Abortion

[bluelady_121 0]

Hi juvannise - now that would be scary if ur parents do know and that ur dad would whack u

[happi 0]

juvannise, its good u can release yr emotions here. i've heard this case where a woman had an affair with a married man & aborted several times. when she grew old, realized she had advanced cancer due to bottling all the guilt & emotions.

gals, thx for sharing yr experiences. we can all learn not to make this mistake. we hv the choice to be in control of our body & the bb we carry. so if we want to hv the child, must be brave even tho it may be difficult. in the long term, its not the ppl who want us to hv the abortion that will suffer, but ourselves; coz it happens to our body & our baby.

all life is from God, who are we to take it away? who are they to force us to terminate it? a mistake has been made, after aborting it seems to compound it even more - now after so many yrs, most who have undergone abortion still carry the guilt & pain.

[Pink Kitty 0]

Hi ladies,

Although I have no any pregnancy experience before... but I guess I can imagine the feeling of having a little one in ur tummy.

See some of you are regretted having had to abort the baby, and think that life would had been wonderful if you had kept the baby.

But I think life would have been different if you decided to keep the baby at tat time. Both of you were so young, you might not be able to continue your studies, which, your financial situation would not be as stable as you are now. You might be able to bring the kid to the mall shopping now, but you might at the same time, worrying that you might not have enough $$ to send him/her to better school, and you might be just doing window shopping due to financial constraint....there are just too many 'maybe'..

A married uncle once told me, don't force the husband to get baby when he's not ready. You might get the baby, but you might end up losing the husband. If the husband is not prepared mentally and physically, it might not be a happy ending story.

Don't look back. Look forward for your next kids.

Everything happens for a reason. Good or bad, hard to say.

[meiteoh 0]

I'm not surprised really, Juvannise. It's very Asian - this whole "sex is taboo, abortion is bad, premarital sex cheapens a woman" and etc. More often than not, when a women chooses to go through an abortion, everyone questions her integrity but not the man who got her pregnant in the first place (it takes two to tango).

In Europe, people really don't care. It's not so much because they have premarital sex or that it's common - it's more of respecting a person's choice and decision to do what they want with their body. Besides, a lot of the time, abortions are rare amongst educated Europeans because the government and society insist on talking about sex education to children, teenagers and adults alike. This is not the case in Asian, including M'sia and Singapore. Most Europeans would never have unprotected sex with a stranger or even if they are in a committed relationship. If a pregnancy occurs, it is usually because they missed a day on the Pill cycle or the condom broke.

In Asia, I was shocked to find out that there are a lot of young women and men out there who have unprotected sex (this includes those in monogamous relationship or those into ONS and etc) and rely on the withdrawal method which is the worse method ever - I wouldn't even consider it birth control. I know of so many young girls who got pregnant because their boyfriends told them "It's not nice with a condom" or they think that it's not nice with a condom. Sometimes I really want to slap them awake. What is more important? Your penis/vagina or your life and the life of an innocent baby?

Yes, going through a few abortions isn't good for your body - you're basically injecting chemicals that will induce your body to "eject" your fetus and if you're further on in your pregnancy, the procedure can involve scraping your uterus out. I remember watching a documentary on abortions and telling myself that it is a situation that I'd never want to put myself in. So when I started having sex, I went on the Pill and used condoms. I only went off the Pill when my HB (then boyfriend) went back to France. If we do ML after that, we used condoms.

Anyway, I had better stop - sex education among M'sians is a big thing for me. Whatever you do decide to choose (and this applies to those following the thread), learn from your/other people's mistakes and don't repeat them. There is a saying "The first time is usually a mistake; the second time just means you're stupid". *hugs*

[chonglisa 0]

Dear friends,

Thanks for the comfort...I understand things had already happened & there's no "U-Turn" & life have to move on...

*Hug* to all the chi muis...although its been 6yrs now but i feel much better after letting go here.

[Diana 0]

You girls are right. The reason I did the abortion was because at that time I was still pursuing my degree and I believe if I gave birth to the baby I won't be able to provide him/her the best. I don't want my bb to suffer just because of my actions. Sure enough if I gave birth at that time my parents will provide my bb the best things but how long can they do that for? Plus it was with my ex that I got pregnant to. So we weren't meant to be and am again glad that I didn't bring the bb to this world where she/he will have to live without a father. I told my HB about this and he doesn't mind because it is already a past. Who doesn't have a past? WHo doesn't make mistakes? He still loves me the same. I just thought it was the right thing to do letting him know because I don't want to keep anything from him.

juvannise,

It was a right decision to talk about it here. I understand about how parents will feel that's why I didn't tell my parents either. But at least u should tell someone. Keeping it to yourself will only make u feel worse.

