wud ur hubby pay everything ?

[glitter 0]

Ok I hav to admit I'm feeling rather jealous now.. Reason being is tht recently I hv a Fren whose bf is so good tht he buys house without needing her to share any Downpayment o installment but he writes her name on d property. Then recently she wanted to get a house for herself she only needs to pay half d Downpayment n her bf is willing to pay half of d installment.. Haih

When I think bout it me on d other hand is gonna get married N tht day my fiancé asked me if the wedding dinner he didn't receive enough angpow o money to cover will I help him.. I'm pretty hurt cuz I din even expect him to pay fr mine(we r doing d dinner separately).. So why shud he hav d guts to ask me to cover wor.. Like what the he'll.. I'm pretty angry but I jz answered if mine not enough to cover will u help me..(I'm doin in hotel so wud b more expensive he doin in normal rest only).. He said see how lor depends lor.. Really damn shit

I wonder if I got the right guy o not lor.. Cuz like why other ppl bf haven't even get married but willing to pay so much for her why my fiancé this kinda small thing also wanna cAlculate with me.. Makes me feel he's not a man lor.. I'm still hurt and angry over tht ques tht he asked me..

Most of the time I never asked him to pay for me like travel all the hotel n Airticket fee also pay half.. So sad..

[glitter 0]

And he always got this uncomfy feelin if tht day expenses is always on him.. Like if we go out whole day he wanna make me pay for breakfast or lunch we go aa.. I'm starting to feel very uncertain how stuff wud be after marriage la..

Am I going to be expected to go aa still?.. How many ppl out there married d still go aa or hubby expects u to pay for something .. Haih

[skye 0]

well i never have to aa with hubby even when we was in the courting stages.

he earn wayyyyy lesser than me seeing he is younger but he will always pay and doesnt allow me to. He feels its his responsible to pay for all these but i dont expect luxury like eat in nice restaurant and just got for hawker or mamak stall.

whatever luxury i opt for groupon and everyday voucher and buy it so it wont be too heavy a burden for him to pay all the time.

as for your friend, well she is lucky to get a rich bf who can afford all these things for her. Like the chinese saying we are all the sawme but different fate so cannot complain about destiny lah. I too wish to marry and then can be siu lai lai but it wont be a lifestyle i want for life ...

[hot-choc 0]

Hey glitter,

Maybe you could talk to your fiance about his views on money? What are his expectations and yours when it comes to the finances. Better to straighten everything out first now. This is a topic a lot of couples argue about.

For me, i always pay back my Fiance for everything (food/household bills) even though now he earns more than me. It's been a norm for us for sometime now. Once in a while, he will say that he is giving me a treat or pay for my shopping purchases.

But my expectation has always been he does not pay for my things/portion.

[jaswwp 0]

Hmm, it depends on you guys lor. Like for me and hubby any trip or vacation we aa for all expenses. Food sometimes he pay, sometimes I pay. Household bills, loan etc normally 60/40 since he earn more than me. I don't expect him to pay all la, unless maybe in future he earns way more than me then maybe... haha

[glitter 0]

I tried talking to him ystday and he mentioned he hated the fact tht I'm always about money.. So I told him tht it's so we know our responsibilities when we stup our home later.. Sigh.. He says tht I'm very materialistic..

I jz dun wan him to hav the thinking of oh this month I gt money I pay next month no money ask partner to pay.. Like I wud hav my own usage of money also I sometimes feel insecure what If I also have none?..

Hmm sumore now having so many probes with the wedding preparation.. The dates the dinner venue.. Haih.. So sad..

[SummerRice 0]

hi glitter, like skye said, your fren is lucky she got a rich bf who can afford to pay for her everything.. but not everyone has rich bf/hubby.. so dont compare lor.. human compare human sure end up gaduh one..

for me and hubby leh, we also contribute together-gether one.. for house, car, bills, he pay lor.. for nanny, household stuff/food, i pay lor.. then when we go out to eat, sometimes i pay, sometimes he pay.. no kira one.. hubby wifey liao lokkk.. but if i open mouth say wana eat in fancy restaurant like Chilis or TGIF, then i spend him lor.. sometimes tapau kfc, he will pay.. but when he comes back, dunno y, i will ask him how much, and then i will pay him back ger wor, hehe... konon sayang his wallet dont want him spend so much..dunno leh, automatic one my gesture..

although he earns more than me, i still pay for my share, according to my willingness lor.. like for example, when he shops alone in jusco for household stuff (supposedly, i am in charge of household stuff ma, just that we didnt go together to buy it that day), when he comes home, i will ask how much the bill today? if he says, rm250, then depends on mood la, perhaps i will fork out rm150 and say, nah, "teep" u back rm150, balance u sponsor, hehe, like that lor..but if i go together with him to jusco on that day and buy household stuffs together, at the cashier, i will pay all lor..

everything share share ger la.. see a lot or little only..

