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RainbowChaiHong

HB having close female frens

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wye ee

yes, i understand what you mean. but things are so unpredictable. i used to believe this way. my hb is the nicest guy in the world. i couldnt believe it happened to me... :( so my point of view is, i will take it~ everything is possible. so i dont believe and agree close friends with opposite sex.

i didnt mean anything to you by saying this, but just my point of view :) .

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wye ee

yes, i understand what you mean. but things are so unpredictable. i used to believe this way. my hb is the nicest guy in the world. i couldnt believe it happened to me... :( so my point of view is, i will take it~ everything is possible. so i dont believe and agree close friends with opposite sex.

i didnt mean anything to you by saying this, but just my point of view :) .

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sometimes i really wonder why God create male female, and make male to work hard to maintain the family but female to stay in more relax life at home and yet going around to dig out whatsoever evidence that she think can breaks the relationship. to me once a couple gets together, there must be something strong to tie them up in one, no other factor can breaks them apart. but why female aren't created to believe fully that the guy is only meant for Her? i've read just a few reply coz i'm actually running out of time for some important appointment.

lets begin with a story of real life boy

once in a small town there lives a boy with a happy family, one day he found out that his father is having afair with some other women so he asked his dad "dad why you need to have another women besides mom?" and the dad answered "well boy, man lives for work and of coz we do expect our partner to be fully supportive to whatever we do, and to make us feel comfortable after long day war in work. but your mom seems to be very objective and unsupportive to whatever things i wanted to do by always saying "it won't work out the way you think, you're wasting time by doing that business". so this women that you see is someone supportive, someone i can talk to when i'm down"

ended the conversation, the boy is somehow a person that can think like adult during the age of 12 coz he started work during that age, as a construction site part time labour during weekend. so he was thinking in his mind "oh ok if thats what dad decided i've no comment about it, dad is old enough to have his own decision". just because of that thought, everyone starts saying "like father like son, oneday the son will also do the same" but is that true? or it's a bit unfair to the boy for judging him that way???

back to the story. after few months the boy's parents start talking about divorcing. he start to feel the breaking of a family, ended up he spend all his time from 2pm after school to 10pm in snooker center. besides getting away from the sad family, his intention is also to relax and find some money for his sister who studies in politeknik with high cost. although he dislike the family now, but he still think for the family's wellfare hoping others to live better with his effort to earn money.

life goes on, he manage to make bunch of bad friends outside. but due to his strong stand on right and wrong he did not do bad things with those friends, he take friendship seriously and as a result he got full trust from friends. one day some of his school friend decided to do something bad, which was to smuggle into "koperasi" a stationary shop in the school, to smuggle out everything inside. but unfortunately he was the only one that was caught after their action and forced to pay tripple price for whatever in his hand. being one of the youngster that have family problem do you think he got enough money to settle that? NO. and at the end those friend he got started to help out, by stealing their mom's money and pass to him. through that moment the boy says in mind "when i have problem, my family is still arguing at home without taking action to help. whereas these friends although doesn't seems to be good people, are helping me without asking anything. all they ask is how much u need brother?" he was very touched with the friends he got, and he decided to be the best friend ever to whoever he met in life coz he thinks a true friendship worth more than the happiness family or relatives can give.

so after that day, the people that grew up with him is bunch of friends and he do take very good care to maintain friendship.

he met a lot of "tok bomoh", "see luck people" etc. and all spiritually says he is the best person to be friend and to trust in this world.

now back to the case, if one day this boy become someone's HB and with his thinking to treat everyone the best, including boys or girls. will he stand up to comfort his girls friend when they need advice middle of the night? will he help his boys friend to please their girl friends if they are not in communication by forwarding their word using sms or letters etc? he will.... because to him friendship worth a million. all his friends know how nice he is to help, and the boy and girl knows where the message comes from although the number shows his, but obviously the word and intention is from their boyfriend / girlfriend. but what if the boy's own girlfriend sees it? life gonna be tough from the moment his gf finds out.

moral of the story is, we live in complicated world with different types of people with different thought. sometimes a girl will find their HB to be extremely polite to other girl and feel jelous. but if he were to choose other girl, why you can be the one beside him?

to get marry with a girl is easy, just sign some paper and there you go to be a couple. but the process of decision making before signing the paper is tough path. i've gone through that process and my heart never regrets for having a lovely baby beside me. i'm happy when i see my lovely wife smile or give me a kiss, that shows i did something right. but i'm truely sad when i see her cry and not able to help, because i'm not a women, i do not know what makes her sad.

