Should like take up the job offer?

[honeylee 0]

hubby and me used to work in Shanghai. we left after 3 years. Then, now hubby is working in shenzhen and me in Malaysia. As I am on freelance and I would say biz not so good la, I am quite free and able to visit hubby every month - Airasia cheap ma.

Today, I received a call from an ex-collegue, offering me a job at another company in Shanghai. Money is good.

But i dunno if I should take up this offer. I know for sure the job is challenging and it will have lots of late nights and OTs.

I dunno whether I should take up the offer, as that will mean lesser time with hubby. Dun think will be able to visit him everymonth (1-2weeks each visit). And...moreover, we are hoping for a baby. If I take up the offer, means have to sacrifice all this. But if reject, I guess it's the career path and the money loh...

Should I go??

[kellynkts 0]

Hi honeylee,

In the first place, do you need more $$$ than you have now?

Secondly, isn't Shanghai nearer to Shenzhen than it is from KL to Shenzhen? Instead of visiting your hubby 1-2 weeks, have short frequent trips e.g. spend your weekends in Shenzhen? But, out of curiosity, may I ask how come your hubby is in Shenzhen whereas you are in Msia? Why not do freelancing work in Shenzhen?

Lastly, if you intend to start a family i.e. having a baby, then I doubt it will be a good idea to embark on a stressful & time-pressuring job. However, if starting a family now is the most important thing for your hubby & yourself, then that is a very clear reason that you should not accept the attractive job in Shanghai.

[happi 0]

if u hv yr doubts, then best to keep searching for a job nearer to yr HB. then at least can start yr family & be nearer to yr HB. can u do yr freelance work in shenzhen? that way no need to travel so much & can live together. for married couple, if possible try to be together, then can support each other & start family.

[juanil 0]

Dear honeylee,

Actually it all depends on your own perspective. If it's for the money and career path, for sure I'll go ahead for it. For my own perspective is, if I'm still single, I will just say yes to it at once! But now, I'm already planning for settling down, so for me, I wont accept the offer anymore no matter how great the offer is. It is due to I wanna spend more time for my family. And for me, I think that scarification for my family worth everything. Especially when planning to have baby soon.

Well, honeylee... After all it's all depend on yourself. One thing that you should always remember is - "always listen to your heart". Let your heart tells what can really make you happy.

Cheers! :)

[elaineganMACLAINE 0]

Hmm, if i were in your shoes, and knowing that hubby is working in China too, i will take the job. Firstly, it's nearer to husband compared to being in M'sia, and secondly, if it's one year contract or less, it will be good to save enough and then plan for kids. To me, it's definitely doable :)

How many years do they expect you to work with them?

[honeylee 0]

Dear All,

no. we dun need the money. my hubby can support without me having to work. when i was still working in shanghai, i always wanted to quit and live more relaxing life (work too stressful), have a baby and stop working (using baby as excuse not to work. but until now no baby).....that is why i am on freelance, more freedom. and this unexpected call from my ex-collegue that made me start pondering....as there is still this part of me who want to climb the corporate world (dream since young)

the job is short term, i guess. i can leave when it is done. they expected it to be June 2009. But there is no guarantee that it won't delay.

The reason why hubby in Shenzhen while I am in Msia because he just started work few months ago...so we see how lor. and i dunno how to do the freelance in shenzhen. in msia, my friend get the job and i help her....guess i should start looking for job again in shenzhen?

[oxford_bb 0]

honeylee,

Just my 2 cent. cau I have a fren who have the same situation like you. she didn't work after marry. planning to have a kid soon but is about 2 yr liao stil no kid yet. so I did ask her how she pass the day since the hb alwaz fly here & there. and most of the time her hb will be station at oversea. so she took the Japanese language course. and did some handicraft. and she feel free to fly to meet her hb. I think depend what u comfortable with. since the r/ship is ur main factor. if u want to start ur work maybe can find somewhere near to ur hb so that can meet more frequent. I think anytime u can quit the job if u pregnant, right? But just my opinion, if u plan to conceive, try don commit with pressure work.

[meiteoh 0]

Personally, I'd take it for the simple reason that at least I'm in the same country as my hubby compared to previously. After a while, one in China and one in Malaysia can take its toll on the relationship. Dunno about the prices of airfare these days but at least going from Shanghai to Shenzhen is cheaper, no?

