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qarezma

Baby attachment

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i was considering SAHM... wanted to purchase apartment for our home to make it possible. But i gave it deeper thought, like insurance, education funds, etc... i need my financial back up. Now with our finalised purchase of a house, i realise how the $$$ is never enough... struggling with downpayment & legal fees now

speak of separating mummy from the kid... last when when my baby was born, then itself my ILs wanted us to leave him at their place and not give to baby sitter... my SIL tried to persuade me a few times.. i asked her nicely 'can u leave your house and come stay with me here?', and she said no... and i said 'if u 23yrs old cannot leave your mother, how my newborn gonna leave his?'.. she just smiled after that

I know people always struggle with money, as a mum we do always want more time with bb and you going to have your second one coming. But sometimes I do think in others way as I want to teach myself my son later, may be home learning as that also save some $$ there or make just for two years in kindergarten instead of 3 years. No music lesson as I will teach him by myself, no art lesson as I also can teach it. No so much toys as I can make it myself for him, no so much clothes, a lot of things need to be cut down as $$ need to think twice to spend it coz only HB is making it. It do force me to be more wiser on everything. Self entertainment of course will cut down as well but since I do start to practice it since I start working coz my salary wasn't that much compare with others who work whole day as I am only work for half day. People always said me: aiya your HB got $$ so you no need to work also can lar....my thought is, is just depend how are you going to spend money, can you tahan when others going oversea once a year but I only within Malaysia, others change cars and cellphone and I still the same. That the comparing part where a lot of people can't stand it.

May be you can think for only a short break for yourself and going back on work after a year, within that time you have enough time to prepare everything, bb sister for your two little son but if your is hardly for you to let go then you have to think twice lor...I do love my work so much and I had spend 5 years there, my salary is the highest compare to others co worker, after I quit my job until now I still can't let go and not so adapt to be SAHM but I do make it better and better and try to enjoy every moment with my son and as what my father told me I still can find others job later if I want and don't like to stay at home. Same to you. You always can find another job later but I do understand every person is in different situation. You do have your commitment. Take a deep breathe things will soon settle down, think on how cute your 2nd lil one will be. Our sister here will always support you. Gambateh!!

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we've got plenty of financial debt needed to be settled at the moment. i'd definitely love the idea of taking a break from work and going back later on, but there are so many disadvantages in terms of getting the same position later. I am not looking to build a career, but at least maintain it for now, as i have spent more than half my life for education alone, want to make it worthwhile.

Yday we had a little gathering for MIL's bday... and this time hubby's grandma came... and started giving me some 'advice' in letting my kid mix with others more often by leaving him at IL's house and let him be less dependant on us parents with no.2 coming up. I think she said this becos Sanju preferred to be with me or hubby most of the time while some uncles were here. No doubt he doesnt see them often, how can he be close to them? otherwise he is ok with ILs and my family. Is it wrong for a kid to depend on the parents?

here i go again ranting.. just try no bother, but i cant imagine the lengths they want to go to tell me the same thing. Last nite i stayed up crying looking at my kid.. i hv about 4 months more to baby him before his sibling comes. No doubt that time i will hv less time with him, but i want to put enough effort to make him feel a part of the family unit, rather than sending him off to IL or parents. Being sent away once a new baby arrives would affect him emotionally even more.. rather than help him cope with the new addition to the family.

I hope these ppl dont bring me to super-pissed level, i dont know what i might do or say to them

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Hugs to you garezma.

I dont think it is wrong for kids to be attached to their parents. It is only natural. Follow your heart on this. If you feel it is against your heart's desire to leave your child at IL's house then you can stick to your decision. Ultimately this is your child and you have a right to decide. Who knows, leaving your child at another house might make your child miss you more and become more attached..

we've got plenty of financial debt needed to be settled at the moment. i'd definitely love the idea of taking a break from work and going back later on, but there are so many disadvantages in terms of getting the same position later. I am not looking to build a career, but at least maintain it for now, as i have spent more than half my life for education alone, want to make it worthwhile.

Yday we had a little gathering for MIL's bday... and this time hubby's grandma came... and started giving me some 'advice' in letting my kid mix with others more often by leaving him at IL's house and let him be less dependant on us parents with no.2 coming up. I think she said this becos Sanju preferred to be with me or hubby most of the time while some uncles were here. No doubt he doesnt see them often, how can he be close to them? otherwise he is ok with ILs and my family. Is it wrong for a kid to depend on the parents?

here i go again ranting.. just try no bother, but i cant imagine the lengths they want to go to tell me the same thing. Last nite i stayed up crying looking at my kid.. i hv about 4 months more to baby him before his sibling comes. No doubt that time i will hv less time with him, but i want to put enough effort to make him feel a part of the family unit, rather than sending him off to IL or parents. Being sent away once a new baby arrives would affect him emotionally even more.. rather than help him cope with the new addition to the family.

I hope these ppl dont bring me to super-pissed level, i dont know what i might do or say to them

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I know how you ladies feel. My second baby is due in 3 weeks time and my in-laws (MIL and SIL) keep on wanting to 'take care day & night' (take away) of my second baby after the confinment period so that my wife can have enough rest. I don't mean to offend some parents but who can trust their newborn to be looked after day & night but my wife and me decided that no matter how difficult it is, we will take care of the baby ourself at night. My wife also asked my Ils the same question, why can't you live with us, after all, I don't mind. Their excuse was it is new environment for them, so my wife said, what about our son????

Before that they wanted to 'take care' of my first baby but we said that he has only been looked after by the BS during the day and the parents at night since he was born, my ILs will not able to handle him at night and the last thing I want is for my son to be crying away at some strange environment looking for his mummy.

