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aishiteru

my family issues

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actually i have been thinking whether should i wash my dirty laundry in the public or not

but guess, i just got no where to tell ppl. i just need someone to listen to my woes and i just need to vent it out..

the last time i talk about my maid is that my mom suspect she tampered my mom water tumbler with urine.

i took this very seriously and i ask my mom a lots of questions and told her that this is serious matters

and i will send her off if it's true! my mom is so worried that she cant cope without maid etc

so she give me answer that she not sure and later on we concluded that it's not urine but other things instead.

Still i told my mom to watch on her if happened again must let me know.

few weeks later, i stood beside the thermal pot while waiting to warm up bm for my baby, I smell

awful smell coming out from the thermal pot! when i open it and the smell sharply goes into my nose. that moment

i pretty sure is urine!! i'm so angry i ask the maid and she swear that she didnt dirty the water.

I pour the water into the cup and smell again, i let my hb smell and my maid smell it.

she keep on saying it's because we never wash the thermal pot we just keep on refilling the hot water and the 1st day she came

here the pot water already smell like urine!!

so I ask her to try and she try a sip and said yeah very smelly. and my hb thinks the same too.. #$@#$%@$

1) it's her job to wash the pot. if she think the pot makes the water smelly.

2) the water inside the pot is mainly drink by both of my sons!!!

i call the agent and ask to bring her back. the agent come i let him smell the water and he agreed with me is urine.

then when i ask the maid go she knee down and keep on begging me. my hb keep on saying dont blame ppl wrongly

it's because we never wash the pot! and he ask me to trust him!! upon seeing this, the agent then change and said

ya his company pot also smell like this. the agent also said base on his experience he sees the maid is telling the truth.

and then i just dont know wat to says coz 2 against 1. after a long talk wiht maid and agent etc.. i decided to keep the maid

coz that time my mind really dont know what shall i do. if maid is gone. how's my children?? who going to take care??

the agent ask for the sampel of the water and said they will test it. ( i think they just says it because the think i make up

this story. So i just let them take it. after the agent gone.

I keep on thinking and smelling the water. it's urine!! i'm very sure. my six sense told me

it's urine. i have to do something, I need to protect my babies

but i need more concrete proof. coz my husband doesnt agreed with me. how ? how??

i ask my hb take care my sons coz i dont trust my maid anymore. this is another issues, if i dont have a firm

answer whether the water is mix with urine or not. I cant base on my six sense. If this doubt is not clear

i cant trust her anymore. how am i going to face her another 2yrs and she have to take care my sons.

I just need to do something, send the water to labs? but then it takes few days for the result. make police reports? what if it's not urine?

i went upstair inside my room, there is another thermal pot. i open it and smell. well it doesnt smells awful.

i decided to put my own urine inside and see. I have to do this to proof the maid innocent and also to clear my doubts.

i put my urine inside and i went for a shower. after shower, i open the pot and the smell is exactly the same.

i called my hb and ask him tell me the smell is it the same as just now? he said yes (he dont know that i put urine inside)

i told him this is because i put my urine inside!!! u ask me to trust u.. next time dont blame me if i i dont listen to you.!!

(he always think that i dont listen to his advise and always have my ways)

immediately i called the agent again and ask them to bring her back.

i told my mom about this incident and she said to me. ya lor after the 1st time she got 1 time also did the same to her

water tumbler but she dare not tell me coz she scared i angry with her (my mom)

1st time i angry with her because, she told me the maid put urine inside her water, when i ask her and tell her

i will send the maid back, she quickly change her remark and said she not sure, and just couldnt get a firm YES!

and she thought the maid only do it to her and never think that the maid do to my sons too

i got so mad!! i almost want to scream at her. what is this ??

this maid work with us for 1 month only and already feed urine to baby, if 1 year she feed detergent or watever how???

and also i found out from my niece that she feed gabriel tooth paste!! well i bought those kodomo toothpaste which

taste good.. so gabriel loves eating it.

now i have left without maid helps, i still can manage during weekends with hb helps but weekday both of us have to go to work.

Tristan is 1 naughty baby, he just want ppl to carry all day long! and only want ppl he is familiar with. even my PIL carry him he dont want.

Gabriel is in terrible 2 mode i think. so i send gabriel to kindy+nursery and my mom take care tristan (she is trying her very best and force to take care)

now we cater food coz she cant cook as my baby very naughty.

i get part timer to do house work and took several Emergency leave just because my kids is sick or my mom is sick

so i have to stay at home to take care my babies. My boss already sound not happy and the whole office know my

house matters because of my EL. i already prepared that my appraisal is not going to be good this year.

but hell i bother coz family come first to me.

last week, my both of my babies is sick, so i have 1 cranky baby and 1 stickly baby. then my house water bill come out

to RM 80 per month my hb suspect our water tank leaking and true enough. so he get ppl come and fix it that day itself and for 2hrs we cant

use water. i cant wash the pot that i cook porridge for my baby, anyway I dont have time also. i thought that i can clean it after

my hb is free coz he have to help to look see the guy fixing the tank.

i havent bath, my pads soak with bloods and stained my pants, i'm so stress. then my mom reach home and saw

the house is in the mess. she so unhappy!! she nag and nag... i just keep quiet.

i'm very sad... very very sad..

all this while i wanted to have 3 babies.. but then now i think i will consider 3rd baby if i can afford

to stay at home to be SAHM.