if i were the boy that give so much attention to maintain friendship, i guess if this is the cause my wife being sad, i'm willing to let go all effort to keep friendship and convert all attention to her alone.

in a year i get many girls saying "actually i love you" but to me it doesn't make any different, they can choose to love me but i do not think i need to return their love with myself. so most of the time i'll maintain the friendship but things never go beyond friendship. i even get to hear other friends calling me "orang kayu" for not realizing another girl loves me. argh.... who cares! everyone can love me but i know my love is only towards my wife. i know how to control feeling. all i need is just the trust from her.

:angry: girls! stop flaming please, you're not helping rainbow, u've been too obtimistic by flushing ur own selfish thought to her.

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i used to have the same thought too... but now i beg to be different... i have a really close guy friend who is also my best friend. and wait. he is not a gay... we have known each other for more than 15 years and well, there is no "temptation" exist and there is no "chemical" between us to be a loving couple. now we still console and share with each other problems though not as frequent as how we used to be. some might think our relationship is unhealthy. but for me, as long as i didn't cross the boundries then it's fine with me. by the way, our relationship have evolved to be more like siblings... :P

ya, good for you to have "friends". as long you how to keep urself not to cross the boundary that should be fine. i believe.

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OnlyYou:

har...there is nothing to be angry bout. we are not flaming but just our point of views. you can have your point of view too.

and its all also depend on how Rainbow judges on her husband too, not that we want her to follow or listen to what we said, u know what i mean... :)

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haha :D this dream was so funny....ever since things happened 2 yearsa ago, i some times will dream of my hb leaving me for the girl, very sad after waking up, but after a while i will be fine :lol:

and Ijamie, good question leh!

After reading this post the other day, I went home n at nite, I had a dream. I dreamt I was in a party with my hubby and got a girl came up to him n then put her arms around his shoulders and play buddy buddy close fren. So I was just watching but in my heart, I wanna go up to her n tell her 'Take ur hands off my hubby u no respect slut!' n then shoo her away like a house fly! But at same time I was also thinking that if I do like this I will become like 'tiger lala'!! I seriously don't wish to be in such a situation!

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really leh, i almost had mental problem like that at the moment, u know,sad...and scared...not knowing what to do and so on :)

lilyrosey..u trauma ardy..hehe.. :P

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what if you know the guy's wife dont really like the idea of you guys being too close? will you try to explain to her or ensure you are well behave? not to say that you are not but you see when you are too close till you treat him like a "chi mui" u tend to become touchy too.... but i'm sure the wife will think differently rigth? so how to avoid that?

ljamie: for me , i can. but like lilyrose said it depends on individual. :)

haha but i duno how our frenship will b after he married in the future. anyway, our frenship will b there, but how is it no one know lo, just hav to wait n see.

ljamie: thts y i said i duno our frenship will b in the future. i understand how the wife will think bcoz i will also put myself into her shoes. thus, i definitely will keep my distance if the wife cant accept me as his best fren(same thing apply to me if my hb dun like me to hav him as my best fren) ,bcoz after all i dont want my fren wifey and my hb get affected even there is really nothing in between. anyway, frens still frens.

sorry to say tht we never "touchy" to each other. we r best fren who share a lot of thoughts,personal stuffs, help/advice each other when there is a need, but we seldom hang out together bcoz we have our own life. my fren is a gentle men and i will never do touchy stuffs. hey! after all we r just fren.

anyway, i do understand what rainbow dlemma is. if i m her, i also will paranoid. :)

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I agreed to some of the members here saying that trust and communication is important, and there are so many types of human in this world, we seriously cannot judge a situation with our eyes or ears. For me I would see it with my heart. Feel it. No one can pretend to love you if he doesn't. Maybe a guy is able to cover his cheats, but he can never cover the feelings he made u feel. Is a matter of sooner / later for you to realize it only.

Protecting your wealth for the sake of security in love probably works for certain relationship where the guy can either let you keep his money or he doesnt has a lot, but keep in mind some girls they don't just can offer sexual satisfaction, but also understanding and rich themselves. Just my point of view, not to offend.

