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BunnyAngel

The "How much $ do you earn" question...

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Meiteoh,

Probably you are right about the cultural thing.. My HB also ask me the same thing... :lol::lol: ... Why can't people ask the questions directly to the person but have to get another person to ask the questions....

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Yeah, sounds like a cultural thing. I am expected to speak directly to the IL's and to defend myself (likewise, I can say whatever I think- no need to be afraid of offending them-- within reason la obviously). He says it's ' weird' if he speaks for me. It's the same in the shops and everything else (ie. calling the insurance company about bills or whatever. Initially, I thought it would be normal if he called because it's all in Dutch and I felt very alone when he said I should do it myself but there's some good in that- I'm so much more independant now and truth is, me not speaking Dutch well (or no Dutch at all if I speak English to the call-center agent) works as well so why not? I really had to get used to life here (ie. no one sends and picks up their wives to work etc. Everyone is equal and you're expected to be responsible for yourself.. individualistic society;) ).

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my parents and PIL know how much hubby and me is earning. I think our whole family know. if they ask, we will tell lor. but they never ask for money la. but my siblings do ask for money lor....to finance business and studies

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Money is really a sensitive issue for me...and especially since I'm really a mega private person. Can you imagine...after started to date my FB for only 3weeks or so and having a family dinner in his house for the very first time - his mom asked me "so how much is your salary at your current position?"

I'm out right offended and annoyed but I didn't want to lie to them. But I feel very violated and slightly bitter about that whole incident till today even though I know she is a nice person. I confronted my FB about it back then and he felt sorry but damaged is done...now, just gotta move on. And if they ever ask again, I'm gonna tell them off hopefully in a calm or more politically-correct way...but is there such a way?

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I don't intentionally wanna reveal my salary but only to my dearest mummy =P she knows how much I earned especially my new pay after January revise :cool::wub: but not to reveal to my brothers, haahhah .. later they will cakap wanna have makan selamat again and definately will burn few hundreds from my pocket =P

So far none from HB's side will asking me how much I earned, after that they actually can guess how much I have earned but not with the new salary revise =D

As for HB, his tactic is "Ai ya, enuf for 3 days meal nia la, not earning any big $$, after all I'm just a civil servant =P"

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When people ask, then I tell them lor. Really nothing to hide la.

But when people ask me 'your own house' or 'your own vehicle', I just shoo them off by saying Im DEBT FREE and NOT WORKING FOR BANKS. Sometimes if they dont stop asking me about these, I will shoot them about being idiot paying more than half of your salary to a stranger. Buy a 100k house which become 300k after interest. If got house to live liao why so stupid go and pay other people a fortune for a house you dont need when you cant even afford to pay for your parents pension. Then they will shut up liao.

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Haha. No need get married di oni ppl ask u abt ur salary lo. Sure got ppl ask u dis question de. But i ll always answer them is enough for me to use lor. But there is once, my AH LUT bf told his family that i got this gd job offer and i earn abt 3.5k per month and ive jus changed a car (vios) and im jus 24 yrs old. Honestly speaking i dun thk i earn a lot despite the work im doing lor. But becos he told em di den dey tot im RICH and ask me to fork out money buy house. -.-" if i have the money i will consider but i dun hav enough savings yet. I thk salary is a very P n C thing. Mayb u dun like it but ppl realli judge u by ur salary, the car u have, the house u stayin in, the hb profession.... blabla...

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:sauer2: Definitely offended except my parents and husband.

However, my MIL asked about my salary when she knew that someone she knows was earning well. I was damn offended, but if I didn't tell, she would get upset. Sigh! I won't blame her because she hadn't been working in corporate world before, indeed a full time house wife.

My brothers are earning much more than I, don't think they will be interested in my pay. HAHAHAHA :lol:

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My future PIL ask me this question almost everytime when we meet... but I never answer or just simply give a figure. This is a very confidential matter, I do not have to tell anyone. Even my own parents also never bother to ask me.

Anyhow, my future FIL will be in KL tomorrow and staying with us for two days... oh no...

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If the question is directed to me, as a guy, I will feel very offended.

I know the ILs are concern about the daughter and whether can I support her or not.

But there is a reason for the figure to remain private and confidential. Of course I will tell my wife and they can find out from her. Why ask me?

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Hmn ... i dun hv IL as i m not married but my mum does like to ask how much we are earning. But we (kids) are rather private ppl and will usually round off a smaller figure to fend her off. Reason being, she will then use the amount that u say to calculate her expected $$$ pocket money that the kids (us) should be giving her. Not to mention she likes to compare wit other ppl's kids's salary.