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Hugs

Your maid is REALLY SICK.

For the time being, get the part time maid to come every day to clean the house pending looking for other solution.

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Agree.. why your maid is doing so? since she just be with your family for very short period only.. people is getting sick and sick..

i think maybe you need to take a long leave to be at home and concentrate to solve the current problem first rather than on and off taking leave from your company..

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I cant believe yr maid can do that... whats humanity for her?

Hearing such horror stories, i rather look for other options than getting a maid.. and this is done with yr mom's supervision, i cant imagine what she would do without any supervision...

ANyways i am glad u found out and got her out, worse things could hv happened, so you are still lucky... sending Gabriel to nursery/playschool and Tristan at home with yr mom is probably better... dont worry abt the hse works, get a part time maid... these things can be adjusted.. your kids' lives cannot. Hugs to you!

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bunnynwife : thanks!

alice : i dont know why, that morning i bought her 2 new shirts. and the week before i bring her to ikea, and i treat her makan at

ikea cafeteria. then once of the cafe give out sample for iceblended we got 2, i give 1 to my niece and 1 to her.

i never get to taste it!!

i never let her carry my baby, she walk handfree, my hb take care elder son, i carry baby... i cry when i think of this..

and i cant afford to take long unpaid leave. because every single cents i earn are all help up my household expenses.

my new maid will come in sept...

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I cant believe yr maid can do that... whats humanity for her?

Hearing such horror stories, i rather look for other options than getting a maid.. and this is done with yr mom's supervision, i cant imagine what she would do without any supervision...

ANyways i am glad u found out and got her out, worse things could hv happened, so you are still lucky... sending Gabriel to nursery/playschool and Tristan at home with yr mom is probably better... dont worry abt the hse works, get a part time maid... these things can be adjusted.. your kids' lives cannot. Hugs to you!

Q,

yeah but unfortunately my mom cant take care of him long term. and gabriel school got off day too. So when off day i have to take leave to take care.

and worst is that during christmas week that time the kindy will be off for 1 whole week. and my office will be the most busy week.

coz we have year end stock count. lots of preparation to do.

another thing is that i have to pick up gabriel before 6.30pm, if late will be extra charges, rm10 before 7pm, 20 before 8pm and 30 before 9pm.

now my office is near my house and kindy so i can pick him up 6pm. as i finished work at 530pm. so i have to go home on time.

but my work not always allowed me go home on time. if 5pm my boss want urgent reports from me then no choice.

in oct my office will be moving to kota kemuning, i can forsee that i cant pick up gabriel before 630pm even if i leave office 530pm sharp.

my hb work in damansara and he finished work 630pm.

sigh!!!!

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I cant believe yr maid can do that... whats humanity for her?

Hearing such horror stories, i rather look for other options than getting a maid.. and this is done with yr mom's supervision, i cant imagine what she would do without any supervision...

ANyways i am glad u found out and got her out, worse things could hv happened, so you are still lucky... sending Gabriel to nursery/playschool and Tristan at home with yr mom is probably better... dont worry abt the hse works, get a part time maid... these things can be adjusted.. your kids' lives cannot. Hugs to you!

Q,

yeah but unfortunately my mom cant take care of him long term. and gabriel school got off day too. So when off day i have to take leave to take care.

and worst is that during christmas week that time the kindy will be off for 1 whole week. and my office will be the most busy week.

coz we have year end stock count. lots of preparation to do.

another thing is that i have to pick up gabriel before 6.30pm, if late will be extra charges, rm10 before 7pm, 20 before 8pm and 30 before 9pm.

now my office is near my house and kindy so i can pick him up 6pm. as i finished work at 530pm. so i have to go home on time.

but my work not always allowed me go home on time. if 5pm my boss want urgent reports from me then no choice.

in oct my office will be moving to kota kemuning, i can forsee that i cant pick up gabriel before 630pm even if i leave office 530pm sharp.

my hb work in damansara and he finished work 630pm.

sigh!!!!

hang in there, i am sure you will work things out.. its just when you are going thru the troubles you are thinking so much...

your health and kids' safety is most important

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Aishiteru,

Very sorry to hear what happened on u, but from my experience Combodian maid is more obedient compared to others maybe bcz of language barrier. You might need more time for the communication part (dictionary n body gesture),but once they get ur Msg, n also other little benefits like watt u always did to ur maid, they dun mind to work hard for u. Besides, d salary is lower compared to Philipino. Do consider.

anjoe

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anjoe,

ofcourse i want maid with cheaper salary.

but languange barrier is definitely a big issue for me coz my mom will be with her most of the time.

and my mom a bit impatient... she will got angry when things dont come to her way..

eg. if she want u to do things A,B,C,D,E....Z, u have to follow

if u do A,C,B .. she will sound..

even with philipino maid she already angry angry

sometimes she called me up ask me to talk to the maid.