Back to the question about my hubby having lots female friends, of course I can't accept too, but sometimes to think abt it, he is in fact another soul, not myself.....how to control? love can't be manipulated, just treasure what you have now and stay hopeful as always. have faith in the relationship. stay positive. :)

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:) i'm not angry, everyone has the right to make comment but you must know, the comment might lead someone to wrong thought if misinterpreted it as advices for the action in her mind. sorry if i make you people feel i'm angry. i'm not.

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...

moral of the story is, we live in complicated world with different types of people with different thought. sometimes a girl will find their HB to be extremely polite to other girl and feel jelous. but if he were to choose other girl, why you can be the one beside him?

...

in a year i get many girls saying "actually i love you" but to me it doesn't make any different, they can choose to love me but i do not think i need to return their love with myself. so most of the time i'll maintain the friendship but things never go beyond friendship. i even get to hear other friends calling me "orang kayu" for not realizing another girl loves me. argh.... who cares! everyone can love me but i know my love is only towards my wife. i know how to control feeling. all i need is just the trust from her.

:angry: girls! stop flaming please, you're not helping rainbow, u've been too obtimistic by flushing ur own selfish thought to her.

To your story ..

It doesn't apply to everyone since you said we live in a complicated world. That is the view from a guy, but you also hav to listen the view from a lady, since god has created us, there bound to have some diff between male and female.

People call you 'orang kayu' because you don't get into the temptation which I have mentioned earlier. Temptation is everywhere, it depends on how you handle it, how you handle it well. Either, you don't get 'touch' with those temptation or you handle it with care. It is good that you know what you did, but it doesn't apply to all men out there, do you agreed?

Back to the story: I have a real story to share, just to make it short .. he cares his friends and family more than his girlfriend. None of the girls can tolerate it until the current wife. His wife knows what he cares more, but since she has chosen him, she has to accept it. Moral of this story: Accept of what s/he is (if you can't but at least try), if you can't no point to be together, that will only make yourself not happy.

OnlyYou: Male and Female are diff, there perceptions, thinkings, feelings, emotional and many more are diff. Look at your fingers, they are not the same, isn't it? Rainbow will know what is the best for herself, she nid some comfort and ears here.

I have a question for you, if your wife has a lot of male's friends? and they are used to be very close before she met and married to you, and now they still very close to each other, of course you trust her but how would you feel if one day someone told you about your wife and another guy? you don't suspicious?

I'm glad that a guy can share his tot here but not to use your ruler to measure everyone here, because we are not the same :)

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I agreed to some of the members here saying that trust and communication is important, and there are so many types of human in this world, we seriously cannot judge a situation with our eyes or ears. For me I would see it with my heart. Feel it. No one can pretend to love you if he doesn't. Maybe a guy is able to cover his cheats, but he can never cover the feelings he made u feel. Is a matter of sooner / later for you to realize it only.

Protecting your wealth for the sake of security in love probably works for certain relationship where the guy can either let you keep his money or he doesnt has a lot, but keep in mind some girls they don't just can offer sexual satisfaction, but also understanding and rich themselves. Just my point of view, not to offend.

Back to the question about my hubby having lots female friends, of course I can't accept too, but sometimes to think abt it, he is in fact another soul, not myself.....how to control? love can't be manipulated, just treasure what you have now and stay hopeful as always. have faith in the relationship. stay positive. :)

Well said. Sometimes it's difficult with all the temptations and so on. But then if there is no trust, how to continue in the first place?

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Temptations are everywhere...You can stop this but can you stop the next temptations? Every temptation comes from different ways of tempting your hubby, some use 'sexual', some use 'understanding', some use 'personality', some simply 'jus for fun', some 'cute face', etc.

I mean just be good to your hubby and make him feel he didn't make the wrong decision to choosing you, be positive and trust him, love him, understand him, and have your own hobby, and be happy.

If situation really didnt turn out well, we will have no regrets because we know we have done all best we can and our hubby sure knows that. well, what can we do right?

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In my dictionary, good frens is ok for guy and gal, but best frens? Sorry lah, can't accept it.

Somemore, sense of security usually depends on hubby's conduct. If he allows gals touchy touchy, how to feel secure? :)

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In my dictionary, good frens is ok for guy and gal, but best frens? Sorry lah, can't accept it.

