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SummerRice

Please dont come to my house :)

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A group of friends suggest to come to my place for Christmas (for makan, card games or whatsoever, drinking, sitting, chatting, etc).. I didnt made the suggestion, but one of them did, and everyone agreed before I could say anything.. I just smiled and said "let's see how when the time comes".. I dont have to give reasons why I dont like people coming to my house, but since we dunno each other in this forum, and it's all about sharing opinions, I dont mind to name a few.. Please dont judge me / quote me if you want to give your opinions sincerely.. Here are a few reasons why i dont like people coming to my house:

1) I live in an apartment, i feel it's too small for gatherings, i dont even have enough seats for everyone.. Family members came last week, there were 15 of them, i dont mind, really, BUT most of them had to sit on the floor, some on the sofa (3 seater as my place is small) and some on the dining table's punya chairs, some loafing around in each rooms, sitting on my bed, eeeyew... sigh..

2) I welcome friends/relatives/family coming, really, BUT i dont really like a big group, like there would be more than 6 couples, 3 babies and a few maids, things will be messy, floor will be dirty, and I had to clean the house after that, sigh.. I am a bit OCD, FYI

3) Dont quote me or say me kedekut/kira - I had to on the aricond for longer time, provide food (kfc/pizza/bihun), drinks (beer/soft drinks)..

4) They might not come at 1 time.. after some left, another will arrive, so I had to entertain longer, on the aircond longer, and dread the time waiting for them to leave so that I can clean the house !!!!

The above are just to name a few.. Please dont judge me.. I am just being frank..I wouldn't have posted here if I dont need any opinions from strangers (which are the best, since we dunno each other)..

Again, i would like to mention, I dont mind people coming, really.. 1 or 2 close friends occasionally drop by, and i am more than happy to welcome them, cook a simple meal for them and chat.. BUT, i dont feel nice+and i dont like a big group of friends coming..

I know many of u will advise me:

1) Just welcome them, once in a while, no harm..

2) Pot Luck, each one comes with 1 type of food, so I dont have to sponsor..

3) Hire part time maid for half a day to clean up after they leave the nex day..

So please, instead of suggesting me to agree with the gathering, I need good excuses to reject the gathering in my place.. Enuff said, hope to see some replies here..

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Well simple, just ask "WHEN" is the gathering going to be. Let them all set a date. Then announce YOU and family will be away during that period of time for a trip to hometown, holiday, break or something. Just tell them "SORRY unfortunately i wont be around.

Another reason is tell them you are hosting another FAMILY gathering so unable to held another 1 more during the same period open it up to them to say let them host since you will be concerntrating on this gathering better not to mess it up. Give chance to another.

For any gahthering be it family or friends its always good idea to keep your room door close. Just tell ppl who wants to go in, its very messy and not convenient.

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Skye, thanks for your early reply.. U know what? I know my friends too well.. if we cant make it for christmas, they will say CNY.. and CNY have 14 days !! and i cant possibly say I will be away/not free/house messy/not doing open house/going away for 14 days.. BUT i will consider your suggestion about hosting another family gathering... sounds more "real", haha..

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Summerice, you are like my wife, she does not like too many people coming over, just a few close friends / family is fine but a whole group is a No-No. So, if you have already decided that you don't want your group of friends to come over, just tell them that

(i) your place is too small

(ii) There is not enough parking in your apartment and with the rainy season, will be messy

(iii) Your Neighbours are very LCLY, always complain about level of noise, etc. You kena complain when your family came over

If you have children or a HB, you can use them as excuses, children will mess things up with so many strangers in the house, etc, HB likes peace and quiet.

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Hmm, CFA, maybe you are rite.. I might use HB as an excuse.. can say he dont like hor.. FYI, i have already told them my place is too small, they say nevermind la, etc.. bla bla.. i have a 6m+ baby boy, maybe can say he wont sleep if got strangers in the house, haha.. sigh.. i feel so uneasy having to come up with excuses.. so during CNY, when a group of people wana come to your house, what your wife say?

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If I invite more than 5 ppl, my wife will say "You do all the preparation - cooking, cleaning, serving, etc". That works for me cos I can't cook, so I normally just invite some very close friends (and their wife and children) that my wife also knows and feels comfortable.

My opinion is that your friends very "Mmm sek chou", you already gave hints that you are not keen but perhaps sometimes if you always go to their house for parties, they think its your turn to play host.