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hi thr,

i dunno if this will help, some of my frens w maid have told me tat they have heard this b4 and when they queried their own maids, they simply told her tat it is a believe tat when the maid's masters/ employers/ bosses drink their urine, they will always listen to her and treat her nicely... i dun think ur maid did it coz she was unhappy w u, so u shouldn't blame urself... i dunno whether this is true or not but she should really be punished for her actions lo... and this is the second case i've heard about maid putting urine in drinking water lo...

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I agree with natalyn - I suspect she was doing the whole urine thing as part of a ritual/belief or spell.

Your short-term solution at the mo would be to get a part-time cleaner to help with the housechores and either cater, buy out or get up ultra early on the weekdays to do prep work for cooking OR cook in big batches over the weekend and freeze. If your mum complains, then honestly, just tell her to take it or leave it. She can't have everything - everyone at this stage is trying to cope and her nagging and ranting isn't helping the situation at all!

The long-term solution is what concerns me because you haven't had much luck with maids but I cannot just suggest that you quit your job since you definitely need the dual income. Maybe some of the other ladies here who have had better luck with maids can help hook you up with a good agent/agency.

*big hugs*

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i heard that there is one daycare that specialises in tending to 1-3yrs old only within zeroflower's neighbourhood. are you keen to consider that as an option?

yea, the things about maid. im lost for words.

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I dunno how much your income currently. Getting a maid is not cheap and worse if the maid runs away and u need to fork out more money. Salary RM650 + Agent/permit fee (8k/24mths) RM330 + monthly expenses RM400 = RM1.4k per month. You also send your elder one to kindy/daycare which may cost you another RM800/mth. All in your additional expenses is RM2.2k. I am not sure how much is your net income monthly. If it is not significant higher than RM2.2k (roughly gross salary of RM2.8k I think), I would suggest you to quit your job and take care your kiddos at home while earning some side-income from some work-from-home kinda work or make use of your baking skill. However, if you are earning significantly higher, then it may not make sense to quit since you need the excess income to pay off household expenses.

Just my 2 cents.

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bunny,

no lor.. i have been working for this company for 10yrs +

next year i will get my 10yrs service award with extra 2 days annual leave

and then i have medical claims, insurances,dental,annual trip

the most important is there is double income year end + contractual bonus

during bad times i still have 1+1 month bonus, if good times i have 1+2mth++ bonus.

and ofcourse the contractual bonus is very much depends on the appraisal and also MC!

and most important is that my salary is slightly higher than my hb.

and my company is definitely more stable than his. well his company job turn over rates is high!

actually one of the reason i start my baking business is that I want to try to see whether can i do freelance

and quite my job, but then i cant afford to stay few month no income. SERIOUSLY.

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Do u need any daycare referrals or do u want to consider changing jobs? I can probably help with that cos some companies nowadays, especially MNCs allow their staff to work from home 2 or 3 days a week.

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mermyz,

thanks!!

i already get another maid which is on the way. now My baby is going to 8mths old. So probably i just have to bear with this

for 1 more year. I can send both to kindy + daycare.

If the new maid is good then i will keep her until her contract finished or if she like, she can extend for 1 more year.

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hi aishiteru,

looking at what u said earlier, i must say that not only yr maid is not very reliable, same goes with yr agency... seems like they dont care much and they are not too ethical as well. I mean as agent, they have seen so much of such cases and one look they already know something is not right here. But instead, yr agent can turn round and say ya lor office oso like this... which i will not believe if u ask me.... I have seen such unethical agency b4 when my sis hired her 1st maid... its exactly the same attitude like yrs... all they want is untung untung untung..... but with my current maid's agency i can really see the difference... at least my agent really care and whenever we call up.. she will ask me do u need my teacher (translator la) to come... and she will make sure she listen to both side story den ask teacher to explain back to the maid.... of course when come to personality we cannot say much coz human are still human.. but when come to work wise the agency did take certain care for it lor.. and if they maid is too problematic they will actually ask do u wanna sent her back if yes they will come take balik.... same goes with their temp/loan maid... anyway if u want her contact, do let me know.... i can PM u the agent's name & contact....

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seashello,

yes i agreed with you! my agent is terrible...

but i'm already fully paid. So i have no choice to get maid from them.

Maybe you can get someone to clean the house - 2 times a week. perhaps more expensive than hiring a maid again,

but then after all this horror incident, you dun ever trust any maids....

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Aishiteru,

I'm in the headhunting business =)

Hi mermyz,

Maybe i need get some help from u since you are in headhunting business. :)

Can PM me yr email address?

Thank you in advance! :)

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