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saffron

Intimate Question

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Hi everyone,

I had initially wanted to post my question under "Sex & Intimacy..." but was unable to do so. Here's a question & all comments are appreciated on the issue as follows:

My husband & I were married (ROM) this May, after going out for 2 years. By freedom of choice, we both had agreed to practise chastity (no pre-marital sex). Following our ROM, we had our intimate intercourse twice over the weekend (successfully), from June until now. Reason for being inactive is because hubby is doing 2 jobs that require him to wake up very early and he thus has to sleep early during weekdays. We only plan to move in together after AD in November. At the moment, we live in our homes which are very near - 2 doors away.

However, during the most recent attempt (last weekend) to have intercourse, I was (quietly) disappointed that hubby was unable to perform. How so? Erection occured, but as soon as penetration was attempted, erection was immediately lost. All in matters of about 5 mins. Second attempt, erection was regained, but immediately lost after another attempt to penetrate. Third attempt, still the same. This happened on both Sat & Sunday. All throughout, I remained calm & did not pressure him for fear of making things worse. In the end, we didn't have any intercourse.

I suspect that his sleepiness was the culprit behind this. Coz he appeared sleepy during his attempts last weekend. Such sleepiness is not surprising - due to his job nature, he wakes up at around 3.30 am & sleeps at 10.30pm... surely he must be tired. And dishearteningly, the situation had caused me to gradually lost interest in intimate stuff with hubby. I no longer enjoyed my intimate relationship with hubby.

The marriage is still so young, but our intimate relationship already felt so old. I'm 28, he's 6 yrs older.

I've gently persuaded hubby to give up his part-time job which requires him to wake up early in the wee hours & tired as a result. But ultimately I do not know what's his stand although he said "see how... yes, i know that i'll have to quit one day". Vague.

I've once told him "if you want to try to have any baby after AD soon, you shd ensure you're energetic, not too tired to ML".

Hubby is not highly paid, but income from his fulltime job is sufficient to cover his daily expenses. From his part-time job, he earns 500 monthly. Being hardworking is a good quality, but we've got to take care of ourselves too. It's a small sum for that kind of early hours & hard work involved. Money isn't everything, and can't buy happiness. For a lil extra, is it worth jeopardizing one's intimate relationship with a spouse?

Of course I'm only suspecting exhaustion as one of the possible reasons for his inability to perform. I do not rule out physical or psychological factors, but at this juncture and since we've had 2 successful intercourses before, I put these are second/third possibilities.

I'm giving him some time, after taking plenty of rest, sleeping adequately & eating well and the situation still persists, I think I've got to persuade him to seek medical advice. But meanwhile, I'm still unhappy in silence... can't show it to him coz don't want to add stress to him.

Have anyone heard of / come across such phenomena? Thanks.

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Hi everyone,

I had initially wanted to post my question under "Sex & Intimacy..." but was unable to do so. Here's a question & all comments are appreciated on the issue as follows:

My husband & I were married (ROM) this May, after going out for 2 years. By freedom of choice, we both had agreed to practise chastity (no pre-marital sex). Following our ROM, we had our intimate intercourse twice over the weekend (successfully), from June until now. Reason for being inactive is because hubby is doing 2 jobs that require him to wake up very early and he thus has to sleep early during weekdays. We only plan to move in together after AD in November. At the moment, we live in our homes which are very near - 2 doors away.

However, during the most recent attempt (last weekend) to have intercourse, I was (quietly) disappointed that hubby was unable to perform. How so? Erection occured, but as soon as penetration was attempted, erection was immediately lost. All in matters of about 5 mins. Second attempt, erection was regained, but immediately lost after another attempt to penetrate. Third attempt, still the same. This happened on both Sat & Sunday. All throughout, I remained calm & did not pressure him for fear of making things worse. In the end, we didn't have any intercourse.

I suspect that his sleepiness was the culprit behind this. Coz he appeared sleepy during his attempts last weekend. Such sleepiness is not surprising - due to his job nature, he wakes up at around 3.30 am & sleeps at 10.30pm... surely he must be tired. And dishearteningly, the situation had caused me to gradually lost interest in intimate stuff with hubby. I no longer enjoyed my intimate relationship with hubby.

The marriage is still so young, but our intimate relationship already felt so old. I'm 28, he's 6 yrs older.

I've gently persuaded hubby to give up his part-time job which requires him to wake up early in the wee hours & tired as a result. But ultimately I do not know what's his stand although he said "see how... yes, i know that i'll have to quit one day". Vague.

I've once told him "if you want to try to have any baby after AD soon, you shd ensure you're energetic, not too tired to ML".

