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I need some advise here.

My marriage is complicated. I'm bearing all the debt HB created and on top of that i'm paying mthly house/car bill.We stay apart few months ago after i moved to a new place start my new job. Because i need the money to pay for the bill.For him, he contribute nothing.

Few months ago, my friend told me she saw my HB got a GF.I don't really feel surprise when i hear because i had suspected long time ago when we still stayed together under one roof. Just that time i don't have proof. Anyway i feel upset too after i got to know it.

But don't feel really bad because i got myself a BF too in my new place ! We are colleague and he is married with wife and a kid.He treat me very well in the office and trying to woo me. Always said i'm his GF and ask other colleague do not disturb me in joking way.

At first, i don't care that much because i knew i'm married even i don't stay with my HB.But my feeling changed toward him after i have so much problem with my HB over the financial problem along these few months. HB just careless, left me alone to handle all sort of bill with my salary. (75% salary of mine paid to bill, 25% left for my own expenses only)

I felt so lost, facing $$ problem, love problem at the same time. Then my colleague (here call him NP), showing all his concern, caring to me.I admit i lost my control because down in my heart i want to let go myself enjoy affair too since my marriage is suck and HB having affair earlier than me.

There, we(NP and I) start seeing each other, go lunch together and we met once a week after work. But before we start, NP told me he can't give any commitment to me cause he got family and myself fuck care too as i'm married woman. What i want is enjoying the caring, love feeling, attention where i cant' get from my HB. Down in my heart i know this is just a casual relationship outside both our ( NP and I )marriage.

we talk a lot, he knew my financial difficulty and do support a bit on me. He also told me his marriage is boring, seldom have sex with his wife. nothing to talk and all sort of negative thing.He told me his past included an affair last 3 years before and after he married to his wife due to shot gun.(Mean continue seeing the same lady after he got married with the wife pregnant) The relationship stop after the lady married and get pregnant with another man. The lady just disappear in his life, cut all her contact with him.

So you see, even i know all his past, i still 'ok' to go with him as i really want to enjoy the temperately happiness.After 4-5 months being together, i start thinking should i just stop see him again cause i feel might get myself in problem like may suffer STD. And i realise as woman, we always rugi if having affair. I hope to get new husband and have BB if i can't really get back with my HB.

And i'm on my way to prepare to end the affair with him.But then, last week one of my ex-colleague told me NP wife going to deliver their second BB in couple weeks soon!!!!! I was so 'Shock, Disappointed and feeling betrayed" by NP. My ex-colleague told me NP ask her not to tell office colleagues since she get to know it in June.

Although i know we are just casual, but i still feel hurt because all the way he said seldom have sex but now i know it is actually due to his wife pregnant! He lie to me about his wife pregnant before even we start seeing each other.

Honestly, on my side, i feel that my 'courtship' with NP just happen naturally according to my feeling. i didnt' arrange it to happen. I treat this affair is a 'special' lifetime experience as it do help me ease the anger of my HB affair. And i feel it help me to cherish and handle my future relationship with my HB.

I'm still planning get back with HB.

But for NP, he definitely SET UP this affair. Because he ever ask me what i will do if he is on planning to get second child?? My reply to him is : will leave him immediately! Indeed he already bearing second child while having affair with me.

Now, i havent got chance to tell him stop seeing each other as he currently refuse to talk me said i hurt his feeling due to another matter. He is very EGO MAN, can take weeks not to talk to me. And now of course he doesn't know i just knew he is going to be father again.

What should i do now?

1. Pretend i don't know anything( he going to be father soon )and tell him by SMS him i m out of this game with him due to i'm tired with him and i need to lead a NEW life for myself ?? (as I don't want get my ex-colleague involved because NP will knew is she told me this. )

2. Pretend nothing happen, not contact him at all and just 'delete' him in my life? As currently we are colleague but i just transferred to another division under another manager, so no seeing him in the office.

3. Call him to ask him out and talk in front of him ? ( this will only happen if he will answer my call and to meet me, He just press off my call 2 days ago)

4. Find new job by Jan after getting my bonus by DEC.

5. Pretend nothing happen as affair is a SECRET between NP and I. I will still go out with other colleagues outing which will meet NP in the circle of colleagues makaning activity? thanks for all comments...i need some moral support to get through this.

Conclusion : Bad man really cute but it really hurts even you have well prepared in advance this day will come, so my personal advise is play at your own risk if you think you can handle. As human being, we will get hurt by the thing call 'LOVE".

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I need some advise here.

