Jump to content
BunnyAngel

The "How much $ do you earn" question...

Recommended Posts

The past few weeks i've been busy going for job interviews... im excited to go back to work.. i've been unemployed for a year+... i feel weird, but everytime i meet my FMIL, she'd be asking the 'how much $ wud u earn' for the interviews i went... sumhow feel a bit frustrated and offended..... like is it the most important thing is to earn billions of dollars? What abt you gurls... Does your MIL asks abt how much $$ you earn? N do you feel uncomfortable?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

mmm .. it depends on how that person asks .. some may put it to the wrong way and wrong tune then I may get annoy. Normally I will just smile and walk away, if they keep on asking then I will say .. if I don't earn enough you chip in ah! :P

normally my mum will just ask is that good offer? as normally if I accept the job, the offer surely satisfy me :) otherwise I will not accept.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi BunnyAngel,

Please don't feel too sad n annoyed. I think this is a common question for everybody. I think you care about your future, career, financial problem as well as how your MIL feel towards you, so you feel so frustrated when ever she asked the question or says the statement.

Be honest, money is very important esp price increased for everything. But, how much you earn better than you are not earning ever month, isn' it? So, please be confident to yourself and be patient while waiting for a job. It is not to make a plate of "char koey teow" :)

Back to your MIL, try to make her understand your feeling now, if not, the misunderstanding issues sure will accumulate and one day you will have a conflict with her. I think she just too care about you??

Where do you live? I have friend working in agent company, mayb she can help. :) :)

Akunamatata!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i think its actually a bit rude to ask.. as its like judging how well you cn do, and whats ur achivement so far..

but maybe she is just concerned, and dun want you to take a job that is underpaying you?

agree with beautifulgown, it depends on the way and tone she is asking you...

so far, my in laws have not asked such questions lar..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hmm isn't it a sensitive question to ask? Perhaps if ur MIL were to ask the same question again u can answer "not sure, have not gotten the offer letter yet or tell her normally during 1st interview this topic is not discussed, or even when u got the offer, u can always tell her the salary package is still under negotiation"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In France, it's a big no-no to ask people three things - their age, their marital status and how much money they earn. But in Korea, it's a big no-no NOT to ask those questions. Different communities have different strokes about what is okay to ask and what's not ok. In my case, my MIL never asks - if we tell, it's good but if we don't, she won't ask.

Maybe in your case, to her it's not a big deal. If you feel uncomfy about telling her, just say that it's not confirmed yet or that it's enough for you and HB.

For some older people, money for a woman equals security - to her, she may see your "unemployed" status as a form of disability. You have to admit that she does have a point - a job is always better for you and your HB.

As for the being unemployed part, I know how you feel. I have been unemployed for the last five months and only started job hunting two weeks ago due to permit woes...and I picked the crappiest time to job hunt. It's the summer holidays here so every thing goes slow. I tried telling my parents that and my dad churns out that whole "you're not trying hard enough" or "you're picky, get a temporary job". The thing is why would companies want to hire people to replace those who are on holiday for a few days??? And the trouble with temporary jobs is that I need to speak the local language fluently, which I don't. With companies, especially foreign ones, I can get away with just speaking English and basic French.

So really, it's not just your MIL that's like that. My dad is like that as well - this is their idea of being supportive. It sucks but *shrugs*...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i dislike it when my MIL ask me how much i earn. she even got the guts to ask my frens who attended my wedding dinner on what they do for living n how much they earn!!! scare the daylight out of them, not to mention it's downright rude!!!

so my anwer? i pretend i din hear, or i will say i dunno or i will say '1 mil per mth'!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It can be a two-ways answer, it depends how you look at it .. it either they are concern (positive side) or they are just trying to be kei poh and sarcatistic (negative side).