Hubby is not highly paid, but income from his fulltime job is sufficient to cover his daily expenses. From his part-time job, he earns 500 monthly. Being hardworking is a good quality, but we've got to take care of ourselves too. It's a small sum for that kind of early hours & hard work involved. Money isn't everything, and can't buy happiness. For a lil extra, is it worth jeopardizing one's intimate relationship with a spouse?

Of course I'm only suspecting exhaustion as one of the possible reasons for his inability to perform. I do not rule out physical or psychological factors, but at this juncture and since we've had 2 successful intercourses before, I put these are second/third possibilities.

I'm giving him some time, after taking plenty of rest, sleeping adequately & eating well and the situation still persists, I think I've got to persuade him to seek medical advice. But meanwhile, I'm still unhappy in silence... can't show it to him coz don't want to add stress to him.

Have anyone heard of / come across such phenomena? Thanks.

How long ur hubby do this part time job? if just started not long ago, it wont affect his sleepness that bad.

May be the foreplay is not enough to get him aroused. I think you can do more to get him high enough only do penetration since u got success case b4.

Is he too stress lately? this may be will cause the erection not long. try sweet talk him during ur intercourse. use all your secret weapon to seduce him. Give it a try.

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hi again...

he's been in the part-time abt 4 yrs ago... sleeping only 5 hrs nightly. but strangely, i didn't notice any sign of exhaustion on him, until i starting to notice that he's sleepy at times nowadays. you may be right, he might be stressed probably somethg i do not know. a close family member told me that men do fail sometimes.

i'll definitely take heed of the advice to seek medical opinion.... but will allow 2 more attempts & see whether any change or otherwise.

pretty unbelievable that such failure actually results in so great a frustration... almost as if detached from hubby.

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hi again...

he's been in the part-time abt 4 yrs ago... sleeping only 5 hrs nightly. but strangely, i didn't notice any sign of exhaustion on him, until i starting to notice that he's sleepy at times nowadays. you may be right, he might be stressed probably somethg i do not know. a close family member told me that men do fail sometimes.

i'll definitely take heed of the advice to seek medical opinion.... but will allow 2 more attempts & see whether any change or otherwise.

pretty unbelievable that such failure actually results in so great a frustration... almost as if detached from hubby.

May be the effect is happening now after 4 yrs of part time job at such timing.

Does he enjoy ML with you? If yes, he should be enjoying for some moment even got stress at least for a while. sometimes ML do relax you from some stress. It working for me.

May be you can do some handjob to ur hubby to make him stay erect longer.

Let us know the result after you trying again this weekend. Hopefully is good news then..

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From a guy point of view, here are few pointers...

1. Sometimes, it's just not our day. I wouldn't say that he's got problem with his lil bro but there are times that they are quite stubborn. I've experienced that too quite a number of times. Try again this weekend and see how.

2. Foreplay is important. Doesn't matter whether he did on you or vice versa, as long as the action is something you or your hubby like/enjoy, then the whole thing will be smooth.

3. Rest more, drink more water, possible take energy drink(eg. red bull) before intercourse .

4. Environment. I myself likes to do it in a cool environment. Whenever I started to sweat (due to the action), my lil bro also tends to sleep too. no good...haha. Each men have their own preferences, so you should discuss with your hubby the right environment for both of you.

5. Find the right restart button. I think each man has a certain action that will definitely bring his lil bro back up again. I would say most will need oral action to get it restart, but for me, if you want to bring my lil bro back to life, French Kiss is the way. So, u need to find out what is the one thing that can make your hubby's lil bro standing tall.

6. You need to get sorted fast as I can see from you post that you are quite upset(quietly) that your need are not fulfilled. Make sure that he is really up for it. Don't force to do it if you know he is really tired. He might just do it to fulfil your needs and his responsibility. Communication is the key. Don't let this issue affect your 3 months old marriage. You still have a long way to go with him.

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hi folks...

thanks for sharing your advices. :)

after giving in a break, hubby & i began rebuilding our strategy. we only had foreplays without intercourse for a few days last week, before we attempted to do foreplay plus intercourse 2 days ago.

i noticed that reading up & gaining greater understanding of the human anatomy and how things work help a lot... on hubby's part where he needs to knw the exact location & direction to insert correctly & wasting less time to look for the spot. both hubby & i are novices in this area. we're more enlightened now that we finally managed to do it better. the foreplay part took quite long, more than half an hour... intercourse-wise took a surprisingly smooth & short time for insertion. it wasn't a complete session as hubby had not ejaculated during intercourse, nonetheless i enjoyed intercourse better this time.

i followed robbie's advice here... like ensuring that both hubby & i are fully-energetic before attempting, and placing greater emphasis in foreplay to stimulate our bodies into better preparation for intercourse. hubby likes to take it orally on me, but im very scared to do anything oral with his part (dunno why i always have a lil phobia abt playing oral with my hubby)... so i only used my fingers & still experimenting with various strokes from my imagination to play the trick.

looking forward to improve before TTC in the future...

