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chacha

Should I Forgive Him?

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Hi

Im married for 9 months and my husband loves to hang out with one of his close buddy, which sometimes make me jealous. I would say he tells him everything and even talk on the phone everyday 5-6 times a day. Luckily he a guy too, but I dont like the fact that this buddy message me once and said that I stick to my husband too much. I should hang out more often with my friends rather than always with my husband. As I hate my husband going out at least 5 times a day at night, giving lots of excuses. I have voice out my unhappiness and wish he can stay at home and to spend more time with me since Im pregnant now. He promised but in the end did not do as what he promised. He and his close buddy is like cannot be separated.

One day, my husband told me he needs to travel outstation for work purpose with his boss, somehow makes me uneasy and I dont really trust his words.

I got to check his personal email and found out that he has book a room to Genting instead of to the place that he told me. My whole world shattered and I cant keep it to myself anymore. So I have asked my husband to tell me honestly what is happening around. At first he denied and even mad at me, asking me why i checked on his private mails. I cried and cried. In the end, he feels guilty and told me the truth. Saying that he is actually going to Genting with a few friends and of course his close buddy will be joining too. Reason being is he wants to spend sometime with his friends. I am so disspointed as why Im pregnant and still think of fun, to leave me at home alone when my due date is just around the corner?He appologies to me and said he lied to me because he knows i wont allow him to go. Before this, he even cheated on me, saying to celebrate farewell party with his colleague but i manage to find out he is actually watching movie with his close buddy. With all this, how can I accept his close buddy? And my husband acts makes me hard to trust him.

What should I do?Please help. (he knows his close buddy for 10 years and just staying near to our house)

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girl, pls answer these questions first...

1. have u been dating long b4 u got married??? was he like this b4 this or isit recent?

2. is he stressed out w your pregnancy? is he eagerly anticipating d baby?

3. have u voiced out ur feelings clearly? i mean really talked n discussed....????

4. r u sure thr's NOTHING goin on between them? even if he is a guy... things have been known to happen....

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girl, pls answer these questions first...

1. have u been dating long b4 u got married??? was he like this b4 this or isit recent?

2. is he stressed out w your pregnancy? is he eagerly anticipating d baby?

3. have u voiced out ur feelings clearly? i mean really talked n discussed....????

4. r u sure thr's NOTHING goin on between them? even if he is a guy... things have been known to happen....

Hi Natalyn

Yes. We have date for 3.5 years before getting married and from what I know he have never done this to me. Maybe we were not staying together in a roof, so he has more freedom during his bachelor time. I dont think he is stress out with my pregnancy, but of course waiting eagerly for the arrival of our new born. When I found out, i calm myself down (eventhough i was heart break and feeling disspointed with his act as I love him so much), i talk to him nicely an dtell him how i feel. Each and everytime I tell him how i feel when most of the time he goes out with his close buddy and neglect me. He understands it and promised to change his lifestyle. But up to now, still the same and his 'close buddy' will still keep on asking him to accompany him to here and there. As though i am not my husband's wife. This makes me so mad and I cant accept this friend of him. My husband told me that he is not interested to have special relationship with a guy, but just that he treats him as a very close friend which they know for 10 years.

This makes me jealous alot as my husband will tell him lots of things which sometimes i doubt i know it. The close buddy is ruining our marriage life and I dunno how to overcome this. I hate this close buddy alot!!! And he is the main culprit that makes me argue with my husband. As my husband always do not reject his invitation.

This weekend will be a tough weekend for me as I will be alone at home and my husband goes for his one day trip with his friends (without invitating me) I cant accept this fact, frm the day I find out the he lies to me and in actual fact he is goin out for fun.

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Sorry to say that since u have talked to your husband for many times but he seems like not changing or at least improve from the current situation means he still childish and still want his freedom. How can a husband leave his wife at home when near to delivery date and himselves go out and have fun? I just think that he is irresponsible and never think in your shoes.

Ask him to wake up, then look and think deeply what position he is in now.. he going to become a father and right now he is husband but his act like a child.. i believe most of his friends still single?