Jaunty,

Mabel is right about him getting fed up in the end. Maybe you should put yourself in his shoes. If he keeps bringing up the same topic everytime you guys have an argument, would you feel frustrated too? If it's a love hate relationship then I don't think it's very healthy. He is however still with u. I know it was a hard decision to late your bb go but u always have the future to look forward to. Let the past go and u will feel the relationship will get better.

Anyway thanks ceetee and bluelady and the rest of you girls for making this a much comfortable place to share what's deep down inside our hearts :)

[bluelady_121 0]

U r very welcome Diana. I am so glad also that this topic was started because this secret has been with me and my hubby for a long time and with this topic being brought up I feel much better after letting it go. :)

[stpeiyee 0]

lisa,

perhaps u can go to a temple to offer prayers to ur aborted child's soul. this way, it will not linger in the human world and can b reincarnated. u can also let go the whole thing easier knowing that it had goes on to hv a better fate n life.

[ceetee 0]

Jaunty,

what Mable and Diana said is true.... let the past be the past, no one likes to be reminded of his/her mistakes.... :(

A religius guru, did tell me that, if hatred and anger from oneself to another is caused by someone, that someone will carry more sin and guilt than the earlier ones... ie, if A hates B becos of C, the C will be the main culprit....

if what she said is true (which i always apply to prevent myself from hating anyone), then your late baby will not be going peacefully as what it should be... right? ;)

Juvannise, Diana,

if i were you guys, i'll definitely let my mom know about it... Just imagine if your daughter is hiding this from you next time, how would you feel?

I believe mother is an easier figure to tell all this thing... she should understand better... Though it's hard to tell, but after letting her know, your responsibility adn guilt will be lighten as well .. more over, it's already a past issue, and you will be getting married soon. No harm... (just my personal view...)

[juvannise 0]

ceetee,

i cant... she is so ill right now that i think i just keep this with myself. furthermore they never accept my ex. they just dont like him.

anyway, thanks everyone for all the advice and comfort. i do went to the temple the next day after my abortion becoz i'm too sad to had the little one go but then we cant help it to keep it with me. i know is bad for me to had it go but then i think it will be worsen if i kept him. God will understand and i do confess to him that i'm a sinner....

[ceetee 0]

ceetee,

i cant... she is so ill right now that i think i just keep this with myself. furthermore they never accept my ex. they just dont like him.

anyway, thanks everyone for all the advice and comfort. i do went to the temple the next day after my abortion becoz i'm too sad to had the little one go but then we cant help it to keep it with me. i know is bad for me to had it go but then i think it will be worsen if i kept him. God will understand and i do confess to him that i'm a sinner....

juvannise,

oh~~ if situation is like that, then better don't tell her... :(

[juanil 0]

Hi ladies,

I've got a confession here as well. I did an abortion too about 2 years ago. I do hate myself till now when think of the unborn. I think that I'm so cruel even though I've made a confession at our church. For us Catholic, abortion is strictly prohibited.

Went to see SinSei but he just said I late period, cold inside. So, just took medicine. This went on till the 5th month, so FH took me to the clinic and we were shocked to find out that I was 5 months pregnant!

It was a hard decision for us to make due to the both of us love kids but due to financially not ready we are unable to have the baby at that moment. I always pray that this unborn will be my baby when my next pregnancy when we get married. I do afraid that I might not get pregnant anymore due to the abortion.

I'm really sorry for what I've done. But I always wanna tell our baby that "dad & mum will always love you"

[ceetee 0]

Juanil,

Isn't 5th month abortion a very dangerous procedure? Pity you for the risk endured....

[juanil 0]

Juanil,

Isn't 5th month abortion a very dangerous procedure? Pity you for the risk endured....

Ceetee,

Thanks dear.

But the doc said it still ok to do it. But I really concern about TTC nxt time.

[ceetee 0]

Juanil,

*hugs*... heard from my mom, even abortion, it should be treated as delivery too, where you need confinement as well... did you hav that? do take care of your body..

[juanil 0]

Juanil,

*hugs*... heard from my mom, even abortion, it should be treated as delivery too, where you need confinement as well... did you hav that? do take care of your body..

Ceetee,

Thanks again but too bad I did not my confinement since no one aware about my case.

