People commenting on baby

[Cas 0]

Hello mommies, I’m a mother to a 8 month old baby girl. My baby is the sort of baby who likes company otherwise she gets bored easily. Sometimes she fusses when she’s bored or would cry to be carried. Then at times, when she’s constipated or sick, she would cry and fuss even more wanting to be manja-ed.

Honestly it does not bother us because she’s just a baby and if she’s constipated or not feeling well then we very well know she’s crying from all that pain but what annoys me more is when people pass comments or ask if she’s always this fussy or they would call her grumpy etc right to her face. Or give comments like how we’ve spoiled her by carrying her too much and what not la – like as if they brought up brilliant bloody kids to begin with. My baby is cheerful and a happy baby for most times, except when she's sleepy and just not in the mood. I believe even as adults we all have our moments. Sadly people just tend to notice the fussy part which is downright stupid because do they seriouslyyy expect a baby to be completely quiet and easy going ALL the time??

How do you cope with such people? And have you encountered with such people or is it just me? Coz it’s really starting to make my pressure boil. Sometimes I feel like telling them off but I hold my tongue. And these are mothers mind you.

P.s: And yes I call them uncivilized because it's very wrong to pick on a baby of 8 months.

[meiteoh 0]

I actually tell them off but in a nice or sarcastic way - dun care if it's a stranger or relatives. My friends are okay coz they don't make such comments.

When I was babywearing Eva, people used to walk up to me and make all sorts of comments about how uncomfortable she was. Mind you, she would be sleeping. I just go "She's used to it. If she was uncomfortable, she would be crying and not sleeping". They would stop there but some would continue on and I'd go "Thanks but she's fine" and I'd walk off.

I was at Carrefour recently and this lady promoting FM cornered me and asked me what FM Eva was on. When I said that she wasn't on any, she assumed that it was BM. I made no effort to correct her, to which she went "You know, BM is not enough at her age, doesn't have enough nutrients, should give FM, blah, blah". I just went "No thanks, she has enough nutrients from me and her food" and asked my mum what where the other things she wanted to get.

Last Sat, my HB took Eva for a hike with his colleagues. They asked him why doesn't Eva cry like other babies. He just went "Why do you want her to cry? Nice ar, crying babies?" They just shut up after that.

[Cas 0]

Mei,

Thanks for your input. Actually I think if it's a stranger saying these things I wouldn't even be bothered coz I dont know them personally. It's more annoying and heartbreaking knowing that it's people you know making such comments. There are many other good attributes that they can actually talk about, yet they pick on the silliest of things.

I love your husband's comment to them. I mean what the heck, a baby doesn't cry much and yet they complain and have the guts to ask why? Maybe it's human nature just to find fault or something. Sigh.

[meiteoh 0]

Oh, people I know making comments - got oso...from my own dad loh. :p

[janice 0]

How would you deal if the comments, esp negative ones, come from family members (ie: in laws, parents, siblings)? My boy is 4+months old and like Cas's gal, he cries (wails) for company and comfort.

For his age, he is on the bigger size. Some close relatives have been commenting that he is a cranky, giant loudspeaker in front of me, criticize that he has small eyes (one slightly larger than other, only if we look closely), fine/almost hairless, sumo baby etc....It hurts when my elders are giving out such comments! A relative even calls my boy 'Sumo boy' instead of his name EVERYTIME she sees him

My paed says he is not overweight. He is growing fine and healthily, just a bigger baby, thats all. But with all these comments coming from the family members, they really drive me nuts!

[tinkerbelle 0]

just see less of those people. avoid whenever possible. if i have to meet these people, i dont bring my kid anymore.

i have so much on my plate, it's not funny. the last i need is to justify myself, everytime, all the time.

i only hang out with people who only wants to see me, not judge me or patronise me, or trying to be my MIL.

[ashandrea 0]

It's not so much of the criticism of my baby, it's the criticism I get towards my parenting style.

Copped a lot of criticism from people asking me why am I breastfeeding. My dad told me that kids that breastfeed will never like cows milk in the future then what am I going to do then. I asked him back, "Dad, I'm pretty sure you were breastfed as a kid, do you now drink cow's milk or breastmilk still?"

Also had lots of criticism from people about how I cook his food in advance and freeze them ... oh and yes, why I go organic where possible.

I received this really useful advice from a friend, he said people will always try to give well meaning advice. Just listen graciously, doesn't mean you've to follow. Me likey!

[janice 0]

just see less of those people. avoid whenever possible. if i have to meet these people, i dont bring my kid anymore.

i have so much on my plate, it's not funny. the last i need is to justify myself, everytime, all the time.

i only hang out with people who only wants to see me, not judge me or patronise me, or trying to be my MIL.