Of course, it is rude to ask 'how much do you earn', 'how much do you think you can get??' well .. differenet culture, different background .. some may feel it is alright to ask, so may find it annoying .. there is no yes or wrong answer, it is just your perspective. If I'm not happy to hear that, I will just smile and walk away, no point to make myself angry, if I'm ok with the question, I will discuss it further.

Bunny, it is depends on how you look at it, remember, there is no right or wrong of your action. :) Relax :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My in-laws have never asked how much I or hb earn. However my parents (especially my dad) have. Hb and I weren't offended because I know they asked because they wanted to make sure we are doing OK financially. If my in-laws asked me the same question, I don't think I will have any problem with it too. Like beautifulgown said, it depends on their intention and the way they ask. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My in-laws never once asked about my income, they as well rarely invade about my husband's salary. Only my parents would generally ask how much we earn occasionally. I'm just annoyed not offended.

Even if my in-laws would to ask, i'll mayhaps briefly mention an estimate, not necessary the exact amount.

I guess your in-laws will keep asking until you make your millions.. ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi gurls,

I've already found a job last week... will start going back to work very soon. FH just wants me to find a simple 8-5 job since i'm alone n bored at home, so he hopes with me going to work, i get to meet more ppl, be happier, and have more things to look forward to besides taking care of the house and him.

jean_jj, that's how i answered back... that my salary is still under negotiation. I feel uncomfy to tell her the exact amount as she's a judgmental person... and she tends to compare me with FH's SIL. BG, i can tell you that im a nice n polite person (hehe), i will never be rude or talk back to FH's parents or anyone.... it's just that i feel a bit offended inside, but im ok, just feel like letting it out :)

My parents never asked me how much FH makes a mth.... so maybe that's why i feel weird why FMIL can be so direct.... i dunno, she sounded as if every ringgit i make = my contributions to the house or sumthing. Or as if i'm taking advantage of her son.... he's doing all the WORK... and i only relax at home? Perhaps to my MIL, a perfect DIL can do house chores, cook perfect meals, and earn a billion bucks a mth....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Bunny,

please don't get me wrong :)

I hope my post will not make you annoying :P so sorry for that.

I don't mean you are rude ya :P give you an example, like my uncle who always asking me bila kahwin!? bla bla bla .. I know his intention is good but I just don't want to listen .. so I just smile and walk away :P to certain ppl .. maybe I'm rude as I just walk away without answering him but I just don't like the topic :D can't help lah. hehehe

Glad to heard that you have found the job :) I'm sure the offer is good enough to get you to work with them :) back to work is good right? hehe .. I know the feeling, I have been stop working for about 1 and half year due to my master, so first day back to work was great :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

BG, no ah... you didnt say anything that annoyed me ah? :) Oh, i only wanted to say i'm nice and polite to his parents, hehe. Yeah, im excited to go back to work... actually my main intention is to get out of the house to meet more ppl, and make my days more meaningful by accomplishing more things. I earn less than 1/2 of what FH's earning... but FH stressed that whatever i earn he just wan me to pamper/shop for myself...like extra pocket money. Every mth FH gives me $$ for food + settle house related things... so he never wanted me to earn billions.

Now it's the "How much can u earn" quest... but soon after AD, im sure MIL will start the "When's baby coming?" quest.... im very sure abt it. Somemore, at the moment im planning to only try conceive for baby 1 yr after AD as i still wanna enjoy being with FH alone for a while, and go travel a bit :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Bunny,

ahh .. heheh .. I tot my words have annoyed you :P

I know you are respecting them as your ILs and also nice to them :) I believe they feel that too so your MIL will ask you how much you can earn, if not many then no nid to be so 'san fu' to work.