My marriage is complicated. I'm bearing all the debt HB created and on top of that i'm paying mthly house/car bill.We stay apart few months ago after i moved to a new place start my new job. Because i need the money to pay for the bill.For him, he contribute nothing.

Few months ago, my friend told me she saw my HB got a GF.I don't really feel surprise when i hear because i had suspected long time ago when we still stayed together under one roof. Just that time i don't have proof. Anyway i feel upset too after i got to know it.

But don't feel really bad because i got myself a BF too in my new place ! We are colleague and he is married with wife and a kid.He treat me very well in the office and trying to woo me. Always said i'm his GF and ask other colleague do not disturb me in joking way.

At first, i don't care that much because i knew i'm married even i don't stay with my HB.But my feeling changed toward him after i have so much problem with my HB over the financial problem along these few months. HB just careless, left me alone to handle all sort of bill with my salary. (75% salary of mine paid to bill, 25% left for my own expenses only)

I felt so lost, facing $ problem, love problem at the same time. Then my colleague (here call him NP), showing all his concern, caring to me.I admit i lost my control because down in my heart i want to let go myself enjoy affair too since my marriage is suck and HB having affair earlier than me.

There, we(NP and I) start seeing each other, go lunch together and we met once a week after work. But before we start, NP told me he can't give any commitment to me cause he got family and myself fuck care too as i'm married woman. What i want is enjoying the caring, love feeling, attention where i cant' get from my HB. Down in my heart i know this is just a casual relationship outside both our ( NP and I )marriage.

we talk a lot, he knew my financial difficulty and do support a bit on me. He also told me his marriage is boring, seldom have sex with his wife. nothing to talk and all sort of negative thing.He told me his past included an affair last 3 years before and after he married to his wife due to shot gun.(Mean continue seeing the same lady after he got married with the wife pregnant) The relationship stop after the lady married and get pregnant with another man. The lady just disappear in his life, cut all her contact with him.

So you see, even i know all his past, i still 'ok' to go with him as i really want to enjoy the temperately happiness.After 4-5 months being together, i start thinking should i just stop see him again cause i feel might get myself in problem like may suffer STD. And i realise as woman, we always rugi if having affair. I hope to get new husband and have BB if i can't really get back with my HB.

And i'm on my way to prepare to end the affair with him.But then, last week one of my ex-colleague told me NP wife going to deliver their second BB in couple weeks soon!!!!! I was so 'Shock, Disappointed and feeling betrayed" by NP. My ex-colleague told me NP ask her not to tell office colleagues since she get to know it in June.

Although i know we are just casual, but i still feel hurt because all the way he said seldom have sex but now i know it is actually due to his wife pregnant! He lie to me about his wife pregnant before even we start seeing each other.

Honestly, on my side, i feel that my 'courtship' with NP just happen naturally according to my feeling. i didnt' arrange it to happen. I treat this affair is a 'special' lifetime experience as it do help me ease the anger of my HB affair. And i feel it help me to cherish and handle my future relationship with my HB.

I'm still planning get back with HB.

But for NP, he definitely SET UP this affair. Because he ever ask me what i will do if he is on planning to get second child?? My reply to him is : will leave him immediately! Indeed he already bearing second child while having affair with me.

Now, i havent got chance to tell him stop seeing each other as he currently refuse to talk me said i hurt his feeling due to another matter. He is very EGO MAN, can take weeks not to talk to me. And now of course he doesn't know i just knew he is going to be father again.

What should i do now?

1. Pretend i don't know anything( he going to be father soon )and tell him by SMS him i m out of this game with him due to i'm tired with him and i need to lead a NEW life for myself ?? (as I don't want get my ex-colleague involved because NP will knew is she told me this. )

2. Pretend nothing happen, not contact him at all and just 'delete' him in my life? As currently we are colleague but i just transferred to another division under another manager, so no seeing him in the office.

3. Call him to ask him out and talk in front of him ? ( this will only happen if he will answer my call and to meet me, He just press off my call 2 days ago)

4. Find new job by Jan after getting my bonus by DEC.

5. Pretend nothing happen as affair is a SECRET between NP and I. I will still go out with other colleagues outing which will meet NP in the circle of colleagues makaning activity? thanks for all comments...i need some moral support to get through this.

Conclusion : Bad man really cute but it really hurts even you have well prepared in advance this day will come, so my personal advise is play at your own risk if you think you can handle. As human being, we will get hurt by the thing call 'LOVE".

