Females who are approaching 30

[uniquesoul 0]

will you simply get married to anyone you are with at that moment?

or continue waiting until you find your prince charming?

...biological clock is ticking..

[mhyap1 0]

my sis is way past 30 and she is still continue waiting for her prince charming. She don't want to forced herself into a relationship only to find herself trapped with the wrong man..

[davinci 0]

" anyone you are with at that moment? "??

mean u got bf now..but still searching for ur Mr Right??

tat is pathetic.

[meiteoh 0]

I'd wait.

I have friends who are still single and have no intention of finding a boyfriend to settle down. Some are staying together with their boyfriends and I don't see marriage in the cards - dunno what's their reason and it's none of my business, anyway, what they do with their lives. For me, I guess they are happy the way things are.

[athena 0]

.... a friend once said.. " No love is better than crap love! "

[qarezma 0]

despite the family pressure, i'd have waited...

i did wait till 28yo to get married although my mom was fixing me up wit guys right and left

[Enchant 0]

I m 28 this year and dun plan to get married in the near future. Have bf for 1 year but it's still not reach the path where I think he's totally the one I will be with for the rest of my life. Will continue to evaluate the relationhip to see where it goes.

Sometimes, the person you are with does not necessarily have the characteristics that you wish for. So, it takes time to mature the relationship and see if both will have a real future together. Especially in my case where my bf is much younger than me = )

Really no hurry to tie the knot regardless i m 30 or not. Better see properly than get stuck in a fail marriage. Some ppl say, stay single better than carry a burden of a rotten marriage with a lousy hubby to boot.

[meiteoh 0]

Enchant, yes, that's the right approach - take your time and don't be pressured by anything or anyone to settle down. I always tell my single friends - guy or gal - to take their time to know if it's the right choice because despite what we may say about divorce, marriage at the end of the day is still a decision that spans a lifetime.

[tinkerbelle 0]

i'd wait.

i grew up watching my sis in tears every weekend as she sat at the family dining table, as we helped our mom getting the dried stuff (ikan bilis, red dates) ready for next week's cooking. the conversation revolves around her useless husband (long story, wont go into that). in a nutshell, she married young coz her friends were all settling down around that age (mid 20s). what she failed to realise were, her friends all chose responsible men to marry. these men may not be perfect, but at least, they were responsible husbands and fathers. back then, my mom even asked her to reconsider (getting married at such young age, esp to that useless bil of mine).

so every weekend, the same waterworks unfold. chinese saying, so pitiful until you have to use tapak kaki kesat air mata.

till today, the useless man left home, only returns to ask for money from her or the working children. yadda yadda yadda. we all hear the same stories all the time. borrow money from loan sharks, loan sharks come to the house, family members & relatives resort to help to pay off loan which made the matter worse coz it was easy way out for the couple to think, "hey, i keep getting free money, that's great!".

what im trying to say here is, besides just waiting for the right one to come along, do also get to know the person very, very well before you commit.

my husband is totally the opposite of me when it comes to personality. but we have the same character. we have the same level of understanding, honesty, trust, views of life, parenting techniques etc. my man is not perfect thou. so i have chosen to list down 3 traits that i really really want from a man who will father my child, and 3 traits i will never tolerate in a man.

this formula really helped me a lot to narrow down my choices at one time.

[meiteoh 0]

I dunno about you ladies but I have encountered a number of people who date the same person for at least two years and sometimes more, then get married and in less than two years, proceed to rant till kingdom come about their spouses, file for divorce, etc. The way they go through the whole thing, well, it sounds as if they don't know their partners at all. I excuse those whose spouses cheated on them or hit them but most of the time, it's things like "he's a jerk, he doesn't help me, he's this and that".

The thing I wonder is what do people do when they are dating? Do they ever talk about things and etc? Or does a couple really have to live together prior to marriage in order to know their partners well enough?

[uniquesoul 0]

Er..couple need to stay together b4 marriage? Sometimes its not good when u know yr partner too much. I have a friend whose her bf stay wif her too. And now., the guy moved out due to enormous of arguments and they are standing by to break up. Eventually some will still stick to their partner although they knew he/she is not the right one.

[Tash 0]

There is a Facebook Page now, that many are "liking". It's called 'It's better to not be in a relationship than to be in a wrong one". I agree with it. No use being in a relationship just for the sake of having a BF.

That said, it takes effort to get into a relationship. Sometimes one cannot just sit around and hope for FATE to throw us a guy. What to do, guys are superficial creatures. Us women have to take the effort to look good. I don't mean spending a bomb on makeup and clothes, but one has to be presentable looking. One can't just lounge around in tatty t-shirts and shorts and then complain that no guy is interested is us, right? Of course, its not all just about looks, but first impressions are important.

If you are in a relationship, and you feel that it is going nowhere, I think it's best to move on, and not hang on to something (someone) whom you know will not make you happy in a marriage.

[qarezma 0]

Er..couple need to stay together b4 marriage? Sometimes its not good when u know yr partner too much. I have a friend whose her bf stay wif her too. And now., the guy moved out due to enormous of arguments and they are standing by to break up. Eventually some will still stick to their partner although they knew he/she is not the right one.

of course this is not for the conservative people, but practically it is right to stay with your partner before signing the marriage cert. Your fren finally broke up with the partner, in a marriage, it would not hv worked out either. Not everyone can tolerate and stick to their partner after marriage although they know they are not the right/expected one

[uniquesoul 0]

I can stay with my partner, but not with his family together. Only the 2 of us..