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aiyah, settle 1 at a time la !

i know after christmas its CNY ... so just say CNY yr family not doing anything but going away 1 weekend, come back another weekend say go to another in-law house, 3rd weekend just say you are sorry but this weekend you and your hubby dont plan to do any gathering coz too tired after 2 weeks of running around visitation and everyone is exhausted and you and your hubby prefers to rest at home or u guys not well just wants to rest at home and do nothing.

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Thanks for all your feedbacks..

CFA, yes, they are very "mm sing mook", "mm sik do" and "mm sik jou".. and no i dont go to their houses for parties... never been to their houses b4, coz every year we meet outside in a restaurant.. but becoz this year, there are 3 new mummies with newborns and kids, so they feel inconvenient to go to restaurant for meet up, scared their kids will run around wor.. so they propose to meet in somebody's house, and I became their "target" liao coz i just moved into my new house this year.. so u know la.. when u move into a new house (the word new, so they expect u to invite them to your house), they wana come and 8.. which i dont like.. no fancy furniture, no fancy reno, i already hinted my house is very small, minimal furniture, until now still buying furniture/fork/spoons (yes, i had to go until to this extent), but they still "cant get the hint".. are they stupid or pretending to be stupid?

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A group of friends suggest to come to my place for Christmas (for makan, card games or whatsoever, drinking, sitting, chatting, etc).. I didnt made the suggestion, but one of them did, and everyone agreed before I could say anything.. I just smiled and said "let's see how when the time comes".. I dont have to give reasons why I dont like people coming to my house, but since we dunno each other in this forum, and it's all about sharing opinions, I dont mind to name a few.. Please dont judge me / quote me if you want to give your opinions sincerely.. Here are a few reasons why i dont like people coming to my house:

1) I live in an apartment, i feel it's too small for gatherings, i dont even have enough seats for everyone.. Family members came last week, there were 15 of them, i dont mind, really, BUT most of them had to sit on the floor, some on the sofa (3 seater as my place is small) and some on the dining table's punya chairs, some loafing around in each rooms, sitting on my bed, eeeyew... sigh..

2) I welcome friends/relatives/family coming, really, BUT i dont really like a big group, like there would be more than 6 couples, 3 babies and a few maids, things will be messy, floor will be dirty, and I had to clean the house after that, sigh.. I am a bit OCD, FYI

3) Dont quote me or say me kedekut/kira - I had to on the aricond for longer time, provide food (kfc/pizza/bihun), drinks (beer/soft drinks)..

4) They might not come at 1 time.. after some left, another will arrive, so I had to entertain longer, on the aircond longer, and dread the time waiting for them to leave so that I can clean the house !!!!

The above are just to name a few.. Please dont judge me.. I am just being frank..I wouldn't have posted here if I dont need any opinions from strangers (which are the best, since we dunno each other)..

Again, i would like to mention, I dont mind people coming, really.. 1 or 2 close friends occasionally drop by, and i am more than happy to welcome them, cook a simple meal for them and chat.. BUT, i dont feel nice+and i dont like a big group of friends coming..

I know many of u will advise me:

1) Just welcome them, once in a while, no harm..

2) Pot Luck, each one comes with 1 type of food, so I dont have to sponsor..

3) Hire part time maid for half a day to clean up after they leave the nex day..

So please, instead of suggesting me to agree with the gathering, I need good excuses to reject the gathering in my place.. Enuff said, hope to see some replies here..

Walau, your friends really thick face, some time they just pretend to be thick face, so that they don't have to clean up their house after effect just like u. huhuhu

I have no suggestions, but i felt all excuses above can really work, I just pity you.

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SummerRice,

I feel you !

I am just like you. I try to avoid having people to come over to my house because of the reasons same like you.

Before they come, I need to clean the house first - wash toilet, mop floor, clean everywhere as I don't want them to say "wah why you didn't clean your house ka" or "yor, why your house is so untidy" and bla bla bla...

Then have to prepare food for them.. after they happily leave the place, I need to do the cleaning up once again.. sigh.. I already feel tired just by thinking of it...

Somemore your friends has kids, the kids sure will play with the things at your house (no offend to all the parents here).

But luckily, during my last few gatherings at home with my family and friends, they helped to clean up before leaving. Like offering to wash the plate and my sister in law offers to mop the floor for me.

I feel that gathering with family is easier than friends. With family, I can voice out what is ok and what is not. While with friends, I can't be too honest.