Somemore, sense of security usually depends on hubby's conduct. If he allows gals touchy touchy, how to feel secure? :)

I think .. we have to know what is the diff between good frens, best frens and closed frens .. I found out that mostly we are confusing with these three names, anyone can tell me how to diff it? :)

Yeah .. escudo I agreed with you, it depends on the person's conduct if s/he allows the opposite sex touchy touchy, so whose fault is that? I don't have the worry for FH (no good female frens/colleagues) but he is worried about me :D but at least I know what I'm doing and not going beyond of that.

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In my dictionary, good frens is ok for guy and gal, but best frens? Sorry lah, can't accept it.

Somemore, sense of security usually depends on hubby's conduct. If he allows gals touchy touchy, how to feel secure? :)

i feel dat d trust is depends on how a ppl act. if d trust is broken then it's not ez 4 replaced back.

my bf has a very super duper good, best, closed girl fren. they r school mate. watever she ask him 2 do, 100% without any no. even her mum will ask my bf 2 fetch her here & there & if my bf not free, he'll ask me 2 do. now her mum will straight call me if wanna go anywhere :huh: every yr CNY will buy oranges, drinks 2 her hse. sometimes i think it's she's also my bf gf? :( no matter how tired my bf, when she ask her out, he SURE will go out wif her. once i'm sad & i tell her my feeling at msn, she say i think so much. say she also got a very special bf mah~

for my bf, in his heart, always FRENS no1 & she's his super duper good fren, sure very important lor... also cant blame her, is my bf dat always put fren in his heart more than others :(

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HB has quite a number of good gal frens. One of them his school belle and ex.

While we were in LDR a couple of years ago, he had brought her home, both of them alone in the room, as she needed to surf the net.

Even so, I still trusted him. Probably because he had always share and respected me.

He'll always share what is going on in his life, or if he had met up with his close friends, he'll inform me. Most of the time he'll tell me what they had talk about, and if I ask further, he'll glady obliged me.

Thought I'm not like meyengo as patient. I'll probably blow my top if my hb/bf put his friends before me, even expecting me to fetch her around.

But most importantly, I feel that in a relationship, honesty and trust and communication is very important. Because hb would tell me everything and anything, and even talk to his female friends on the phone infront of me, and not hiding it behind my back, I feel more assured. He'll drag me along whenever he is meeting up with his friends be it guys or gals, so that I'll get to know them, and be more involved in his life.

They can have good friends of the opposite sex, but as long as they know where to draw the line and always be open towards you, I don't really see why they cant have friends of the opposite sex. If they start getting involved with someone else, then its much better off for you. At least you open your eyes who he really is, and what kind of person he can be. Meaning, he can betray you anytime.

Most of the time, i simply let them have a taste of their own medicine. If hb allow other gals to be touchy...well...I'll be touchy with other guys. WHy not. If he can say its just friends, well, I'm just friends with the guys as well.

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HB has quite a number of good gal frens. One of them his school belle and ex.

While we were in LDR a couple of years ago, he had brought her home, both of them alone in the room, as she needed to surf the net.

Even so, I still trusted him. Probably because he had always share and respected me.

He'll always share what is going on in his life, or if he had met up with his close friends, he'll inform me. Most of the time he'll tell me what they had talk about, and if I ask further, he'll glady obliged me.

Thought I'm not like meyengo as patient. I'll probably blow my top if my hb/bf put his friends before me, even expecting me to fetch her around.

But most importantly, I feel that in a relationship, honesty and trust and communication is very important. Because hb would tell me everything and anything, and even talk to his female friends on the phone infront of me, and not hiding it behind my back, I feel more assured. He'll drag me along whenever he is meeting up with his friends be it guys or gals, so that I'll get to know them, and be more involved in his life.

They can have good friends of the opposite sex, but as long as they know where to draw the line and always be open towards you, I don't really see why they cant have friends of the opposite sex. If they start getting involved with someone else, then its much better off for you. At least you open your eyes who he really is, and what kind of person he can be. Meaning, he can betray you anytime.

Most of the time, i simply let them have a taste of their own medicine. If hb allow other gals to be touchy...well...I'll be touchy with other guys. WHy not. If he can say its just friends, well, I'm just friends with the guys as well.

hhaii... 2nite both of them will sing K also my FH room la... <_< say wanna practice singing wor~ will hv stage perfomance soon. even wanna duet also he'll find his best fren. but also ok la... at least he'll tell me & wan me stay but i jz 2 tired so jz let them la... oledi so boring coz if wanna tok about it again sure quarrel. no point make myself sad

i agree wif u la... if he wanna do it, i can tell i'll make it double :angry:

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