[juvannise 0]

if i were u.. i'll gp ahead with the employment... susah dahulu senang kemudian mah!!

[honeylee 0]

hi all, tx for ur advice

juvannise, we already susah dahulu (the past 3 years).

on the air fare, i guess flying Airasia from msia can be cheaper than shanghai-shenzhen...it depends when u purchase the ticket lo. but now i so free to visit husband, if start work, dun have such freedom.

i have gave it a deep thinking yesterday. if money is what i am after, then why would we leave shanghai in the 1st place? both of us was earning a lot then. we decided to leave because we want a better life (not in terms of money).

So i have decided not to take up the offer. but since this person that contacted me have a lot of 'lubang', i will ask them to contact me if they have opportunity in Shenzhen. That will be the best solution, i guess.

Thank you everyone.

[honeylee 0]

hey all,

guess there is some change to my plan....they called again and they will provide me return air ticket to go there to have a look at the company/factory and meet the CEO. my friends was telling why not go and take that opportunity to meet up friends in shanghai...true also..i will be goin next week.

hubby now encourages me to get the job. currently, he is getting lots of phone calls from headhunters for offers on shanghai...so, if i do get a job there, he will come along. but i dun think things will move fast. might take few months before we can be together again.

hope everything will turn out just fine.....keeping fingers crossed and praying hard

[beautifulgown 0]

honeylee,

you should take up the offer since your HB also encourage you to give it a try :)

with your HB's encouragement, give it a try and if everything goes smoothly your HB will join there too, why not? :)

All the best. :)

[honeylee 0]

i feel so stupid. i was offered the job by the CFO. but the person that will decide is the CEO, which is the boss la. so i flew all the way to shanghai ti meet the CEO.

guess what, i made a stupid stupid mistake. he asked when i plan to have baby and i told him next year. then i see the reaction on his face, i knew i skrewed it.....

i remember reading a thread in MB on this Baby question during interviews. how can i be so not ready for this question? i feel so stupid. hubby say just tell them no so soon and if pregnant just say accident lor....he dun need to read the thread to know how to respond.

it have been almost 1 week now and i still have not receive news from them. guess i am not going back to shanghai anyway. maybe it's fated.

[oxford_bb 0]

honeylee,

Don't be so upset. Is ok, you are a nice and honest person tell the truth. just learn a lesson from this interview. Me 2 learned from my experience before. Gambare!!

[honeylee 0]

oxford_bb

thanks. i guess it's fated. since i cannot make up my mind to go or not. the mistake is meant to be a decision not to go

[chooz 0]

hey all,

guess there is some change to my plan....they called again and they will provide me return air ticket to go there to have a look at the company/factory and meet the CEO. my friends was telling why not go and take that opportunity to meet up friends in shanghai...true also..i will be goin next week.

hubby now encourages me to get the job. currently, he is getting lots of phone calls from headhunters for offers on shanghai...so, if i do get a job there, he will come along. but i dun think things will move fast. might take few months before we can be together again.

hope everything will turn out just fine.....keeping fingers crossed and praying hard

I'm sorry to budge in ... but if you take the offer in Shanghai and your hb takes up another offer in Shanghai also, that would mean both of you will be going back to work in Shanghai?? Wouldn't that be going back to "square one"?

I mean you said earlier that both of you "sudah susah dahulu" in Shanghai, had earned a lot and decided to call it quits to enjoy a better and less stressful life elsewhere. If both of you go back to work in Shanghai it will mean back to the same rat race, same old stressful life in Shanghai right? Sorry, I'm just a bit confused here

Anyway, you don't beat yourself up on this issue. In this time and age, when EVERYTHING also need money, it's really really hard to say which is more important : Family OR Money. Truth to be told, if without sufficient money, a family cannot function well. No matter how much you earn, money is never enough because when you have certain amount of money, you will be leading a certain lifestyle and you will most probably want to aim higher. And with a baby comes extra expenses and you'd be surprised to know how much money a baby can cost, especially if you want to give him/her everything the best! Trust me on that! You wouldn't know until you become a parent yourself. It's a different world we're living now compared to our parents or grandparents time. Babies as young as 8 months old start going to enrichment classes which cost thousands per semester; a nicer birthday cake for a 1 year old kid cost SGD300+; education funds and insurance easily a few more hundreds or thousands bucks set aside each month, etc etc ... These are only a few example of the kind of money you will spend on your kid. Oh ya, you WILL want to spend those things on them when you see everyone else is doing "the best" for their own kids.