Well .. for you, I believe is not the matter of how much you can earn, is joy of go back to work, just like back to school :) I was so happy when I quit my job and back to shcool :) but after that I can't wait to go back to work! hahahaha .. see! so confused :P

heheh .. ya ho! after AD surely is .. when you want to have baby?? how many you want?? I want boy! :D hahahah yupe, I'm also waiting for that question, surely those uncles n aunties will say .. ai yoh .. quick lo, you are not young anymore .. don't just 1 ho .. later your child will lonely leh .. should have 2! :blink: I ever answered my uncle .. 2 ah? ho la .. you pay for their education fee ya! then I will have 2. :D hahahha

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

BG,

No loh... the way my MIL sounds ah... like what i earn is not good enough, or as good as FH's SIL... like owes wan to compare me. And no way she dunwan me sernfu to work loh... she's owes chasing me abt my job applications.. till FH also annoyed and told her that he wan me to find a job that i like and not sernfu.... *sigh* But the happy thing is that sumtimes FH will stand up for me... hai, im lucky to be married to my kayu....

Ya, im very happi... since i dun hav much friends here... i can go out and meet more ppl... learn more things... n i hav extra $$ to pamper myself..

Haha... yeah yeah... the baby quests ah... i think i will be annoyed loh... but im gonna discuss with FH.... in order to avoid MIL keep chasing me for babies, i will tell FH to be honest with her... just tell her that we will not try to conceive that soon.. n that we hav our own plans... if not, really annoyed la... to answer the baby question every week we go over for dinner.... to make it worse, MIL already hinted many times... next yr is d best time for me+fh hav baby... cos the yr is good for FH... the baby will be very guai and behaves good (according to chinese predictions thingy)... aiyo... like giving pressure to me... and also says the 2 years after nxt yr is not good wah.... aiya....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Bunny,

mmm .. comparing is not good liau lah, aisk! for certain family the wife working is not main to support the family as the HB has good financial status to support the family, thus the wife is working for herself, what I mean is to meet more people, friends and the income will just for herself and sometime may chip in into her own family. I guess your MIL has not see this point of why you go back to work and she is hoping that your salary is good enough to help your HB to lesser his burden.

I never see my mum asking how much my MIL earns from her job :P mum said not good to ask how about if she is not happy? so .. if she wants to tell us I just listen, if she is not then is ok. I do notice some MIL will dominate the DIL! once you married to her son, you are solely belong to the family and she has power to control you .. ahhh .. come on, now is 21st century not in ancient time oh :P

hehehe .. that baby quests will be an endless topic, once you have one (let say a girl) then will get you to have another one (hoping for boy) if it is boy, they will ask you to have another one to accompany the son .. see! ahhaha .. never ending story. Please, just give you people a space to breath, it is never easy to bring up a child (ah hem .. not according to their way and method ya :P)

Ya, you need to discuss with your HB on how to tell his mum about you people plan, at least can temporary let her stops asking the question. :P

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
hehehe .. that baby quests will be an endless topic, once you have one (let say a girl) then will get you to have another one (hoping for boy) if it is boy, they will ask you to have another one to accompany the son .. see! ahhaha .. never ending story. Please, just give you people a space to breath, it is never easy to bring up a child (ah hem .. not according to their way and method ya :P)

hi girls,

sorry but i cant help to kepoh a bit about the baby quest topic. BG, you really got it right!!! My MIL started hinting 1 baby is not enough WHEN i was pregnant - you imagine la :blink: . at that time i just "recover" from being hospitalized few times (i had severe morning sickness till need to be hospitalized). i also speechless!!!! my own mom begged me not to have another baby bcos she can see how "sanfu" it was for me (i weigh oni 40kg end of 1st trimester). i just told MIL straight to her face "NO, I am not having another baby" (actually cannot predict future, better say NO then have another then saying YES, then dont have :P ). dont even wanna start talking about bringing up a baby not according to their way & method :ph34r: .

sorry, i "hijacked" this thread a bit, heheheh

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

janicelly,

hehehe .. see :P 1 is not enought then say 2 is alang2 :P why not go for 3? hahahaha .. man man!! pening la! :blink:

luckily FMIL already passed away, but according to FH, my FMIL is very cin cai type, she never care of it too. :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i find it rude if someone ask me how much that i earn. anyway, my MIL did ask hubby on how much i earn too.. well, hubby don't know how much i earn exactly too... hubby just replied his mum that i earn enough to support myself. :P

