pinkflybutter

Emy : " we have to learn to be strong to any men. Don't over compensate, don't bend over backwards to breaking point. Know what you want and what you like. Stand your ground. Else men will step all over you. All men are the same. They appreciate women who does not over compensate. THey like a confidence women who put herself first instead of him first. A women who does not take his bullshit. A women he can't figure out." I love this. I totally agree. I've saved this in my email also to remind myself too. "A woman he can't figure out." We women have to EMPOWER ourselves.

husband and wife should help each other out, right ? Yeah, try telling that to my Mother in law

Dear Ladies, wives, girlfriends, partners out there, Would you rather be valuable to your husband or partner , or totally indispensable? Meaning that as a wife you take care of your husband, your home, your family in your own special way. You can cook his favorite food, treat and love him in your own way, know how to make him smile or laugh, keep him happy but at the same time have your own life, your own interests. So you be there for him when you have to, but you have also other obligations, that when you leave him for an hour or two, a day or a few days, you know, maybe for your own parents, shopping, out with the ladies, outstation for work..he can make his own coffee, wash his own clothes, eat at the mamak..you get it..survive on his own, coz we're not in the jungle anymore, every necessity is within reach.He misses you but doesnt mope around and sit and wait for you to come home.But he values you when you're around you'll spoil him by doing things to make it easier on him, so he can do other work, and keep him happy cause we love making our man happy! Or would you rather be Indispensable, he cant live without you, cant drink milo when you're not around, where to boil the water, get the milk, cant toast own bread, cant fry own egg, cant wear wrinkled shirts cause you're the one ironing them, out of clean clothes cause you're the one washing them..So that when you're not around he is helpless, i need my wife..or..my wife's too busy for me i need A wife..someone..jeng jeng.. Your thoughts on this please :)

Ladies, Check out the IL stories on in-law invasion stories, though its mat salleh, but generally humans are the same :) got some really annoying ILs out there. I only pray I dont turn out to be one in the future..please..please,please hehe

I am also having a tough time at my HB's (with MIL ) house. I persuaded my HB to let me get my own place. So now I'm in the middle of getting one..though the moving out part will be a year from now. It came to a point where I told my HB, I will move, you can stay here. Actually if we live on our own, it wont be far to drop by my MIL place. The move will benefit all 3 of us. (Though HB is still in dilemma). He will see. Hopefully he moves with me though hehe

For confinement later I'll for sure stay at my parents house. all advise like dat. Thanks for the housing loan calculator, i've already discussed with him about buying a house ( although this was the same day the bomb dropped,so the mood and temperament was not suitable) he agreed to come with me , talk to a planner. Before the bomb dropped MIL asked him to buy a house, just in case. He also agreed to go look at houses with me. But he keeps on saying he wont move out, he wants to take care of his mum. I said i also want to take care of my parents, (so maybe i should move in with them, eh?). My parents got even more worse disease conditions. my HB is the youngest, most precious son. I want to warn young ladies out there about marrying favorite sons. and making sure future HB has a separate house ready. Rent also ok, as long as live on ur own. Before i married him, I look at my SIL and wonder why she's always frowning. no smiles from her, and just quiet. Now i know why. my face also turning that way. True, SILs are dangerous. I dont know how im going to work the 'getting our own place' thing with him, but at least now there are some signs of interest. I also am afraid he will hate me for taking me away from his mother. Or if something happen to his mother, he will blame me, coz i take him away from home, he's not there etc. Aiya, Im a mess la, difficult to concentrate at work . But have to pretend things are alright. I didnt tell my parents, for sure upset them.

Bonbon : "Once she even said to me infront of my hubby when we took her out to lunch, "when my son is rich enough, let him get a second wife... at least the woman can help you out" I was like mellow.gif ..... then i complained and she said "When you know how difficult it is you will know that another woman IN THE HOUSE can help you out" of course i defended myself and said NO i will not allow that..... talking about people who lives in the city but have a super kolot mind.... sigh even my grandma and great grandma who is 98 dun talk like that -.-" Dear bonbon, Sounds awful. How could she say a thing like that? i laughed a bit coz its so ridiculous. My MIL says stuff like, last time she would cook everything for her late husband, you all now can la lovey dovey, but if wife dont cook for husband, HB will stray and marry another woman. " Always using this warning which sounds so much like a threat "..will marry another". I hate it when people are pessimistic like this. If like that, Why would we commit to marriage in the first place ? So that he can go marry someone else after 10-15 years? Like that, I'd rather not commit, be bf and gf, have a baby, kids, who cares. I know they want to give advice, but it should be optimistic, intellectual, informed advice la. Not OLD SKOOL, scaring people about your family. I can reply by saying, " Why , your son sooo unfaithful and hamsab ar? easily go for light skirt?just because I cant cook every single day coz i work too . You should have warned me BEFORE i married him! " Nonsense, I know of other couples, who, the wife cooks also the husband stray..cook delicious you know, and some more masters level education, still HB marry another. Actually her own son..my SIL cook for him also he had office affair. My SIL really pissed if MIL bring up 'cooking for HB issue'. I tell you, Old people...Communication skills --> Extremely poor. By the way, I live with my MIL (her house, 3 months already) , and I am slowly going nuts.

Thank you , I appreciate the support and comfort. Yesterday I cried when I read all your replies, because you understand. Yesterday was another turning point because MIL told husband she is unhappy with husband always on my tail, helping me out. She's unhappy I rarely cook ( I go to work weekdays, puasa month traffic jam is a horror I can only reach home by 6.30pm earliest, weekends I clean our room & bathroom & do laundry, when I'm free I go see my parents- 5 minutes away. And I make chocolates which she insist I make for hampers and teach her how to also). Me wearing shorts in the house (knee-length not hotpants) has also become an issue. I wear loose fit tshirts, not sleeveless or tight fitting. My SILs all wear shorts, skirts, sleeveless. ?? Our tropical hot country weather does not encourage long pants & long sleeve shirts , more over in the privacy of your house. Her reason was my BIL. So yesterday I turned up for dinner in a baju kurung.I nearly put on a head scarf. Yesterday I couldnt make it to go to my parents house because I was busy cooking. And my husband stayed away from me which made me really sad.

I'm already living with MIL (newlywed 2 months). It is something that i sincerely do not recommend. I find myself always going to my parents house and going out to wherever. If you want to have freedom, be comfortable in your own home, doing things how you like it to be done (e.g. Cook your style, cleaning..) then better get your own place. I regret not putting down some ground rules before the wedding. Before wedding, everything bliss, very positive, will try anything to make the marriage work. After wedding, then can see true colors when living with other people. Better off living on your own, with husband, and make the marriage work. I have a better relationship with my parents now because I moved out. You see, Absence makes the heart grow fonder. I cant help but wonder, if i didnt live with my MIL, then i'd have a better relationship with her. Because she also seems less enthusiastic now that my husband always takes me out, do our stuff, and he's not around. Actually before we got married, i overheard my SIL (husband's bro's wife-also staying in same house) complaining to my other SIL, that living in together was a bad idea for her. But i didnt believe it, i thought she was just moody. Now im in the same hole. Same deep hole we cant get out of. And now we're thinking bout having a baby, but there's no space in my room, or in the house. *sigh* ill have to figure sumthin out. I am also sad, but when i think about my husband then its worth it. But the situation is not good. Because at some points I do get upset with my husband and blame him for forcing me to sacrifice.