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Hey gals, interested in finding out how 'married' do couples feel after they have ROMed but haven't done the customary? Any couples out there who have already signed on the dotted line but still acknowledge theirs spouses as 'Future' husband or wife? What about parents and members of family, do they openly accept their son or daugther in-law for family functions such as reunion dinners if their kids have married under the law but haven not gone through customary wedding?

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hi chooz,

what i feel its no feeling of husband and wife lo. its more like signing a purchase using credit card. we did not have any umpah on the spot. All we did was just to sign 3 papers ...thats all. and can't believe i am married to him wo.

ofcourse we still call the other parents uncles and aunties lo. Esp my out dated MIL, in her eyes, no customary wed means not married yet.

what i feel the tea ceremony makes u really feel u are married as u have to call your partners parents as your parents liao. Can't escape leh.....

but in our youngster's eyes, even no customary wed, we are announced as hubby and wife liao because u can't marry other pple as its bound by law. he he...... :P

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Chooz

For me, hmm..we have ROMed for a year but haven't gone through the customary. After signing the paper, it feels like husband and wife to me. :rolleyes: From the eyes of law, we are lawfully married. So, we are aknowledging each other lao gong and lao por now. He introduced me to his friends or collegues as "My Wife" :lol: .

As for family members or relatives, traditionally we havent gone through the customary or tea ceremony. So, has not started calling father, mother etc. I feel it's best to wait till the big day, for me.

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hi chooz,

what i feel its no feeling of husband and wife lo. its more like signing a purchase using credit card. we did not have any umpah on the spot. All we did was just to sign 3 papers ...thats all. and can't believe i am married to him wo.

ofcourse we still call the other parents uncles and aunties lo. Esp my out dated MIL, in her eyes, no customary wed means not married yet.

what i feel the tea ceremony makes u really feel u are married as u have to call your partners parents as your parents liao. Can't escape leh.....

but in our youngster's eyes, even no customary wed, we are announced as hubby and wife liao because u can't marry other pple as its bound by law. he he...... :P

Hi jaylow,

for my case, my hb and I both felt so different towards each other after signing the papers. We really considered each other as married spouse liao, can really feel the way we treat each other also so different, much more tolerant and nice towards each other maybe coz we know we cannot 'escape' liao should really treasure and make the marriage work :lol:

for my hb, he feels that the most important moment in a marriage is sigining the papers. He very kan jiong and 'zhong shi' about ROM one, that is why he 'she de' to buy expensive wedding bands coz to him that is what he will wear forever and will never change. He rather save on something else. After ROM, i see my hb a lot relax liao, he don't care so much about customary one, to him signing the papers is the most important process in a marriage. That guarantees my status and i find him very sweet, after ROM he told me he is going to declare my status to CPF and insurance companies coz if anything happend to him, my welfare will be guaranteed ... i felt so so touched at that moment :rolleyes:

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Chooz

For me, hmm..we have ROMed for a year but haven't gone through the customary. After signing the paper, it feels like husband and wife to me. :rolleyes: From the eyes of law, we are lawfully married. So, we are aknowledging each other lao gong and lao por now. He introduced me to his friends or collegues as "My Wife" :lol: .

As for family members or relatives, traditionally we havent gone through the customary or tea ceremony. So, has not started calling father, mother etc. I feel it's best to wait till the big day, for me.

haha ... after sigining the papers, my hb kept teasing me that i'm his EX-girlfriend ... which is kinda true in a way also ..kekeke :lol:

ya, i also agree that we should only call future FIL and MIL after the customary, i feel that way more appropriate lor ... i also still call them uncle and auntie after ROM. But i think my FIL very easy going one, not very particular about tradition, the night after ROM, he already talking about grandchildren with us .. hahaha :D

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wah chooz, really can tell u married the rite person and the rite family leh.....or also i think u must be damn pretty that your hb wants to book u as u said after rom he felt relaxed :rolleyes:

yeah, u r rite only customary then we spent CNY reunion dinner at his place. i have one senior fren cried at her husband's place during the 1st year because she felt bored till her brother come and pick her up. i still laughed at her till now..... :P

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wah chooz, really can tell u married the rite person and the rite family leh.....or also i think u must be damn pretty that your hb wants to book u as u said after rom he felt relaxed  :lol:

yeah, u r rite only customary then we spent CNY reunion dinner at his place. i have one senior fren cried at her husband's place during the 1st year because she felt bored till her brother come and pick her up. i still laughed at her till now..... :P

aiyo... no lah ... not that he wants to book me, wat I meant was he is relax in the sense that to him, his job towards the whole wedding is almost done liao with the papers signing .. haha :D He is a very practical kinda person, and he doesn't believe in superstition or chinese tradition at all. To him, customary is just a formality which we still practise for the sake of our elderly which does not gurantee anything in the eyes of law. But he will still do it as a respect to both sides parents :rolleyes:

actually hor, i don't really care which family i married into, as long as the person i married is rite for me ... i am very lucky in the sense that my hb is those kind who don't give a damn to what his family think about his wife and wouldn't even give them any chance to bad-mouth me! sometimes he buy me some branded stuff i will tell him I feel pai-seh to carry infront of him family scared they say I use his $$ but he will tell me nothing to be afraid of, it is HIS $$ he has every right to buy anything for whoever he likes ... everything he has today is a result of his own hard work and determination so no one should have any say in how he spends his $$ .... i find him very man ... kekeke :lol:

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Hi Chooz,

That's good...I also feel your hubby is very man leh...so independent and sayang you...