I've quit the working scene for many years, been supported by hb even before we were married. Though I would say we are still doing fine even with a baby, but sometimes I do wish that I could make some extra money to provide for my baby's future also. Hb's working hard towards a big fund for our baby in future - for his education, downpayment for house and also capital to startup a business if he wants to. So, sometimes I really wish I could help with money also. I used to hate working and would often feel blessed that I could lead a rather relaxed and pampered lifestyle. But after being a stay at home mum for almost a year, I've finally know the "taste" of it and start to look upon those highflying career woman with much envy and admiration. I still feel blessed that I'm given the choice to stay home and watch my little darling grow but somehow, some small tiny part of me would sometimes wonder, where would I be at the coporate ladder now if I've stayed on pursuing my career??

Just some thought of mine to share with you ... hope you don't mind ... if you ask me your question many years ago, I would give you a firm "NO" - No way am I going back to the stressful working scene, no amount of money would lure me out of my comfort zone! But today, ask me same question, my stand is neutral. I won't be able to give you an answer as I myself also not sure what's best for myself now. Just trying to bring across a point - parenthood changes everything - your perception of life, of money and of priority. You just do what's best for youself and your hb.

Just my 2 cents ... hope you don't mind and all the best to you :)

[honeylee 0]

hi chooz,

thank you for taking time to write me a long msg. i really appreciate that. i dun mind, i think i agree with u. i did mentioned that we have 'susah dahulu'. going back to shanghai doesn't mean busy life. it's the the job we have previously. we used to work in one of the big 4 audit firm in shanghai. life is crazy. if we go back to shanghai, we will be doing something else. so will not busy as we used to be.

i guess i am confused myself. like u mentioned, u used to hate working and would often feel blessed that you could lead a rather relaxed and pampered lifestyle. same here. and like u, i also wonder if i dun work now, where will i be at the corporate world. and i believe i am capable of climbing high up.

i am really confused and dunno what is best for us. hope someone can enlighten me.

[chooz 0]

honeylee,

*Hugz*

Oh, you were with the big 5 ah? No wonder so stressful! I understand coz I have many friends with the big 4 doing audit also, very taxing and stressful life and I heard their (the big 4) turnover of staffs is very high :o

Don't confused yourself further ... let me enlighten you if you don't mind ...

If I were you and If I am sure that I can climb up the coporate ladder, I WILL CHOOSE CAREER ...

family can come later, why the hurry? Even your own hubby already has an answer for you, he encourages you to seige the opportunity. Which I believe, family can wait for him too :)

It's gonna be a much more stressful, competitve, dog-eat-dog world in our kids' time in future. So if possible, make more money while we are still young and able, prepare more umbrellas for our kids if it rains cats and dogs one day in future.

Honestly, I'm kinda envious of you, your capability to climb the ladder and the opportunity that is bestowed upon you. I don't think I'm able to make it that far even if I had sticked to my career. I choose the wrong line that doesn't suit me (engineering). Hence I was never passionate about my job and I didn't want to do something that I'm not passionate about for the rest of my life. Therefore I quit. What if I was in a more "feminine" career, I might stand a chance to fly high ... so many "what ifs" ...

Just my 2 cents again :)

[chihuahua 0]

hi chooz,

thank you for taking time to write me a long msg. i really appreciate that. i dun mind, i think i agree with u. i did mentioned that we have 'susah dahulu'. going back to shanghai doesn't mean busy life. it's the the job we have previously. we used to work in one of the big 4 audit firm in shanghai. life is crazy. if we go back to shanghai, we will be doing something else. so will not busy as we used to be.

i guess i am confused myself. like u mentioned, u used to hate working and would often feel blessed that you could lead a rather relaxed and pampered lifestyle. same here. and like u, i also wonder if i dun work now, where will i be at the corporate world. and i believe i am capable of climbing high up.

i am really confused and dunno what is best for us. hope someone can enlighten me.

