chacha 0 Report post Posted September 13, 2011 Dear MOMs to beI am currently 6 months pregnant and happy with my married life. My husband and i used to have active sex life when i was not pregnant. Recently I have discovered something from my husband which upsets me alot and having a hard time to deal with it. He has been downloading porns from Internet and from time to time, he will sits in front of the laptop and masturbates himself while viewing the porns. I was not aware of it until recently, I was taking a nap in our room and when i woke up, i open the door and saw him jumped up and quickly wear his boxers. I suspect something is going on and only realised he has been masturbating himself. I try to forget this incident but it happened again the next day. At night, after I slept, he was in the living hall playing PS games. Suddenly i woke up by switching on toilet's light. And i pretend to sleep. My husband was actually just finished with masturbating himself again. I really cant accept it this time. I cried silently. Since Im pregnant, i did told him is safe to ML as long as i feel comfortable, but he has some phobia of scared to hurt the baby. I have been telling him my needs,but he rejected all. I think thats why he has choose to masturbate rather than ML with (fear of hurting the baby). Please advice me. I am really upset with his act though i know he is not betraying me and for the sake of my baby's health and me as well. But i cant accept it. Should I confront my concerns to him,but im afraid that will make him shy. Please advice Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
joeythc 0 Report post Posted September 13, 2011 y shy wor? surely he needs to release himself during the 12months period (9pregnant + 3confinement). perhaps u can offer to 'help' him instead of him masturbating alone? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mermyz 0 Report post Posted September 14, 2011 Offer to masturbate him? Better he masturbates than to cheat on you... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DANIEL LEE 0 Report post Posted September 14, 2011 Well said, girls. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Avolet 0 Report post Posted September 14, 2011 I am actually the one requested hubby to 'settle' himself while I am pregnant... pregnant really make me get tired ezsily. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jessie 0 Report post Posted September 14, 2011 Dear MOMs to beI am currently 6 months pregnant and happy with my married life. My husband and i used to have active sex life when i was not pregnant. Recently I have discovered something from my husband which upsets me alot and having a hard time to deal with it. He has been downloading porns from Internet and from time to time, he will sits in front of the laptop and masturbates himself while viewing the porns. I was not aware of it until recently, I was taking a nap in our room and when i woke up, i open the door and saw him jumped up and quickly wear his boxers. I suspect something is going on and only realised he has been masturbating himself. I try to forget this incident but it happened again the next day. At night, after I slept, he was in the living hall playing PS games. Suddenly i woke up by switching on toilet's light. And i pretend to sleep. My husband was actually just finished with masturbating himself again. I really cant accept it this time. I cried silently. Since Im pregnant, i did told him is safe to ML as long as i feel comfortable, but he has some phobia of scared to hurt the baby. I have been telling him my needs,but he rejected all. I think thats why he has choose to masturbate rather than ML with (fear of hurting the baby). Please advice me. I am really upset with his act though i know he is not betraying me and for the sake of my baby's health and me as well. But i cant accept it. Should I confront my concerns to him,but im afraid that will make him shy. Please adviceI told my hubby to do his "own" cause I dun wan to hurt the baby. There are cases when there might an "accident". So he understands So don't feel guilty or bad or upset. Embrace his caring-ness towards u and the bb Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
margarita90 0 Report post Posted September 15, 2011 yes, really can ml during pregnancy. hb's response when first found out i preg was 'huh? then still can do?', hahaha..and i made him ask dr that, coz he din't believe still can do. it's really safe, as i read that guys' thing can't reach foetus at all. we were active all through my pregnancy, just that a little limited positions. i really mind very much if he do it himself, as i will feel it's betraying me. even watching porn also i feel is betraying me, can't accept it, don't know why. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
meiteoh 0 Report post Posted September 17, 2011 I believe that if even after talking, your HB is more comfortable with masturbating than actual coitus with you, then accept his reason as it is and take it that he's being loving and considerate in his own way. You can still be intimate with him in other ways - not necessarily need to have sex to be intimate. Things like cuddling and hugs are a good way. If anything, why not do like what the ladies here suggest - join him in the fun and help him get some release? I do that as well during both pregnancies and it's a good way for a couple to retain some intimacy in a relationship. :) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