Hello Jess,

Sorry to know about ur rocky marriage and the affair...Sometimes if ask u to pretend nothing happen I believe that no one can do so..easy to say than do furthermore u both are in the same company.How big can a company be...once a while sure bump into each other one. I would suggest that try to find a better job now because if u wait for ur bonus I afraid he starting to plan on something else like break the secret. Nowadays very difficult to trust a person who can have affair because the wife is pregnant.Then we never know what he will do the next. It is better for you to find a way to protect urself first.HUGS~~

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hi dear... the way u say u start this affair is partly due to ur HB is doing the same thing... having affair prior to u did urs. That is not rite, no? by the way LOVE is blind... but why let urself blinded by somebody whom is apparently cheated on u ?

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hey gal,

forget about NP, dont call him anymore.. there is no need to tell him you want to end

or whatever. Just treat it as a fling. pull yourself up together..

and live for better.

stop supporting your hb, u dont owe him anything....

my friend always told me... love yourself first before you love someone else...

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Agree, you have got quite a complicated situation but as I always believe, there is always a simple solution, even for the most complex / complicated problems.

Your simple solution lies in what you ultimately want:

(a) To be with NP

(b) To be back with your current HB

© Start totally afresh without any baggage

To be with NP

Firstly, all man who cheat on their partners either pretend to be single or use the line that there are problems at home, partner does not understand them, they are no longer intimate.

In your case, you knew that NP was married, and indirectly, accepted that you are the other woman and you were okay with it, albeit that NP lied that they are no longer intimate. However, you know that it's a lie and he is going to be a father.

So, if you wish to be together, you have 2 routes to take:

(i) Continue to be the other woman. You can either chose to pretend that you don't know about his new Baby or you can confront him and tell him that you don't mind

(ii) Tell him to either choose you or his wife. It is unlikely that he will choose you as his wife just delivered and I suspect that his remaining paternal instinct may be stronger than his feelings for you

To be back with your current HB

Obviously for this, you should stop seeing NP and focus on salvaging your relationship with your HB. Confront him and tell him that you know about all his past / current affairs but you are willing to forgive him and give your relationship another chance. I will not advice you to confess about seeing NP as most men practice double standards, while they think its okay for them to screw around, they will never accept it if their partner does the same thing.

Both of you should also seek some sort of marriage counseling and also get your financial house in order

Start totally afresh without any baggage

This is probably your better option. Take a break and then decide whether starting afresh is better for you. You may want to change jobs if possible to change your environment. Bumping into NP will not help your cause but there are other considerations, such as financial.

In any event, you should also sort out the financial mess with your HB and if you take this route, consult a lawyer to advice on the steps that you should take.

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Thank you for all your advise.

I think i need to explain more clearly.

I DO NOT know NP going to be second father soon ..( estimate by end OCT'11) when i was with him. He cheated on me before i start with him. As i had told him i will leave him if i get to know he is planning / having second BB.

I do not want to hurt a pregnant wife, have intimate with her husband while she can't. This is really cruel, i'm a woman too, i do not want my HB cheat on me while i carry BB too!

But too bad, i already did it as NP lie this to me since we get started.

I really SHOCK and can feel my heart beat so fast/ blood all come up to my face when my ex-colleague told me NP warn her DO NOT tell anyone in office about his wife pregnant since in June already.

What i want to do are :

1) leave NP without contact him anymore. Delete him in my chat list.

2) Have a good discuss with my HB if he also want to save our marriage. I can forgive all the past he did as long as he willing to lead a New life with me. Of course, i will not confess with him my past with NP. Is double std system, i knew it.

As the main problem with my HB is financial untstable and the way he handle money.

If he agree and willing to have comminment with me to handle our current debt, and planning for our future.

i will get back with him. If not, i think i will leave him to live my own life as divorsee.

Why do i need to carry a burden with me ? right? i think i have been contribute A LOT $$$ and time on him along these years.

Aishiteru is correct, love yourself more before start love someone else...

I plan to have a makeover for myself and start looking job prepare to leave current company. I hope i can bear this 3 months period because the DEC Bonus is important for me as it could pay my debt..

All the best to me!!

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jess0921,

no one can love you more than you love yourself. Dont ever shortchange yourself on this babe and be glad to know that you dont have a baby to worry about and you found out about the 2nd baby before things got further. You were at a vulnerable state when things got started between you and NP and he took advantage over the situation.

