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leongal

No issue, but make an issue - MIL

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Hubby is from a family of three children; where eldest sister is 29, hubby is 25 and younger brother is 19

We recently celebrated father's day, having a simple meal outside. The session was enjoying and happy indeed.

Father in law made the orders where we had chicken wings and steamboat

Chicken wings cost about RM 13.80, which was paid earlier on

Steamboat plus other food and drinks, cost RM 120, which was paid at the end

There were 7 people in the dinner - MIL, FIL, SIL n her hubby, hubby n me, BIL

So, when the RM 120 came; for easy calculation and since hubby paid first, it was split into 3, without taking into consideration of the RM 13.80 (which was fine for us)

After paying the shared portion, MIL "made noise" saying, unfair for BIL - should have divided 5 and BIL only pays one portion. She was criticising and making a big issue, out of no issue. We ignored her, just that BIL abit sarcastic saying my hubby is not generous enough

after we left, I thought everything was ok - no, it wasn't, MIL again complained to FIL, I heard it while everyone was in the living hall watching tv, even saying to my FIL that he has to watch out our conduct. i don't know what really her intention is. No one really bother her.

the next day, BIL was ok with us, we just acted normal - eating lunch together; but at night, 8sth when we were back to our own residence, the mum call again to talk to my hubby saying that "be more generous, and next time brother should pay less and bla bla bla"....the same thing repeat again....i duno why she is making this into an issue

If we were really calculative, we would have added the cost of the chicken wings to the calculation, moreover, we know that SIL and her hubby not financially well, what the BIL is contributing more is actually the portion for SIL and her hubby

It is just an approximately RM 10 extra, and MIL is making an issue. the fact that this happens after an enjoyable family session. What does she really want? Isn;t it more important for family harmony than money issue - and it is just extra RM 10 that BIL paid

This has been bothering me the whole of yday; i thought it will stop as BIL, FIL and hubby acted just like everyday when we had lunch. But, the call given by the MIL - just bothers me alot. Hate this kind of feeling.

thanks for letting me rant out :sad:

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for me.... this is a small issue

i think from your mil perspective BIL is young and still studying (19 yrs old) so he shouldn't be the one paying extra when he is eating alone where bro and sis is paying for spouse as well.

for me ... i would split it by 5 to be fair to the younger brother especially since he is studying and shouldn't be paying more and i'm a working adult but this is only my opinion. RM 10 is not alot .. but for someone who is studying it could be alot.

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IMO not fair to split the cost with a student...

usually at my family or ILs whoever takes the bill first pays... and amazingly no one tries to avoid it.. so i guess this kinda problem doesnt arise... at certain occasion hubby pays and certain other BIL pays... somehow this mutual understanding works better. At family events, calculating and dividing doesnt sound very family-ish.. anyways this is just my opinion

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thanks for the responses; we understood the point; but the point that she is making an issue out of a family event that everyone enjoyed and initially has no complain about the bill, is just abit not rationale....

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leongal,

1st time the bill being divided into 3 portion?

or all this while it's the same?

actually i go agreed the bill divided into 5 which will be more fair.

If divided by 5, ur BIL only pay RM 24. but if divided by 3 he is paying RM 40

eventhough u paying extra RM 13 but then it's not fair for him to cover

the SIL and bro what is more to say that he is just 19.

in my family, age 19 doesnt have to pay at all

my niece and nephew didnt pay... the bill is divided with my siblings only

despite i only have 2 babies where my other siblings have 4-5 in a family.

sometimes i do feel not happy but then wat i can say? they are my nieces and nephews..

but then my elder sis she is more well to do.. so she always pay the bigger portion.

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all this while has been like that...

leongal,

1st time the bill being divided into 3 portion?

or all this while it's the same?

actually i go agreed the bill divided into 5 which will be more fair.

If divided by 5, ur BIL only pay RM 24. but if divided by 3 he is paying RM 40

eventhough u paying extra RM 13 but then it's not fair for him to cover

the SIL and bro what is more to say that he is just 19.

in my family, age 19 doesnt have to pay at all

my niece and nephew didnt pay... the bill is divided with my siblings only

despite i only have 2 babies where my other siblings have 4-5 in a family.

sometimes i do feel not happy but then wat i can say? they are my nieces and nephews..

but then my elder sis she is more well to do.. so she always pay the bigger portion.

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could be ur MIL not happy because all this while the bill is divided by 3

and ur BIL always have to pay extra.

just that this incident finally voice it out and then nobody bother about her

so she keep on talking about it.

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i agree with aishiteru.

maybe it's been quite a while already that's why she voice out and hoping the family members to sort out together so that in the future wont happen again.

i think a student shouldn't be paying either. (feel that even the splitting into 5 is a little unfair cos it's working vs not working..just my opinion)

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When the bill is divided by 3 or even 5, indirectly, its MIL / FIL that is footing the bil cos BIL is still studying. If its 3-way, MIL / FIL is paying even more.