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

heheh .. frankly speaking FH oso don't know how much I earned, he also don't know how much of my saving too :P he knows I'm quite kaya-raya .. hahahaha

i find it rude if someone ask me how much that i earn. anyway, my MIL did ask hubby on how much i earn too.. well, hubby don't know how much i earn exactly too... hubby just replied his mum that i earn enough to support myself. :P

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

BG,

Ya.... the reason im going back to work is just to meet more ppl, occupy my time better, and the $$ is just my extra pocket $. If i wan to earn high salary, i would already go for those high-stress sales jobs... Im very happy with the job i get... nothing stressful.. nice environment.. can meet diff ppl everyday.... im just very happy now... But i dunwan to say all these to MIL.... if i say like that, sure she will talk to FH... wah, now everything so expensive n she only earn peanuts... u2 how to survive la... n next time hav baby... at least 1k for baby each mth.... then how? I've already heard similar thing when MIL thought i wasnt listening.

Aft we moved out.... things r getting better for me+FH... i had been working on my insecurities... i had problems trusting FH before this... but now i've improved so much... i now encourage FH to go out with his buddy, and i feel okay being at home without him... last time if he went out alone, i'd show him sad/angry face when he's home.... i can only say that our relationship is so much better now... and FH is definitely appreciating and loving me more.. which also means that MIL feels like he's losing the son to me... most times when MIL suggest we go sumwhr or do smthing, sure FH ask my opinion 1st, then only decide.... esp in front of MIL... so i feel sometimes MIL will feel threatened by me?

As for the baby quests ah, seeing my friends with babies, i really know it's not easy to bring up a child... not only about $, but physically and emotionally.... i can't say how many babies i will hav next time... but i think it's better to say my planning is for one baby.... 1 yr after AD.... for 2nd baby, the future will decides... BG, i think all MIL will keep asking the baby quest until u really produce 1? Haha... and after produce 1, start asking when ur gonna produce baby no 2, cos baby no 1 is lonely.... then if you produced 2 boys OR 2 gurls, MIL will ask.... why dun produce 1 more... so they have sis/bro to play with.... the more the merrier.... *pengsan*

janicelly, wow... 40kg is really underweight.... i bet it must be like hell for you that period... so is ur MIL asking you about baby no 2 now? Hehe...

mhyap1 & BG,

FH didnt know how much earned last time.... but aft we moved in together... we share everything... so we know how much each other make... he also let me know all his savings n etc....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Nobody in my hb family ever ask me how much do I earn. Perhaps they know I earn very little since I am working in government. Or perhaps they think I earn a lot since I am a professional and go for official work overseas every now and then

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Bunny,

yup .. meet people, occupy our time .. tat's right :)

I know sales area is very very stressful, everyday nid report, target .. when I see my friends working in marketing field they work like hell and very stressful. Thank god I'm not in marketing field. pheww

heheh .. she felt her position in your HB's heart is shaking :P but she has to accept that her son soon will have a wife and I do believe your HB will still love his mother as before but your HB has to know how to balance it up, so that he will not be too difficult in between two women :) that's what I told my FH, he has to balance it otherwise he will suffer only.

hehehe .. baby is always a never ending story, ok la .. after you have two .. next is ? they might campur in how to bring them up la .. what to eat la .. what to wear la .. which school to go to la .. pening! :blink:

ahhh .. FH never wanna check how much I earned but I know how much he earned :P even I told him he will not remember too :D for the saving .. actually he should know ah, cos sometime he will help me to withdraw money for payment but again, he never can remember! hahahaha

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My MIL asked me before too, but I just told her a rough figure.

Actually if they know our position, already roughly know the figure we are earning. ;) :lol:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...