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hi folks...

thanks for sharing your advices. :)

after giving in a break, hubby & i began rebuilding our strategy. we only had foreplays without intercourse for a few days last week, before we attempted to do foreplay plus intercourse 2 days ago.

i noticed that reading up & gaining greater understanding of the human anatomy and how things work help a lot... on hubby's part where he needs to knw the exact location & direction to insert correctly & wasting less time to look for the spot. both hubby & i are novices in this area. we're more enlightened now that we finally managed to do it better. the foreplay part took quite long, more than half an hour... intercourse-wise took a surprisingly smooth & short time for insertion. it wasn't a complete session as hubby had not ejaculated during intercourse, nonetheless i enjoyed intercourse better this time.

i followed robbie's advice here... like ensuring that both hubby & i are fully-energetic before attempting, and placing greater emphasis in foreplay to stimulate our bodies into better preparation for intercourse. hubby likes to take it orally on me, but im very scared to do anything oral with his part (dunno why i always have a lil phobia abt playing oral with my hubby)... so i only used my fingers & still experimenting with various strokes from my imagination to play the trick.

looking forward to improve before TTC in the future...

Great to hear that things are getting better for you two. Well, a lot of women who are new to intercourse will have some hesitation doing oral to their partners, so don't worry about that. I think maybe you'll get used to it in the future. Just think of it as pleasuring yourself while doing that instead of just aiming to pleasure your hubby. With that you will enjoy the act too.

Porn will be a great source of information to get you two more experience to explore other ways of intercourse.

One pointer though, if your hubby didn't manage to ejaculate during intercourse, try your best to make him release before you are ready to clean up. He'll feel a lot more satisfied if he can ejaculate even if it's not during intercourse.

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I love french kissing and it turns me on. However, my HB doesnt like to french kiss. What can i do about this?

sexual relationship is a 2 way action. if french kissing really turns you on and you need it somewhere during intercourse, you need to let your hubby aware about it. Both parties also need to give and take.

maybe try find out the reason why he didn't like it and work from there...

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saffron, why is the rush to TTC? you just got married, and yet AD. enjoy the days before the kid comes. and you said both of you are novices in ML, so why not take it slow and enjoy just the 2 of u first? i agree that being tired and spending time to look for the spot, will really make his thing less hard. and practice makes perfect. he's novice too, so slowly, he'll be able to stand longer, and both can enjoy.

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hi margarita,

erh... age factor perhaps (29 or early 30s shd be ideal for 1st child, in my humble view).

the phenomena has changed after the earlier incidence. anyway, some modification was made.

once erection occured, i instead played the role of putting "it" into my part as opposed to him looking for mine (using the girl on top position). so far ok, we managed to do it this way. the reason why i helped do it instead is because HB seems to have difficulty finding my spot even though i have guided him, he still hasn't mastered the art of searching.

at this moment, i wonder how come in the case of couple where both H+W are visually-blind, both are nonetheless able to have intercourse correctly i guess sex needs a lot of instinct as opposed to visual capability. also, i humbly opine that things like watching porn doesn't really help, or else imagine people from ancient times without such "entertainment", LOL. porn is largely unrealistic, i.e. most don't truly reflect what most ordinary ppl naturally do... maybe it helps in stimulation, but it doesn't teach how to do intercourse correctly because everything looks easy on the screen. just like seeing a professional pianist playing difficult piano pieces as if they're child's play.

with the new modification, intercourse worked out. generally able to last more than 30 mins... some enjoyment still possible, finally (fingers crossed). however, HB's ejaculation is still inconsistent at the moment... occured only once during intercourse so far. but strangely, "E" was easy (within 15 mins) when i gave HB a handjob instead of intercourse. '

in the meantime, more needs to be explored & i knw we have to be patient in allowing opportunities to discover and learn within reasonable time. only if all these don't work out, then may need to consider medical advice.

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u mentioned yr hb come home from work at 10pm? then leave again at 3.30am? that means the time after 10pm to shower, dinner and sleep? it's really very tiring, and lack of sleep. i myself feel lack of sleep due to sleeping late and having to wake up 5am+ to go work. it's not good for health. u really need to make sure he gets enough rest and sleep. i think he's used to handjob instead going in, that's why the 'E' also seems much more natural and easier for him during HJ. it'll surely improve over time. take your time, enjoy with him first. i think conceiving at age 30 or 31 is still fine, don't worry so much.

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