[Honey 0]

hello,

My condition was having a blighted ovum and recommended by dr to have an abortion b4 the cervix dilated at 8th weeks. This was my 1st pregnancy. Sad but a month later i was pregnant again. This happened last year b4 hari raya. And now my second baby is 9days old. :)

[juanil 0]

hello,

My condition was having a blighted ovum and recommended by dr to have an abortion b4 the cervix dilated at 8th weeks. This was my 1st pregnancy. Sad but a month later i was pregnant again. This happened last year b4 hari raya. And now my second baby is 9days old. :)

Honey,

*hugs* for u... Congrats for ur pregnancy ya... :)

[meiteoh 0]

Honey, I had the same condition as well except that I never went to see a doc; my miscarriage occurred a week before my first appointment. By then, I was around 9 weeks...the doc did a scan and all I saw was a telur. Am glad to hear that all is good - I went on confinement for a month so only started TTC-ing again in July.

[mhyap1 0]

Hi ladies,

I've got a confession here as well. I did an abortion too about 2 years ago. I do hate myself till now when think of the unborn. I think that I'm so cruel even though I've made a confession at our church. For us Catholic, abortion is strictly prohibited.

Went to see SinSei but he just said I late period, cold inside. So, just took medicine. This went on till the 5th month, so FH took me to the clinic and we were shocked to find out that I was 5 months pregnant!

It was a hard decision for us to make due to the both of us love kids but due to financially not ready we are unable to have the baby at that moment. I always pray that this unborn will be my baby when my next pregnancy when we get married. I do afraid that I might not get pregnant anymore due to the abortion.

I'm really sorry for what I've done. But I always wanna tell our baby that "dad & mum will always love you"

for malaysian law if i remember correctly, all abortion done before weeks 20 of pregnancy is consider as miscarriage. if abortion is done after weeks 20 then it's consider as death of foetus. Therefore it'll be recorded in the JPN and a death certificate will be issue for the unborn baby.

[juvannise 0]

is it? never aware of that.

i saw this from my ex younger sis where she was married becoz of her being pregnant. her father ask her to abort it but she want to keep it and get married. fyi, she is just 17 and those 'wild' type. but then the groom side come to talk and persuade which in turn let them marry. the bride side dint even have their dinner done - like hide from the other neighbour..

so back to her miscarriage, she like having bleeding (not blood but the fluid to keep her baby float - sorry i dont know what that called in english) and end up when she went to the doc, the doc have to admit her and inject some fluid into her so that the baby have enough oxygen to breath on....so she had to stay in the hospital for 2 weeks and went home.

after when she is 5 month preggie, she went for check up and the doc said her foetus may not survived and have to had that foetus to be taken out. the procedure is just like go into labour - the baby still cry for 30 min and died..... so u can see the baby from purple to pink then to grey which is not a good thing to look at. coz u'll definitely cry.

but then they dint go to JPN to take the birth cert woh... the baby still borne mum's surname when they burried them. its liek the guy family dont want to bare this responsibility of death baby. according to wat i heard is that, its unlucky to have a death baby in their family coz their family is doing their own business. so they push all the thing back to the girl family and had the baby named after the mum's surname...

[Diana 0]

juvannise,

That's really sad to hear. Poor baby. I hope he/she have reincarnated well.

[ceetee 0]

mhyap,

that sounds something new to me....

my sister did abortion before, that was 2 months after she gave birth to her eldest daughter... Yes, she got pregnant again the following month after her confinement.... (too fertiled... :P ) what she told me was, according to M'sian law, only married women with valid reason can opt for abortion done.... dunno how true it is.... i think she was lying to me.... <_<

[meiteoh 0]

Urm, in M'sia, abortion is only legal if it is done for medical reasons, eg death of the fetus or if the pregnancy poses any health risk to the mother. Otherwise, no doctor in right mind would admit to doing something illegal by issuing a death certificate.

[mhyap1 0]

juvannise,

i knew that thru my gynea. am pregnant now and in my blood test shown there's high risk of down syndrome baby. that's why my doctor wan me to do the diagnostic test ASAP so that the result can be out before am 20 weeks pregnant and i can decide whether to abort the baby or not if the diagnostic test really show am having a down syndrome baby.

probably for your ex-younger sister case, she is at 20 weeks pregnancy when she go thru the abrotion that's why no death cert is issue.

ceetee,

what your sis said is true. she didn't lie to you. in fact most of the well known hospital in Malaysia choose not do abortion even if it's legally. they'll usually refer you to the smaller hospital for abortion. And in most cases, illegal abortion is only done in clinic.