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leongal

Getting hold of the room

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Previously before we were married. My husband and the brother share a room while the sister has a room by herself. Given that the sister married out, my mother in law says that my husband and I will occupy my SIL's room - weekend we go back there to sleep (while on weekdays we have our own home).

Our actual wedding day is approaching. And, SIL's stuff is still in the room (though she has moved some to her own house). On the other hand, we need to clean up the room and put in new furniture. Hubby took the courtesy to tell SIL that we need the room by October, or else we might have to shift some of her things to the next room (which is a guest room). She was sarcastic at first - by saying, "you only come back in the weekend, cannot just leave things there meh", but hubby explained that the room would be used as the bridegroom's room for wedding day (as per what MIL wanted). Then, she said: "haha...don't u know that our family is last minute only do one."

So, at the end - we are not sure when her things will be moved out, but we have given her sufficient notice. And it has been more than 6 months since she married and on weekdays, she just come back and treat the room as hers (which i don't really care for now).

I suggested to hubby, when time comes - two months before the actual day, we shall just inform MIL that we are moving SIL's stuff to the next room (if she has not done anything to take her stuff and we have given her sufficient time). Is this the right thing to do?

We are getting new furniture for the room. Not sure if after the actual day, will the SIL still come back and treat it as HER room? I have no preference for her room either, as I still feel our home that we occupy now is OUR HOME rather that FIL's home, but I don't think she has the right to come and go as she like into the room, given that MIL has mentioned that the room will be ours. In addition, when FIL renovated and repainted the house, FIL asked my hubby what color the room color he wants, rather than ask SIL. *sigh*

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ohhh, very simple!!! one saying, if money can solve a problem, it's not a problem at all.

just go and book one hotel suite or a single bedroom service apartment and use that as your wedding room. before you book, ask your future husband to tell his parents that due to lack of time to sort out the room and the uncooperative sister's attitude, he feels it's better to sort it out asap and just go ahead and book the suite. that way, you guys dont even have to fork out money for the furniture etc. if the furniture has been booked and expected to be delivered on that date, just have it sent to your own home.

if your future in-laws are concerned about their air muka etc, they will do the nagging on your behalf. if not, just go ahead with my idea. the beginning of a marriage should be filled with loads of happiness, not stuff like these. i've been through what you are going through just before my wedding. but i was young and giving back then. at the end of the day, come every wedding anniversary, im just filled with so much hatred for his family. not a good way to start off a marriage.

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Leave it to your PIL to arrange and decorate the bridegroom's room. If they 'ai bin', they will know how to do it up nicely. After all, whatever outcome will reflect on them, not you.

Don't sweat the small stuff...

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this is a small issue la...

seriously i would go with tinkerbelle's idea of telling MIL & FIL that the room is very messy and we dare not move SIL's stuff as that is her things and u guys hv inform her that you need the room but she have yet to do anything so seeing the situation u guys dont want the headache la and think of maybe "NO BRIDEGROOM ROOM" or use hotel suite :)

just tell them in a nice tone and they should do the rest.

for me on my wedding day we dont have a "bridegroom room" and no one minded LOL as the place is our parents in law's place and my hubby's room is a mess and we was thinking all will move to the new house prior to the wedding which didnt happen so ended up we just didnt bother with the bridegroom room.

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when i got married, my MIL was not thoughtful enough to arrange for a room for me (and hubby). His family is also kinda last minute, and i din wanna bother abt having my own room cos we were gonna stay at our own rented place, not having a room there is a good reason not to spend so much time there.. anyways once married i got hubby to clear the room on mezzanine floor (it was a large store room, call it lack of planning skills, the room was being wasted with lots of rubbish instead of being used for the family) and got a simple mattress and cupboard, and a 2nd hand aircon for our use. But after we got the baby, suddenly my MIL's mind opened and she realised we shd get a room downstairs, and she sort of cleared my SIL's room for our (occasional weekend) use. I dint mind then, i dont mind now... it is a 6 person family, i cant expect to get dedicated room for myself all the time. So we use the room when we are back there on weekends, otherwise weekdays his sister uses it.