Tinkerbelle,

In my case, the comments come from close relatives whom I see almost everyday...kinda unavoidable people. My parenting style too, has been criticized and questioned. I know some comments are out of concern, but some are plain hurtful

[qarezma 0]

hang in there Cas..

only after i had my own kid i realise how these small remarks hurt.. its not like i would hv criticised anyone's kid before, but i would hv that comment in my head... right now i realise how small those things are compared to the energy parents put in bringing up their kid

For ppl who make these kind of comments.. yes it has come from relatives itself, most often from my hubby's side. It is not his fault that he is moody due to a long journey or missed nap time. People hv to understand a baby's routine determines his activity, not the other way round. And it is not his fault that most of the family members are scary looking.. LOL thats what i tell my hubby after they complain abt the fussiness (not in front of the relatives la)

This seems to be just the beginning.. i think once our kid is growing older, these ppl will hv more reason to comment, criticise, etc... as always, i will either ignore it, or just give my own witty or sarcastic answer... and hopefully without having my fuse blown.. LOL

[tinkerbelle 0]

just see less of those people. avoid whenever possible. if i have to meet these people, i dont bring my kid anymore.

i have so much on my plate, it's not funny. the last i need is to justify myself, everytime, all the time.

i only hang out with people who only wants to see me, not judge me or patronise me, or trying to be my MIL.

Tinkerbelle,

In my case, the comments come from close relatives whom I see almost everyday...kinda unavoidable people. My parenting style too, has been criticized and questioned. I know some comments are out of concern, but some are plain hurtful

i know the feeling. i was once a victim like that. i kept quiet to keep the peace, not because i was afraid. but once, twice - it's fine. on a daily basis, chinese saying, buddha also got fire.

why do you think i gave my other half's parents a nice screw left right centre inside out, upside down? i gave them a piece of my mind about their own ATROCIOUS parenting. the only way i know to shut them up those 7-yi 8-sam is to give it back to them, a taste of their own bitter medicine. dig on their dirt when they "failed" as parents (we all have our opinions too!) and shove it back to their face.

my style la. who asked you to engage me first ????

[meiteoh 0]

My battle rule has always been the same from the start - my parents & my relatives, I tackle; my HB's, he tackles. Luckily for me, he champions and supports OUR parenting style. I'm clear from the beginning - we are both parents in this so if we come under fire, it's both our responsibility to douse the flames and not leave the other one hanging dried out from the bombarding.

I'm also fortunate in the sense that my ILs are pretty respectful about how we teach and discipline Eva so most of the battling is on my side, which makes me really tired and cranky these days. Like Tinkerbelle, sometimes it's about stuff that I already know and don't need to listen to, so I'll fire back. I really couldn't care less about what these people think. My kid, my call - what's your business how I teach my children? Most of the time, these suggestions are not even well-meaning or helpful; just "talking" for the sake of it.

[fluene 0]

For me, I will just smile without saying anything. Sooner or later these people will get bored when they don't get any response from you.

Anyway, I think you are upset because these people are giving negative comments. It would be different if the comments are positive right? So it is down to your own attitude on how to see things

[meiteoh 0]

Good that you can ignore - in my case, if I ignore, they take it as a sign that they should step it up from talking/commenting to actual action.

[aishiteru 0]

as for myself... i can tolerate all kinds of comments but not

when ppl think i should hit my kids in order to discipline them...

my sister keep on telling me that, her friend slapped her daugther

2-3yrs old just because she spitted out the food which contain asparagus.

and she force the daugther to eat back the spit up food.

told me 1 time i'm ok, but keep on telling me the same thing?

FYI, Gabriel eat everything we give him to eat. He does have certain

preference of food but he is not picky eater. Reason he spit up the food

is either he can swallow the food or he is full already. He seldom spit up the food.

she also said that her friend's daugther who is 4-5months older than Gabriel can talk

very well! I should talk to Gabriel more, teach him more..

When i told her that Gabriel can sing song... she just keep quiet.

[qarezma 0]

these kinda comments and critics will continue for a long time la... i can foresee people doing the same to my kid later on, you cant avoid it... i guess its people's nature or sometimes they just find something to talk abt other than the weather

i remember my mom/sis/myself used to comment why my cousin's kid cant talk at the age of 2yrs... my sister went ahead suggesting that he might hv autism or something... at that point it didnt sound so bad, but if she or anyone says the same about my kid, it will be very hurtful.. i am sure his parents are on top of things to teach him or at least bring the correct attention if he isnt... right now i know not to put similar expectation on all kids... they all are different

[aishiteru 0]

talking about expectation on kids... i want to share something which is Out of the Topic...

i was taking to my maid about her kids, ask her that whether her 19mths baby started to walk?

she said NO and then cry and tell me her baby is abnormal...

i'm so sad so i asked her ur baby got down syndrome?

she nodded her head... then she show me her baby photos.

i saw the pic is a beautiful baby and it's not DS la...

i asked where got abnormal??? she said 19mths and still cannot walk

only hold things and walk.. and her 1st & 2nd child can walk before they turn 1yrs old..

aih... siao... like this call abnormal...