Since the Dec's bonus is important to you and you know its coming, i guess you wont have much choice but to tough it out these few months. It wont be easy but you will learn to be strong. Dont ever doubt your decision esp when you know its the right thing for you ya. NP will surely try to get back to you and use his charms or whatever so you need to make sure you know why you are doing this *hugs* go out with some girlfriend to fill your time, do things that you like to fill the void.

for eg : go tutoring some under priviledge kids, do some charity work this will help you fill your time and get to know new friends as well :) good luck ya. I could recommend you few activities to do too :) if your family is nearby, its always a good time to do some gathering at home or visit them over the weekend. Be strong and believe in yourself babe ! Remember there is alot more to life out there.

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jess,

i know its not easy to stop seeing this guy NP immediately as you need accompaniment in yr workplace. So my advise to u is to cut down the frequency of seeing this guy NP, and let go this affair slowly.

u must let him know tat u are aware of his wife is carrying a 2nd baby. his family needs him the most when the bb is born in oct.

yes u need to find a new job. kick start yr new life with a new environment.

and for yr hubby's case, u need to talk to him bout this matter. u are not deserve to work so hard for yr family as he doesnt appreciate at all. u deserve a better life

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Despite what people claim... women ALWAYS will succumb to feelings and ALWAYS will end up getting hurt. Get out n work on ur marriage instead.

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Well, bottom line is that you used him in sense of needing everything that your husband couldn't provide you with and in return he did the same to you. I would say its even and you should just move on. Married men will cheat and lie most of the time to get so attention from other womens but we often fall for it. So, just ignore him and move on. As for your current HB, i have nothing to say much. You should know what need to be done. Can you imagine another 30 more years with that person ?

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It sounds like a revenge game to me.

Your HB has a gf but it doesn't mean you need to find a bf and get yourself into a feeling-trouble.

And now you got the 'revenge' from your doing, you know your 'bf' is a married man and what he said might not true, as what others say he might just want to get your attention and trying to get what he can't have from his wife (as you said his wife is pregnant and going to deliver soon).

If you call this is a complicated affair, ask yourself who started all these? yourself? your HB or your BF?

You have the choice to end it or to continue.

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i read this thread since the day it was created; it is this response that I wanted to hear so much....it really takes two hands to clap...both have to work to solve the problem, instead of blaming and creating revenge....

hope both of you would work it out! take care

It sounds like a revenge game to me.

Your HB has a gf but it doesn't mean you need to find a bf and get yourself into a feeling-trouble.

And now you got the 'revenge' from your doing, you know your 'bf' is a married man and what he said might not true, as what others say he might just want to get your attention and trying to get what he can't have from his wife (as you said his wife is pregnant and going to deliver soon).

If you call this is a complicated affair, ask yourself who started all these? yourself? your HB or your BF?

You have the choice to end it or to continue.

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Can I be a little bitchy and call u "cari pasal?"

Your HB is wrong u know it and u went to lower yourself to his level and do the same! Do u call this revenge? More like silly.

Fine if u want to go even. Can't u find a single man ? For what u have done, u r hurting an innocent preggie woman!!!

I hope u can rectify this mess before hurting the innocent lady further! It is a SIN - bigger sin than your HB betraying u.

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bunnyNwife,

well say! cari pasal, revenge and now becomes sinful.

I'm so sorry to say, you have nothing better than your HB's gf!? sama sama standard oh? and .. worst is, you are a married woman hooks up with a married man and hurting the innocent preggie woman with 2 child and 1 is coming on the way. hmm .. that's bad.

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=) You of all people should know how it feels to have a 3rd party in ur marriage, yet u choose to be the 3rd party in another person's marriage. Since the day you found out about ur hubby's affair, what have u done to save the marriage? Instead you choose to spend time ruining another person's marriage. Ur bf knows of ur vulnerability and decided to take advantage of it, but it is also ur own fault for encouraging it.

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Didn't know she was pregnant? Wah...it only takes a bun in the oven to make you feel guilty for helping a man cheat on his wife...like what your HB did to you?

Shouldn't the fact that your BF married enough to make you stay away?

I stayed away from this thread because the person who started it dug her own grave and then turns around and blames it on LOVE, on MEN, etc (see quote below).

Bad man really cute but it really hurts even you have well prepared in advance this day will come, so my personal advise is play at your own risk if you think you can handle. As human being, we will get hurt by the thing call 'LOVE".

You should really listen to your own advice, Jess. If you can't handle the heat (married man lying to you about pregnant wife, etc), don't play the game (adultery).

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I seriously cannot believe someone will be so silly as to post such a thing here. It seems almost unbelievable. If at all it is true, im speechless. I tried very hard to stay away from this post too but it was too hard :) This is seriously common sense and there isn't a need for advice!!

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