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chacha,

i'm sad to say this, but ur hubby is one childish/ immature/ dun wanna grow up man.... i agree w @lice, he treasures his freedom much more than his marriage... he values his fren but takes u for granted.... if he is really anticipating the birth of ur baby he shouldn't be acting like this, it's just so irresponsible!!! how can he do things like this so near ur due date???? if i were u, i would leave n go back to my parents place!!! of course, i'm not asking u too.... but i think u need good emotional support now n also lots of helping hands when u deliver... n w him like this how can u depend on him??

talk to him 1 more time, calmly, hear him out, tell him all tat u feel and give him an ultimatum... ask him to make a choice, cut down time w his buddies n focus on u now especially in this crucial period... it's not like u wont let him b w his frens at all!!! if he cannot/ x want to, i suggest u rethink wat i suggested on top, he really needs to prove himself since he has so far simply disappointed u.... haiz, b strong ya... look forward to meeting ur bb, thr is a solution to everything, we just need to slowly figure things out... tell us d outcome if u really talked to him k:)

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Hi Chacha, hold on and be strong. You are afterall pregnant and you gotta be strong for your baby. Men tend to react in ways that we sometimes do not understand. To some men, being with their friends are important. Sometimes, it is difficult for them to let go of their single life, especially so if most of their friends are still unattached. There is no point talking to him and asking him to stop his activities. The more you do that, the more distant they will become. Be patient and hope that he will come around and realised that he is not longer the single man that he is.

However, at this moment, you may want to play the game right. Instead of hating the best friend, try to be his friend. Find ways to communicate with his friend on a casual basis. Afterall, as what you said he is your husband's best friend of 10 years. You never know he could be the one who can advise your husband for you. At the same time, what you should really do right now is plan your own activities such as having a girl's night out - go for dinner or go shopping - even for few hours. Do this few times and see what happens. When you start to get independent, your husband will see the difference and hopefully he will be wanting to spend time with you.

Do not be stuck in a situation. Also know that you cannot change a person - you can only change yourself. When you start to change in the things that you do or in your actions, you will see the changes in others. Good luck! Stay strong!

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chacha,

i'm sad to say this, but ur hubby is one childish/ immature/ dun wanna grow up man.... i agree w @lice, he treasures his freedom much more than his marriage... he values his fren but takes u for granted.... if he is really anticipating the birth of ur baby he shouldn't be acting like this, it's just so irresponsible!!! how can he do things like this so near ur due date???? if i were u, i would leave n go back to my parents place!!! of course, i'm not asking u too.... but i think u need good emotional support now n also lots of helping hands when u deliver... n w him like this how can u depend on him??

talk to him 1 more time, calmly, hear him out, tell him all tat u feel and give him an ultimatum... ask him to make a choice, cut down time w his buddies n focus on u now especially in this crucial period... it's not like u wont let him b w his frens at all!!! if he cannot/ x want to, i suggest u rethink wat i suggested on top, he really needs to prove himself since he has so far simply disappointed u.... haiz, b strong ya... look forward to meeting ur bb, thr is a solution to everything, we just need to slowly figure things out... tell us d outcome if u really talked to him k:)

I do agree with you, my husband treasures his freedom and friends more than me. When his close buddy is not around, then only he thinks of me and pretend to be a good husband to stay at home. I know it but just keep it to myself. I have talked to him on this issue many times, on how i feel and how much i need him to be by my side. How i hate it every night when i need to sleep alone, when he has excuses everynight to go out. I am so dissapointed and frustrated. Tonight is really a tough night for me. He is still not being honest to me, despite him telling me that he wont lie to me anymore (when i found out he is going to somewhere with his friends) He claimed he is at work but from the background, it doesnt sound he is at work place. Do you agree with this? When a person did nothing wrong, he wont acts strangely right?But today, my husband called me a few times and even sms when i purposely did not want to answer it. He asked me am I still suspecting him and why I dont pick up his call. I did not answer him and this makes him to feel more guilty. He thought i will be tailing him today as keep on asking me where am I.

Seriously, i cant think of a good reason to forgive him. But just for the sake of my baby, what should I do?

My husband pretend nothing has happened and be nice to me, but I cant. He hurts me alot.

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Yes! you should forgive your husband but tell him to know his proprieties. He is not a bachelor anymore.

And tell him that if he wants to go out with his friends, there should a consent of yours.

Give him an ultimatum that if he ever do that again, you will leave him for he is such an immature guy.

this is just my POV :)

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