I agree with tinkerbelle's idea on the bridegroom room... plus the suite sounds like a much nicer option for your wedding memories.. i wish i had thought of that for myself ;)

get your hubby to speak to PILs on at least getting the room ready for weekend or occasional use for when u guys visit.

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I am on the evil side. No room for you means u go back less often and even you go back once in a blue moon, u get to stay in the hotel (which costs money) and thus should go back even lesser.

There is no room for us in my MIL place despite they hv 3 rooms (MIL takes 1, BIL takes 1 and 1 more as storeroom). We didnt have the wedding in HB hometown at all. We did it in KL and after picking the bride session, we headed straight to the hotel for blessing service, tea ceremony and bridal suite.

After wedding, I went back once during CNY and i ended up staying at my dad's apartment. Since then, I only went back 3 times of which we stayed in the hotel. My Hb went back a few more rounds on his own during biz trip and he only slept on the sofa in the hall. Now with my girl around, I even cut short the visiting time at my MIL place and use my girl napping time as an excuse to go back to the hotel.

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i can still remember i went to the place where they sell all the wedding stuff ... kept telling me to buy those basin, potty and etc to be put around at my wedding day for the meaning of it. I told them straight off not doing it the traditional way and got scolded for it because they all say "its a must" finally i have to tell them i wont have bridegroom room so m not buying new bed,furniture, basin, potty and whats-not as i wont have any place to put it and its MIL's instruction.

shut everyone's mouth from pressuring me to buy stuff that i dont need and spend on :D i managed to saved up alot there and was happy with things ... now we are only back there weekends so my hubby brother stayed in my hubby's room on weekday and weekend he sleeps in the hall when we are back.

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Agreed with all the girls here.. on my actual day, the bridegroom room was in my MIL's place (we have our own house, but not yet completed that time, still under construction, so we were renting elsewhere).. We only "pinjam" 1 room, belongs to my nephew (my BIL stays with my MIL), we didnt even buy those what red potty la, basin la, etc.. it's just an empty room, with new bedsheet, there's a wardrobe, all for the sake of photography only, coz the photographer will ask u to throw the veil on top of the wardrobe rite. so we just asked BIL to move the nephew's wardrobe to that room so that it looks "nicer" for photography..

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thanks for all the suggestions....i would like to say: only if - my in laws are co-operative, not last minute, and understanding

and, i have no intention to stay there, i just need the room for one day - and yes, for photography purpose; even if SIL wants to conquer the room after that, do whatever she want (we probably just going to buy one new cupboard to replace her broken one) and the bedsheet + blanket; others will be status quo (plus moving her stuff over - with the consent of MIL, of course) - i am pretty sure after the actual day, she will back to "rule" her room.... [we want to save our money for many other things - like honeymoon, future family planning....so, not intend to rent a hotel room + in laws want to have the chinese ceremony at home]

sometimes i wonder why they want to follow the tradition and assume that it would bring a good marriage, but when they themselves don't want to put an effort to bring harmony and happiness in the family (which can eventually break a marriage) *sigh*

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my case is very similiar to yours. my hb and SIL each owns a room but since my hb gone for college, SIL used his room for put her gadgets n direct sale stocks, and the whole family used his room as a STORE ROOM. you can imagine how messy it is. my MIL suggested that we use my hb's room for wedding. "It is a MUST," she said. I was unhappy with this but still let her decides cos we do not want to have more unnecessary expenses.

When the date is near, SIL doesnt want to co-operate to remove her things out. MIL couldnt do anything so paid for a hotel room for wedding instead.

and now? we just go back on weekend once a month. the room has never transformed into a proper room. MIL just bought a Q size bed after the wedding and that's it. It looks like a bed inside a store room. i can easily reach old mattresses, cloth, broken baskets, LOTS of dusty boxes and old books from the bed. SIL can come in to work, to chase dramas, online anytime..even until midnight. i told myself if i have a baby, i will never go back and STAY there unless there is a proper room.

laid back, let ur PIL do the rest, if they can't solve the problem they may find alternatives.

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sometimes i wonder why they want to follow the tradition and assume that it would bring a good marriage, but when they themselves don't want to put an effort to bring harmony and happiness in the family (which can eventually break a marriage) *sigh*

exactly! you said it damn right!!!

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