This is the normal family squables when it comes to organising dinners / outings. It gets even more complicated when your Ils have kids / maids. There are also families that will only chip in at the coffee shops but if the dinner takes place at nice restaurants / hotels, will always have to leave early before the bills come. Don't get angry over who is paying more. Its family right. Just have to see the positive side, at least you can sit down at the same table.

My humble suggestion is next time, you can still split the bill 5-ways (or 3-ways) but pay for your BIL. Occassionally, your SIL will also be paisey and offer to chip it.

If your BIL volunteers to chip in, graciously accept and thank him.

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could be ur MIL not happy because all this while the bill is divided by 3

and ur BIL always have to pay extra.

just that this incident finally voice it out and then nobody bother about her

so she keep on talking about it.

i agree with that... also being a non-working younger family member, your MIL feels that this should be taken in account next time onwards so that he spared from these expense... she should make her opinion be heard and not drag this matter longer

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yah, most of you are right about the divide by 5 thingy, which i think we will implement in the future

but, really cant stand the fuss made over treating own father, even though a student - while there is no fuss over BIL spending money clubbing, treating friends and even going short outstation trips (which include gambling) - while hubby and I worked hard for the monies and saved as much as possible to achieve our financial goals

the little extra that his pay is just a very small percentage of his monies used to jolly around

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leongal,

for my family generally even though i'm working but since i'm the youngest and does not have a family or bf whenever we go out, most of the time either of my brother will foot the bill with no issue at all. Neither am i expected to pay even if i were to insist on it.

Neither does my sister in law make any noise how i spend my money be it travelling or going out as this is my priviledge as a single and they even encourage me to do it while i'm young and have no family to think about as next time i wont be able to do so. I thank God everyday that I have superb sister in law and brothers who is soooo absolutely understanding and loving even though i'm younger than both my brothers by a huge age gap.

never have my sisters make noise when i was without a job, infact they ask me to help them out and give me some money so that i dont have to depend on my parents. My sister does not earn alot but to them I'm family and they should take care of me when needed be it money or otherwise.

End of the day, we are all family be it in-law or out-law or by-law. Being older we should take care of the younger ones and not be so calculative.

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anyway the whole idea of this thread is for me to give out a rant, and not to receive criticism

@ skye, you are lucky that you have the privilige. I am the youngest at home, and did not have such privilege.

When my hubby and I were dating, we were still studying too - and we foot out the bill too.....

it is not about money, it is about responsibility......anyway, thanks for the advice

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if im the MIL - i will not kao beh kao bu. i want peace and harmony in the family. this RM10 is too little to even create it into an issue to begin with, what more to continue the "discussion". how many parents nowadays can have all their kids to sit down with them to enjoy a nice meal? hardly, but im sure the kids, son and daughter in laws included, made the effort to come together, book a table, choose a restaurant and spend the parents to a nice meal for a celebration etc.

if im the mother to the youngest BIL - more so if he's my SON (a man), what's wrong with him forking out another miserable RM10? im sure he has pocket money. so if he's my son, the more he can learn how to budget his expenses better, since the celebration was planned in advanced? and because his is my son, what's with another RM10 out of his pocket money for his parents who raised him up with many many many RM10s since he was born?

if im the BIL (the youngest kid) - those are my parents, and the rest are my siblings and my SIL and BIL. first, i'll tell the mother that it's okay that im still able to afford the extra. afterall, it's only RM10. unless the dinner consists of a RM3988 pot of buddha jump over the wall, then it'll be absurb to expect me to be able to afford to share, but still, i may chip in a little, whatever i may be comfortable of, say, RM50?

at the end of the day, chinese are very pantang that people argue during makan time, or as soon as the person wakes up, argument ensues, or credit card people calling up early in the morning to chase up on late payments. i have a friend, she told me her husband stops bringing his own mom for makan outside coz his own mother will always find fault with anything, anybody at the dinner table that eating out with her is no longer an enjoyable affair. he rather take my friend's parents than his own mother.

so nowadays, i always tell my brothers, SILs and my own sisters, if you get to eat, you eat, you get to go for a trip, you go. dont kao beh kao bu so much. appreciate what your children are trying to provide or please you.

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I also agree that this measly RM10 is too pathetic of an amount to bother making an issue.

As everyone said above, it is somewhat.. odd (not technically wrong but certainly not common) that your 19-year-old BIL had to pay. Honestly, I'd have foot the whole bill (but then again, that depends on family. In mine, we don't split. We take turns and we are not picky if one dinner is more expensive than the other).

However, I can also understand that it is very annoying that your MIL is just dogging on with this silly incident. It's only RM10, no need to stir up more trouble;)

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