Personally, I dislike those "mummy's boy" type of man...no own mind of thinking...I mean no disrespect to those MIL but I wish to have a husband that can stand up tall on his own and be a man....hehe...

luckily I think I found one...definitely my FH la...hehehe

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jenniko,

yeah!! give me a five!! B)

like my hb, he very scared of his famiy members to do things one. he end up don't dare to do things even to ask his ex not to come in front of his family.....he has to secretly call her out and talk again..........

in the end, i played the male role more than the wife role. Any problem i always head first and willing to take risks............maybe i am too tough in personality....... :P

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Jaylow,

*Five yeah!!!* Hehe...

On the positive thought, don't you think you complement him in those areas that he doesn't excel well? You being the leader to solve his problem and being tough...sometimes I think we are meant to complement each other weaknesses...that's make two of us whole and complete...I always think that way in order for myself not to condemn my FH shortcomings...hehe...

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yeah...thats what i think too....thats y i forgive him easily... :P though he can drive me up the wall at times :lol:

i wud think god is fair to match a couple. like u sed to complement each other. but seriously speaking, my hb quite like "woman" at times and i the opposite lo.....maybe we shud ask god....why not we switch for a while and see (like the movie "switch") :huh:

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Hi Chooz,

That's good...I also feel your hubby is very man leh...so independent and sayang you...

Personally, I dislike those "mummy's boy" type of man...no own mind of thinking...I mean no disrespect to those MIL but I wish to have a husband that can stand up tall on his own and be a man....hehe...

luckily I think I found one...definitely my FH la...hehehe

Hi jenniko,

yup, very happy with his attitude :lol: and happy to hear that you have found a 'man' husband too :) give me 5!!! :lol:

ya me too cannot stand mummy's boy!! once you cannot get along with his mum you gone case liao!! :huh:

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In fact, the most important thing is actually the ROM. Whatever the MIL or FIL or even the relatives or friends think. By law, the couple is LEGALLY MARRIED. Whether the tea ceremony / dinner is conducted or not is not important LEGALLY.

Culturally, well that is different. It is also subject to the family culture and to some extent, religion also plays a part.

As someone who's married for more than 13 years, I remembered only my ROM date. Frankly I forgot the actual wedding date. Ha Ha

:wub::D :P :D:D

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In the eyes of Law, once signed on the ROM papers you are married.

In the eyes of Chinese, even if you had already ROM. You are only considered married when you had Zam Cha & did all customary.

Situations:

1. ROM but not gone through AD - If get pregnant, everyone sees you as 'shot gun' and start talking bad about you.

2. Gone through AD - If get pregnant, everyone happy for you & give you their blessing.

Not me lah......... seen others talking bad behind a poor couple which had ROM & not AD yet. Then they hurry hurry do their wedding, by then the bride already about 4-5mths pregnant so can see already.

I just don't understand & comprehen loh........... To me once ROM, we are husband and wife, I dont need anyone to tell us what can do & what connot do. Those PAT PO can say until the couple damn bad, this & that. So sad.....................

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i hate those pat po... just keep on gossip and talk behind ppl back....

who cares anyway.

i rule my life... after ROM, we can do what ever we think it is rite or wrong. we need not answer to them. we answer to ourself.

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ROM but not gone through AD - If get pregnant, everyone sees you as 'shot gun' and start talking bad about you.

wat's wrong if get pregnant after ROM lei, already husband & wife wat... really dun understand those 3 8, got nothing to do, so kpo... :wub:

i attended my gf's wedding dinner few mths ago, she already 3 mths preggie & not ROM @ that time. guess wat, i overheard few pak poh said "y can't c her belly lei, heard she already pregnant for few mths.. so cleaver to hide...". those pak poh tot they r in pasar... can talk watever they wan.. :lol:

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Indeed situation 1 happen all the time. Girl got preggie after ROM before AD being gossip around and pressured. What's wrong, man? :wub: ROM meaning LEGALLY married in the eyes of law! Why can't people just give the bride to be the same kind of blessings? <_<

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i gues ppl r like dat...like to make gossip to entertain themselves..

but when a couple ROM, not many ppl wil know lor so when the couple get pregnant, they jump to conclusion...whereas when sudah AD, the whole world knows....

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true enough we don't care what others think. but they are still part of our live leh...can't escape from them. :wub:

but hor, some benefits i can see lor ......

1) no need give ang pows....save money :P

2) CNY reunion dinner still can go back own home to have dinner with your loved ones..... :lol:

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