[whitejasmine 0]

Yah like what other girls had say..

Dun ever compare with your friend. Okay, your friend is very lucky and she must had done a lot of good deeds in her past life to be able to have a partner who pays for her everything. But I am sure your husband must have got his good sides too for you to decide to marry him.. :)

About him asking you to pay for some of his things, I feel that there is nothing wrong with this because husband got problem sure ask wife to help first. If wife also cannot help only go find others.

For myself, we had planned out our expenses, where my soon to be hubby will pay for the bills, groceries and food. And we will share our rental. I normally cook dinner at home but sometimes when I got extra money, I will tapau and belanja him makan. But when we go out, sometimes he will pay, sometimes i will pay.

But when with go out with PARENTS, he will be the one paying..kekeke+

[beautifulgown 0]

How long have you been with your bf aka husband-to-be?

I thought you should have long and good enought to know his 'style' before agree to marrying him, no?

You can't compare yours (your man) with others, if you wanna compare, guess your man might has nothing for you to be proud of ah.

Do you know his financial status well? like his income and expenses, does it tally? saving? just ngam ngam ho for every month?

To start a new family, house, wedding preparation will cost a lot and many will quarrel (some marriage still in safe but some in danger) due to that and there are always 3 issues (for starting) 1. wedding preparation, 2. inlaws matters, 3. money matter. If both of you cannot handle it well .. then the relationship is in danger.

We don't go for AA but it is more on HB's bill and I will pay once a while as I'm also helping in other expenses, we are not single as we have a little girl who is just 1.5 yrs old so our $ and plan will mostly go to the little one. It looks funny to go for AA for a couple or even husband and wife.

If you are expecting your man should pay for everything then you should let him knows from the beginning, if he can afford to do that, if not then BYE!

[roseisrose 0]

How long have you been with your bf aka husband-to-be?

I thought you should have long and good enought to know his 'style' before agree to marrying him, no?

You can't compare yours (your man) with others, if you wanna compare, guess your man might has nothing for you to be proud of ah.

Do you know his financial status well? like his income and expenses, does it tally? saving? just ngam ngam ho for every month?

To start a new family, house, wedding preparation will cost a lot and many will quarrel (some marriage still in safe but some in danger) due to that and there are always 3 issues (for starting) 1. wedding preparation, 2. inlaws matters, 3. money matter. If both of you cannot handle it well .. then the relationship is in danger.

We don't go for AA but it is more on HB's bill and I will pay once a while as I'm also helping in other expenses, we are not single as we have a little girl who is just 1.5 yrs old so our $ and plan will mostly go to the little one. It looks funny to go for AA for a couple or even husband and wife.

If you are expecting your man should pay for everything then you should let him knows from the beginning, if he can afford to do that, if not then BYE!

Agree with Ling. Better safe than sorry. Before you plan any further, should really visit this issue with him. If not, may be too late.

Like Kim K, she didnt wanna bother with the 'issues' and wanted to go through the wedding cos she already started planning only to regret later.

[glitter 0]

It's not tht I regret.. I know he's a good guy.. However there are times tht he's been quite tight up bout money .. Just recently went for holiday and he wanted me to pay for lunch and he for dinner.. I'm ok with tht.. Dinner bill was bout 28-35 so he kinda complained tht he cudnt save money if keep eating like tht.. I'm kinda irritated that amount is so small and yet he wanna make noise over it and it's not everyday we go holiday... yes he's frm poor family and not used to eatin out tht much bt I'm opposite my family always eat out..

And I'm quite upset now for some reasons my parents was talking bout the wedding dinner then my mom was saying relatives will drive how many 7 seaters so I jz said u ask like tht later they think u wanna pay for their transportation too( they r frm Johor)..

Then all of a sudden my dad jz said u dun always think the dinner u surely make money, these are poor ppl thinking maybe cuz of ur future husband kinda thinking..

I'm soooo upset tht both my parents always think tht he's poor.. My bf is having a ok job (we r both bankers btw).. So no matter how poor also won't be sooo freaking poor!!..

He is those who save every cent cuz his family is poor no doubt.. At times also too much..