They mean well but sometimes, it gets on your nerves when they keep repeating it over and over again.

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SAHM - this is a question I kept asking myself since the day I found out I am pregnant. Both hubby and I dislike having strangers staying with us, so we decided against the option of having a live in maid/babysitter. My mum has just retired recently and at first she agreed to stay with us to help out with the baby when I go back to work. During my 2nd trimester she changed her mind and asked me to let baby stay with her in hometown. I told her that's not an option as I don't want my 2 mths old baby to see me only during the weekend. She called me selfish and that hurted me so much I cried over it. She even said she knows a friend who quit her job to be a SAHM but after 3 mths couldn't wait to find a job as her baby was driving her crazy. Apparently, being a SAHM isn't for everyone, according to her.

I know she meant well, and she thinks this is not a big issue as she left both my brother and I with babysitters when we were young. I guess I have a different set of priorities, I want to be around for my child even if it means I need to quit my job or find another job which allows me to work from home. Career wise, money is good but looking at it, I guess it really isn't everything. Sometimes we just have to make sacrifices for motherhood even if it means never again buy a branded handbag or drinking plain nescafe and not starbucks.

I'm delivering in 2 days time and perhaps when I look at my girl's face, she will assure me that it will be totally worth it and firms up my decision =)

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I know how you ladies feel. My second baby is due in 3 weeks time and my in-laws (MIL and SIL) keep on wanting to 'take care day & night' (take away) of my second baby after the confinment period so that my wife can have enough rest. I don't mean to offend some parents but who can trust their newborn to be looked after day & night but my wife and me decided that no matter how difficult it is, we will take care of the baby ourself at night. My wife also asked my Ils the same question, why can't you live with us, after all, I don't mind. Their excuse was it is new environment for them, so my wife said, what about our son????

Before that they wanted to 'take care' of my first baby but we said that he has only been looked after by the BS during the day and the parents at night since he was born, my ILs will not able to handle him at night and the last thing I want is for my son to be crying away at some strange environment looking for his mummy.

They mean well but sometimes, it gets on your nerves when they keep repeating it over and over again.

nice to read the other side's perspective... i agree the same, i rather care for my kid myself, if not day time, at least night time i should be there to see how he is doing.

its been a roller coaster of decisions... MIL is having issues coming over to tk care of my kid... told my mom and she is willing to come over from JB for the next 3 months to look after my kid....

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SAHM - this is a question I kept asking myself since the day I found out I am pregnant. Both hubby and I dislike having strangers staying with us, so we decided against the option of having a live in maid/babysitter. My mum has just retired recently and at first she agreed to stay with us to help out with the baby when I go back to work. During my 2nd trimester she changed her mind and asked me to let baby stay with her in hometown. I told her that's not an option as I don't want my 2 mths old baby to see me only during the weekend. She called me selfish and that hurted me so much I cried over it. She even said she knows a friend who quit her job to be a SAHM but after 3 mths couldn't wait to find a job as her baby was driving her crazy. Apparently, being a SAHM isn't for everyone, according to her.

I know she meant well, and she thinks this is not a big issue as she left both my brother and I with babysitters when we were young. I guess I have a different set of priorities, I want to be around for my child even if it means I need to quit my job or find another job which allows me to work from home. Career wise, money is good but looking at it, I guess it really isn't everything. Sometimes we just have to make sacrifices for motherhood even if it means never again buy a branded handbag or drinking plain nescafe and not starbucks.

I'm delivering in 2 days time and perhaps when I look at my girl's face, she will assure me that it will be totally worth it and firms up my decision =)

truly respect your decision...

i am a FTWM, and mind you, I am working my ass-off to build a home and future for my kids, i dont get to buy branded handbag or drink starbucks. I am happy with my kid's smile at the end of the day, and yeah, i buy lotsa clothes and fancy cloth diapers for him instead :)

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Having been both a FTWM and SAHM, I can tell you the grass is always greener on the other side.

And to divert slightly from the topic - I understand how annoying our parents and inlaws can be when it comes to wanting to help out, and not enforcing the parents rules. But at least they want to help. I have a lot of friends where the parents just do not want to help out, and hence, they have to rely on babysitters. At the end of the day, parents and in laws will likely not harm the child. But a babysitter - you just do not know what they will do. My friend's child was locked up in the store room with no lights for hours whenever he was naughty in the babysitters house. And no one knew about it till he was a teenager when he casually mentioned it. Before that, the parents were singing praises about the babysitter - saying how good she is, and how the son loved her etc etc.

Also, our parents and in laws are already old. It is not fair to ask them to stay with their children, in order for them to take care of the grandchild. I mean, how many of us can say that we will uproot our lives and stay with our children, leave our friends, stay in an unfamiliar environment etc etc - to look after out grandchildren, when we become grandparents ourselves?

I don't mean to sound harsh, but there is always another side to the story. I used to be one who always had a lot to say about my parents, until I realised I was wrong and I was not fair to them.

If parents want help from their own parents in terms of raising a child - both parties seriously need to compromise a lot. If we can't, then we have to find another way, and not blame them. It really is not their job to raise their grandchildren.

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I think we are the only ones who truly know the intentions of our parents or parents-in-law. When people rant about their PIL or parents, take it with a light heart and know that you're lucky to not have to deal with such things on your end. :)

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I think all of us have stories about our parents and in laws. I have to deal with it on a daily basis as well. My main point was that if we want help, we have to learn how to compromise because parents being parents, they are very stuck to their ways. And if we cannot accept their ways, then we have to rely on other ways. I'm sure when we are old and have grandchildren of our own, our children could be writing in forums complaining about us, and how we do not know the 'modern' way of raising children. :)

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