[Tash 0]

Er..couple need to stay together b4 marriage? Sometimes its not good when u know yr partner too much. I have a friend whose her bf stay wif her too. And now., the guy moved out due to enormous of arguments and they are standing by to break up. Eventually some will still stick to their partner although they knew he/she is not the right one.

Studies have shown that couples who cohabit and then later on get married have a higher likelihood to divorce. This is one of the writeups. Many more out there.

[qarezma 0]

I can stay with my partner, but not with his family together. Only the 2 of us..

pls do not involve neither your nor his family :)

[CFA 0]

It depends on what ethnic group you are:

(i) If Chinese, no big deal and most parents are not worried at all. All you get are the occasional questions during CNY and during weddings. You are at the prime of your life. Enjoy it.

(ii) Malay, everyone would be bugging you to get married. For many Malays, 30 is almost considered past shelf life.

(iii) Indians, I suppose its split in the middle, depending on how conservetive your family is.

Better to be single then unhappily married.

[qarezma 0]

It depends on what ethnic group you are:

(i) If Chinese, no big deal and most parents are not worried at all. All you get are the occasional questions during CNY and during weddings. You are at the prime of your life. Enjoy it.

(ii) Malay, everyone would be bugging you to get married. For many Malays, 30 is almost considered past shelf life.

(iii) Indians, I suppose its split in the middle, depending on how conservetive your family is.

Better to be single then unhappily married.

as an indian, i think it is the worst. Not only u get bugged by parents everyday (if u r staying with them), they'll start doubting your sexual orientation if u dont already hv a bf/gf. Next, if u dont hv any gf/bf, they will try to fix u up with anyone under the sun... it gets so irritating.. as a girl it is difficult to avoid all this, if u r a guy, i think it is easier to tell your parents off

[meiteoh 0]

Well, I know of a number of people our age who think that they should stay with their partners before getting married. In fact, one of my high school friends actually tried to brainwash me into moving in with my HB while we were dating. She was going on and on about how it's good to move in together so that you get to know a person well and so forth, that I was being "stupid" by being old-fashioned (not wanting to stay together with my HB) and she even told me that my HB and I would never get married if we weren't staying together. Gack.

It's not that I'm old fashioned...I don't really see the point in doing so. I don't believe in living together just to get to know someone - I can do that by spending quality time with a partner, talking to him and well, getting to know him, but that's just me la.

As for the whole BF/GF question, it depends on how old fashioned your family is. My dad's side is a little modern so they don't care; mum's side is VERY old fashioned. I kept getting hounded on the "got BF already ARRRR????" every Chinese New Year...to the point where I was told that no one wanted me because I was "too" educated. =.=

[uniquesoul 0]

mabel..they taught men are looking for stupid and uneducated wife yah? funnyzz

Unsurprisingly, the quest to your status will always pop up each time during CNY relative gathering..If they found that you're single, they ques "when got bf?dun b so choosy..bla bla., if you are attached: " when getting married and have baby?" These kinda ques never seems to run off..Like a competition or sumthin'

[Ally'sMom 0]

Q, I have an Indian guy friend who prefers chinese women. He has gone out with a few chinese women. But his parents are not able to accept his chinese GFs. So they arranged his marriage to an Indian girl. Poor couple - the marriage only lasted a year plus. Now they're separated.

[uniquesoul 0]

what's wrong with chinese gals ? is like a forced marriage in olden days..

[Diana 0]

Well certain parents are more conservative and prefer their children to marry someone of their own race.

[meiteoh 0]

Nothing wrong with anyone...it's just a family/preference/bias thing. My parents who are quite old fashioned in this sense never failed to remind me of the following when I was dating:

1) No Malay.

2) No Indians.

Great. That left me with Chinese dudes and most of the time, Chinese dudes and I don't really get along (as evident in my dates and past relationships). So I was doomed to a life of singlehood. :p

I found their "regulations" to be quite strange. Marrying a Malay or Indian is deemed to be marrying down and I'm not the only one who had this problem. My Indian ex who went out to Petaling Street with his very fair Chinese girlfriend once got an earful. Or rather, the girl did. Apparently some Chinese dudes there making comments like "I guess she's going out with a darkie coz Chinese men don't want a woman like her" or "Chinese men just aren't good enough for her". From the tone, it was as if she was some social pariah. :x

[qarezma 0]

Q, I have an Indian guy friend who prefers chinese women. He has gone out with a few chinese women. But his parents are not able to accept his chinese GFs. So they arranged his marriage to an Indian girl. Poor couple - the marriage only lasted a year plus. Now they're separated.

thats terrible, imagine how happy he could hv been with the gal he loved..

mabel - my parents also did the same to me.. strictly no muslims, which was ok for me cos i didnt wanna marry out of my religion, but they put a barrier within the indian community itself that was difficult to take. I was on-off with my BF (now hubby) for 5 years, in the last 2 years my parents thought he was no longer with me and he were finding guys for me like nothing, i went ahead just to fulfil them but never ever decided on any guy, finally i told them abt my bf, and finally and thankfully they agreed!