I feel sad tht we still hv this kinda problem at this juncture of the journey.. Been with him for almost 4 yrs and these 4 years everyday my mom hv been looking down on him tht he's poor and he doesn't earn as much as me.. This led to me and her not talking much and I don't tell her anything on my stuff. My dad didn't mention anything prvsly but his recent statement really was bad.. It jz made me feel like did I make the right choice .. Why my parents jz dun like him???...

[glitter 0]

Somehow whatever happening now jz made me afraid tht this is not a good sign for a good marriage.. I dun wan my parents to not feel happy for me.. I wan them to feel glad tht somebody will take care of me..

At the same time I also wanted to have a more open hubby who won't be so uptight bout whatever money we use.. Sigh..

As of now I jz feel tht my parents aren't having the happy feeling more like looking Down on him lo.. Cuz I earn more then him .. Everything tht I do also bit better then him .. I do feel bad tht he's not as good bt after while I'm ok with it.. Jz tht haih maybe they feel tht I deserve somebody better financially..

[beautifulgown 0]

See, money is the issue here and you got to face it.

You are from a wealthy family (at least better than him) and of course, your parents will feel that you deserve to someone financially better than your boyfriend now.

As for your boyfriend, he is from poor family and he knows the important of $$ thus he is trying to save every single cent as within his possibility. I dunno how poor of his family, maybe he needs to support the family and save the $$ for rainy days. At one side I do agree with his doing but another side I think he is over-do.

I'm from a weathly family to poor and to better so I know how important of the $$ when especially you are urgently need it. For me, I will save whenever I can including tapao lunch from home and I seldom eat out during weekdays. Guess not many ladies will do like me but I will eat out once a while over the weekend. Plus now I have my own family, a daugther, I'm more 'stingy' like some others said but I never mind about it.

May I ask you a question, do you give pocket money to your parents? Do they ask for it? requested for it? I know some of my friends really living in the comfort zone, they never need to give money to their parents as their parents are doing quite well. Whereby some friends of mine still need to support the family.

Alto is already 4 yrs in relationship but you still can complain abt his saving-attitude, meaning this $$ issue still not solve yet. So .. think about it, solve it, otherwise ..

[DANIEL LEE 0]

In a marraige....it is 50-50. No one is superior than the other. There is no law that states a guy has to pay for everything. You wanna compare yourself with that girl who has a rich hubby?

Wake up, girl. Life is not fair at times....and we have to accept that.

[beautifulgown 0]

amanda is right, unless you are having a super rich boyfriend or husband, that will be a different story.

if both of you are working for living, have to be fair, sometime you will spend a little bit more, sometime he will spend a little big more, plus your boyfriend's background, he will try to save whatever and whenever he can as for you, eating out is nothing to you as you are almost brought up in this way - eating out.

[glitter 0]

Hmm.. I am aware of our financial situation And we do enjoy occasionally jz tht day bit irritated when he complain then I'd get over it quickly..

And I dun think it's such a big issue till hav to make any rash decisions .. He also signed up for those classes before marriage for both of us so tht we cud enter marriage life a bit better and smoother.. So I am glad he is doing something to ease my transition..

Sorry girls if I had sounded so much more anger cuz when I wrote first post was in angry mode..

Hmm I'm still bit upset with my parents who continue to have the image tht whn I marry him I'm gonna be so freaking poor lo.. Said I changed cuz of his influence making me do things tht poor ppl ONI will do.. Eg I initially said I dun wan give beer during my wedding jz liquor and wine and my dad scolded me say why u wanna make ur wedding so "hon suen" or stingy .. U must serve beer!!.. Haih..

[glitter 0]

Hmm.. I am aware of our financial situation And we do enjoy occasionally jz tht day bit irritated when he complain then I'd get over it quickly..

And I dun think it's such a big issue till hav to make any rash decisions .. He also signed up for those classes before marriage for both of us so tht we cud enter marriage life a bit better and smoother.. So I am glad he is doing something to ease my transition..

Sorry girls if I had sounded so much more anger cuz when I wrote first post was in angry mode..

Hmm I'm still bit upset with my parents who continue to have the image tht whn I marry him I'm gonna be so freaking poor lo.. Said I changed cuz of his influence making me do things tht poor ppl ONI will do.. Eg I initially said I dun wan give beer during my wedding jz liquor and wine and my dad scolded me say why u wanna make ur wedding so "hon suen" or stingy .. U must serve beer!!.. Haih..

[whitejasmine 0]

I'm sorry but the way your parents think is kinda wrong. What is the problem with doing things like the poor people? What is so wrong with being frugal?

They might be rich but not everyone is born with a silver spoon.