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Erine, yes, bingo.. exactly !! b4 they come, i need to clean the house 1 round 1st (mop, vacumn, whatever).. show good image ma.. then after they leave, i have to clean another time.. yikes..

oh, 1 thing i not same with u.. yes, last week, SIL offered to wash plates/cups too, but I said no need, paiseh ma, feel 1 kind if let them wash..and dont say i "ba ji pai", if i let them offer to help, i scared "yuet pong yuet mong" (too many cooks spoil the soup).. u may think i have severe OCD, but i dont like people touching my things, hehe..they help to transfer the plates to the kitchen can liao, no need wash and wipe dry.. later they wash until the floor got water droplets, everyone step on it, eeewwww, then step back into the living room, all black feet stains (the list can go on, i better stop here, else u will say i'm crazy)...

and last week hor, BIL said "erm tomorrow, i think u will be very bz, coz u need to mop floor, etc".. i was like "hello, after u all leave i will mop floor liao"... i OCD until i change all bedsheets timmm.. coz they loaf around the house, around each room, sit on my bed, etc.. eeeyeww.. no offense, but, sigh... u feel me rite..

yes, friends with 1 toddler and 1 newborn with 1 maid is the most "phobia" one to me.. can imagine the situation will be real messy, yikes.. imagine those kids will come, and open up my baby's toy box, and take out those toys, bang bang bang on the floor (oops, no offense to other mummies, i truly understand geh, i am a mummy myself too)..

anyway... after reading all the replies from u, i feel much better.. really.. will still think of the best excuse to reject the gathering.. easy to run away for christmas, but not easy for CNY, coz hubby and i are both local, and this year we no go to any vacation becoz of our baby boy.. if not, every year, we sure go somewhere cuti-cuti malaysia geh.. let's see how...

***Note: dont judge/quote me (or my OCD/refuse-help-offered-to-wash-plates/cups-from-relatives thingy) if u want to give opinions, thank you..

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LOL ! i totally feel you on the OCD part.

I'm not to that extreme yet maybe because i dont have my own kids and house at this moment and still staying with parents of both sides so no choice have to use whatever even if i dont like it just in my heart its like "umm... yikes... eww" without saying anything.

anyway CNY just say you got gathering after gathering no time to meet with them lah. All weekend booked liao with family or extended family meetup/colleagues and is not at home during the time/date they choose.

not sure how long you moved to yr new house already if baru saja just say all things in boxes, not convenient coz you still havent got the time to unpack and you are doing it slowly because of your baby boy which is preventing you for doing housework :P

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same here; in addition, living in condo very ma fan - for example, at our condo - the doors at the lobby nit the tag to open, if one come after another, means nit to go down and unlock for them

i never invited any big group of frens, so far only my parents and two friends; some people have penguin eyes - will judge this and that, complain tis and tat (worse still, they do it at ur back!)

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leongal, i didnt write some part of my stories coz i thought i am crazy and people might say i care on what people said, want face, whatever.. but after reading your post, i feel that i have to write out, then i feel better..

yes, another reason (which i didnt state on top) is: people might have penguin eyes.. (izzit penguin, can i say radar eyes or barcode scanner eyes)? they come in, they want to scan everything - your kitchen, pinggan mangkuk brand u use, washing machine brand, open your fridge, compare, talk about reno, ask u what down lights u r using, aircond use how many HP, how much u spent on reno, how much on furniture, how come sofa so small and dont want buy L shape, this that... coz u know what, a few friends also move to new house last year+this year (but they stay at out-station la), so i think they will compare lor..

wah, if i wana talk about this hor, i can go on whole day.. in the end, i think i will agree with skye on the cny part.. will say i might not be free for cny coz i got this and that gathering and everyone wana see baby, bla bla bla (worst case, i will say i cant make it for the gathering if they do it in the restaurant/or other "victim's" house, so that it's more "real".. coz if i show up in the restaurant or the other "victim's" place, they might think, eh how come u say bz but now u can come)..

guess i cant think too much hor.. else, u all will say i cheong hei and curse me.. so "dou si jing shuin" lor..

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hmmm .. we will normally use our daughter as an excuse not to accepting guests or party, unless we hold the party otherwise is sorry.

And you have a 6 mo boy, that's lagi the best reason to tell them sorry, we cannot have the party at my place, but I know they will say aiya .. I oso bring our kids ba .. tell them this is instructed by HB, no house party till my boy is older so use this to tell them off, but you also can tell them I nv mind to join any gathering at outside.

ya .. your friends are thick face, mmg seng muk, never think of others or even wanna throw the responsible to you while they are just come, having fun .. mess then go! I benci this type of friends.

