife in kl to care for my mum permanently in ipoh. it doesnt mean that i dont want to care for my mum but how bout my marriage? many ppl will say if ur husband is understanding enough, they wont mind but if if there are problem occurs in my marriage, who will take responsible? things are hard to say. moreover my hubby is not too keen of the idea.

im in a big dilemma. shall i quit my job n leave my husband to go back ipoh or i shall reject my sis??????? im stressful. pls help!

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My late father-in-law was an Alzheimer patient too and what my HB and his siblings did was let him stays with their youngest sister who is a housewife and pay her monthly for taking care of the father.

I know it is not easy to look after an Alzheimer patient they will drive you crazy, urine, poo n etc all out of control (to certain extend).

Since you HB is not keen with this idea you always can tell them that your HB is not agree and the best solution is to hire someone to look after mother since they don't mind to pay to get one.

If the situation is become worst, guess the best place is the nursery home but choose a good one with good care.

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well if i'm in your situation, i will not. I never believe in living-apart-marriage be it for further studies, work or other reason.

being married means you are suppose to go through life journey together not living a separate life doing different things. Issue will crops up here and there unnecessarily and the stress and pressure build up overtime can be the breaking point and at times we find the other party for not being 'understanding' when in truth they cant coz we are living separate life apart.

anyway that said, since both of your sister does not mind paying. They should look for someone outside like a nurse or maid to assist your father and care for your mom.

It is very unfair of them to heaps the burden on you alone just because you do not have kids yet. You too would want to have children eventually, what if you get pregnant sometime this year ? have they no thought about you being a newly wed and also wanting to work toward a family life eventually ?

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Hi all, i really need some advices as i am in a very difficult situation.

My mum is an Alzheimer patient plus she have depression as well. All along is my dad who took care of her until recently her illness has gone from bad to worse. As u know there are no cure for this disease and her depression also get in a way. It's stressful for my dad to take care of her as he has sleepless night and he couldn't catch a wink of eyes in the afternoon as she constantly create chaos and tried to run away. He's old and he couldn't take up the stress and sleepless night. We couldn't get a maid as well. im a teacher, i will spend all my school holidays in ipoh to help out my dad.

The issue is, my bro stays and his company also in KL as well as me, and i just got married last November. My another sis is married and stays in singapore and another sis who is also married which stays in Ipoh which she is half an hour away from my dad who stays in ipoh too. both my sisters had suggested and trying to coax me to quit my job as a teacher in a reputable private school in kl (im in a higher position) to go back to ipoh and help to care for my mum. They had chosen me because i do not have any family commitment as i do not have children like them. they told me that they will pay me monthly to compensate that the fact i left my job.

my question is, it's kinda unfair to me. It means that i need to leave my husband and my duty as a wife in kl to care for my mum permanently in ipoh. it doesnt mean that i dont want to care for my mum but how bout my marriage? many ppl will say if ur husband is understanding enough, they wont mind but if if there are problem occurs in my marriage, who will take responsible? things are hard to say. moreover my hubby is not too keen of the idea.

im in a big dilemma. shall i quit my job n leave my husband to go back ipoh or i shall reject my sis??????? im stressful. pls help!

I'd say NO. Tell them that your HB is not keen on the idea and moreover, you are newlyweds. If they can't accept that reason, then too bad for them - I frankly think it's selfish that they want to hold onto their own lives and do their least bit while forcing you to do something that you feel you won't be comfortable with. If they can afford to pay you monthly, why not use the money to put your mum in some form of professional care like with a nurse or at a nursing home?

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why not move your parent to KL and stay with you , all the sibling can sponsor and buy a house in here so easier to take care of them. For you to quit your job and go back i don't think so is a long term solution

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it is kinda difficult to reject to take care of your mom, cos she is your own...

why not ask your father and mom to move down to KL with you, and hire a nurse or something to take care of her, get your siblings to share the cost, since they are willing to pay you. This way u wont be compromising your marriage or welfare of your mom

but hey, u hv sister staying in ipoh near your dad, why not hire help over there, if your dad insists to be in ipoh?

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I think your sisters are being very unfair and trying to put all the responsibility on your shoulders.

As they are willing to compensate you for the loss of your job, they can afford to hire a qualified nurse to care for your mother.

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