Gliiter, you've made the right choice to marry this guy. Have no doubt about this. Maybe you are still young that's why you think you deserved occasional treats. One day when you have children, you will grateful that your husband's effort to save every penny that he has. :)

Cheers~

[Meringue 0]

No point being so calculative with your husband (or he to you). If you're married, you're married. His money is your money. Your money is his money. No such thing as your name on the house or his name or who helps pay for what.

What is important is you both talk about money properly and decide properly how to manage your finances.

Give you example la:

My husband earns more than I do so he pays more. He pays the rent, the insurances, bills etc. I pay for food, entertainment and vet bills (since I'm the kan cheong one when it comes to our cats). Holidays are joint and we also pay for our own phone bills, baju.. whatever. When I graduate (I have my own money now because I am on a sort of a scholarship and have an internship allowance but will earn a bit more when I graduate), we will probably do something like this: combine salaries, substract all bills (rent, food, internet blah blah) and savings (short-term for holidays, long-term for retirement or whatever) and then what's leftover is our 'play' money.

It's up to each couple to decide what is best for them. It's good that your husband is careful with money but there is such a thing as too careful la. No harm to not worry so much once in a while. You also shouldn't compare with your friend la.

[bewwytoria 0]

hi glitter,

i agree with most of what the other babes said. don't be upset. and certainly do not compare yourself with your friends. every gal's dream (or every parents' dream for their kids) is to marry a good, loyal, and rich husband. so say your husband is filthy rich, but what if he doesn't treat you good? doesn't respect you? do things without consulting you? a hubby taking care of the wife doesn't just mean giving her money or paying for her everything. a marriage is much more than money, although money seems to one of the most prominent issues couples argue about. at least your hubby is willing to go to the marriage classes with you. nobody is perfect. it is because of our imperfection that we seek to find and marry that someone who could complement our flaws.

though i can't say that i have gone through exactly what you are going through, i've had my fair share of experience. i too wished for a nice wedding. hubby is ok with paying for certain things that are necessary, but he is not at all involved or interested in the wedding planning (he's working overseas and will only be back for the wedding). but he also wants to know that i'm not spending excessively or impulsively (so my case is money vs involvement). in fact his dad is the one who is so stingy for his son! he wants hubby to spend as little as possible for the wedding so that hubby can save some money for our future together. at first i just thought "aiyah it's just a wedding, a ceremony", but deep down, i would want to be married and have my wedding in at least a nice and elegant setting, no matter how small. my choice of venues were by the beach or garden, but the folks were not happy that they were "so expensive" cos hubby is forking out the money. in the end, i settled for a small restaurant in their hometown as we are only having 1 wedding.

i hope i didn't give the impression that we have to be calculative abt money for the wedding or anything. my point is that, look at it from a different perspective. like what whitejasmine and meringue said. some people are just very careful with their money even though they DO have the money. perhaps your hubby is feeling the pressure with his bank account if he is to pay for your everything, the extra money he has to spend on the wedding, and the obligations to his parents. worse still, pressure from your parents. perhaps he's also too egoistic to tell you the truth or to explain to you, hence he is just asking you to contribute but didn't tell you why he needed you to do so. i don't know you or your hubby but i know this about men because my hubby did tell me his worries with money. he also told me "we" (meaning "he") can't afford to eat out at restaurants daily - it burns a hole in his pocket. he wants me to have a good life with him and though he never asked/expected me to pay for anything, i can tell that he really appreciates that if i did and when i did. and i feel if we don't expect the moon and the stars from our hubby, the less disappointed we will be =)

so try to get to the root cause of it first. if not, then only think of the next step to rectify the problem. if all else fails, well... then all the best.

[beautifulgown 0]

For wedding prepration, do with your budget. Small budget, small wedding but will look nice too.

I'm a DIY-bride who DIY most of my wedding stuffs, from photo shooting, bouquet (for shooting), wedding car, restaurant decoration (simple decoration), wedding favor, wrist corsages, etc. except for my own bouquet for actual day, I let the florist to do it for me. And with my budget, I had the wedding that I want.

And we are not asking any $$ from both side parents, we do it according to our ability. Cos the most important is, after the wedding we still living with debt free, that is most important. And of course, with a good and nice wedding, everyone will remembering it. My colleagues and friends still can tell us how much they enjoy in our receiption, with good ambience, food and music (live band, must thanks to my niece and her gand who are willing to give us FOC performance, but we set up the sound systems + lighting nicely for them).

So just plan to your ability, remember, life after wedding is more important.