[janice 0]

My In law ask us almost everyday if our boy can flip over already since 3.5months old. Reason? Her colleague's twins who are 3 weeks older than our boy can do so already at xx week old. And almost every week ask us of baby's weight, feeding amount. Reason? her colleague's babies are xx kilos, feeding xx amount, sleeping throughout the night, taking xx hours of naps, start teething, start taking cereals, cooes alot etc. It gets to my nerve as they sound like comparing their grandson with other babies, setting benchmarks for my boy all the time! I told them before that different babies develop differently but still they keep on going. Getting more and more babies to compare with my boy. I doubt this is a way of creating conversation with me. Am going nuts

[fluene 0]

My In law ask us almost everyday if our boy can flip over already since 3.5months old. Reason? Her colleague's twins who are 3 weeks older than our boy can do so already at xx week old. And almost every week ask us of baby's weight, feeding amount. Reason? her colleague's babies are xx kilos, feeding xx amount, sleeping throughout the night, taking xx hours of naps, start teething, start taking cereals, cooes alot etc. It gets to my nerve as they sound like comparing their grandson with other babies, setting benchmarks for my boy all the time! I told them before that different babies develop differently but still they keep on going. Getting more and more babies to compare with my boy. I doubt this is a way of creating conversation with me. Am going nuts

You tell her you 'not in a hurry' (mm gon si kan)

[meiteoh 0]

Sam, I put it to unrealistic expectations, comparision and sometimes ignorance.

Janice, just say that every baby is different and you're not in a rush loh. I get that too and some mummies actually complain that their kids don't want to talk and all. I always tell them that every baby is different, and just because your child isn't talking/walking/running/crawling, it doesn't mean that they are slow or there is a problem. Many parents feel relieved to hear that - I gather it's the constant pressure parents face to keep up with each other for the sake of kiasu-ism. :|

[Cas 0]

Wow ladies thanks for all your inputs and comments. I see I’m not the only one with this problem.

I know in life people will always give negative comments no matter what but to see so called family members see fit to utter such statements about their own blood to me is unacceptable. It’s like me going around making fun and pointing out at their looks or flaws; you get what I’m saying? They are not perfect themselves. Even as parents I’m surprised they don’t seem to know that each baby is different. They expect her to play in her playpen for long hours ALONE not making a single sound. Babies will fuss when they’re uncomfortable, period, they don’t expect a baby to act like an adult. And mind you, even adults don’t act like adults sometimes :)

Janice – I understand how you’re feeling. These people have also commented about how big her ears are and when she was shedding hair about 3 months – they kept going on and on about her hair loss and how her hair is rough (even suggested we put conditioner for her, I was like WTF, conditioner on a baby??) without looking at their own head. I had to keep telling them that it was the same case for me as a baby and now I have thick hair. I wanted to say put all three of your heads together and I still have more hair so back off, haha. It’s really like a case of pot calling kettle black end of the day. Then they like to compare my baby's progress with some of their relatives babies, it's annoying but I let this one go coz I really dont care.

And Q, I get what you mean, I swear Sairah sometimes know how mean these people can get and she won’t let them carry her for long. Infact she’ll wail her head off until I take her away and she’ll immediately calm down and give them that look, lol. Then sometimes it upsets them that she goes to others easily. I swear in some ways a baby can read someone’s aura.

Anyhos, I’ll just leave it to Karma la, they can say whatever they want, they’ll get it back in ten folds. How one picks on a baby still baffles me….it's like they have nothing better to do!

[zeroflower 0]

Common comments I've received about my girl:

Dark - Not like Chinese (So what? I'm not fair too and I have Nyonya blood in me!)

Very little hair - blame it on not shaving (Her hair is fine IMO)

Hair not "pure" black - Shaving as well. (My hair is brown - duh!)

Small size - Not enough nutrient cos not on FM (HB and I are not giants lar.. Open your eyes and see.)

I just try to ignore and think of these people as "nothing else better to do".

A Malay adage: Mulut tempayan boleh tutup, mulut manusia? [We can close a crock pot, but not people mouth]

[joeythc 0]

i seldom get comments from my in laws side instead got it from my own side pulak... my own eldest sister is one of them (she got no kids).

usual remarks are like kids now very 'hou mang' (good life), too pampered, too spoiled, no manners.

last time kids dun dare to throw tantrum. last time the mothers only need to 'stare' with eyes, then kids will sit down quietly and behave well... last time kids will automatically greet people, now kids dunno how to greet, must pujuk pujuk, must make drama then only kids will listen... blah blah blah

i normally would just ignore. pretend i didn't hear.... limit meeting my family/ relatives to once a week. no matter how well u do, ppl just like to criticize... when u do A, they will say B is better and vice versa!

[rosayee 0]

i always got comments from my in laws side... especially my BIL's wife... commenting my daughter naughty, bad temper, spoilt kids, and always throw tantrum... my daughter don't follow or doesn't wants her to carry de... she is "forced" to take care my daughter (which is only once in the blue moon) while my MIL goes for medical checkup and I'm working...

ever since my BIL's wife commented that she was "forced" to take care my daughter, i voice out to my MIL to let me know whenever my MIL have checkup or need to go any where so that I will take leave to take care my daughter... dun need to complaint that she is "forced".... I'm more worried that my daughter got beaten by her as she is more hot temper and no patient towards kids or even her son....