To avoid this problem ( she calculating how much she should get frm us) i will also usually blow up the figure of my expenses eg. car loan, house loan, personal loan, petrol, etc)

Also, she likes to tell us how much this and that cousin earns ( always much more than my real figure) and how much my ex schoolmates ( she knows them and their parents) are doing so good and earning big bucks and thus giving their parents astronomical figures as pocket money and hinted about her own pocket money. Then she will just say ... no la ... just share this info and tell u all nia ... i nothing d .... *bullshit*

So, I still answer her answer but its like giving a misleading answer xD

But she knows that we doesnt like it when she ask... so now she seldom liao ... haha coz i think she kinda know we give her wrong figure liao ... hahaha

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I don’t like revealing how much I make either. But my MIL doesn’t ask, maybe just ask how many months bonus I got, that’s about it. I don’t think its anyone’s business to know how much you make. I think some MILs just like to sibuk and ask so they know if you’re able to support yourself or if you’re still dependent on their son for $.

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my other half always deduct a few thousand off his monthly salary and a few months off his yearly bonus whenever his mom pops up the yearly question. on the other hand, his sibling likes to round up his figure. sad to say, and because of this, every time my husband goes back, he gets mata kerbau or sardin & bawang as his dinner. if he's lucky. else, it's leftovers from the night before.

whereas the favourite son who knows how to please the mom and makes the mom proud with his "high income" gets wang choy jao sao for cny. and none for my husband.

it's good she does what she did. so that my husband can see with his own eyes, who treats him better. a woman he married or the one who gave birth to him. irrespective of his income or status.

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I don't get offended if someone asked, but I will get offended when they start to compare. One might earn more than the other, but the other who earns less might be able to save more money than the one who makes more. Therefore, I don't see any reasons they should compare people's salary.

I used to work like mad and was very career-minded when I graduated a few years ago. But after a few incidents, I am now thinking of getting a job that doesnt require me to be so stressed-up and in fact I don't mind if the job pays me lesser than what my friends are earning. Each of us has their own goals in life. All I want now is my Family, Love, Myself and Money - career is no longer in my list. ~Just sharing~

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I don't mind how much i earn too due to family comes first issue but to an extend, as long as it is sufficient for the mthly expenses. As long as my the other side works hard and strive in his career.

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Yeah, I will definitely be offended! I don't think anyone should ask another person how much they earn. Why so $$ minded?? Life is more than just money and material things.

But of course those who sincerely ask coz they're looking to join the industry is different altogether la...it is understandable to do some research on pay package first before joining :)

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I will not feeling offended if ILs or anyone asking my salary, but if their purpose is to compare, then i will get annoyed.

I just got job after i obtained my master for the past half year, my mil was asking my salary n assume my salary must be high with few Ks wit the qualification. She was surprise tat i answer her tat my salary is low. She have further asking why is low like not believe, then i answered i hv no experienced. Then her face like kind already.

I answered so is because before this she have compared my hb' s salary wit her other son's salary and said tat my hb salary very low. Since i knew she already look down at her own son, my hb, so dont mind her look down at me.

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I guess we have to learn to protect ourselves? Assess the character of your in-laws and decide the appropriate answer. I have a very nosey neighbour who kept pressing me and asking me how much I earn. Thankfully she's not my MIL.

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Oh yeah, i don't know why people like to ask this question, eventho that person already shows that they are not willing to disclose the figure but they stil press further.... just dis yr CNY, wen i go back to my hubby hometown, the yi ma ku jie ask the question... and they dun just accept any answers... they wan exact figure... no plus... no around there... no ok la enuff use.... they will straight ask "means how much?" stimes i feels like answering back "if i tell u d exact figure, are u gonna give me extra?" and i really dun c how that concerns them...

and i realize, they will mix everything together.... u drive nice car and lives in a decent house, dey will say u r rich so u should come out with more money to sponsor this and that.... and den wen u tell out your salary, they will say, wa, with ur capability u should get a better job ma, so little not enough use de... muz b like my xxxxx come out b boss only earn money lo... gosh... i think if u earn lesser den them they will feel happy,coz they thk u r less capable den them.... sigh...

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i really hate this question especially when you say you want to get married to your relatives they ask you how much you are earning.....hate this question my money my life..y are they so busy body

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i really hate this question especially when you say you want to get married to your relatives they ask you how much you are earning.....hate this question my money my life..y are they so busy body

Joanne,

Why would your relative ask you how much you are earning when you tell them you are getting married? I think that's a very personal thing, even my husband does not know how much I earn ( he only knows roughly)!

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