We normally will ask is that convenient to have it at your house knowing that you have a little baby, be considered .. don't just go to your friend's house to mess it then bye-go!

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beautiful gown, agreed ! ok, now i feel more confident liao.. will use the below as excuse:

1) cny, go here there, not free, so see how

2) hubby said better not to have house party until boy is older

3) all things still packed in a box, not yet finish buying furniture

i have already said lets meet up in restaurant/stimboat but the 3 new mummies said better not wor, got kids, better go to "house"..

cari mangsa.. benci..

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LOL ! i like yr excuses already and seriously if only your friends are more CONSIDERATE but what to do...

since they say better not ... why not ask THOSE 3 mummy to open up their house for gathering easier for them no need to bring the kids "out" ppl just go to their place hehehehe (so mean hor me)

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skye, u think i dont want to ask them meh, but got 2 mummies are out-station one.. they come to KL to visit frens.. then 1 more mummy leh, she neutral, nice person, never said anything when they said wana have gathering at my place, but she is living with her parents, so i am sure if i suggest her place, she will say her parents are there, not so convenient, bla bla bla... FYI, for cny this year (2011) we had a gathering at another fren's place, let's call her B.. in her new big house... and B was the one lor, who suggested come to my place lor, coz she feels she already played host this year, so time to cari new mangsa..

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SummerRice,

I can understand if it is with young child and you got a young child too and they have to be more considered loh.

Well .. I believe in KL has many places can have a function room or more baby friendly (if wanna compared to Kuching, hahaah Kuching is hard to find such place la =P).

Big house vs small house, which one is more comfortable!? I think your B is like cari mangsa ni well you just let them know you got that few difficulties and cannot cater huge group and most important is you say you need to discuss it with your HB.

We occasionally will cater party/gathering but we will discuss first before we send out the invitation, like the food arrangement, baby arrangement (while she is still under 1 yr old) because we need another person to looking after her so that we can entertain our guests.

Since last year, we cater Christmas, CNY - 2 gatherings - 1 is for friends and family and another one is my HB's old classmates gathering and my gal's 1st birthday party and really .. tiring, very tiring .. for Christmas, CNY and the birthday party we were like cater for 60-80 pax .. house size okie, can cater them but we need to clear at the end, so you can imagine how tiring we are but since we are willing so we are okie and my guests also very understanding, especially both side siblings will stay back to help us to clear the place .. phewww .. imagine if we don't have them around? guess we need to clear till mid-night ah! @@

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hi Summer,

just want to share some funny thing my friend did to her hub friends.

Coz her hubby friends like to hang around at their house until late night

watching football or whatever..

1 day she cannot tahan she told the hb, if u dont ask ur friend go back now

i will walk around the house bra less... LOL

then the hb quickly ajak the friend go mamak for drinks... LOL

about the excuse u said ur house got visitor that time

so not convenient. Or said you hb dislike crowd at home

so better dont come to your house, instead suggest another place

for hangout.

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SummerRice, I have no idea now. Are they your good friend? How can they don't consider for you?

To be honest, whatever excuse you say to them will make them unhappy. maybe they will speak ill of you. You must think about this. I am lucky that no friends ask for going to my house initiatively unless I invite them. I am not such of hospitality. But my hubby always come back with a hosting of friends so we often quarrel for this. well... it's not a big fight. I hate to wash bowls, mop the floor. I hate them smoke most. A big smell of smoke spread around the house, so disguested. Anyway, I hope my hubby can handle this problem and refuses their coming. Hope so.

Back to you, maybe you can dicuss it with your hubby, and find the best excuse to prevent your friends' to come.

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aishiteru,

haahha your friend is li hai! but I kinda like that 'threatening' =P

I always using 1 excuse if we don't wanna accept guests at night and which is true that my girl will sleep early, as long as early 7pm (before that) and now she will want to go into bedroom by 8pm or latest by 8.20pm, so we hardly can have night activities, even dinner with my family we need to make sure back before 8pm.

While my girl as young as your son's age, she wants to come back around 7pm and her zzz time is 7pm - 7.30pm.

Another reason you can use is, your son is used to sleep in a quiet environment where my daughter is but once she is into her dreamland, even outside with a loud bomb blast she won't be bother too =P

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