Hi Honey,

I think you should take up the offer and work in shanghai.It would be closer to your bf and more money.It is very rare now to find a good job with top audit firm in overseas.It clearly shows you're worth something.Congrats! You can always have career and love at the same time.And if you plan to have baby, you can stop for awhile and continue to work later.Career and family is equally important, but i believe you can handle both.Since you believe that you can climb the corporate ladder, I think you should give it a try.If you don't try you wont' know and clearly, there are many successful career women out there who is a good mom at the same time.

[chooz 0]

Yes, chihuahua is right, there are many successful career woman who can juggle family well at the same time. Really hats off to them! :)

You can grab the opportunity first then only start planning for a family. Who says you cannot get pregnant while you're at the job? There's no black and white saying that right? heehee :P

If you're a capable and hardworking employee in your company, I'm sure your employer will value you as much even after you have a baby.

But ultimately, the choice is still yours ... do what your heart tells you :)

[honeylee 0]

thanks everyone for your advise. i think now i would need to send out resumes. since i have skrewed up the interview, chances are they won't hire me knowing that i plan to get pregnant next year. so yes, i will start sending resumes to Shanghai. and for future interviews, i would need to tell lies, i guess. wish me luck.

[alyssa.npwong 0]

hi all,

I know this topic has been created long ago and I think the discussion is over.

But I'm having sort of similar problem here and wish to get some support and advice from you all.

Not sure I can throw my problem here or not?

[meiteoh 0]

Alyssa, if you like. :)

[alyssa.npwong 0]

Thanks meiteoh,

My story is quite long. Hope all of you can bear with me.

I was with Shell previously. But I was being transferred to northern region. I was there for about 2yrs and I decided to start my family in KL.

So I quit my job as I couldn't get the transfer. I got married and be a full time homemaker with a few part time job.

My hb is earning enugh for us. We are staying with my IL. B4 married, I already stayed with them and I choose to stay with them when my hb gave me the options to choose on whether to move out. Part of the reason is because I know I do not have a job by then and I do not wan to burden my hb with homeloan as now he's already paying the homeloan for my IL's house.

Later on, we had our daughter and things are quite ok just that we couldn't afford for better lifestyle. However, after staying at home for about a yr plus, I felt bored and wish to something more. As after my bb is out, I couldn't afford to do anymore part time job as I'm tied down by the housework.

Furthermore, I wish to own a house as I felt after having my bb, I wish we could have more space at home. For eg: a room for my bb and there are things that we can't do publicly in the house, we have to do it in our room and I guess u all understand the inconvenient.

The main reason is I hope my bb can grow in better environment as my IL house is quite crowded.

Then I decided to start working. Initially, my hb hesitated but finally he agreed. I join a local company and things was well. As I told them that my limitation is I do not want to have travelling. So they agreed and I was in the job for 2mths. Everything went well such as I get to go back at 6pm sharp and no traveling and the pay is good.

The problem starts when my company did not pay my salary. I was in for 2 mths but I only got 20% of my total salary. The reason the CEO gave me is the client haven't made payment.

Then my ex-co Shell offer me a job which makes me very happy that I have 2nd chance for my career. But to my disappointment, my hb did not back me up.

He seems to concern on the job scope and the work load that might reduce my time at home. I have not receive the confirmation on which role I'll be in but I know it will definitely in the Retail line. And i know that all the retail role in shell requires traveling domestically. Some is not that extensive.

My hb is a very family person and will spend all his time off work with family.

I know his concern but this opportunity is the last that I can get to re-enter such a great company. I'm really confused now. My hb ask me to decide myself but I know deep down he's unhappy with it. Of course joining this company will realize my dream of owning my own house but how about my hb.

I still putting hope that the offer will be on less-traveling job.

Sometime, I tend to be frustrated why man can accept any job and travel as they like but we can't. My hb travel every 2mths for at least a week. But why can't I travel domestically 1 or 2 days once in a while? I do have the passion to build my career but does it mean I need to forgo it for my family.

My hb will always said if he had choice, he would not choose a traveling job. He said he rather me staying in my current company than moving to Shell. But this company dun even pay my first month salary. I really dun have confidence in this company anymore.

I love my family a lot but does it mean I need to sacrifice my dream? I'm sad and confused as I dun get my hb support on this.

Please advice me on how to handle this