J1mmy 0 Report post Posted September 19, 2011 hi sister,i'm actually a guy, a pregnant woman hubby, and i wondering, y hubby "masturbating" will hurt yours feeling?if i got option, i will choose ML rather than masturbating but when think about my wife body carrying my baby, how you wan me ML with her "Normally" or "comfortably"? ML should be fun and joy, but if cannot enjoy the section, what fun do we have?it ady become a release job, u rather i release in you better than i DIY and waste it?and somemore y masturbating is betraying? masturbating = betraying? it is such a serious crime for guys ~~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pandasis 0 Report post Posted September 19, 2011 Eh, I think its just a feeling that a wife feels her husband do not need her anymore. She just don't feel secure and end up think alot.. thats the reason of being sad I guess...I'm not yet a mother, but being a wife, if my husband get caught in "action"... I think the questions could be like "am i not attractive enough to him anymore?" or something like worry that he might having other better person to "assist" him out there. Especially pregnant ladies could be very emotional at time.But well, I can tell its safe to have sex during pregnancy as long its after 5 months old and the Dr say baby is steady and healthy. Besides, its best to do more closer to your due date so the mother won't have any problems during delivery.. this is what I heard from a bunch of mummy-friends... =)my 2 cents Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
chihuahua 0 Report post Posted September 19, 2011 Chacha,Don't stress yourself when you are pregnant. You husband still love and need you, just that he is not comfortable ML with you because you are pregnant. He is just worry for your baby. To me, men masturbating is common even after marriage, don't take it so hard.When they feel pressured they just need to release "themselves" and masturbating is just out of the convenience. If you don't mind,maybe you can help him masturbate or give him a BJ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
san2010 0 Report post Posted September 20, 2011 cha cha,i understand ur feeling. dun stress urself. i dun hv sex life with my hb since pregnant, i wish but jz i think both of us "over" concern on the baby till we dare not do.. he dun even let me do BJ.i encourage my hb do masturbating and i masturbating him too.. ur hb love u and baby very much tat y he settle himself...but the point is he didnt betray u and love u very much.. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
chacha 0 Report post Posted September 27, 2011 Dear LadiesI feel better after reading all your post, that most HB did masturbate during wife's pregnancy. I feel sad because i cant accept the fact that my HB did that, as we used to be very intimate and active in ML, but now he doesnt request from me anymore. I even tried to ask him on his needs and he told me he did not have ML in mind at the moment because he knows im not convenient to do it. But why if he doesnt think of it, he still masturbates himself?He still does it frequently. What my concern is, Im afraid he will be addicted to it and after I deliver the baby, he will still continue to do it. Im so scared that he prefers to masturbate rather than ML with me, it will hurt my feelings, that Im no longer attractive. In fact, I did offer him from time to time to help him 'release' it, but he rejected. Think he prefers to do it on his own. I did asked him once on the reason of not ML with me, he said he doesnt feel comfortable and cant hold me as tight as possible (as what we used to do it). Thats why he choose not to ML. Told him many times that it wont hurt the baby, but I guess he loves the baby so much that he prefers to masturbate and make sure the baby is safe. My main concern is will he stop doing it after my delivery?Im so scared he is addicted to it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mermyz 0 Report post Posted September 27, 2011 Why would he want to masturbate when he can do it with u? It's like choosing to drive a Kancil when he owns a BMW. I'm sure the reason he rejected your offer to help him is probably he is more embarrassed about it than you.Chacha, your hubby loves you very much =) try to talk to him and see things from his point of view. Tell him since you are currently pregnant, your self esteem and confidence level is lower, hence needs more reassurance. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pandasis 0 Report post Posted September 27, 2011 Why would he want to masturbate when he can do it with u? It's like choosing to drive a Kancil when he owns a BMW. I'm sure the reason he rejected your offer to help him is probably he is more embarrassed about it than you.Chacha, your hubby loves you very much =) try to talk to him and see things from his point of view. Tell him since you are currently pregnant, your self esteem and confidence level is lower, hence needs more reassurance.Agree with mermyz !!!!Chacha, Your hubby loves you and your kid, I can see a picture of another happy little family coming soon. If he doesn't love you, he wouldn't even bother to hold you tight in the process or not. I believe, he has his own reasons. If you cannot change the way he thinks, you need to put your trust in your marriage and change the way you feeling.Don't worry so much.. and take care of yourself and your lil one cause of your hubby. I believe he does suffer on the other side too. =)) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hungsiew 0 Report post Posted September 29, 2011 I always think it's better in any situation to talk it out... if I'm in your position, I will understand your concern as well - will he be addicted to it even after baby is born? Even though after talking to hubby he may not stop masturbating, but at least let him know your concern and worries. Actually, do you have your needs as well? Since you have an active sex life before you got pregnant, I would imagine you still have your sexual needs even when you are pregnant. If both of you have your needs but don't feel comfortable ML, then why not masturbate or simulate each other....Agree with other forum members that there's no doubt your hubby still loves you and is attracted to you, have faith in yourself and don't overworry, baby will feel mummy's stress too! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites